A/N: Hey, people. Welcome to Full House, Season Nine. I apologize for the weird format, I use Celtx to write these. I made it a script because I wanted it to be similar to the actual episodes. I'll try to post new episodes every Friday from now on. These first few might not be very good, but I promise I'll get better. Please read and review, and don't be afraid to criticize. =)
P.S. (Obviously, I don't own anything.)
~IlluminatiGirl
Season Nine, Episode One
Big Goodbyes
IN THE LIVING ROOM
D.J. comes into the house and flops onto the couch.
D.J.
Oh, I'm so nervous!
JESSE
You've got nothing to be worried about, Deej.
It's just college.
D.J.
Just college. Just college!
That's what everyone keeps telling
me! That's why I'm so nervous!
You don't remember what it was like in
college.
JESSE
(confused) Deej, I never went to college.
D.J.
Well, that's why you don't get it!
Danny walks in from the kitchen.
DANNY
What's going on, Jesse?
JESSE
She's just nervous about college.
DANNY
Ah, I remember my first day.
Danny sits on the couch.
D.J.
Dad, you already told me this story
three times.
DANNY
Yeah, well, I can't stress it enough.
Never wear a tuxedo on your first day.
Jesse snickers.
JESSE
Tuxedo...Sometimes I'm glad I never went.
D.J.
You know, maybe I should just drop out, too.
DANNY
D.J., we already had this conversation.
D.J.
Yeah, and I can't stress it enough.
Michelle runs in wearing pants, a ballet skirt, and a dress.
DANNY
Michelle, what are you wearing?
MICHELLE
I don't know! I'm trying to find the
perfect outfit to wear on my first day of
fourth grade.
Jesse stares at Michelle.
JESSE
Well, that's not it.
Stephanie runs in after Michelle.
STEPH
Michelle, you can't wear my ballet skirt
to school!
MICHELLE
It's too small for you. You said I can have
it someday.
STEPH
Key word being someday. Hand it over.
Becky comes down the stairs.
BECKY
Jess, have you seen Nicky and Alex?
JESSE
No, why?
Becky sighs.
BECKY
I'm trying to give them a bath, but they
keep running away. I've tried everything! I
even offered to use less soap.
JESSE
They're probably nervous about kindergarten.
BECKY
Unlikely. I don't think they even know what
Kindergarten is.
Jesse and Becky go into the kitchen to find the twins.
STEPH
Give it, Michelle. I never let you wear it.
D.J.
I guess now you know how it feels to have
your little sister always taking your stuff without
permission.
STEPH
Oh, by the way, dad, have you decided if
we get our own rooms yet?
Danny sighs.
DANNY
I'm still thinking about it.
D.J.
I can't believe this. I'm not even gone yet,
and you guys are already talking about who's
getting my room. This is so depressing.
STEPH
What's so depressing about getting our own rooms?
DANNY
I didn't even say that anyone's getting D.J.'s room.
STEPH
But why not? I mean, it makes perfect sense!
And anyway, I'm in the eight grade. I need more
privacy.
MICHELLE
Technically, you're not in the eighth grade until
eight-forty tomorrow morning.
Stephanie gives Michelle a look.
DANNY
The more you beg, the less chance you have.
Nicky and Alex run in naked.
NICKY
Can't catch us!
Jesse and Becky run in after them.
JESSE
Guys? Remember the deal we made? No
soap! Guys!
Jesse, Becky, Nicky, and Alex run into the kitchen.
D.J. gets up from the couch.
D.J.
Well, I better go finish packing while
I still own my room.
D.J. goes upstairs, Michelle follows.
MICHELLE
(mumbling) Skirt or dress? Skirt or dress?
Stephanie follows them.
STEPH
The dress! The dress! The skirt is mine!
NEXT MORNING- IN THE LIVING ROOM
D.J. tries to sneak out with her suitcase.
Danny comes in and catches her.
DANNY
D.J.! Hold on a second!
Danny runs over to the door.
D.J. groans.
D.J.
Oh, I was hoping to avoid this.
DANNY
Aww, give me a hug!
Danny hugs D.J.
DANNY
Hey, everybody! Come say goodbye!
Jesse, Joey, Becky, Stephanie, Michelle, Nicky, and Alex run into the living room.
They all hug D.J. and say goodbye.
D.J.
Oh, this is too depressing.
JESSE
D.J., you're almost nineteen years old.
You're crying over going to college!
D.J.
Uncle Jesse, I'm leaving my family!
JESSE
Yeah, well, that's doesn't mean you need
to get all teary- Why do you have to go?!
D.J.
Bye, Uncle Jesse.
D.J. turns to leave.
DANNY
Wait!
Danny hugs D.J. again.
DANNY
Oh, I'm going to miss you so much!
D.J.
I'll visit on every holiday, and maybe even a
few weekends.
DANNY
A few?! I thought you'd come home every
weekend!
D.J. gives him a look.
D.J.
Dad, my car would burn out before Christmas.
DANNY
I'll buy you a new one!
D.J. rolls her eyes.
D.J.
Look, dad, not that I wouldn't love
a new car every month, but I really have
to get going.
DANNY
Wait! Are you sure you don't want me
to go with you?
D.J.
You said the same thing to Steph when
she started kindergarten! I'll be fine.
D.J. turns to leave.
D.J.
Are you sure I can't drop out?
JESSE
D.J., go. Have fun. Drive safely.
DANNY
Very safely. Don't even think about going
past thirty.
D.J.
I'm taking the freeway.
DANNY
Okay, thirty-five.
D.J. sighs.
D.J.
Bye, dad.
DANNY
Wait!
Danny hugs D.J. again.
DANNY
Listen, don't date any boys.
D.J.
Boys?! They're practically men!
DANNY
Well, don't date any 'men' over twelve.
D.J.
Dad!
DANNY
Oh, fine. None over twenty. And make sure
their shirts are tucked in.
D.J.
(confused) Huh?
DANNY
Well, that shows that they're...not wild,
and...have good virtues...
JESSE
What he means is they're neat freaks.
D.J.
Bye, dad.
DANNY
Wait! One last piece of advice...You
know, maybe you should drop out.
A good education is highly overrated.
Becky
Danny, let her go.
JESSE
She'll be fine!
D.J.
Yeah, dad, I'll be okay. Bye, everyone!
D.J. quickly leaves.
DANNY
Wait! D.J.! My baby! Don't leave me! D.J.!
D.J. drives away, waving.
DANNY
A piece of my heart just got ripped out.
Danny falls backwards.
Jesse and Becky catch him.
JESSE
Put him on the couch.
BECKY
Yeah.
They take Danny to the couch and put him down.
DANNY
Oh...my baby! My little girl! She's gone!
JESSE
Danny, she went to college, not war.
DANNY
But it feels the same.
JESSE
Well, Becky and I have to go get the
twins ready for kindergarten. Listen,
you sit here and cry over D.J. as much
as you like, and if you get too loud, go
down to the basement.
DANNY
I just can't believe she's gone!
JESSE
(exasperated) Well, why don't you go
follow her all the way there?
Danny sits up abruptly.
DANNY
You're right. That's what a good father
would do. Thanks, Jess.
Danny runs out the door.
JESSE
I-I didn't actually mean it!
BECKY
Too late. He's gone.
Jesse shrugs.
BECKY
Come on, let's go get the boys ready.
JESSE
Yeah, okay.
They go upstairs.
JESSE
I still can't believe they're going
to kindergarten! They're growing up
so fast.
BECKY
Tell me about it.
They look for the boys in the attic.
JESSE
Nicky! Alex! Where are you?
BECKY
Come on, boys! It's almost time to go!
Where are you hiding?
The covers on Jesse and Becky's bed move.
JESSE
Oh...well, I think me and mommy
will just take a little nap on our unnaturally
lumpy bed...
Jesse tickles Nicky.
Nicky giggles.
JESSE
Come on out, guys, we caught you
red-handed.
Nicky comes out.
NICKY
Okay, you found me. Come out,
brother. They found us.
Alex comes out.
ALEX
Aww...
JESSE
Guys, come on. It's time for school.
You're starting kindergarten today!
NICKY
Run, brother!
Nicky and Alex run down the stairs.
BECKY
Okay, maybe that is what they're
scared of.
JESSE
Told you.
BECKY
Great. By the time we get there,
they're going to be in first grade!
JESSE
If we ever even get there.
Becky sighs.
AN HOUR LATER- AT FRAZIER STREET ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
JESSE
Okay, boys, here's your new school.
How does it look?
NICKY
Big.
ALEX
Scary.
NICKY
Big.
ALEX
Scary.
NICKY
Big.
ALEX
Scary.
NICKY
We're not going.
JESSE
Okay...thanks for sharing.
ALEX
Why do we have to go?
BECKY
To be smart. Don't you want to be smart?
NICKY
Not if it means going in there.
JESSE
But, come on, guys, you loved preschool!
NICKY
This isn't preschool. It's bigger.
ALEX
And scarier.
BECKY
Kindergarten is almost exactly the
same! Except without naps.
ALEX
Then why do we have to go here?
Let's just go to preschool again.
JESSE
Well, it's not exactly, exactly the
same...there are some slight differences,
but you'll hardly even notice them.
BECKY
Come on, once you see your new
classroom, I'll bet you'll love it.
JESSE
Yeah.
They take the twins into the school and stop at the kindergarten room.
JESSE
See? Don't they look like they're having fun?
ALEX
Yes.
JESSE
Great, so you'll go in?
NICKY
No.
Jesse kneels down in front of the boys.
JESSE
Oh, come on, guys, it'll be great.
As soon as you make some friends,
everything will be fine. Just trust me,
okay?
ALEX
Okay.
NICKY
We'll try it.
JESSE
Alright.
Jesse hugs the boys and gives them a kiss.
BECKY
Have fun, boys!
The boys run off into the classroom.
JESSE
(mumbling) Your education depends on it.
BECKY
We better go home, Jess. Last
time you stayed, you ended up
bringing them back.
JESSE
You're right, let's go.
They leave.
HALF AN HOUR LATER- IN THE LIVING ROOM
Jesse and Becky come into the house.
Danny is sitting on the couch.
JESSE
Oh, hey, Danny. How did it go with D.J.?
DANNY
She spotted my on the freeway and made
me go home.
BECKY
Oh. Well, Danny, you have to face it.
She's grown up. You can't treat her like
a baby forever.
JESSE
Yeah, I mean, we just went through the
same thing. Our kids are in kindergarten.
I feel so old!
DANNY
Kindergarten? Mine's off to college!
JESSE
Oh, uh, yeah. Right. I'm sorry. You're way
older than me.
Danny stares at Jesse.
JESSE
I mean, I mean, well, not way, way older,
I mean...you're old, but, uh, but not that...
old...
Becky elbows Jesse in the ribs.
JESSE
I'll stop talking now.
BECKY
Good. Now listen, Danny. Maybe one of
your kids are away at college, but
you've still got two more that need
you right here at home. It's not like
you're finished, like your life is over.
Danny gives Becky a small smile.
DANNY
Oh, you're right. Thanks, Becky.
Danny and Becky hug.
JESSE
Hey, what about me? I...kind of helped.
Danny opens his arms to hug Jesse.
JESSE
You know what? I'm fine. I'll be
okay. Go on, hug Becky.
Danny and Becky hug again.
DANNY
I just hate how her last words to me
were 'I don't need you, dad!'
BECKY
Oh, Danny, relax. I'm sure she didn't
mean it. You probably just made her...
frustrated, because you wouldn't let
her go.
DANNY
Oh, I know. It's just so hard! I
mean, she's my first baby. Pretty
soon, Stephanie and Michelle will
be off to college...and then I'll
be alone...sad...depressed...
old...
JESSE
Danny, Danny, Danny, you're turning
my hair grey.
Danny gets up from couch.
DANNY
I'm sorry. I better go up to my room
before I give anybody any wrinkles.
Danny goes upstairs.
Jesse shakes his head.
IN MICHELLE'S CLASSROOM AT FRASIER STREET ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
Michelle goes into her classroom.
Her friends run up to her.
DEREK
Hello, Michelle. Good to see you again.
TEDDY
Hey.
AARON
Hi.
MICHELLE
Hi, guys. Can you believe it? We're
in the fourth grade!
DENISE
Yeah, it's going to be awesome!
LISA
Do you know who our teacher is?
MICHELLE
Who cares? As long as it's not
Mr. Cooper.
LISA
Yeah, Mr. Cooper is the meanest teacher
ever!
MICHELLE
My uncle Jesse had him for
fourth grade. He said he made people
write lines for exactly eighteen
minutes after school if they talked
in class.
Everyone shudders and takes a seat.
The door opens and the teacher comes in.
Everyone gasps.
MR. COOPER
Sit down, no talking.
MICHELLE
(whispering) Mr. Cooper!
MR. COOPER
Good morning, class. I am Mr. Cooper.
MICHELLE
(mumbling) Oh, no.
MR. COOPER
Excuse me. You. In the green dress. Stand up.
MICHELLE
Who, me?
MR. COOPER
Yes you. Stand up right now.
Michelle stands up.
MR. COOPER
What is your name?
MICHELLE
Michelle Tanner.
MR. COOPER
To the principal's office. Now.
MICHELLE
What?! But I-
MR. COOPER
No buts. And I'll see you after
school for eighteen minutes.
Michelle slowly turns and leaves.
THAT AFTERNOON- IN THE KITCHEN
Becky comes into kitchen, where Jesse is drinking coffee and reading the newspaper.
BECKY
Hey, Jess, shouldn't we go pick up the boys?
JESSE
Nah, it's okay. Danny's doing it.
BECKY
Oh. Why is Danny doing it?
JESSE
He went to pick up Michelle, so he's
stopping by the kindergarten room.
BECKY
Oh...well, that's nice of him. But I
really wanted to see the boys. Let
them run into my arms with smiles
on their faces...and tell me all about
their day.
JESSE
Well, they can do that when they get home.
They hear the front door open.
JESSE
In fact, here they are right now.
The boys run in, crying.
JESSE
Hey, boys...boys, what's wrong?
Why are you crying?
Nicky and Alex keep crying.
JESSE
Hey, hey, hey. Here. Sit on my lap
and tell me what happened.
Nicky and Alex keep crying.
Jesse looks at Danny.
JESSE
Danny?
DANNY
They wouldn't tell me anything!
I went to the kindergarten room and
they ran out crying!
BECKY
Boys, tell daddy what happened.
ALEX
Everyone called us aliens!
NICKY
They said we hail from planet
Brussels Sprout, where everyone
looks the same!
JESSE
Planet Brussels Sprout? They teased you
because you're twins?
The boys nod.
JESSE
That's ridiculous!
NICKY
Yeah, they're dumb Brussels sprouts!
JESSE
Well, whoever calls someone a
mean name, that's what they are.
NICKY
Does that mean I'm a dumb Brussels
sprout?
Nicky and Alex run away, crying.
BECKY
Well, that solved the issue.
Jesse sighs.
JESSE
Where's Michelle?
DANNY
She has detention. She told me she has to
write 'I will not talk in class' for eighteen
minutes. She said she'll take the bus home.
JESSE
Oh, I bet she got Mr. Cooper. Poor kid.
BECKY
Who's Mr. Cooper?
JESSE
Only the meanest teacher ever! I
had him in fourth grade. Once, he made
me stand in front of the class and
recite the school's code of conduct.
I didn't even know what half the words
meant!
DANNY
Oh, poor Michelle.
BECKY
Well, we better go see where Nicky and
Alex are.
JESSE
Yeah. Seriously, though... Brussels
sprouts? What kind of insults does
this generation come up with?
Jesse and Becky go upstairs.
Danny sits down in a kitchen chair.
He hears the door slam.
Michelle stomps into the kitchen.
MICHELLE
I can't believe this! Mr. Cooper is the
meanest teacher ever!
DANNY
Well, hello to you, too. You got home early.
MICHELLE
Can I switch schools?
DANNY
Why would you want to do that?
MICHELLE
Didn't you hear what I just said?
DANNY
Michelle, just because you don't
like your teacher doesn't mean that you have
to switch schools.
MICHELLE
It's not just me, the whole class hates
him! He made nine people stay after school
to write lines. He even made Megan write
'I will not accidentally drop my pencil on the
ground while the teacher is giving a
lesson on George Washington'. We're
thinking of going on strike.
Danny gives Michelle a look.
DANNY
Michelle...I don't care what you think of
your new teacher, you have to go to school.
Michelle sighs and stomps up the stairs.
THE NEXT MORNING- IN JESSE'S CAR
Jesse, Becky, Nicky, and Alex drive to school.
NICKY
You said if we don't like it, we don't have to go.
JESSE
No, I didn't. And besides, it's the law...I think.
ALEX
But what if they tease us?
BECKY
Mommy and daddy will be right there,
and we won't let any one tease you.
NICKY
Promise?
BECKY
I promise.
IN MICHELLE'S BEDROOM
Michelle is sitting on her bed.
Danny knocks on her door.
DANNY
Michelle! Come on, it's time to go!
You're already ten minutes late!
MICHELLE
You can go without me.
DANNY
No, I can't. Let's get moving.
MICHELLE
But what's the point of going to school
if I'm just going to spend the whole
day sitting in the principal's office?
DANNY
Look, Michelle, it's not my responsibility
to take care of you in school, I just have
to get you there, so can we please
get going?
MICHELLE
I don't think so.
Danny opens the door and comes inside.
DANNY
Michelle, listen, honey. In life, there are
just going to be some times when not everything
goes your way. You have to learn to deal with it.
It's...kind of like a life skill. You and
Mr. Cooper need to work out your
differences.
MICHELLE
Dad, I can barely ask him the time without
getting a lecture on learning to tell time, or
getting a watch, or getting a watch
to help me learn to tell time.
DANNY
Well, Michelle, he's a teacher. He has
some good advice. The other teachers and
parents must admire him.
MICHELLE
Parents? Well, Uncle Jesse said, and I quote,
'Mr. Cooper is the most ridiculous teacher
I have ever had. He's even worse than
Mr. Pearson, and that's saying a lot!
I feel sorry for you, kid. I wish I could
change classroom arrangements, but
you know I can't. Sorry, Munchkin.'
DANNY
Oh, uh...I think I'm going to have
a little chat with Uncle Jesse when he gets home.
But either way, Michelle, you have to trust me.
As soon as you get to know Mr. Cooper a
little better, you'll get to like him. I promise.
Michelle thinks.
MICHELLE
Well...okay. I'll try to get to know him better.
But until that happens, you'd better
get me a bus pass, because I'm going
to be staying after school a lot for the
next few weeks.
Danny laughs and hugs Michelle.
AT FRASIER STREET ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
Jesse, Becky, Nicky, and Alex standing in front of their class.
JESSE
Alright, boys, go play!
NICKY
Are you sure?
JESSE
Absolutely. We'll be standing right here.
Nicky and Alex run into the class.
A little boy comes up to them.
MAX
Hey, look! It's the aliens!
All the kids laugh.
MAX
Where did you go last night? Planet
Brussels sprout? Did you say hi to the
other aliens?
The kids laugh.
ALEX
We're not aliens!
MAX
Yes, you are. Aliens! Aliens!
The kids start yelling 'aliens'.
BECKY
(whispering) Jesse, do something!
JESSE
Uh...right.
Jesse goes into the classroom.
JESSE
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Attention all
munchkins!
Everyone keeps laughing.
JESSE
HEY!
Everyone freezes.
Jesse narrows his eyes at the kids.
JESSE
Who's calling my kids aliens?
Kids look at each other.
JESSE
Come on, owe up. Which one of you
little ankle-biters were teasing them?
Everyone points to Max.
JESSE
What's your name, kid?
MAX
Maxwell Dusilo, sir.
Jesse kneels down in front of him, confused.
JESSE
Dusilo...Dusilo...I've heard that name
before...and, and you look familiar...Oh!
You're, uh, you're Dmitri's kid, aren't you?
MAX
No, sir. Dmitri is my uncle,
sir. My father is Dante, sir.
JESSE
Yeah, yeah, those famous brothers...
Dante and Dmitri Dusilo. They were in my
class in junior high...Oh, by the way,
who's your mommy? Who would ever
marry Dante?
MAX
Patricia Collaceo, sir.
JESSE
What? Really?! I knew it! I always knew Patricia and Dante would end up together! Ha!
Becky shoots Jesse a look.
JESSE
I mean, uh, no wonder you're such
a brat. Just like them.
MAX
I-I'm not a brat, sir.
JESSE
Well, you're being mean to my kids.
MAX
But they're twins, sir.
JESSE
Yes, I am quite aware of that. I know
I wasn't seeing double all these years.
And what do you have against twins, huh?
Your daddy and uncle are twins, what's
wrong with them? Other than the fact that
they're total jerks?
MAX
Nothing, sir.
JESSE
Exactly. They're just normal people like
everyone else. And so are Nicky and Alex. And you can
drop this 'sir' thing. Understand?
MAX
Yes, sir.
Max turns to Nicky and Alex.
MAX
I'm sorry I teased you, Nicky. You too, Alex.
You guys aren't aliens. And you're not from planet
Brussels sprout.
ALEX
Good, because we hate Brussels sprouts.
MAX
Want to be friends?
NICKY
Okay.
Nicky, Alex, and Max all hug.
They run off to play.
Jesse gets up and walks back to Becky.
BECKY
Nice job, there, dad.
Jesse puts his arm around Becky.
JESSE
Hey, anything for our little earthlings.
They watch the kids playing happily.
-END TUNE-