Title: Memoirs of a Pissed off Pyromaniac

Author: pyrokitten77

Fandom: X-Men

Pairing: Implied Bobby/John.

Summary: After Alcatraz, Pyro wakes up and is less than happy with Bobby. Rated teen for cursing.

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I take a long drag of my last cigarette. My lungs ache from the toxicity and I love it. It helps me forget the pain in my heart.

My forehead has finally stopped bleeding. I touch it gently but an involuntary hiss escapes when my calloused fingers brush the cut. For a whole minute I blame you for the entire incident.

I take another long drag and understand that I had played a part in the ordeal as well. But when we fought, you were so cold. I wonder if you even felt a pang of remorse or sorrow as you busted my head open and left me on the ground to die.

I also wonder if it had been the other way around, where I had the upper hand, would I really hurt you? Could I have killed you?

Part of me wants to believe fully that I would have, but the other part wants to just cry and smash things for the betrayal I feel so heavily.

You're supposed to be the good guy. It's been decided that I'm the bad guy by a jury of my own peers. I've been convicted and sentenced and I'm sitting on death row.

I'm not a bad guy and I believe that entirely. I'm doing what I believe is right. The same way you're doing what you believe is right, if you even have an opinion at all.

I think you're a sheep. I think you follow the herd blindly and foolishly, hoping you're on the "right" road to salvation and acceptance.

The humans will not accept us as we are even if we kiss their ass and beg to be understood. You're a fool for believing that, Iceman. You're just a plain fool.

I wonder what I ever saw in you. You're a groveling, sniveling coward. You blindly follow ignorance and believe that what you're doing is right? You believe that turning against your own kind is the best choice?

The whole lot of you is pathetic. The X-Men wouldn't have been able to defeat the Brotherhood if it hadn't been for your sneaky and underhanded injection of the cure to Magneto. You're all a bunch of gutless, inferior mutants.

I sigh and shake my head solemnly. I run my ashen fingers through my dirty hair, and I don't even care how repugnant I look. It's not like anyone's around to criticize.

As I look up at the barren plain that used to be Alcatraz, I realize the power that Phoenix held. It's frightening to suddenly understand what a ticking bomb she was. It's far too late now. She's dead but it doesn't really matter.

Hundreds have died. Hundreds of mutants, that is. Thanks to you and the X-Men, the humans that threatened our very existence have been set free. They're able to continue to live their lives thinking that what they did was respectable.

Why did you stand in our way? We didn't plan on world domination. We wanted acceptance. We wanted to be able to walk out into the streets and not be feared and targeted by ignorant bigots.

I don't understand how you can be so stupid and self-righteous, Bobby. Why couldn't you see what I was fighting for? I thought you were my friend, but now I know that you knew me as well as a random person pulled off the street.

I hate myself for caring about you. I hate myself even more for ever worrying if you got off this Godforsaken island alive, but you know what I hate the most? I hate the tears that are sliding down my cheeks at this very moment. I hate them because I'm not sad about the tragic deaths of my comrades. I'm not angry that the Brotherhood has been obliterated. I'm devastated beyond imagine that you had the hatred in your heart to betray me.

I never betrayed you, if that's what you decided I did. You were always in my thoughts and I had hoped that we wouldn't have to fight. I had wished that you would have stayed at the mansion, safe and sound, as you ate your Cookies & Cream ice cream.

I wish I could have told you that I was leaving the X-Men and Xavier's deluded thoughts and beliefs, not you. Even if I had explained it to you, I have the feeling that you still wouldn't have understood.

You're Bobby. You're innocent and naive. You believe that there's a silver lining around every cloud, but Bobby, we live in the real world. We don't live in the realm of fairies and unicorns. We live in an intolerant, hateful and depressing world.

We are the minority. We will always be the minority and we will always be feared and unnecessarily hated. Acceptance is a long way away, if it is even attainable at all.

Ignorance isn't cute anymore, Bobby. I'm a grown up now. I live in the real world, and I have no time for naivety. I think that's why it was so easy for me to leave with Magneto.

His vision is still crystal clear in my mind. I have every intention on rebuilding and growing from this experience. I just hope the next time around you'll understand why I do the things I do. I hope you'll stay at home far away from me. This disaster has made me realize that if we do face off again, I will kill you.

In my reverie, my last cigarette has been forgotten and has dwindled to nothing more than ash and a butt. I sigh heavily and begin to stand. My shaky legs are barely able to hold my weight, but I stand regardless. I limp off the dusty battlefield clinging onto fruitless hope and a childish dream for a better tomorrow. I suppose I'm not so grown up after all.