DISCLAIMER 1: I do not own any characters in this messed-up story besides myself, for I am not James Patterson. Also, I do not promote the following consumption of rum.
DISCLAIMER 2: The child support part came from St. Fang of Boredom, the absolute QUEEN of the Maximum Ride fanfiction area. Seriously, go check her stories out! (Haha, shameless plugging! If you are reading this story Saint, please review so that I have the chance to freak out, without my friends putting me in an insane asylum.)
DISCLAIMER 3: I (tragically) do not own Jack Sparrow either. I do own a jar of dirt, but that has nothing to do with this story.
Eta: -randomly appears- BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, I'm kinda-sorta-slightly-maybe-possibly hyper, since Gabriel let me drink coffee. HOW COULD YOU GABRIEL! DO YOU HATE THE WORLD SO MUCH AS TO SEND A HYPER TEENAGE CRAZY-LADY OUT? BE WARNED READERS! I TYPED PART OF THIS! Also, if part of this is in parentheses, it's me. I beta-ed this! Ya'know, they don't know I'm here. HA! -dissipation-
Me: Hey people. This story is about a time when Fang tried to get revenge on me and Iggy, but failed. Horribly.
Fang: How was I supposed to know tha- where did Gabriel go?
Me:-appears out of nowhere behind Fang- -menacingly- You. Are. Not. To. Ruin. The. STORY! -holds Fang by the throat- -rips his shirt off him- Fang, my love, you deserve clean clothes!
Fang: WTF! Give me my shirt back!
Me: Not until it's clean! Enjoy this story while I clean Fangs clothes :) :) :) :)
Fang: Give it back!
Me: NEVER! BWAHAHAHA- Wow, I'm starting to sound like Eta. Ah well. -HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Gabriel's POV
"What the hell Fang!" I said as Fang chucked the toaster at my head. "All I said was that child support was due in a few days! It was only a joke." I was forced to duck once again as Iggy's blender came flying at me.
"DAMN IT FANG THAT WAS MY GOOD BLENDER WHY THE HELL DID YOU HAVE TO THROW IT!" Iggy yelled. It probably wasn't very smart, as Fang then decided to throw a bowl at his head. Amazingly, Iggy then proceeded to catch it right before it hit him.
It was amazing because, well, ya'know, Iggy's BLIND, but ya'know, yeah, BACK TO THE PLOT! (Wait, this story has a plot? Ah well. BACK TO THE STORY!)
"I wouldn't be throwing things if you had shut up about the damn child support," Fang growled, stalking out of the room.
"Well that sucks. What are we gonna use to blend the cake batter?" Iggy asked as he turned around to 'look' in my general direction.
"I'll mix it by hand while you start cleaning alright?" I asked.
"Yeah, OK, whatever," Iggy agreed, already starting to clean. I turned to our mixing bowl and started to add the ingredients. Iggy and I had decided to make a rum cake as a gift to Marlon the Fish Boy. Sometime during our skirmish with Fang, the recipe had become illegible. This wasn't an issue until it came time to add the rum, and I didn't know how much to add. So I poured it all in.
What? We had gotten the jumbo bottle and I didn't want to waste any! DON"T JUDGE ME!
Fang's POV
Damn him! Where did Gabriel get the idea that he could talk to me like that! I never forget about the child support!
"AAAAAAHHHHH!" I yelled (mentally, of course, for he is Fang, and Fang does not yell) as I threw a pillow at the door. It almost hit the Gasman in the head.
"Woh!" Gazzy said, "aim little to the left and I wouldn't have a head."
"What the he-" I paused. "Gazzy, question."
"Yeah?" Gazzy replied.
"What would you do to get back at Gabriel if he pissed you off?"
Gazzy thought for a minute and said, "Eat his cake batter, you know how weird he is about that."
"Yeah, that's true. Thanks Gazzy." I said. I then proceeded with my plan, and left the room, snuck to the kitchen (NINJAH!), where I paused. I saw the bowl containing the batter, and Gabriel wasn't in sight. I grabbed a spork and started to eat the batter. 'Damn this is good' I thought. I wonder what type of cake it is...
Gabriel's POV
When I came back from the bathroom, the mixing bowl was gone. That's when I heard the sound of a spork scraping the bottom of a bowl. When I looked around for the source of the noise, I found this very funny sight: Fang, sitting on the floor, the empty mixing bowl in his lap, a spork in his hand. Fang had evidently just finished eating all that batter, which also meant he had also eaten a whole jumbo bottle of rum.
He looked up at me and grinned. "You know ie'v allwazz ad ellings for Abrial buut on't ell em i said hat oha it's a secret so shhhhhhhhhhhh." Fang slurred. I just looked at him. What? It was all I could do! He was drunker than Jack Sparrow!
And I was going to take advantage of it. I snickered. Fang's drunk. I must be in heaven.
"Oh Fang," I said in a sing-song voice, "What'cha doing?" I said it like Isabella of Phineas and Ferb. If you haven't seen that show, look it up on YouTube. (Without YouTube, sharpies, duct tape, and Google, this world would be very sad.)
Fang looked up and smiled. "I'm eating, what's is look like?" He said.
"Is there any thing you want to tell me?" I asked pulling a camera out of nowhere and pressing the record button.
"Maybe," he said blushing and turning away. "Ok, but you can't tell Gabriel ok? OK?"
"All right Fang, I won't tell Gabriel." I said. Oh this was gonna be great.
"Well, the thing is," he paused and looked around and then stepped closer. "The thing is I've always truly loved him. I dream about him you know. In my dreams I have kids with him, oh so many kids, but it's OK because I have him. One of our kids, Gabrielle, she's in first grade and she needed glitter, so much glitter." As Fang went on about how he and I got married, Iggy came in.
"Why is Fang going on about him and you getting married?"
"Shut up Iggy. I'm getting Fang to proclaim his love for me on video."
"No way, really?"
"Yep i think he's don-" I sucked in my breath as Fang's foot hit me in the stomach. "What the freak! Fang I thought you were..."
"Drunk?" he interrupted, "Nope, never was! That's what you get for going on and on about the child support. WHICH I already paid by the way. NOW GIVE ME THE DAMN VIDEO!"
Looking around, I saw Iggy was still there.
"Iggy," I yelled, "Catch!" I threw the camera to Iggy and (luckily) he caught it.
"RUN!" Iggy ran. I ran too. We both headed out side and quickly flew up to the roof.
"What are we gonna do with the video?" Iggy asked.
"I don't...Eta! quick Iggy catch something on fire."
Iggy gave me a WTF face.
"Eta is drawn to smoke, so set some thing on fire!"
Eta's POV, written by Eta
I had been innocently walking around- OK, Gabriel's telling me to be honest, so I can't use the word innocently. He doesn't think I can be innocent. I CAN TOO! I JUST PREFER NOT TO BE!
I'll just start over then.
I had been skulking around The Building.
And yes, The Building deserves the big T and the big B. It deserves them because that is where The Flock is staying.
Back to my story. I had been skulking because I was planning to scare Gabriel. What? He's my brother! Anyway, I needed somewhere to hide. I had JUST gotten comfortable, when I smelt smoke from the roof. It was either Iggy with a bomb, or Gabriel was trying to get me up there for something.
If it was Iggy with a bomb, I would be up there, since he had promised I could see the next bomb he set off.
If it wasn't Iggy, it was Gabriel.
If it was Gabriel, it was important.
So, utilizing my AMAZING ninja skills (actually more like utilizing my brother's bad eyesight and Iggy's blindness, but still, let me have my fun), I managed to pop up between them (no small feat either, since they were facing each other and Iggy can hear me moving), and scared Gabriel half to death. I scared Iggy half to death when I talked.
"So, What you need me for?"
Gabriel's POV
"SHIT! ETA! WTF! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME!" I asked.
"Well, yes and no. It's a no, because you needed my help for something, and when I'm needed for something, especially by you and Iggy, it's really fun, It's a yes however, since you interrupted my skulking. So, now that that's settled, what did you wan... What did you do to Fang and why is he mad?" She asked/rambled. I turned around, to see Fang coming straight at me, at full speed none-the-less.
Spinning back around, I threw the tape at Eta. "Eta!" I yelled, "Catch!" Luckily for us, Eta was in a coordinated mood and she caught the tape. "RUN AND POST THAT ON YOUTUBE!"
Eta's POV, written by Eta
I never, and I repeat, NEVER catch things. So when Gabriel threw me the tape, I was ECSTATIC. I didn't have time to do my happy dance however, since Fang had redirected himself and was coming after me. I'm just lucky that when he's mad he forgets that I cannot out-fly him. Well, forget out fly. I cannot fly. At all. I have no wings. So I, being the talented person I am, pushed Gabriel in Fang's way, (knocked them both over, Gabriel was on top of Fang in a rather funny position) and yelled, "GAZZY!"
Gazzy and I, being the kind of people we are, get along pretty well. So when he ran up next to me (he had been eavesdropping), he didn't argue when I jumped on his back and yelled, "SAVE ME! FLY!"
Gazzy immediately jumped into the air and, as per request, dropped me by an Internet cafe. I ran into the cafe just in time, since Fang flew around the corner of the building just as I disappeared from his sight.
"GAZZY!" Wow, Fang sure can yell. Gazzy flew off, and I ran to an open computer to upload.
"Dang! These computers are slow!" So I don't like to curse. Gabriel speaks in text talk half the time, you people don't nitpick on HIM. Humph.
I FINALLY got on YouTube, and got signed on. (My name is 123789cheese on there. You should friend me, and watch my video. That's my sister in my video.)
I slipped the camera's memory chip inside the computer and began the upload. I would have finished, but Fang stalked into the cafe, and he was MAD. No, he was beyond mad, Fang was p-o-ed. He was out for blood, and I was on his warpath.
"Eep!" I squeaked. Gabriel, Iggy, and Gazzy came running in behind Fang.
Luckily for me, a few certain points kept me hidden and alive.
Point 1: I'm kinda short. OK, forget kinda. I'm VERY short, as I am a 5'1" high school-er.
Point 2: When Fang gets mad, a sort of haze clouds his vision, and I can blur into it.
Point 3: There were many people in front of him and I hid behind them.
Point 4: My computer was in the back.
So, I finished the upload, I signed out, and logged off. Then I did the most STUPID thing I could have done at the time, because that's just how I work.
I walked over to Fang.
"Here you go Fang. You win, you can delete the video. Gabriel, if you come any closer, I will tell him everything." That last part had been aimed at Gabriel, who had been scooting closer and closer to me throughout this exchange. Gabriel stopped.
"Thank you Eta."
So we left.
I have a feeling we forgot something though. Ah well, it ain't that important.
-Back at the House-
"Yum, that was good cake batter!"