Summary: If legend is to be believed, John Winchester was reborn amidst the flames of his burning home, a machete in one hand and a sawed off shotgun full of salt pellets in the other. But legends never get beginnings right. In reality, John Winchester was broken and he was scared. Those first 6 months he was weak and weakness is not tolerated when you are telling a good story.
Episode Tag: Mostly pre-series but spoilers through season 2
Disclaimer: I own nothing… if I did I would treat them a lot nicer than their current owners.
As the Legend Goes
The funny thing about legends is they rarely match the reality of the events they depict. Even on the rare occasions the lore does somewhat resemble a bit of truth; it is usually the "end truth." Beginnings are much harder. They are, more often than not, unimpressive. So the stories morph and streamline with each retelling until there is only one reality and that is of the legendary figure at their peak or at their grisly end.
Take, for example, the story of John Winchester. At his peak, spanning across two bloody decades, he crisscrossed the country in a car that would become almost as infamous as the family it carried. He destroyed any and every monster, demon, and disgruntled spirit that stood between him and his revenge. He had no mercy, no forgiveness, and certainly no weakness. In the end, he and his sons succeed in killing their greatest foe. Then John went peacefully to reunite with his wife above, a tired smile gracing his lips. It was a pretty epic story, and, as legends go, pretty accurate too.
On the other hand, if legend is to be believed, John Winchester was reborn amidst the flames of his burning life, a machete in one hand and a sawed off shotgun full of salt pellets in the other. There was even a version being passed around by word of mouth that had John packing up the impala with guns and baby formula as firemen fought to save his home behind him. Another origin story has the impala 100 miles away from the smoldering remains, chasing some lead, as morning dawned the following day.
But in reality, John didn't set out that night as his life burned down before him. He didn't leave the next day or even the next week. He didn't rise from the ashes like a phoenix, stronger and more powerful than ever – not yet anyway. You see, John Winchester was broken and he was scared. He walked around in a haze for almost 6 months. During the days he operated in a state of stanch denial that what he had seen was true. So he buried his wife. He dealt with the insurance agency during their arson investigation. He even saw a shrink for a week or two.
But at night, as he sat up guarding his sleeping children in their motel room, he was besieged by crippling fear. He knew the truth and he knew he was not prepared to face it, let alone protect his two helpless sons from it. So most nights, he just sat at the motel table, teary eyes darting between the door, his two sleeping children, and a picture of his wife the firemen managed to save from the wreckage. He sat holding his shotgun, waiting for the safety of morning to come.
So what if the writers of legends glossed over the messy and downright unimpressive 6 months John cried himself to sleep clutching a bottle of whiskey? The image of every monster's nightmare should not be found curled up in the corner of a dark motel room with his fist in his mouth to muffle his own sobs so he doesn't wake his children. No one needs to know about the time he got as far as the lobby of a mental hospital before turning around and driving away. They most certainly do not need to know that he upchucked after his first kill.
No, the legends never get beginnings right. But do we really want them to? Those first 6 months John Winchester did not reign down terror on all monsters within driving distance. He was weak and legends have no time for weakness in its heroes. That being said, while legends may have no tolerance for weakness, they certainly are forgiving of it.
Either accidentally or on purpose, beginnings get smudged over. The mistakes and missteps of inexperience are misplaced or misremembered. In the end, it doesn't matter how someone got to where they were, but that they arrived. What matters is that John Winchester did rise up from the ashes into the man all monsters would come to fear.
So what if it took a little longer than the legends let on? Besides, given the reign of terror that was John Winchester at his peak, if you told it any differently who would believe you anyway? And maybe more important to consider, if you told it any differently how soon do you think it would be until his sons came a knocking, looking to set the record straight?
AN: Not my favorite thing I have ever written, but was playing around with the idea of origin stories and this is what happened. Hope you enjoyed!