Disclaimer: Continues to not belong to me, unfortunately.

Pre A/N: Hey guys and gals. I apologize profusely for disappearing these last almost 3 months. Real-life loves to throw a curve ball and it got me with two good strikes lol But I have been working on multiple stories because my must enjoyed coming back from vacation to tell me what to write. I hope that you all continue to enjoy what I put out and again, so sorry for the absence :)

Late Night

John found himself walking through a familiar part of town for what seemed like the hundredth time. After wrapping up their latest number which unfortunately turned out to be Leon getting himself into trouble again, he found that he couldn't go home to his large loft just yet. John hated that restless feeling that kept him up most nights. He hoped that walking the cold streets of New York would calm him down.

A few years ago when he made this city his home, John wanted to escape the sins of his past deeds. Living on the streets offered that kind of safety but even then, his mind was eating away at him which pushed him to drink. This addiction grew as it blackened his mind but when John slept, his nightmares continued to consume him. It was then that he had desired the burning sensation of liquor to consume all of his senses until he only saw blackness forever. At least that was going to be the plan until she unexpectedly came into his life.

Jocelyn Carter.

Out of all the possible outcomes, John came up with for his life, meeting her was a one in a million chance.

His feet managed to take him to her brownstone apartment, a place that he had no intention of visiting today since it had been her day off. In the bitter cold of the November night, John could see that the lights were still on despite it being almost three in the morning. He began a small vigil across the street, wanting to catch a glance of the beautiful detective that was inside. The cold wind had John digging his hands further into the thick coat that was purchased for him by Finch when he began working the numbers.

Usually, when he enlisted Joss's help, it was in the safety of the diner where other eyes would keep him in line. Sometimes, he wanted more intimate meetings where they could just talk about what was going on in their lives. The problem for John was that it wasn't the only thing he wanted. It took them a while before he acknowledged her as a friend and even longer for her to do the same.

Together, they had gone through things that no person should ever bare witness to. They were both soldiers, trained by the best to not let emotions get in the way. That was the hardest habit to break for him. When they would work cases together, John knew damn well how many times he had intentionally put himself in harm's way to protect her. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that she would do the same.

As comrades, they survived the new battlefield that was New York City and also found comfort in each other.

Not sure if she would welcome or kneecap him, John strolled across the street to her front door. Tonight he would take the risk.

He entered the small lobby and approached the first-floor door. His heightened hearing could pick up the sound of footsteps approaching the kitchen. Unknown to Joss, he knew the whole layout to her apartment. When John tapped the door, he waited with bated breath as the footsteps grew closer.

The locks were undone and the wooden door pulled slightly open to a sight for him to behold. Along with the surprised look on her face, Joss was wearing her dark hair in a messy ponytail along with a pair of cream drawstring pants and a white tank top. The wind from the outside rushed in, causing her to cross her arms over her chest in a feeble attempt to shield herself.

"John, what is wrong with you?" She asked but before he had a chance to answer, Joss dragged him into the warm apartment before shutting the door behind him. The stars above must have been aligned because when she turned back to look at him, John saw nothing but concern behind her large doe eyes. "What are you doing out in this kind of weather? Following another number?

He was amazed because Joss hadn't threatened bodily harm for coming over at such an ungodly hour. John shook his head to answer her then dug his hands into his coat pockets once again. "I needed a walk to try and clear my head."

The concern didn't leave her face. "Can't sleep either huh? I guess it's something else we have in common." Joss began making her way towards the kitchen before throwing over her shoulder "Want a beer?"

Again relief washed over him that she wasn't kicking him out. John removed his coat and threw it on the back of her couch before following her. "Sure, I could use one right now." It was still too surreal that Joss was in such a good mood despite him intrusion.

Inside the kitchen, John pulled a wooden stool out to have a seat as he watched her grab the beers before looking in drawers for the bottle opener. "Was it something from the war?"

John was momentarily caught off guard by the personal question. He hadn't talked about his past in such a long time. "It's just that I can't help but wonder what my Ranger buddies would think of me now." He took the offered drink before Joss grabbed the seat across from him, the two taking a swig together.

"You mean when you joined the CIA?" John nodded his head. "Well, it's not like you can exactly plan your life. Look at me, I had gotten my law degree and instead went into law enforcement." Joss pointed the beer at him, mimicking an index finger. "You did what you did because you wanted to help your country."

His head dipped as he put the half-finished beer on the island table. "That's what I wanted to do. I gave up my buddies and the love of my life for something that turned me into a monster. It eats away at me how much things would be different, how many of those people that I've killed would still be alive if I had told the recruiters no."

"John, look at me." When he refused, Joss put her beer down and stood up to move closer to him. Without thinking, she put her hands on the side of his head to force eye contact. "You've got to stop thinking about the past otherwise it's going to eat away at you. Don't you remember what that turned you to when you went into hiding? I get what you mean though. I always keep thinking about how if I hadn't joined the army, would my marriage have survived and I wouldn't have had to go through the hardships of being a single mother. It gets me thinking that it was those things that made me the person I am today just like what happened to you shaped who you are." There was a hint of pride when she spoke, the kind of pride that spoke of her undying acceptance of the here and now.

John scoffed at the belief that he would ever forgive himself for not giving Jessica the out she desperately needed. He did appreciate that Joss was trying to make him feel better, especially with her soft touch. "Why did you invite me inside Joss? I would think that you would want your privacy."

She shrugged her shoulders but still didn't let go. "Honestly, I was going to tell you to go away but you looked like you could use a friend right now."

John just laughed because Joss was able to read him so well. "Thanks a lot. I didn't know that I looked that bad."

This caused Joss to laugh too as she slowly threaded her fingers through his hair. "I was just saying."

John closed his eyes at the feelings. "So what kept you up tonight?" Much to his dismay, the intimate moment ended as Joss pulled her hands away and took her seat again. John hoped that he didn't overstep his boundaries. All he want to do was stay here with Joss.

"What doesn't keep me up?" she asked more herself than him. "From working homicide cases, helping you with the numbers and helping Taylor get ready for college, I'm surprised I'm not more worn out." John deserved a real answer from her since he had been so open about his problems. "I can't help but think the same like you, wonder how things would have been if I made different choices. Did I do the right thing for Taylor by keeping him away from his father? Did I make the right career choice?"

John gave her a reassuring smirk after taking another swig. "I like the choices you made because you are who you are today thanks to them and I have to say I like Joss Carter the homicide Detective instead of the attorney." John saw her face turn a pretty shade of red before looking away to hide it.

Joss took a long drag as she tried to calm her nerves. How is it that John knew just what to say that had her acting so…girly. She hated it! "You have a way with words John. Do you use that line on all the girls?"

"Only you because I get to see you smile." She wasn't one to fall for a one liner but Joss couldn't stop the smile when he said them. Somehow when John told her things, she could feel that he wasn't just saying them to get her into bed. He really meant them and that was one thing that made John unique from other men she's met.

She shifted in her seat. "So what does it take to get you to smile?" Joss asked out of curiosity.

John's face fell at the question. "I don't think I even remember how to do that anymore."

"That's not true. It seems like you're always doing that around me" Joss pointed out. He hadn't even noticed it because it felt so natural doing it when it came to her. She seemed to bring something out of him, a sort of joy that he hadn't felt since Jessica died. "John, you shouldn't try so hard to hide from us. Harold and I probably know this John better than anyone else and we're not going anywhere so you might as well get used to it." Joss leaned in closer as if to examine him more closely. It took her a few seconds before she was satisfied and leaned back to point the nearly empty beer bottle to her face. "I swear you get this sort of twinkle in your eye whenever you say my first name. Is it because you managed to find out what it was when I refused to tell anyone else?"

John simply shrugged before leaning forward in his chair. "It's only fair since you always call me by mine."

"That's because I don't want to call you by a name that isn't you and since you won't tell your real name, I'll just call you John until I find out."

John didn't doubt that Joss could do it if she put her time into it and to his surprise. In fact, he wanted her to go digging. He trusted that she wouldn't judge him even if she knew all she needed to about him. "I don't mind that." When John took a quick look at the clock, he inwardly cringed that three hours had passed since he had left his apartment. "As much as I do enjoy the company, I should probably get out of your hair Joss. You have another early day tomorrow and you don't need someone like me keeping you up."

He left the beer on the table and began getting up. "I don't mind, really."

"No, I'm going to head home. I feel better. Thanks for listening to me ramble."

Joss got up to follow him out. "It's no problem. We're friends, as much as I hate to admit it." There was a smile on her face when she said this.

John grabbed his coat and threw it on while Joss waited at the front door. "I'll see you later since we'll probably need to work a number." The locks were undone and he started to make his way out.

Joss waved a hand in the direction of the outer door. "Okay sure, get your butt home already. I don't know if I will be so courteous next time." He gave a longing glance, silently telling her that he was truly thankful to her for lending an ear. "You're welcome." She gently said as she leaned against the doorframe.

The air outside didn't seem so cold when John opened the outside door. He knew that it was all thanks to the woman that had now stepped out from her home to watch him through the glass of the front door despite the frigid air as he went back to the safety of his loft.

Post A/N: So yeah, my muse wants to run a mile a minute so if it's a little more cringe than usual, blame her. Much love to all who continue to support the authors. You're the real MVP :)