Yay 1st FF fic! Uhm...so I'm writing a americest first (gasp) idk what's wrong with me~ Anyway, it's all thanks to my America for uploading this here. (muchas gracias mi amigo~) And uh, so yes, Matthew's gonna get hurt...don't hit me please? Reviews are always appreciated!
Breathe for me
I woke slowly, the sting from the night before gnawing away at what was let of my nerves. My eyes felt heavy from crying; that same dream again. I scanned the room carefully. Though I had woken in the same room I had for years, I felt disoriented. I swung my legs over my bed causing the mp3 player to fall from my chest to the wood below. It echoed out a horrid cracking sound and the breaths I had managed to convince my lungs to take escaped all at once.
Silence.
Cold.
Rain I hadn't noticed plitting on the window.
And my heart's overreaction.
I stooped down to pick the silver object and realized it had an offending, jagged line running across the screen. I tossed it to land near the end of my bed with disgust, more for the tears that threatened to fall than anything else.
Insticts yanked me out of my bed and to the right top drawer of my dresser. Through another exhausting breath, I held the razor against my flesh.
When did I open the drawer?
Who tore the bandages from my wrists?
And where did these crimson dew drops come from?
Why couldnt I feel it?
Only the cold prickling of life running down my fingertips and crashing to the hard-wood silently.
It was sickening.
It was beautiful.
It was confusing.
It was the closest I'd ever felt to home.
It was me.
Was it? I pulled on my sleeve until it agreed to cover the dangerous color that ran down my thin, pale wrist. I hugged it to my favorite red and white hoodie, unintentionally tarnishing the clothing. A few steps to cross the room and find myself gripping the handle of the adjacent bathroom. I slipped inside and closed the door gently.
Two steps.
One more breath.
Look.
I struggled to focus in on the figure before me:
Dirty blonde hair.
Pale, weak skin.
Eyes glazed over with tears.
Too, thin.
And barely convincing the world of their existence.
Who are you? I couldn't even remember anymore, and maybe that was better.
My head throbbed painfully, as I felt myself getting weaker and bitterly wondered how that was possible. I opened the medicine cabinet routinely, obstructing my reflection from staring holes in me. The roll of white gauze sneered at me from the shelf, 'You need me, isn't that just so sad?' I gulped, now ashamed to stop the bleeding, "Yes..." It continued to mock me as my shaking fingers tightly wrapped it around the new incision. The blood seeped, slowly discoloring the fresh bandage before finally stopping. A heavy, painful sigh escaped my throat and I dropped my knees down to the tile.
Thousands of voices screeched in my ears.
Hundreds of whispers proved my emptiness.
Dozens of scars to cry when my eyes couldn't.
Five minutes to compose myself and push the pain behind a practiced smile.
But this was normal, this was me... Wasn't it? Even I had forgotten who I was.
A knock against the door jolted me from my thoughts. "Hey, you in there?" I breathed, smiling so I could answer my brother with a convincing voice, "Yeah, I'll be out in a few minutes." I could hear a shift from the other side. "Kay, but I'm not waiting for you." I frowned. Wait for me? I wouldn't expect that even if he did mean it. Shuffling footsteps disapted as Alfred headed down the stairs.
Breathing was suddenly hard again. I heaved myself up and left the bathroom to change quickly, running a brush through the imperfect waves in my hair and gathering my books and folders into my backpack. My gaze blankly questioned the object that owned me, decided whether I would continue this existence. 'You need this.' it told me. I wearily agreed and carefully placed the blade in my backpack as well.
Three minutes of my brother's attention.
Thirty minutes of Al driving us to school.
Eight hours of being invisible.
Sixteen hours until it happened again.
How much longer this empty life would continue?
Pending...
yes it's lame...but there's more?
(A): It's not lame, it's adorable. Don't worry peoples who read this, I'm going to make sure more is written~ But reviews make that a little easier. ;) Oh and by the by, this lil "(A)" stands for America. And awesome. And sexy. But either way, I'm looking foreward to the rest of this very much. Ciao mother fuckers~