A/N: This drabble was inspired by the moment in Home when Mercedes asked who had felt fat, not worth very much, have too many pimples and not many friends, and Jesse St. James raised his hand. It just got me thinking… (Also, there was a distinct JG deficit in the episode, so I felt like he needed something). Hope you enjoy!
The alarm clock goes off with a grating buzz – 6:00 am on a Saturday is never easy, but Jesse St. James is a boy who does what it takes. He rolls out of bed; hair disheveled, eyes bleary, and throws on his running clothes out of habit. By 6:10, he's out the front door, running faster and faster. Far from the empty house and the high expectations of his absentee parents, Jesse runs to forget.
By 7:00, he's finished his run, and is in the shower. The water is hot (so hot) and it scalds his skin, but Jesse doesn't feel it. Sometimes it's like Jesse doesn't feel anything.
7:45 is vocal exercises. Jesse's voice runs smoothly up and down adagios and scales. It's easy for him – "A god-given talent!" his mother said (back when she listened). Song after song, Jesse adds pieces to his repertoire. Each one is note perfect, and his Showface gleams with painful optimism.
Jesse allows himself breakfast at 9:00. He pours himself the same bowl of cereal, and eats it. He washes the dishes, wasting time, because he knows he has nothing better to do. It's not like he has friends. It's lonely (so lonely) at the top.
From 10:00 to 12:00 is homework. Jesse never lets his mind wander – his focus dedicated to the task at hand. He likes math. It's simple. It has answers. He can figure it out. Jesse likes things that he can understand.
Jesse, once finished his homework, dances until 1:30. His brain remains on autopilot, feet moving by instinct. His muscle memory remembers the hundreds of jazz hands and box steps that epitomize show choir.
Sometimes (rarely), after he has eaten lunch, Jesse lets himself stop for a moment. He sits and listens to the sound of an empty house. He can't help but think that if he somehow could have been better, more charming, more loveable, his parents would spend less time in Bali, and more time at home. But he can't let himself think that. Not too much anyway. Otherwise his Showface starts to crack.
Jesse St. James is a clockwork boy – day in and day out, the paragon of perfection. Never a missed note, never a missed step, never a word out of place. But underneath, like every teenager (however much he hates to admit it), he doesn't feel worth very much at all.
Hope you guys liked it, found it interesting, or whatever. Feel free to review!