Author's Note: So I'm completely obsessed with the character of Faye on Secret Circle and thought I'd try my hand at a Fayana fic because I like the idea of them as a couple. Hope you like it!
If there's a fine line between love and hate then Faye Chamberlain walks it like a reckless acrobat. It's almost admirable how stubborn she is about picking a side. Emotions are messy and the way she sees it, the only way to manage them is deny deny deny. She's pretty good at it too, made all the better with a little help every now and then.
Tonight's a night for back up, her comrade of choice a bottle of Captain Morgan. Daylight has long since faded but she chooses to keep the lights off in the house. Something about the dark makes her feel calm, makes her feel safe, like she's hidden away from the world and can finally take the mask down. Her mother's out for the night, where, Faye has no idea. Probably off on some date with Mr. Meade. The thought almost makes her throw up. Of all people of course she had to date him. Anything to make Faye's life more difficult. Her Mom knows she doesn't approve but continues to see him anyways and it pisses Faye off to no end. Granted, she couldn't give a reason for exactly why it bothered her that they were dating but shouldn't a mother respect her daughter's wishes on principle?
Tipping the last of the glass down her throat, Faye reaches for the bottle of Captain once more. She's on her third drink and things are only just starting to get a little fuzzy. Sometimes she thinks she should take it easy on the alcohol for a while if only to reduce her tolerance for the stuff. That idea never sticks.
The sound of rum filling her glass punctuates the silence of the house, seeming as loud as the roar of a waterfall. Most of the time she likes being alone. She's good at it. But every once in a while the silence feels like too much. It grinds against her ears, threatening to break her down to dust. Normally she'd call Melissa and make her do something but that's not possible. Tonight the Circle is meeting at that stupid little house in the woods and that is literally the last place and the last group of goddamned people she wants to see. She's been ignoring her phone for hours now, watching as it periodically lights up the kitchen. She's even made a drinking game out of it.
Like clockwork the phone lights up again, vibrating across the counter top. Setting the bottle down, Faye takes a swig of her new drink. She glances over at the glowing screen and her curiosity is like a hard screw digging into her side. Which one of those idiots cares enough to check up on her? After a few moments spent fighting with herself she groans, reaching over and snapping the phone up in her hand. "You're so weak" she tells herself, disgusted.
Faye opens the latest text and stares at the screen. Her eyes trace the name of the sender over and over again. Slamming the phone back down on the table she grasps her drink and downs the entirety of it in seconds. This is turning into a hell of bad night and from experience the only remedy is complete belligerence. Abandoning the glass, Faye grabs the bottle and hugs it to her chest as she migrates from kitchen to living room. Plopping down on the sofa, she sweeps dark strands of hair out of her face and exhales, staring blankly up and the ceiling. When her eyes close she sees the text illuminated on the backs of her eyelids.
Diana Meade: seriously faye, where are you? i'm getting really worried.
"Fuck her," Faye spits into the darkness.
It had to be Diana who texted her. Faye knew it would be, she just needed to see it for herself. And now that she has it just makes her feel that much more miserable. Fucking Diana Meade, little miss perfect, the self-anointed leader of the Circle who takes herself entirely too seriously. Faye can only imagine how exhausting it must be to act that moral all the time. She's sure the only reason Diana texted was because she's so desperate to prove herself of being good. She's always doing things like that, nice things that Faye can see right through like glass. By and far Diana Meade is the weakest person she's ever met.
Faye shakes her head as if the action will jumble her thoughts. No. She doesn't want to think about Diana. She doesn't want to think about anything but especially not Diana. Nothing good comes of that. She just wants to drink. And it works, for a while. She drinks her way through the bottle and thoughts become harder and harder to grasp.
The alcohol is about half gone when a knock at the door raises Faye from her haze. Sitting up she runs a hand absently through her hair. "Shit." She hides the bottle behind the couch and tries to stand up. Falling back to the cushion, giggling, she sits there for a moment thinking that maybe whoever it is will go away. For a few seconds there's silence but then the person knocks again, this time louder. "Boooo." Faye pushes herself up again, grasping the armrest for support. She's definitely drunk now but functional enough, she thinks, to hold a brief conversation. "Who the hell could that even be?" She makes her way to the door, wobbling only a little bit of the way, which she considers a triumph considering just how much rum is sloshing around in her stomach. The knocking continues as Faye fiddles with the lock on the door. "Don't get your panties in a twist, I'm almost there!" Swinging the door wide open she looks out onto the porch and her brow furrows automatically. In front of her is the most sobering sight in the universe, a frowning Diana Meade.
Sighing Faye leans against the frame of the door. "Diana…lovely. What brings you out to my humble abode? Doesn't your bossy ass have a Circle meeting to be at?"
As usual, Diana ignores Faye's jab. Faye hates when she does this, it's so much more fun when people take her bait. Diana never does…so boring. "Faye, where have you been all afternoon?"
"My house. Listen, if you just came here to ask me stupid questions then you can leave because I was kind of in the middle of something."
"I've been texting you for hours now and you didn't respond to any of them. And then you didn't show up to the Circle meeting. I didn't know what else to do…"
"I didn't have my phone on me, okay? Jesus Diana, who do you think you are, my mother? If you really want to know I'm feeling a little under the weather so I thought I'd skip the meeting. It was a tough decision to come by though, caused me a lot of pain, I assure you." Faye flashes the brunette a wicked, condescending smile.
Diana sighs. "You should have texted me back. I thought something might have happened to you."
"Like you even care." The words come out louder than Faye intended, hanging awkwardly in the air between them. Throughout their entire conversation she's been having trouble tearing her gaze away from the brunette and this is never good. Because when Faye stares for too long she starts to see things she shouldn't. The fact that there are caramel flecks in those big brown eyes or how her hair is so silky it catches the moonlight and gives off the most ethereal glow. Bad things. Biting down hard on her lip, Faye forces her gaze to the ground. Maybe being drunk wasn't such a good idea. It's making things even harder for her than usual. Faye has quite a few secrets piled up in her life for a sixteen-year-old girl but there's one that sits high above the rest. That one thing that kills her inside, driving her to the brink of insanity and back again every single day. And it's all to do with fucking Diana Meade.
"I do care." Diana's words are soft and she's staring hard at the ground when she says them but Faye hears all the same.
"You...care." Faye's insides are screaming. She's completely exhausted, burned right to the end of her wick. She's been holding onto so many emotions for so long and combined with all the alcohol in her system, a breakdown was inevitable. Faye just didn't think Diana would be standing right-in-fucking-front-of-her when it happened. "What's wrong with you Diana? You're just…you're infuriating!" Faye's stepping forward now, right up in the brunette's personal space, her green eyes burning fiercely. Diana tries to step back but finds herself trapped against the railing of the porch. There's fear in her eyes and all Faye can think is that it's about damn time.
"Faye, what's wrong with you?"
She ignores the question. "God dammit Diana there are just so many things that I hate about you." She beings to count them off on her fingers for emphasis. "You're neurotic, insecure, entirely incapable of cultivating your own personality outside of being Adam's precious girlfriend. But you know what I hate the most? I hate the way you just let people walk all over you, specifically me. If you had any freaking sense you would have already left. No, better than that, you never would have come at all."
"I just can't do that. Faye, no matter how much you hate me or how much it hurts when you try and push me away, we're stuck with each other. That's what being part of the Circle means. We're all each others got and I can't, I won't let that fall apart."
Faye shakes her head sadly. Why can't she just give up? Her heart is about to burst. She's damned if she does and damned if she doesn't and at this point, drunk off her ass and barely holding onto sanity, there's nothing left to do but confess. "I lied before. That's not what I hate the most about you. What I really hate, what drives me completely out of my mind and causes me more pain that you can even imagine is that….is that I can't…"
"You can't what?" Diana's confused, her eyes searching Faye's face like the answer will somehow present itself.
"I...I can't hate you. Not even a little bit." And with that sentence Faye surrenders. Reaching out she cups the still confused brunette's face in her hands and kisses her.
It doesn't feel like she thought it would. And she had thought about it quite a lot if she was being honest with herself. When Faye thought about kissing Diana the details of the where and the how were always a little fuzzy. That's the nice thing about day-dreaming, nothing has to make sense. Every time it would just be the two of them lip-locked for dear life. She never had to dream up how it would happen or the variety of responses Diana could have. But the reality of the action is this. The brunette's lips are soft, softer than Faye ever could of imagined. They're soft but unmoving, making her do all the work. Faye presses on because she knows it might very well be the last time Diana ever acknowledges her again. Deepening the kiss in her head she begs, pleads for the girl to do something. Push her away, scream, pull her closer, kiss back. Anything. But Diana remains frozen against her.
Faye growls in frustration. Her hands leave the brunette's face, sliding down her body to roughly grip her waist. Pulling Diana more firmly against her she slips her tongue into the other girl's mouth. At this point she's not really sure where she's going. Like a reckless pilot she plots on through darkness without the slightest sense of direction. Still nothing.
Ripping her lips away, Faye pushes Diana back with a frustrated gasp. "Why Diana?" She practically screams. "Why can't you ever take the bait?" Faye sways a little, suddenly remembering her drunkenness. Leaning against her house for support she shuts her eyes, chuckling darkly. Diana must think she's completely lost her mind. Maybe that's true.
She doesn't look at her again as she turns and pushes her door open. Stopping at the threshold she sighs deeply. "Goodnight Diana." And the door slams shut.
A/N: So what do you guys think? Worth continuing?