I'm falling.

Falling ever faster as my life passes me by.

I grip at each passing memory, each possibility, each and every path I could have walked, I try and try for my life, for when I reach the end, I will die.

But none are solid, none can catch me and save me from the fate that awaits me.

I find myself in suntanned arms, held close to a beating heart.

I'm floating.

A calloused hand runs through chestnut hair.

My heart flutters.

Amber eyes as beautiful and trapping as hardened sap stare back into eyes as dim and deep as stormy seas.

My stomach turns.

Chapped lips press gently to an icy cheek.

Warmth rushes over me, heats my freezing core.

A voice strong and delicate as a hummingbirds song.

"I love you."

Then darkness.

The memories have vanished, the possibilities have disappeared, the courses I could have traveled were erased, he has left.

I am left falling into an endless void.

I shout his name, over and over I call out to him, the one my heart beats so wildly for.

"Katsuya, Katsuya."

His given name echoes in the darkness.

I begin to shake.

The black comes crumbling down.

A yellow-white light pours in through the cracks of its black curtain.

I shout once more.

I wake with a start, his name on my tongue, my heart beating ever faster, my hands a shaking mess, my sister standing beside me with worry, her friends in the doorway looking on with nothing short of curiosity and nothing more.

I run a hand through the soft locks of my own hair.

Too afraid to look my sister in the eyes, yet too unsettled not to, I find my strength and look up to her, weak with worry.

"That nightmare again?"

Her words with soft, gentle with the grace of a fairy.

I offered her a nod.

My sister was my confidant, she held my every secret deep in her heart, she never once told a soul, yet now there wasn't much I could do. They had been there to witness my calling out to him.

"You dream about me often, pretty boy?"

A harsh reality to even out the dream, one that allowed me no hopes for the future. He was crass with the words he spoke, rude and unforgiving. I knew no hope for us.

"In my mind, you've died countless times over, Mutt."

I countered with words as cold as his, ones that would throw him off the trail to the truth. I couldn't allow him to see into my mind, into my heart. That was a placed sealed off for my sister's viewing alone. She was the only one that I could trust, she was the only one who wouldn't exploit my emotions, I knew her well enough by now to know this.

"You seemed more scared than pleased, you really care for me that much?"

I could not find the words to respond with. I could not find a way to defend myself from his accusations. I couldn't stop the anxiety from crushing over me like it did. I was still shaking, but it had only grown worse at his words.

"Could you please just drop it, Jou?"

Mokuba, my saviour. My little sister was always there to save me. She knew when to step in, any sooner she would have stepped on my pride, any later she would have allowed me to make a fool of myself.

"Can't you see that he's still shaking, he doesn't need to be questioned right now. Just be glad that he cared enough to worry over your sake, and shut up."

She said more than she needed to, but it was all in the right place. She meant only to be helpful, not to make me seem weak. It wasn't her fault. She didn't know when to stop talking.

However, her words did seem to get Jounouchi to shut his mouth. It allowed me time to cool down, to come down from my high of worry. I was thankful for everything that she did for me, even if she had led these dweebs into my home, and allowed the Mutt some idea as to what I felt for him.

She left me with her friends for a little while, only to fetch me some water. To help me with my anxiety. My sister was a great deal more helpful than she must have realised. She was always trying far too hard, but it always came out just right, no matter how I would complain to her later, the only reason I wasn't a mess with crippling anxiety was because of her efforts to help me remain as mellow as I usually was.

I downed the ice cold liquid in mere seconds, the chill of it all waking me up, helping me to discern from dream and reality even further. Once I was found out, which would be any moment now, I would only receive criticisms, jests, I would be the laughingstock of class.

A delicate looking pretty boy who turned out to be just what everyone expected, gay and in love with someone no one expected. I was ridiculous. I deserved their awful jokes, all for falling for some lowdown dirty dog, a fleabag, a wretch from the streets. Someone I had nothing in common with, and yet someone I loved everything about.

What a joke I was.

Mokuba sent his friends home soon after I had calmed down. Apologising profusely for the situation which arose because of me. I was a burden to her, I knew it well, but I couldn't stop depending on her, I couldn't cease being as selfish as I was. I needed her, with no one else in my life, she was my only life link, the only reason I haven't broken down by now. She was everything to me. Yet I found myself wanting more from other people. I was exceedingly horrible.