Disclaimer: I don't own the character, and you didn't think I did.
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Better by Maaya
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His memories, Edward thought, were bound to someday become oh-so bitter reminders of a happy past he couldn't reach. He hadn't wanted it to be like that, so for the longest time he'd convince himself that really, he *did* remember how it felt to have a loving mother. That he *did* remember the feeling of having someone to take care of him with soft hugs and warm smiles. But sometime during his short life that felt so long, he had forgotten.
The concept still lay clear in his mind, of course, but the actually feeling of total happiness wasn't even a vague memory anymore, erased by time and ache. What hurt the most was that he couldn't even remember his own mother without a bitter taste of loneliness burning in his throat like a lump of unshed tears. He'd never admit that the possibility existed it might actually *be* unshed tears, because even to purify his mother's image in his mind, he couldn't afford to cry.
Besides, would it be fair to Al is he cried? How could Edward let himself cry when he had to be strong for his little brother? He was the oldest, he had to be strong and take care of Alphonse.
Most of the time, to most people, it seemed to be the other way around. Ed was loud and his temper wasn't much to speak of, while the taller guy dressed in armour was patient and soft-spoken. But to themselves, it was obvious who was the oldest. Because Ed was the one who *tried*. He tried so much it hurt, just to help his brother to get his body back. Because no matter what anyone said, it was still Ed's fault what had happened. *Ed* had been the one to get the idea to bring their mother back. *Ed* was the one whose soul still resided in the original human body. It wasn't fair. If anything, he should have been the one to loose his body. Why hadn't he? Why had 'it' taken Alphonse's body and not Ed's? Was there something wrong with him? Was he too filthy? Was he not worthy of it?
He wasn't jealous though, that would have been ridiculous. But he still wished whole-heartedly that it had been the other way around, because it was not *fair* to let Al suffer.
It was painful to feel as protective as he did about his brother. Edward had many times imagined how it would feel without Al standing there by his side and the only feeling he ended up with was...emptiness. Maybe it had been a selfish action to bring Al back, Ed didn't know. He only knew that without his little brother with him, his life would have been more useless than...whatever useless beings existed.
Alphonse was in many ways better than Edward. Oh, Ed might be a better alchemist with higher ambitions, but did that really matter in the end?
He didn't have heart though, to ask his brother if Al's memory of mother was untainted. It most probably was anyway, because Al was like that.
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The End
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O_o I aim for pointlessness today.
***
Better by Maaya
***
His memories, Edward thought, were bound to someday become oh-so bitter reminders of a happy past he couldn't reach. He hadn't wanted it to be like that, so for the longest time he'd convince himself that really, he *did* remember how it felt to have a loving mother. That he *did* remember the feeling of having someone to take care of him with soft hugs and warm smiles. But sometime during his short life that felt so long, he had forgotten.
The concept still lay clear in his mind, of course, but the actually feeling of total happiness wasn't even a vague memory anymore, erased by time and ache. What hurt the most was that he couldn't even remember his own mother without a bitter taste of loneliness burning in his throat like a lump of unshed tears. He'd never admit that the possibility existed it might actually *be* unshed tears, because even to purify his mother's image in his mind, he couldn't afford to cry.
Besides, would it be fair to Al is he cried? How could Edward let himself cry when he had to be strong for his little brother? He was the oldest, he had to be strong and take care of Alphonse.
Most of the time, to most people, it seemed to be the other way around. Ed was loud and his temper wasn't much to speak of, while the taller guy dressed in armour was patient and soft-spoken. But to themselves, it was obvious who was the oldest. Because Ed was the one who *tried*. He tried so much it hurt, just to help his brother to get his body back. Because no matter what anyone said, it was still Ed's fault what had happened. *Ed* had been the one to get the idea to bring their mother back. *Ed* was the one whose soul still resided in the original human body. It wasn't fair. If anything, he should have been the one to loose his body. Why hadn't he? Why had 'it' taken Alphonse's body and not Ed's? Was there something wrong with him? Was he too filthy? Was he not worthy of it?
He wasn't jealous though, that would have been ridiculous. But he still wished whole-heartedly that it had been the other way around, because it was not *fair* to let Al suffer.
It was painful to feel as protective as he did about his brother. Edward had many times imagined how it would feel without Al standing there by his side and the only feeling he ended up with was...emptiness. Maybe it had been a selfish action to bring Al back, Ed didn't know. He only knew that without his little brother with him, his life would have been more useless than...whatever useless beings existed.
Alphonse was in many ways better than Edward. Oh, Ed might be a better alchemist with higher ambitions, but did that really matter in the end?
He didn't have heart though, to ask his brother if Al's memory of mother was untainted. It most probably was anyway, because Al was like that.
***
The End
***
O_o I aim for pointlessness today.