Title: What If
Characters: Puck, Kurt, Mention of the glee club, Puck's family and Shuester
Pairing: Puck/Kurt
Genre: Romance? Life
Warnings: un-betaed, slash,
Rating: pg-13? It's pretty innocent
Word count: 1,255
Discalimer: I do not own glee or any of it's characters nor do I own anything else you may recognize
Summary: Life is Filled with 'what ifs'
A/N: I fear this may be a bit confusing. I apologize it if it. I supposed I should just let you be the judge. ~Katy
What If
Puck had always hated rainy days. They left them with too much time to think, and sometimes too much thinking was bad. He would just stare out the window as raindrops slid down the glass and contemplate questions in his head.
Sometimes, when he was younger, he would drive his mother insane with the many questions he would ask her. What if the sky wasn't blue? What if the clouds never rained? Would they explode if they didn't rain? What if the sun didn't shine? What if the world was without color? Would a black and white world be easier? Most of his questions were of the world around him. He had always been a curious kid.
As he had gotten older he had stopped pestering his mom with his many questions, but that didn't mean he stopped asking them. On rainy days he'd still sit in front of the window to watch the rain drops fall from the sky. Sometimes he'd just watch them fall….other times he'd trace them with his finger as the rolled down the window pane. As he got older his questions wondered from the wonders of the world and changed into questions about life in general. What if his family hadn't settled in Lima, Ohio, but had settled in a place like Oregon? Would they still be the same family? What if his father had stuck around? Would that have changed him? Would he still be the same person he was without his old man around? What if he didn't have a little sister who looked up at him and aspired to be just like him? Would he still have the same personality or would he be different?
When he entered high school, his life became a whirlwind of commitments. He was lucky enough to be one of the popular kids, but that didn't come without a price. He had to be a jock, it didn't matter how much he despised sports; if he wasted to be something at McKinley high school, he had to put up a façade. That's when he left Noah behind and Puck was born. He began spending his rainy days on the field' whether it was a football, soccer or baseball field didn't really matter. He missed when he could just sit and contemplate on those rain filled days. However, whenever he could Puck would plant himself in front of a window on those rainy days. Sometimes it was a window at school; sometimes it was a window at home. It didn't matter what window it was, just as long as he could watch the angels pour their tears from the sky. But now his questions were deeper than before. What if he had fought Quinn on the adoption? Would he had been a good father? What if he had never joined glee club? Would he still have this love for music? What if Mr. Schuester hadn't believed in him? Would he have ever gotten a second chance to prove he wasn't a Lima Loser? And what if he had never made the friends he had in glee club? Would he be locked away in a cell by now?
Sometimes, on those days when Puck hadn't had the chance to stare out at the rain, he would find himself in front of his bedroom window in the early hours of the morning staring out. It wasn't always raining then, but the left over water drops from when it had been raining still rolled down the glass giving the perfect illusion that it was raining. On those nights when he was alone in his room starring out at the world below him, he let the questions that pestered his heart and soul every day, fill his mind. He had to push these questions away every single day. He never allowed himself to think about them unless it was one of those rainy nights. What if he was normal? Would he find the woman of his dreams and marry her and have a family? What if loving the same sex wasn't so shunned? Would he let himself be happy for once? What if he was to come out to the world? Would his friends still be there? Would his family still be there? What if he was to admit the truth to himself? The truth being, that somehow he had fallen in love with Kurt Hummel. Would he still be heartbroken then? On those nights Puck rarely ever got any sleep.
As the high school rolled on and Puck got older, approaching adulthood and graduation, his habits didn't change. On the rainy days he still found a window to watch from as he thought. His family had become used to his odd habits over the years, and paid no attention to them anymore. This night had been no different. Puck had been lying in bed when the rain had started to fall and he had wasted no time in getting up and wandering over to the window.
Much like he had when he was younger, Puck reached out and traced a drop of rain with his finger as it ran down the pane. The questions that he thought about now were really just to torture himself. What if he hadn't broken down last year and told Kurt that he loved him? Would he still be miserable and lonely? What if he had ran out that door that day and never came back like he had wanted too? Would that have solved anything at all? What if he had been stronger in that moment of weakness? Would he have ever let himself be happy? Or would he have made himself miserable for the rest of his life thinking about that one person he couldn't have?
A soft moan from behind him caught his attention and he pulled his gaze from the rain and the window to look behind him at the form in the bed. A soft smile covered his face as he looked at the sleeping angel…his sleeping angel. Kurt let out a soft sigh and snuggled deeper into his pillow as he slept.
As he stared at Kurt's slumbering form Puck couldn't help but think that there were so many "what if's" in the world. Just about everything has a "what if" to it. Sometimes he wondered if he had made the wrong decision….he wondered what would've happened if he had done it differently, but life was so unpredictable it was almost scary sometimes. Puck looked back at the window as the rain continued to fall and shook his head. There was no use thinking about what might have been, because that was then and he had taken a different road. He can't got back again and change the past…he wasn't even sure if he wanted to. There was no way to know what might have been.
Puck pulled himself away from the window and shuffled quietly back to the double bed. He slid in between the sheets and pulled the blankets up over himself. He smiled when Kurt immediately curled himself around him. He was still fully unclothed from their earlier escapades, so Puck made sure the blankets were securely wrapped around him to keep him warm. He kissed the top of Kurt's head as he held his lover tightly to his side. He was content and happy with where he was. For the first time since he was old enough to remember, Puck felt like he didn't need the "What if's" anymore.