Dinner With the Dibnys
"What are you doing?" That particular tone of voice was downright dangerous. Ralph just knew if he turned around he'd see his wife with her hands on her hips, possibly tapping her foot, possibly sporting the steely-glare of death (he really needed to get her to teach him that). "I repeat, oh husband dear, what are you doing?"
"...counting the silverware."
"Oh for the love of...if you're going to behave like this, then why did you invite him over?" Sue exclaimed.
"C'mon bun, you know how these guys are. They reform and revert and reform and revert. I just wanna try to get in good with the Piper while he's still on our side. He's got this weird sense of humor, so I was thinking if I'm friendly to him now, then when he goes evil again maybe he won't make me do line dances for the news cameras anymore."
"Uh huh." Sue glanced at the silverware. "And what makes you think he's going to steal our forks?"
"...they're nice forks."
"You're being ridiculous."
"He never made you do the Macarena for the ten o'clock news!"
"Mm, dear god, making someone dance! That's pure sadism. Why Ralph, should we have let him know where we live? The things he could do with that information-what if he TPs the house?"
Ralph scowled. "My own wife, mocking my concerns."
She squeezed his shoulder, clearly ready to talk compromise. "Ralph, you're completely right. A lot of the villains do flip flop between sides. But that just shows how difficult it is to make a fresh start. And if everyone treats you like you're about to lapse..."
"I know, I know. And you're right, Piper wasn't ever that bad." Ralph held up a fork. "And our silverware's actually kinda cheap. I guess I wouldn't really miss it if he took some."
"Mm hm. Can you ease up on the paranoia then?"
"I'll do my best. Um...you're not going to tell him about this, are you?" Ralph asked. "Sue...bun?"
Sue only smiled evilly and went to check on her baked spaghetti.