I had originally intended to write this for Kagura's birthday on November 3rd. But I have a lot of schoolwork in November due to exams, I decided to post it as soon as I finished. The story became a lot longer than I had planned, and I'm not really sure if I'm totally finished with it either, thoughts?
Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama
Kagura's Not So Super Sweet Sixteen
It was her eighteenth birthday, and like all obnoxi… err self-possessed girl that age, Kagura demanded a sweet-sixteen like the ones she'd seen on television. Gintoki and Shinpachi had opposed to it at first, saying stuff like "you turned sixteen two years ago" and "don't wake me up unless you've got strawberry milk". After using her umbrella to persuade them, they all agreed they would throw the party on the following day; November 3rd.
The location of the party was none other than Otose's Snack Shop; Gin was too cheap to rent a proper venue and had to pay a month's rent in advance to make her close the bar for the night. She would provide the birthday girl with whatever, while Gin and Shinpachi would provide for the other guests. Due to low-budget and small timeframe, the only ones invited - besides the women in the shop - was Hasegawa and Otae.
Kagura entered her party wearing new red yukata with bunnies that she'd gotten from the Shimuras, her hair fixed in a bun with silver hairpins. She was - to no ones surprise - unhappy with the small reception and gave a loud piece of her mind, sounding just like one of the brats from the TV-show.
"This is my special day! You've ruined my sweet sixteen yes?"
"But Kagura-Chan, it's your eighteen..." Shinpachi wasn't able to finish his sentence before Kagura took his glasses and broke them in the palm of her hand.
"Shin-Chan noooooo!" Otae exclaimed "you broke him."
"Aneue! I'm more than just a pair glasses!" Shinpachi cried to his sister. "And Kagura-chan, you're an adult now, you can't solve everything with violence."
"The glasses stand is right Kagura-Chan," Otae said while wiping away her tears with her hand. "Now that you're a woman, you have to act more ladylike, like me."
"Oi, you're the most violent here," Gin said in a bored tone while picking his nose.
The entire venue froze when Otae grabbed Gin's face and tossed him trough the wall and out on the street. She rolled up her sleeves and was about to step out and finish the job when a Shinsengumi squad car appeared by the shop.
"Oi Danna, are you letting women beat you up?"
Gin rubbed the sore spot on his head, "Shut up soichiro-kun"
"It's Sougo"
"Whatever Sofa-kun," Gin stood up and brushed dust of his clothing. "What does you tax-robbers want?"
"We're looking for the chief," Hijikata sain in passenger seat said, casually lighting a cigarette, "have you seen Kondo-san?"
"No, why would the Gorilla be here?"
Hijikata pointed at Otae"Because she's here"
"We'll he's not here right now, move along so you don't pollute our air."
"What's going on here anyway?" Sougo deadpanned, ignoring Gin's request.
"Our Kagura just turned eighteen, so we're throwing her a sweet sixteen party."
"That sounds really pointless and un-original."
"Oi, why don't you come out of your car and say that to my face sadist!" Kagura stepped out from the shop.
"It's illegal to threaten the police you know" he started up the engine "I'll let you up with a warning since it's your sweet whatever." He waved his arm and drove off.
"Oi, where do you think you're going" Kagura shouted.
She grabbed a hold of her umbrella and aimed for the car. It hit one of the tires and punctured it. Sougo lost control of the vehicle and rammed the car's passenger side in a vending machine.
"Oi, that brat nearly killed me." Hijikata shouted.
"Tch, missed again." Sougo said under his breath.
"What was that?"
"I said I would get China for this," he deflected.
The two officers stepped out of their squad car.
"That was really dangerous you brat, we'll have to take you down to the station for this." Hijikata said while inhaling some nicotine.
"Hahahahaha, how're you planning to that without a police car?" Kagura said menacingly.
"We'll have to call for backup, lend us your phone danna."
"As if. Just skedaddle out of here while you're still alive, idiots."
Hijikata stepped right in front of the challenger. "You think you can take us down you shithead natural-perm."
"Kick his ass Danna."
"Oi, whose side are you on asshole!" Hijikata grabbed Sougo's jacket.
The glas... Err, Shinpachi stepped in the middle of the three men. "Why don't we all calm down and go inside and discuss this rationally?"
"No way, I don't want a sadist and a mayora ruining my birthday, it's bad enough that madao is here!"
"Hey, that was totally uncalled for, I'm standing right here you know" Hasegawa exclaimed.
Kagura gave her rival a chilled gaze.
"That would be reason enough for me to stay," he said and stepped inside.
"Oi, what do you think you're doing sadist. I said you wasn't welcome here."
"Like I care what a brat like you think," Sougo said and sat down in front of Otose in the bar. "A bottle of saké and two cups please."
Hijikata sat down beside him and was about to pour himself a drink when the birthday girl intervened and grabbed his cup.
"Ok sadist, let's settle this the old-fashioned way, a drinking contest. If I win, you and mayora leave."
Sougo smirked and grabbed the bottle of saké. He poured the liquid in his cup and drank it in one gulp. "And if I win?" he poured her a cup.
Kagura drank the alcohol and grimaced, she'd only tasted it once before and was not a fan. "You name it."
Sougo's, grin was still in place. "Ok China." he drank another cup. "If I win, you'll have to pay for the damage on our car." he poured her another.
"That seems fair"
"And you'll have to be my slave forever." he said sadistically
"Hey don't talk to my daughter like that you sleaze," Gin protested
"But she said I could name anything Danna," Sougo said innocently.
"One day," Kagura said and drank the content in her cup.
"A year" he filled the cups
"Two days"
"A week"
"Fine!" she said and gave him a determined look. "You'll never be able to beat me, my yato blood is strong enough to handle more than your weak human blood."
"We'll see." Sougo ordered another bottle.
Three bottles later
"Ready to give up yet?"
Kagura was resting her head on the Counter. "Shaddep you basterrrd, iz not even close."
"You look like hell China, just give up already."
"Like I'll evrr let you win basterrd. I just need cake, I been drinking on emptty stomach." she lifted her head slowly, "Oi Pacchi, bring out the cake.
Afraid of what Kagura might do to him if he refused, Shinpachi rolled out a cake bigger than him from the back room.
"Now jusst wait and zee." She plunged her face down on the cake and took a huge bite. "Hey, what givs! Thiz cake is hollow. Explain urself Pacchi, Anego."
"Oh my, we must have taken the wrong cake with us. This looks like a stripper cake or something. I'm sorry Kagura-Chan." Otae bowed her head apologetic.
Kagura didn't really mind, the cake was still delicious. Sinpachi said that she had to share with the other guests, but Kagura didn't stop. After digging in some more, she noticed that there was something inside the cake.
"Oi Anego, you didn't order me a stripper yes?"
"No, why do you ask?"
"Cuz therez a naked weirdo zhleeping in my cake." Kagura said lazily, wiping her face clean with her sleeves.
"Huh, naked weirdo?" Otae and the others came in closer to take a peek. Their faces turned white when they recognized the man inside.
"Kondo-san!" Hijikata exclaimed "What have you done to him? You'll have to commit seppuku for this." he drew his sword and directed it at Gin.
"Oi,leave Danna alone Hijikata-san," Sougo sheathed his sword and pointed it at Kagura's neck. "it's the brats fault!"
The disgusting sight had almost sobered Kagura. "Why would I want this creep in my cake, do you think I like gorilla flavor or something?"
"It's your fault since you're the one that wanted a birthday cake!"
"Brighng it on sadist!"
"Oi, aren't you guys already settling this with a drinking contest?" Shinpachi yelled loudly.
"Shaddep you filthy Megane!" Kagura said and shot bullets at Shinpachi's feet.
"Hey, I'm your opponent here!" Sougo said and pressed the tip of his sword against her neck.
Kagura grinned "What's the matter, jeluzz?"
"You wish"
"Not really" Kagura said and aimed her umbrella at her rival, "bring it on asshole."
He smiled sadistically, "let's settle it this way then."
A full-blown fight was about to break loose between the fierce rivals when rumbling could be heard from the stripper-cake. Kondo was waking up.
He rubbed his eyes "Huh, where am I, what happened?"
"You're ruining Kagura-chan's birthday," Otae said with her fake smile.
Kondo -not realising the situation he was in, got all giddy when he saw the face of the woman he loved. "Otae-saaaan, will you marry me?"
She kept her fake smile and grabbed a hold of his face. "Why would I want to marry a perverted stalker like you?" She dragged him out of the cake and threw him into Sougo.
"Oi, watch what you're doing gorilla-lady, that could have been really dangerous." he said casually. "Kondo-san, get your hairy body away from me." the Shinsengumi captain kicked the naked man off him.
Kagura laughed triumphantly "Ahahahahaha, serves you right!" she kicked him in the stomach "bow down to me, the one and only victor."
"You're not the one that knocked me down." He grabbed a hold of Kagura's foot and pulled her down, placing her in a really awkward position on top of him.
"Oi, watch what you're doing you pervert, are you trying to take my daughters innocence away?" Gin yelled.
Sougo let go of her, "why would I want such an un-cute woman danna? I deserve a higher quality woman."
Kagura got really annoyed and punched him hard in the stomach, making him wince a little from the pain. "I've had enough for today, thanks for ruining my sweet sixteen everyone." She stood up and walked out of the shop, leaving the party guests alone.
"Well this turned out to be a disaster" Otose said while wiping a glass with a white cloth. "You should go and apologize to her."
The Yorozuya men and Otae was about to walk after Kagura when Otose stopped them. "I didn't mean you, I meant him," she said and pointed the cloth at Sougo.
"I'm not the one who ruined the party, it was Hijikata's fault." he said lazily.
"Oi, leave me out of this you fuc..."
Otose interrupted him, "You didn't ruin her party, but you did ruin her mood. Go after her and apologize now before it's too late." She laid the cloth down and lit a cigarette.
Sougo rose from the floor and went after Kagura.
"What was that about?" Shinpachi demanded.
"You're all so blind... now clean this Place up before Kagura-chan returns. She deserves a proper birthday party." She said and blew smoke from her mouth.
Sougo went upstairs to look for Kagura. She was sitting in her closet, petting Sadaharu that laid in front of it. She wiped her face when she saw her rival appear.
"What are you doing here?" she tried to give him a hostile tone, but it came out pretty meek.
"That old hag wanted me to apologize to you, not that I know why. I'm not the one that ruined your party." He said and threw himself on the sofa.
"Are you really that dense?"
"I'm not sure what you're talking about," he said and yawned in his hand.
"Then leave me alone," Kagura said and closed the sliding doors to the closet.
He shook his head and sighed loudly. "I'll be heading downstairs again then." He grabbed a small gift-wrapped box from within his jacket and placed it on the living room table. "I'll leave the present I got for you here, feel free to open it or throw it away, I don't really care either way," he said nonchalantly and stood up from the sofa.
Kagura sat in silence and listened to him walk out of the room. She made sure he left the apartment before she jumped out of the closet to inspect the gift. It was a small box wrapped in sky-blue paper with a red ribbon.
She half-expected the present to be a bomb and opened it carefully. Inside was a silver hairpin with a flower cut sapphire. She stared at it in disbelief, it was really beautiful and matched her eyes. What was the meaning of this thoughtful gift?
Kagura noticed a letter underneath the pin, she took it out and opened it.
Yo China,
You're legal now right?
Become my M.
- Okita Sougo
She blushed and crumbled the paper violently in her hands. "That shithead sadist, what a disgusting thing to write someone."