I just wrote this story because I have a friend who is going through a hard time and seemed to have lost all hope in life. Just wanted to say to everyone that even when you're thinking that there is no more hope, the unexpected is what makes our life so interesting sometime! Keep in mind that a better day is coming sooner than you think ;-)
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, not even one of the characters, nothing at all!
I was standing on the verge of the fall thinking about my life. At the moment, I was feeling lost and alone. Nothing seemed to have taste anymore and I couldn't see myself going through life without my baby boy. I'd just had enough time to contemplate how beautiful and perfect he was, from head to toes before he was taken from me.
The only question going on and on, again and again in my head was 'why?'. I couldn't take it anymore and I screamed to God, to myself, to anyone who could answer and to nobody in particular:
"Why? Why me? Why now? Why him?"
Why? Why? So many why but still no answer….
Before even going further, let me introduce myself to you.
My name is Esme and I'm ready to end my life now!
Why? That's the only question to which I can answer.
Looking back to what is my life, I cannot see any escape, any hope, or even any reason for me to continue on with dealing with those cards I got. Don't get me wrong. I did have a wonderful childhood but entering into adulthood was the beginning of my personal hell.
My own demon had a last name, that I shared with him by marriage. 'This contract has given me more that I have asked for…' I added in my head sarcastically. The very term of it was 'until my last breath' and I was more than eager to complete my vows. So here, I was. At the end of it.
All alone. The circle is complete. We are born and we die alone after all.
But even knowing that I was the end of the worst, I had so much anger and pain in me that I continued to scream until I couldn't hear myself anymore. My heart was hurting, my voice was gone, my self – esteem was buried and with them I have lost myself.
The worst was the power of remembrance of what used to be.
Without being a canon of beauty, I knew that I wasn't an ugly wench too… My father used to call me his perfect magnolia. He'd always been able to see the best in me and everyone. He allowed me to develop this ability to see the gem in other and I was thankful to him for that.
When I met Charles, I thought that I had found the perfect match for me. I had finally discovered the last man on earth who was like they were in my father's time: a true gentleman.
Little did I know that I was going to seal my destiny with a man without any moral value. Little did I know that I would be the very one to received fist, feet or any object which was susceptible to be found on his path in a powerfully wicked way, that will let me on the floor, bleeding, crying and asking if I really deserved it. Until one day I didn't even ask myself anymore if I deserved it but what had I done to deserve it?
One day, however, after being once again beaten and raped, I'd rushed to the bathroom to throw up. Few days later, I had received a wonderful new, after all those years of hope; my own personal miracle was there in my belly. I was pregnant.
There were the last moments of my miserable life, I'd hoped. I had someone to fight for, to love. He wasn't even bigger than a nail but he had given me more than anyone has offered me in all my life: a reason to be stronger, indestructible.
I had left Charles and his surrounding without even a glance back and I have looked straight into my future. I have imagined it with a multitude of joy, laugh, love and faith. All of it was taken from me in a matter of seconds.
Back to my reality, I breathed deeply, smelling the scent of the fresh grass, listening to the noise of the leaves and feeling for the last time this ache that holds my entire body on his grasp.
I thought about my baby boy and I promised him that I was coming to join him right now and I took my last human step. It leads me to a place full a pain, wondering why hell was waiting for me. Didn't I have the chance to see even for a second the face of my child? When I realized that putting an end of my life was against all that I have believe in, the pain disappeared.
I opened my eyes and in front of me was a wonderfully gorgeous man with the loveliest eyes I had ever seen. The only eyes which have bore so much care for me this last years. I was lost. Was I in hell or in heaven to have in front of me the only one that could possibly give me one reason to keep on?
"Esme, your life has taken a non return path. I'm truly sorry to be the one to constraint you into this style of life, but I just couldn't let this happened to you" Carlisle said.
This was just the beginning of his long explanations about what I was now and what kind of life he was given me the choice to chose. And there was my answer, the hope I was waiting for…
"So you see Renesmee" I concluded my story, "even when it seemed that there is no more lighter, don't give up. What doesn't kill you make you stronger. Just keep that in mind and take one day after another. That is sometime the only thing that you can do" I finished by kissing her sweetly on the cheek. I took her face in my hand and stare into her beautiful, warm brown eyes and said "especially when the one you're desperate on, is someone who truly cares about you! Give Jacob some credit; he will came around" I promised her with certainty in my voice." Never lose your hope or your faith in a better day or anything you believe in."
Reviews are welcomed.