The most frustrating moment for Chris is when Kaito is like this. It's when his nails bite into his shoulder and lace so tightly through his hair at the base of his scalp that he swears his skin will bleed. It's when Kaito clutches him as if he's falling and too afraid to let go - yet not so afraid he'll open his eyes to look at the face above him, the face that's been next to his pillow for nearly two years now. Kaito never fails to take in two short breaths and then exhale slowly while he lowers himself back down onto the bed, arms falling to his sides if he's tired or against the pillows if he wants to cool off with kissing.
Tonight, it's the latter.
What makes it frustrating is how Kaito pushes and pulls at him, as if unwilling after all this time to admit that this is what he wants. It's almost embarrassing how sometimes he still puts his hands over his eyes and peeks between his fingers with a look of 'did we just have sex?'. Chris loves that look, though, as much as it makes him roll his eyes. Kaito's so painfully unaware of their own standing even though he's always the one to initiate the next (in his words) stage of their relationship. He had been the first to kiss, first to touch, first to fall into bed with a near whine of 'I'm ready' which took about four separate times to actually mean what it meant.
Chris braces his weight on his elbows and leans down to kiss the corner of Kaito's mouth, sighing in content when Kaito responds by tilting his head to kiss him full on in return. Just as Chris begins to wonder if Kaito's hinting at wanting to have a second go, there's a light knocking at their door. Kaito presses his hands against Chris's shoulders to push him back and he glances toward it with a hazy frown, as if trying to clear his mind through a thick fog.
Chris winces. They didn't wake Haurto, did they? They'd been quiet….
Kaito seems to come to in full and he jerks upward, forehead slamming into Chris jaw with a loud crack. Chris yells in pain and rolls off to the side of the bed holding a hand over his face, biting down on his tongue to stop the string of profanities that he wants to let loose. Kaito groans in pain and hovers with his hands fluttering near Chris, looking between the door and Chris in some sort of mid-crisis. Dear god the poor guy looks like he's going to pop a blood vessel.
"Get the door," hisses Chris.
"Door. Right. Haruto!"
Kaito nearly trips over the sheets while he struggles to pull his sleeping pants up to his hips. Chris pulls the covers up around his lower hald while still trying to nurse his swelling jaw and bleeding tongue (lovely, he'd bitten it, just perfect), one eye on the door while Kaito cracks it open.
"Yeah? Is everything okay?"
"My stomach kinda hurts. Do we have anything? I can't sleep." His eyes scan over Chris and immediately an expression of upset comes over the boys face. Chris has no doubt he takes his state of disarray to mean that he'd woken the pair. "I'm sorry," he adds quietly while averting his gaze from Chris and dropping his eyes to the floor.
Kaito steps out and their muffled voices carry on down the hall. He hears Kaito going through the medicine cabinet and takes the opportunity to slide into his sleeping pants and comb through some of the knots in his hair. His jaw still hurts and he keeps spitting into tissues until his saliva is clear, but all in all it hadn't been their worst bedroom experience. In truth, there's two types of nights. Disastrous and wonderful. Tonight is hovering between the two. They're interrupted often, either by Haruto or sometimes a phone call from Thomas or Mihael - sometimes it's from his father or Faker and the whole thing seems to only ever cause distress under their roof. Kaito's said time after time that he just wants silence in their house.
Their house. Their lives.
And while Haruto may sometimes offer an obstacle in the whole 'let's be our own family' business (his age and his schooling is awkward for Chris at times, though Kaito as always handles it smoothly when he can't) he's never seen as a burden or an unwanted totem.
Chris loves Haruto. He thinks of him as his little brother.
Mihael and Thomas do well with him. Thomas takes him to see Fuuya while he films sometimes and Haruto always comes home chatting excitedly about the stunts and how cool Fuuya is when they all sit off-set and eat lunch together. Thomas sometimes leans against the doorway and fumbles for a light while saying, "I'll pick him up on Friday. Give you two a date night."
Not that they ever really go out, to be fair. Time alone is often spent cleaning the apartment and getting things ready for work. Moments of togetherness and relaxation take the form of dinners on the balcony and long bubble baths - it's enough that Chris considers their relationship perfectly healthy. What he sees around him is nice (the impromptu kisses and feeding each other cake at cafés - the list is endless), but not what he truly wants. Kaito is what he wants; their life as it is… he's happy with that.
Okay. He could do without the big bump forming on his tongue from the bite.
"I'm sorry."
Chris rubs his jaw and looks up as Kaito shuts the door quietly behind him, grinning sheepishly and shrugging his shoulders lightly in apology. It's endearing, the way he rubs the back of his neck and steps back toward the bed as if Chris is going to scold him. He welcomes him back into the bed with a gentle sigh and his lips pressing against his own.
"Don't apologize."
Before he can protest Chris kisses him again and pulls him down; it's awkward how Kaito half-falls over onto Chris's chest, lips pinching between their teeth and while they're a fumbling mess Chris is just glad to have his warmth back between the sheets. Because at the end of the day, this is love.
It's love because the first time Kaito ever tried to be sexy for Chris, he'd waited on their bed in nothing but one of Chris' shirts while fiddling with a condom between his fingers. In a mixture of distress and embarrassment he'd burst out with an awkward near-shout of 'I already stretched myself' before collapsing into a heap under the covers apologizing over and over again as if he'd done something wrong.
Chris knows it's love because when he'd burst into a fit of laughter at the scene, Kaito laughed with him.
It's love because Chris watches Kaito make breakfast with care each morning for his brother and him - pouring exactly a quarter cup of pancake mix into the pan, flipping after exactly two minutes; beating the eggs with one motion and not another and it's so painfully meticulous that it's embarrassing. Still, Chris smiles over his coffee mug and helps Haruto finish up the morning crossword.
When Chris wraps band-aids around Kaito's fingers after he takes on a new household-handy-man project they smile at one another and remember the times they'd done this same routine when Kaito first asked Chris to help make him stronger. Though then, the pricks and cuts had been from Kaito picking flowers in the garden for the vase at Haruto's bedside. For Chris on his birthday… How long ago had that been? When had they gone from being schoolyard crushes to this?
It's love when Kaito braces himself over Chris and stares down at him with a strange look of confusion and upset and almost huffs when Chris starts to laugh.
"What's so funny?"
"You."
Kaito rolls his eyes and lowers his forehead until it rests against his own. Haruto's door closes and they pause, counting the seconds of silence that follow to make sure he's staying in bed. Once he's certain, Chris wraps his arms around Kaito's middle and rolls their bodies to switch positions, kneeling over Kaito with a slow smirk spreading over his lips. "Think he'll be okay?"
"Probably. There's a flu going around."
Kaito reaches up to play with a strand of hair near his face, wrapping it absently around his finger and then slowly uncoiling it. They lay there in silence until Haruto's door opens again and footsteps rush past their bedroom. Kaito shuts his eyes against the sound of Haruto getting sick, sighing quietly. "I spoke too soon," he murmurs, pushing on Chris's shoulder to which he stands.
"What are -?"
"Just a minute. Bring a bucket in for the bed."
Chris doesn't hesitate to enter the bathroom where Haruto is washing his mouth out. He places a hand on his shoulder and with a small nod, lifts him up into his arms as if he were still a child. Just over 12, so much about Haruto is still very child-like. His size. His immune system (though every day he was getting stronger!). Even this, his lack of protest when Chris cradles him this way and brings him into their room to stay the night.
He tugs the covers up over Haruto's body and settles in next to him, glancing over at Kaito with an apologetic smile of his own. Maybe they weren't going to be spending the night together as intended, but for Haruto's sake… for their family, this was where everyone belongs.
Kaito places a hand on Haruto's back while Chris puts another on his head to push his bangs back. "Get some sleep," whispers Chris. From over Haruto's head Kaito mouths a small 'thank you', eyes closing while he presses his lips to the back of Haruto's head.
It's love because like this, Chris knows he's home.