Whatever Aeryn was expecting when she started out her day it wasn't this. From the moment Vigil's Keep was in seeing distance things just went south. The keep was over run by hordes of darkspwan, the Wardens from Orlais all but wiped out, and to top it off the Maker threw in a talking darkspawn. Now after fighting for nearly ten hours straight, Aeryn had a moment to absorb everything and figure out where the hell to start now. The Keep was in bad shape thanks to the mad dwarf's, whom she forgot his name, bomb. Though it had saved their arses at the time it was proving to be a major headache now. The blast had rattled the Keep's foundation and Sergeant Maverlies was very forthcoming in the news that even more darkspawn where now coming in from the basement.
The small band was taken care of but it left just another task to handle. How by the Maker's light did they found a way from the deep road without being noticed? Rubbing her throbbing temple, the warden lowered herself on the Keep steps needing a moment to herself. Her muscles ached, her armor was in need of repairs, and she desperately found herself needing her best friend. Thinking of Alistair had tears burning the back of her throat because no amount of wishing and hoping would ever make that possible.
The stupid bastard had to go be a bloody hero and make the final blow to the Archdemon. They argued about it in the middle of all the blood and horror and Aeryn was so sure that she had done a damn fine job in convincing the Templar that he was needed. That Ferlden needed him bring peace to their homeland. His reply was then his first and last act as king would be to end the blight and there for be one step closer to the peace she spoke of. Then Alistair gave her a long searing kiss, their last one, shoved her out of the way so unexpectedly she didn't have any hope of stopping him. So she watched helplessly as the man she loved deliver the final blow destroy the archdemon and taking his life in the process. What he didn't know, or couldn't, was that it took hers as well.
"Warden Commander."
Taking on last long breath, Aeryn looked up at the young private, "Yes?"
The woman shifted slightly unsure of herself in the presence of the new Commander. "There is a prisoner that you may want to talk to."
The warden was hoping for some further explanation and nearly threw up her hands in defeat when she got nothing else, "A prisoner? Why would this need my attention when there are dozen of wounded soldiers that need to be tended to and bodies that need to be buried?"
"Because it took four Wardens to capture this man and then the attack happened."
This peeked Aeryn's interest, "Four Wardens?"
"Yes Ser."
"Well I guess I should go and have a word with him." She concluded searching for Anders and Oghren.
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Nathaniel heard the footsteps but made no really effort to stand up. He was too deep in memories to be bothered with more questions. Growing up he used to find himself in this very cell either playing a game of hide and seek with his siblings or teaching himself how to pick to locks. Now for the first time he saw it for what it really was. A prison. He was a prisoner in his own home. How was that for irony? Well it seemed like the Maker was just giving him the understanding of it when he watched his father's killer come into view. No matter the time apart, Nathaniel recognized those eyes anywhere. They had haunted his dreams since he was sixteen. Yes it defiantly ironic that the one woman his father had hoped he would marry at one point was responsible for taking his life.
Aeryn's eyes sharpened with recognition as she approached cell barely registering anything that the guard was saying. Out of the people in Ferelden why did it have to be him? The panic slipped out as soon as fast as it entered when he leveled his gaze to hers and Rendon Howe eyes stared back at her. "Leave us." She commanded and was a bit surprised when the guard handed her the key with out any protest. It was just another reminder that no matter how scary it was, she was in charge here.
"Ah, my father's murderer decides to grace me with her presence. Funny, I had expected you to stand ten feet tall and have lightning shooting out of your eyes." Nathaniel spoke breaking through her concentration. Slowly, he pulled himself to his feet his gaze traveling to a point over her shoulder not trusting himself to actually look at her face. Maybe then he would find this all a bad dream of some sort. He had been thinking the same thing over again and again hoping that one day he would wake up and believe it. When he learned that a Cousland had murdered his father, Nathaniel couldn't make himself believe it.
Fergus had been as close to a brother as Thomas was. Nathaniel remembered spending months at a time at Highever chasing Fergus through the halls and rolling in the mud just because it was forbidden at his own home. In spending so much time there he had became close friends with Aeryn, even though most time he brushed her off as his best friend's little sister. So what happened to make his family's closest friends not only turn but murder his father? After being handed this information he turned around and caught wind that it was in fact his father her attacked Highever first, but Nathaniel just brushed that off. His father would have had no reason to do that in the first place.(denial: not just a river in Egypt)
Aeryn braced her hands against the metal bars with a slight curve of her lips, "I never seemed to master that little talent." She whispered and finally his gaze met hers and it felt she had been bashed upside the head with a shield. Maker, the warden silently prayed, give me strength to do this.
The first thing he realized that time had changed her. Nathaniel remembered the red hair girl that would chase him and Fergus wielding a toy sword. She always seemed to just have this light of laughter in her crystal blue eyes and a youthful look about her he couldn't explain. Now that was all gone. Aeryn Cousland was no longer a girl, but a woman. Her crystal eyes were dark and weathered by stress and horrors of the last year. Her face was hard, still beautiful, but had no youth left in it. The sad thing was she could be more than twenty and two years. Nathaniel clenched his jaw trying it ignore the uncertain feelings in the bit of his stomach. "I never pegged you as a killer, Aeryn."
There was so much bitterness behind her name that she winced before recovering and putting on her best defense. She was the Warden Commander now. Aeryn had to remain and stay calm at all times, even when ghost of her past were thrown in her face. "You don't know the whole story." He couldn't and still think that she killed him out of cold blood.
Nathaniel smiled at her in disbelief, "I know that a Gray Warden killed my father in cold blood-."
Aeryn slammed her hands against the bars hard enough she felt it bite into her skin. "Your father betrayed my family. During the dead of night he and his men tore through Highever and slaughtered my family and everyone else in the walls."
"So you say
"So I know!" Aeryn snapped, "I was there!"
Silence filled the room.
"What are you doing here?" She finally asked after some time.
"I meant to set a trap for you, to kill you and avenge my family." Nathaniel confessed and to her credit she remained exactly in the same spot. It would take a hell of a lot more than that to get under her skin it seemed. "However, as I lay in wait, I realized that all I really wanted was something tangible of my family, something to remember them by."
"What will you do if I let you go?" Aeryn asked drained of all energy. She just wanted to curl up in a bed and pull the covers over her head and pretend that none of this was happening.
Nathaniel was puzzled by the question. Was she being serious? Or was she just trying to get a rouse out of him. "I-I don't know." He confessed, "I would come back and this time your guards won't catch me."
Aeryn caught herself before she could laugh, "You're not making a convincing argument for yourself."
"Why should I even bother? You killed my father and most likely can't wait for them to tie the noose around my neck for me to join him."
"I defeated the Archdemon, Nathanieliel. You are certainly more than welcome to try to finish it's job if you like." Aeryn heard the door open and knew she had to make a choice. Hang him, let him go, or conscript him into the gray wardens. The decision should be easy but she didn't want to condemn him to death for something he had no part in.
Varel glanced at the warden before sparing a glance at the prisoner. "Well if it isn't a Howe." He tucked his tongue in his cheek waiting for Andres and Oghren to finally join them. The Seneschal didn't miss the look of distress on both their faces. It was well known that once the Howes and Couslands were great friends and allies. What Varel wanted to know was there any history between these two particular members. "I heard we hard time capturing this one. Many would like to see him hang seeing how it seems unfit that he was protected by these bars while so many good men died during the attack."
Aeryn had no doubt they were already preparing the noose. All she had to do was give the order to put him in it. "Would you like to know what the last thing your father said to me was?" She waited, but Nathaniel didn't react. "I told him that I was going to slit the throats of his wife and daughter so he died knowing my pain. Is response ' Isn't that precious? Is this where I lament the monster I helped create? Let me show you how it's done: I made your mother kiss my feet before she died, it was the last thing your father saw. '
Nathaniel's face remained emotionless, "So you're here to make good on that promise since I'm the last Howe left? Do I have you to thank for the death of my brother and sister?"
"No I realized that after that my anger was towards him, none of you." Aeryn shoved the key into its slot, "Give him his family's things and let him go."
"What!" Everyone spoke the single word at the same time.
"I don't think any of you have problems with your hearing." Aeryn mutter opening the cell and then unshackling Nathaniel from the wall.
"Commander are you insane?" Oghren asked, "You told me what that father of his did. How can you just let him go? Do you like the fact you will be looking over your shoulder expecting death everyday? Did losing that babbling Templar of yours make you suicidal?"
Thinking of Alistair at such a time had tears flooding her eyes. After taking a moment to make sure they didn't fall, the rouge turned back to the three men, "This man is not Rendon Howe. He shall not be punished for crimes that he did not commit. In return I hope he may learn that I did not kill his father out of some sick pleasure. That I had no other choice."
Nathaniel was aware that all eyes were on him as he moved to the chest where his stuff was being held. He had expected death the moment he was captured and told that the Warden Commander would be deciding his fate. If the roles were reversed Nathaniel was sure that he would have done such a thing. Well it looked like one thing hadn't changed, Aeryn Cousland was still unpredictable.
Andres was the first to speak after Varel escorted Nathaniel from the room. "You know Commander I think you may regret this one."
She rubbed the bridge of her nose, "Well if I do, I grant you permission to do a little I told you so dance around my body." She glanced to the dwarf, "Are you both ready for the joining? With any luck I'll finally get rid of you two and get some peace."
Oghren grinned behind his beard, "It's going to take a lot more then that Commander."
"I know." Aeryn glanced at the empty cell wondering if she had made the right choice. She hoped that when she saw her parents in the fade again they wouldn't disapprove of her act.
O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
Aeryn made it back to her chambers just before dawn in desperate need of a few hours of sleep. She was all to happy to finally strip herself of her armor, carelessly dropping them as she made her way through to room to her things. It all arrived the day before the attack and some how managed to be untouched. Making a mental list of things she would need, Aeryn pulled out a pair of riding breeches and froze when she picked up a familiar tunic.
Swamped with emotions, Aeryn pressed her nose to the fabric still amazed that Alistair's smell still lingered. After the defeat of the Archdemon she escaped to that last place they had been which was the bedchamber they shared. Crying and broken heart, She mindlessly picked through the room until she found the shirt that had be carelessly discarded because they had been in such a rush to make love the night before. It was that moment, breathing in his scent and remembering that it truly hit her that he was gone.
Aeryn blinked away the memory but couldn't stop the tears. Everyone said time would heal and that one day she would move on and find another to love. It had been over a year and she still couldn't think of him with out being on the verge of tears. No she was sure that they were all wrong. She didn't think of herself capable of loving some one they way she did Alistair.
Sighing, she placed the tunic on the bed and dressed. Aeryn was careful in removing the one piece of jewelry she wore. A leather strap was around her neck that held her parents wedding rings and a pendant that held a single bud of a rose Alistair had given her. Out of everything she owned or had been given in her travels, these few things were her most priced possessions. They never were far from her grasp because they were the last things she owned of the people she loved and lost.
"I could really use you here." She spoke caressing the pendant with her thumb. "I need you to tell me that I'm doing the right thing. That I'm doing everything that I can to rebuild the order. I need to be sure that I didn't just sign my life away by letting Nathaniel go. That maybe some where deep inside there's that friend I knew so long ago."
The stillness was her only reply.
To tired to care anymore, Aeryn climbed into bed and fell into the fade with her face pressed to Alistair's shirt. Come morning she would face what needed to be done. Even if that meant having to kill Nathaniel Howe for something he had no part of.
O0o0o0o0o0o
Nathaniel watched the dawn break over the keep from his perch about league away well hidden by the deep brush of the woods. He had made it to the shore ready to catch any boat that lead far away from here, but something pulled him back. Why would she just let him go? It was only one of the many thoughts cluttering his mind. Nathaniel tried to convince himself that it wasn't thinking of Aeryn Cousland that made him lose sleep, only her choice to let her go. However, every time he tried to close his eyes he would see the red head Cousland smiling at him with eyes that held so much wisdom and age beyond what she really was. Nathaniel noticed, against his better judgment, that she did finally grow into them.
"Stop." He scowled at himself taking another lose branch to widdle it down. This would make number ten. All the memories of that girl were dead. All his feelings, both childish and none, had to be buried away. There should be nothing left inside him but hatred for Aeryn Cousland.
But if she is the monster you think then why did she let you go? Plagued by the thoughts again, Nathaniel shoved to his feet in a need to pace. Maybe, just maybe, his father's death was his own doing. Maybe Thomas did actually just die in the battle with out any Cousland interference. If Aeryn truly killed his father for selfish reason Nathaniel was sure he'd be hanging by now. He had to go back if only to get that piece of mind before following through on his threat and bringing back his family name.
Frowning, Nathaniel jammed his knife back into its sheath. Fist he would shadow her for a few days and see what conclusion he could come up with on his own before he went back there. Then hopefully Nathaniel could banish any thought of Aeryn from his mind for good. What ever he felt towards her at one point couldn't be anymore.