The last thing he remembered was ground? Or was it a ceiling? He just couldn't tell…he couldn't remember anymore.
He couldn't remember anything anymore.
A hand held his own and he thought to himself about how this was probably still all a dream.
A dream that descended, fast…too quickly into a nightmare.
Something didn't feel right. He couldn't move himself fast enough away. He was facing a back and it felt like something…he didn't know what…was going to erupt. The spikes came all out once out of the back and towards him. There was nothing he could do…or was there? He knew turning his own attack against himself was the only way out.
It had saved his life…again. He could keep going. He could still fight.
"I can still fight."
The red butterfly was flying. So…beautiful, right before him with soundless flutters of paper thin wings. He wasn't sure if it was even real.
Blood, he was losing so much.
His blood.
"I have to keep fighting."
A voiced echoed in the darkness. The butterfly was suddenly gone.
A voice he knew all too well.
The hand in his squeezed tighter. He could hear of all things, sobs.
His heart tightened, he heaved, and he came to the immediate realization that he was not going to be put to death in that moment. No, his opponent took a look at him crawling on the ground and just walked away without a second thought. And that, that's what hurt more than the pain of all the wounds. Of the broken leg, of the lacerations, of the open wounds. His head was pounding, with every crawl, he bled more. The look like he wasn't significant. Like he had no worth. A look that said that he was less than garbage.
His hand made a fist.
Worthless. Trash. Insect. You're beneath me.
"How long until he wakes up?"
"We're not entirely sure. But you have no need to worry. He will wake up after he's had a proper amount of rest."
"Okay, I gotcha!"
Every second counts. Every second that I keep him away from that throne room.
So why…why am I so defeated.
The tears welled up and they wouldn't stop.
"Give that bastard an extra punch for me…"
He was alive but he felt like he was absolutely dead inside. More dead than the current state of his body.
"Hey buddy, I don't know if you're awake yet. I just wanted you to know that I did it. I gave that bastard punches for me, for you, and for everyone else. There was no way I was gonna let this bastard get away with that. No way I was gonna!"
That hand held tighter.
Shoot was waking up because honestly, the hands that were holding his were squeezing way too tight. That was definitely starting to hurt. For some reason, he was also getting wet? Was that water?
He opened his eyes and gave a little smile, "Why are you crying, Knuckle?"
The hunter was squeezing his hand and clearly was bawling his eyes out for some reason.
It's good to come back to reality. But he would never be the same.
"I'm alive…so there's no need to look like that Knuckle."
"Did you hear what I said, buddy? I did it for you. I did it."
He froze, he didn't even feel anything anymore as he thought of the context of what this could have meant, "A-and you lived?"
Knuckle wiped his eyes, "OF COURSE I DID. I WAS GONNA DO IT BUT I WAS GONNA BE SMART ABOUT IT!"
"Ah…could you not yell please?"
"Sorry sorry! Ehehe! But the good news is that you're okay! You're alive, I'm alive! We all-"
Shoot's little smile faded, "What?"
Knuckle wanted to tell him. About Gon…that he-, "Listen, I just need you to get all healed up." After all, he was going to get filled in soon enough. But he looked at Shoot's face and knew he needed to turn things around. He looked…haunted despite him telling him that he'd gotten not just one, but multiple punches for him, for his honor, his pride. He knew though, as he was haunted too. Possibly for the rest of his life he'd have nightmares of the things he'd seen in NGL. Shoot was going to be no different.
So he could understand that whatever Shoot suddenly started to think about put him into a crying fit.
"Shoot!"
He somehow squeezed the hand even more.
"You're squeezing my hand too tight, Knuckle."
"Sorry!"
Somehow that seemed to have gotten Shoot out of his moment of grief. But looking at his face just broke his heart.
"Listen…"
It seemed almost unnatural for Knuckle to take on such a hushed tone, considering his usual volume was a twelve out of ten. It caught him by surprise and he looked away, refusing to make eye contact. He said nothing in response.
Knuckle nodded as if to reassure himself, "We're in this together. All of us. You and me especially. I know what you've been through, what you've seen. You can let it out while I'm here, anytime okay?"
Shoot had to wonder himself, saying it aloud even though he didn't mean to, "How can you remain so strong?" A sound made him look back over and his eyes went wide.
Knuckle was already back to crying, "Nah…you got it wrong. It affected me too. So you know, don't even go thinking something like you gotta go through it all by yourself!"
He wasn't sure what to say. Before that mission, they'd never been particularly close. Thinking back to the moment that distracted him from the crimson butterfly, that bellowing, loud, obnoxious voice that rang out in the silence and the static of his own mind as he'd accepted his own imminent death brought him back. Perhaps with his support, that voice would always have the power to bring him back. So he never wanted it to go away. For the first time, he gave the hand in his a squeeze back. He suddenly remembered that he was different now from how he'd always been. Ever since he'd been inspired, he could be more open. "I…" the words were still hard for some reason. Maybe it's because 'I'd like that' wasn't really the right thing to say, "Don't ever leave me…"
Knuckle's eyes went wide, "Huh!?"
Shoot didn't break eye contact for a moment, not backing down from his words. This was the new him. A new him that could make promises and keep them. That wasn't always so timid and afraid. That's right…he could have courage.
Seeing this resolve out of nowhere, Knuckle nodded, "You gotcha."
It was then that someone else was entering the room. Since he'd just made such a promise, thinking he knew the depths of where it was coming from, he wouldn't even back down from showing his support for his comrade. He stayed where he was, tried to look like he hadn't bawled his eyes out earlier, but kept his iron grip of Shoot's hand.
It took weeks for him to recover physically. But it was just as he'd thought.
It didn't matter what the doctors and staff could do, the mental scars were deeply embedded in the form of PTSD, of nightmares, of hallucinations, of crying fits, of night terrors, of sleepless night spells.
Knuckle knew this is what he must have meant when he promised not to leave him. He would be there for it all. He'd have to be the one person who could make the terrors just a little more bearable.
He knew that the moment he decided to take the hunter into his care after his release from the hospital. The battle might have physically been over, but the damage would last. He'd noticed it with some of the others too. It didn't make them any less strong.
Another night, it was happening. It didn't affect him in the same ways, but he decided to change up his strategy a bit. Instead of just being present, or offering a hand, he'd went to just pull him into an embrace. And somehow, that seemed to be enough. It didn't stop the tears, it didn't stop the visions or the pain, but it did something at least.
Before he knew it, that's just what he did every time. Starting to add in words of comfort.
"It's okay. It's over."
"Another one? It's okay."
"I punched that bastard real good. I wish you'd have been able to see it. It was all for you, pal."
"Let it all out. I'm staying right here."
Just like he promised, he wasn't going anywhere. Eventually it would happen less over time.
He knew that the therapist had to have been scratching their head since they didn't talk about their mission to anyone outside of who was there. But one day Shoot came back a little different.
He avoided eye contact; he stopped looking up unless he had to, he would walk past him quickly even though they lived in the same house.
Knuckle was wondering what went wrong. If there was something he could do to help.
He'd spent some time away in order to help during the election and since, he'd just been taking it easy and taking care of Shoot. But this change in behaviors was just weird.
I thought that I was more courageous now. I thought that I would be able to face anything. But even my battle scars couldn't have prepared me for this…
"What do you think is holding you back from saying how you feel? It's not that you aren't strong enough. Courage is something that I don't think you're lacking. Just remember that you can have fear at the same time. These things aren't kicking one another out of your mind."
That's right, but why am I afraid? This is just not the same type of fear that I've faced before. When I felt like this before, I just didn't…say anything. "Eventually he's going to grow impatient and ask, that's just how he is."
"And what will you tell him?"
"That I think it's unfair of me to shove this on him. He does enough for me."
"Shoot!"
He came out from his spot, looking at Knuckle before quickly diverting his eyes.
Knuckle was looking around for something and looked up in a panic, "Did you see where I put my application!?"
"Application?"
"I THINK I KNOW THE PERFECT THING TO HELP YOU FEEL BETTER. WE'RE GETTING A DOG!"
Shoot blinked, looking up in surprise, "Huh?"
Knuckle gave a knowing smile, "You know! You'd been down lately! And it's about time we got one anyway! They're so cute! Don't you think it'd be a great idea!?"
Shoot had to look away and hide his face. There it was again. Why does he have to look so damn cute!?
"Do you think it's cliché for this to have happened?"
"I shouldn't think like this. He's become dear to me but I'm sure he wouldn't have thought along those lines. The way he's being is just how he is. He has a big heart. He'd help anyone the way he's helped me."
"Don't you think you're being a little too hard on yourself? It happened because you realized over time as he cared for you that it was a possibility."
Shoot was listening to this therapist, but honestly, he still felt like his feelings were crossing a line.
Being face to face and talking about adopting a puppy, he wasn't sure where to begin, "Dogs don't really like me the way they like you.."
"That's why we get a nice little, innocent puppy! Then we teach him! Like parents or something!"
Shoot thought he heard himself screaming on the inside. On the outside he made sure to not react as best as he could. Stone face. "I guess…"
"BUT I CAN'T FIND THE DAMN PAPERWORK!"
"Just print out a new one…"
"BUT I FILLED IT OUT ALREADY!"
"You can fill it out again. It's okay."
"Hey Shoot do you think it'll help you feel better? Yeah? With whatever's going on? I mean you don't have to tell me or anything but damn it's hard to be any help when you keep running away!"
Shoot heaved a sigh. He supposed the best way to help wasn't to keep Knuckle in the dark any longer. He had to mentally prepare. To talk himself into it. I can do this. This isn't real fear. You've overcome so much more than this. "You should have a seat."
"OOH! I left it in the couch then!?"
"No Knuckle, I just think that we should talk about what's been on my mind."
"Oh okay!"
"If it's hard to get your feelings across, try writing him a letter. You don't have to read it aloud, but what you can do is leave it for him to read. He will react how he reacts. Fair?"
A floating hand had gone behind the couch and honestly his heart was racing more than ever lately. He looked down and let it hang there in front of Knuckle.
"OH GOOD! YOU FOUND IT!"
"Huh?"
Knuckle reached up and took the paper with a cheeky grin, "This is the application."
Shoot almost gasped. His confession letter was on the back of the damned dog adoption form!? How did he even write it on there and not realize!?
Knuckle blinked, "Hah!? What's all this written on the back!?"
Shoot thought he might die. His blush was one he just couldn't hide unless he ran away. He wanted to get up and run for dear life, but somehow he remained planted in his seat. But there was no way he could look over as Knuckle inspected his letter.
The silence was excruciatingly long.
"Hey Shoot?"
He flinched in response.
Knuckle set down the paper slowly, reaching and rubbing the back of his neck. A blush on his own face. He had to try to form the right words here in response. That letter was just so damn…
Shoot got up, ready to run.
"Hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on hold on!"
He was frozen in place.
"THIS EXPLAINS SO DAMN MUCH. YOU BASTARD!"
Shoot just looked confused.
Knuckle pointed, "THIS IS WHY YOU'VE BEEN ACTING WEIRD!?"
Shoot frowned. Perhaps this wasn't a good idea. To let him read his deepest, innermost thoughts about him.
"IT'S LIKE A DAMN HIGH SCHOOLER! YOU GOTTA HAVE MORE GUTS THAN THAT! IF YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME YOU GOTTA TELL ME TO MY FACE LIKE A REAL MAN!"
This was like a non-reaction and it made him only more confused and hesitant.
Knuckle saw he wasn't getting anywhere with this, crossing his arms, "I didn't expect this from you! But you know me! You gotta tell me to my face!"
"Do I have to!?"
Shoot was shocked to suddenly be in an embrace.
"You idiot! I thought you were relapsing on treatment or getting all depressed on me or something! Scared the shit out of me! I WAS WORRIED SICK!"
He thought he'd cry, "But what about-?"
"Tch. I should have known! It was so obvious that now I'm just mad that I didn't pick up on it. Some kind of damn problem solver that makes me! Look, I get ya. I never had a straight up confession before. It's weird, but it's fine. I mean like….uh…", he was blushing harder, letting go of the hug to rub the back of his neck and look away, "I mean I don't mind it or anything. Uh, well, yeah. I mean that was really nice to read. And we should still get that dog. But like uh, I mean I can take you out cause that's what you're supposed to do when someone confesses to you, right?"
Shoot let the realization sink in during the moment of silence.
He went to wipe his eyes. He was supposed to be more courageous now since this wasn't a rejection, "I'd like that."
Knuckle nodded, "Yosh! It's a date! But I mean, we still need to get that dog! And then it's DOG WALKING DATES!"
Shoot nodded, smiling now and laughing a little, "Alright."
It was a start, and honestly that was enough for him.
Frankly, that's all he wanted.
Perhaps knowing that the person he'd confessed to was willing to try going out with him, someone who already knew the issues he was facing and took the time to take care of him, could grow to love him back just as much. He wasn't sure why Knuckle agreed, but perhaps he'd ask another time in the future after making good memories together.
Yeah, that would be nice.