Chapter 1

"So, I decided to cut off all my hair and get ten piercings."

"Huh… wait what?" Clary felt color rise in her cheeks as she glanced over at her lifelong best friend Simon. He sighed and gave me the "fess up" look. She hadn't meant to ignore him; you could say her mind was in a different place. Last night Sebastian called saying he wanted to see her, which to most girls a night with their boyfriend was an exciting event, but Clary had to fight back the urge to be scared.

Sebastian had been her second half since 7th grade. Now they were preparing for college on separate ends of the U.S. She had to admit when he got accepted to UCLA, her first feeling was relief. She had decided to stay in Florida; too much had been going on at home lately and her step-dad Luke really needed her.

"Honestly Clary, it's like you're on another planet," Simon's voice sounded irritated but his face looked concerned. "You can talk to me about anything."

"I know Si, I just have a lot going on at the moment. Ever since Jon died things have been hard, and now that mom left us Luke has to sell the bookshop," She said trying to sound tired. It wasn't hard, seeing as sleep had become a dream so to speak.

"I miss him too Clare. Your brother was the only true friend I had, other than you." She loved that about Simon; he always wanted to make her feel better. He was always by her side… Luke even called them the" terrible two." He had gotten much taller during senior year; by now he had to be at least 6'0", and his mossy brown hair fell into his eyes. Clary had to admit he wasn't bad looking.

"It's ok, let's get back to shopping; I still need a comforter set and I was hoping we could stop by that candle shop on the way back."

They made their way through the giant department store towards the bedding department. As they passed a mirror Clary regarded her reflection; it wasn't that she was ugly, she just never tried the way all other girls in high school did. Her long wavy red hair currently sat on her head in a messy bun. She had standard green eyes and was certainly considered curvy. She loved having a sexy body; Sebastian on the other hand hated the idea of other guys looking at her, so she usually down played her looks to keep him happy.

They gathered the rest of her stuff and made their way back to Clary's new loft. Her mother had paid a year's rent before she disappeared so that Clary would stay around for Luke. Jocelyn said she just had to learn to live with Jon being gone. Clary thought maybe she was being over emotional, but Jocelyn insisted she just needed to get away to her art studio down south. The studio was a wedding present from Luke; Clary could understand, her mother had passed her love of art down to Clary. Sometimes she felt like she could pour herself into her sketch book for hours.

It had been five months since her mother left. She would resurface occasionally for dinner or just send a post card but Clary was beginning to wonder when she would stop showing up at all. She couldn't wait to finally start college. Art classes lined her schedule for the summer semester and it made her giddy just to think about it. The drive home was quick and unusually quiet. She glanced at Simon(,) and reached out to grab his hand giving him a reassuring squeeze.

"Are you mad at me Si?"

Simon glanced at her then continued driving "Nah, just worried love… it's like you're in your own world. I miss you Clare. It used to be me and you always, but now days if I didn't call you I might not hear from you for days."

Clary's eyes almost watered. I should just tell him. I would feel better but no one would believe me. Sebastian is just as much his friend as I am. Clary looked out the window; she loved how the trees leaned over the road like lovers eternally reaching for each other. "I'm sorry, how can I make it up to you?" She asked.

Simon pretended to think as they carried their shopping spoils up the stairs and then said, "fine I'll forgive you this one time as long as you come out with me tomorrow night. Consider it my early birthday party. I know I don't go out much but one of the guys from the music store insisted. Clary considered it, getting out for a change would be fun. She wanted to start over this coming year. She was out of high school and wanted to let loose. Clary loved having the top floor of the building, along with roof access, but those stairs were a bitch.

They munched on some fruit in the kitchen; Simon watcher her absent mindedly twirl a fallen piece of hair around her finger. That was the thing about Clary, as beautiful as she was, she didn't feel the need to flaunt it constantly. He had loved her forever. At first he thought it might turn out to be more, but he eventually realized it wasn't going to happen and moved on. He loved being Clary's friend. Any girl who could spend hours beheading zombies and watching Herald and Kumar was considered golden in his book. She looked up from her pineapple slice and yawned. "All right all right I get the message," Simon huffed jokingly. "I have to head out anyhow; I'll see you tomorrow right?"

Clary nodded her head and walked around the kitchen island to give him a hug. "Thanks for all the help today Simon, see you tomorrow." She walked back to her bedroom and plopped down on her unmade bed. It felt nice to be alone; she was tired but sleep, like always, was defiantly not going happen. She rummaged in her night stand and pulled out a small intricately carved box. Sighing she reached in, pulled out a packet of cigarillos and rolled a blunt. Simon never understood. But sometimes, especially lately, she needed to relax. She hoped off her bed and walked into the bathroom. She had originally decided not to get a Jacuzzi tub, but with mom footing the bill, it was hard to refuse. Reaching across the tub she opened up the window to let the cool late spring breeze in, and stripped down while she waited for the hot sudsy water to fill the bath.

She flipped her iPod on with the dock remote and walked back into the room the grab the blunt and a lighter. She saw her phone light up on her desk. It was Sebastian, he wanted to come over and "check on her", a.k.a have sex. He never used to be like that, only worried about when he was going to get another blow job, not until last summer anyway. She had finally given in and had sex with him, only to find out that he had been cheating on her. He swore up and down that it was over... ha!

Chucking her phone back onto the desk Clary walked back into the bathroom and slid into the tub. The water was scalding but she didn't care. She lit the blunt and took a puff. It felt great to relax and ease her body. She was pent up, not just emotionally, but physically and sexually too. It wasn't that she didn't like sex, she just didn't trust Sebastian. She let her head fall back and turned up the music. During junior year their relationship went through a rough patch. Clary had hooked up with a guy on winter break. It was amazing and left her wanting more. Sebastian on the other hand was the epitome of one sided sex.

A/N: This is a revised chapter one. Special thanks to my beta Livybug! Hope you guys love it. R&R