Authors' Note: Hey, all! We figured that Peeta hadn't suffered enough! And you know what that means! It's time for a whole 'nother story!
Disclaimer: We do not own "The Hunger Games" in any way.
One
Katniss sat alone in the woods by her favorite deathpineapple bush. Before the Hunger Games, she had often come here to shoot people from a distance and snicker as they fell over with arrows sprouting from various parts of their bodies. But now, the deathpinapples only reminded her of the fateful ending of the Games…
"Katniss, what are we supposed to do now? We aren't allowed to be on the same team anymore!" Peeta sobbed. "And I LOOOOOOOVE you! I can't kill you!"
"Whatever, Peeta," Katniss snapped, and continued to pick at her nails with a chainsaw. "And when you're done complaining, can you go make me some lunch?"
Peeta forgot about his imminent death and immediately perked up. "I'll go get some of those funny fruits I saw a deer eating earlier!" he exclaimed gleefully, and then ran off into the woods. Halfway there, he tripped over the twitching body of a foam-mouthed doe and fell flat on his face. "I'm okay!" he called back to Katniss, who looked extremely disappointed.
A few minutes later, he emerged from the forest with his arms full of strangely-shaped fruit. "Here you are, Katy-poo!" he said as he handed her one.
Katniss glanced at it and immediately recoiled. Before she could verbalize her disgust, however, the booming voice of Claudius Templesmith filled the arena. "Stop! Stop! Don't eat that! That's a deathpineapple! It'll kill you! I saw that on the Nature Channel!"
Katniss and Peeta, as well as pretty much everyone else in Panem, gasped in amazement.
"There's a Nature Channel?" President Snow demanded from back at The Capitol. He then scuttled into his office and was soon immersed in a program about killer platypuses.
"Anyway," Claudius said, "don't do that! Just let us take you both back home! No need for you both to be obliterated!"
As Katniss sat beneath her shrubbery, Gale plodded up to her. "Hello, cousinkins!" he said, giving her a big grin and plopping down beside her.
Katniss groaned. "I'm not your cousin, Gale!"
"What?" Gale was shocked. "But those wacky people with the cameras said that you were!"
"You AREN'T my cousin!"
Gale's eyes grew wide with horror. "But Katniss," he asked fearfully, "who am I, then?" Before she could answer, he fled from the woods, screaming at the top of his lungs: "I AM NO ONE! AHHHHHH!"
As he ran he inadvertently smashed Peeta's face to a pulp as he trampled him.
Katniss looked over, spotted the cookies he had been trying to give her, and grinned. She grabbed them all and stuffed them all into her face at once, and then headed back home.