I know this is weak of me. I'm probably going to get a few laughs for doing this as well, but truth be told, I'd rather be laughed at then cried for. Because I as a human being have been worth nothing since my birth. I was no more than a pebble in my father's shoe. Even if I was firstborn, chances are I would still be manipulated to this day.
Allow me to explain myself. I was a sickly child from the beginning and always needed constant care. I myself could never inherit the title of Earl. I was too fragile and too weak. And I was foolish to hope that my existence would be meaningful.
I should probably take that back. I did mean something to someone once. When I was their personal little toy.
From the very first moment that Sebastian saved my life, I found a purpose. He looked exactly like my father. I felt that perhaps this was my chance to finally prove to my father that I was a being to be admired. I was daft. He only wanted one thing from me. How could I ever hope to gain approval or friendship from him? From the being that saved my life?
I should just stop with this nonsense. I know what he wants. I might as well give it to him. To put it in simple terms, my friends and family, he wishes me dead. He wants to be free of me for good. That is why I have made the decision to take my own life. He doesn't understand the lengths I would go. Just like my father didn't understand. Father, I'm so sorry. I hope now you can understand how much I love you.
Sebastian, cherish this. I know you are excited, probably fidgeting with nothing but gladness. Celebrate it. I want you to Celebrate it. However, I hope now you understand just how much I appreciated you, my servant and butler. Because I cut my time short. You must be quick. I am in the garden, that way, I wouldn't make that much of a mess when I met my maker. "Foolish child." You would probably say, "You waste your time with these emotions of yours. What a thing to do for a butler." And you can shut the hell up. Just do as you wanted from the very beginning and get it over with. I do not hope that you will feel sorry for me or grieve. It is impossible. Just enjoy yourself. And do not worry. My revenge is fulfilled and satisfied. My final act of revenge was against the people that bought me into this mess; my parents. It is their fault for giving birth to a waste of air. So in return, I will not join you in Heaven. I hope you hurt. I hope your heart rots inside your chest cavity just as mine has.
Sebastian, do what you wish. Take what you wanted from me with a smile. You deserve it, after all. However, as one final request...could you perhaps paint the white roses with my blood?
Farewell,
Ciel Phantomhive