"Why don't you you ever touch me anymore in public, Namjoon?" pouted Seokjin, making his thick lips look even thicker. "I've had plenty of admirers since middle school who would have given me their family fortunes just on the off-chance I would sit on their dick." As he said this, he sat on top of the rapper's vanity right in front of where his boyfriend sat to be able to look down on him and assert dominance as he whined. Maybe then Namjoon would finally give him eye contact in the tiny dressing room they were cramped in.
Namjoon winced. "Okay, you know that you're being ridiculous. Haven't you ever read the hate that people online send to any idol who's rumored to be gay?" he asked, lifting his head to finally look at Seokjin with pleading eyes so their argument would end.
"I'm illiterate. You should know better by now," fumed Seokjin dramatically. "I'm starting to think that all that poetry you've written for me are full of empty words. You don't really-" Namjoon stood up and wrapped his arms around Seokjin, pulling him in for heavy kisses. "Mmm!" protested Seokjin, refusing to reciprocate the kisses. He managed to push Namjoon away far enough to breathe. "You can't just end arguments like that! I demand an answer. I'm starting to think you don't really-"
"Come off it, baby boy. Climb into daddy's lap now if you don't want to be punished. I'm not going to ask a second time," said Namjoon calmly as he took his seat in front of the vanity again, resting his arms on the chair's arms expectantly.
Seokjin let go of his dignity and hopped off the counter. He turned around to sit, but at the last minute decided to slut-drop and began twerking. He was a consummate tease.
Namjoon slapped his ass and pulled Seokjin onto his lap by the pretty man's tiny waist. "Don't make me wait like that," whispered Namjoon gruffly in his boyfriend's ear. "You know I wait on your every last whim. Be a good little boy for me."
"Oh, daddy," answered Seokjin mockingly. "You know just how good I can be. But I think I'm going to get emancipated if you keep neglecting me."
Namjoon sighed, deciding he would make Seokjin pay for his insolence at home later. "I can barely keep myself from kissing you as it is, baby. You know how much I want to cover those wide shoulders of yours with bites," he cooed as he tweaked Seokjin's cheeks. The singer tried to keep a serious face but broke and smiled as his cheeks grew rosy, making Namjoon smile.
Seokjin wrapped his arms around his rapper's neck and Namjoon wrapped his arms around his singer's waist as they both drew their faces in for a kiss. "Are we really going to keep what we have a secret forever?" asked Seokjin, already knowing the answer. "I never thought growing up I could be so in love but then be punished for it like this," he lamented.
"Hey, I know things are bad. But we have each other and society is changing, okay, baby?" Namjoon mumbled into Seokjin's hair as he held Seokjin's hands. "We'll still be happy. Fuck everyone else."
"I know," said Seokjin reluctantly as he squeezed Namjoon's bigger hands. "I just feel so invisible, you know? I mean, all my gay friends think I'm straight." Namjoon cackled. "I don't know how I could even come out to them. Or anybody else! My parents wanted me to marry my last girlfriend. And my career," he began.
"Shhh, don't worry, baby," said Namjoon. He kissed Seokjin's perfectly moisturized forehead. "Like I said last time, heteronormativity is a pervasive force in society that makes all individuals who aren't heterosexual look and feel unwanted in order to erase them completely from the public conscience. And since we're both, you know, bisexual , bisexual erasure is going to force us to be almost at the bottom of the LGBT community because people will refuse to acknowledge the wide range of experiences encompassed by human sexuality, favoring rigid conceptions of what sex can be in order to cement a false dichotomy of who is straight or queer that further distances heterosexuals from sexual minorities-"
"Wow, thank you teacher, you're so smart and handsome," said Seokjin as he kissed Namjoon's cheek. "I appreciate your big theories, but I want to be comforted now. I would kind of expect that from a boyfriend."
Hearing how much he disappointed Seokjin made Namjoon's heart feel compressed. He breathed harder as he tried to think how he could make up for the hurt he caused his angel. "Babe, I'm so sorry. I'm the leader of the band and I don't want to look like I favor any of the members. You know how fans love posting our interactions together. We don't have to change how we act together in public. You know I've loved you long before we debuted." Seokjin almost cried hearing that, but scrunched his face so he wouldn't stain his makeup with tears. "But I'm very uncomfortable with, like, you know, being forced to look gay with the fan service. I tried to deal with the bullies at school who picked on gay kids, I've seen firsthand how stupid they are. I just, don't want people to look at me any differently. I'm still Kim Namjoon, I'm still RM, like, this dope rapper, you know."
Seokjin sighed. "If only people could be more open-minded. Still, you should never stop yourself from doing what you want because of them. You have me, after all!" he said as he batted his eyelashes at Namjoon.
The rapper got flustered and looked down, a blush creeping across his face. His boyfriend was just too cute. "I know. I'm too lucky. I don't what I did to deserve you."
"Just being the hunk that you are," said Seokjin with a warm smile. They kissed again. Namjoon used his tongue to push against Seokjin's lips until they parted and he could stick his tongue inside the other's mouth. Seokjin aggressively took in Namjoon's tongue and the two got deeper and deeper into the kiss. Slowly Namjoon not only dominated Seokjin''s tongue but began pressing down on his boyfriend, holding the light of his stressful and jam-packed life in his arms.
Before long, there was a knock on the door. "Mr. Kim, you are needed on set. The director wants to test the lighting," said a woman that must have been a personal assistant from Big Hit.
"Coming!" both said at the same time. Namjoon glared at Seokjin. He had been hoping to keep the rare 45 minutes of free time they spent together a secret.
"Hey, don't look at me like that, handsome! At least I can proudly say I use my man's last name. How many gays can say that?" joked Seokjin with a note of bitterness.
Namjoon rolled his eyes as he gave Seokjin one last hug before he had to leave his lover behind both physically and mentally. For the time being, anyway.
The rapper seriously considered coming out again as he walked down the empty hallway of dressing rooms behind the set for the music video, whose busy production crew could be heard from a distance. Even if it was career suicide, he thought perhaps there were enough young people pushing for acceptance of queer and trans people that he could be accepted somewhere. Then he wouldn't have to hide part of who he was in private from who he was in public. He couldn't stand living a double life to an extent. He thought of the fun that he and Seokjin would get into later that night, imagining the touch of the beautiful man's tender flesh and the way the light got caught in those beautiful eyes when he read aloud the love poems he had been inspired to write nowadays. He sighed right before making it to the bright lights illuminating the colorful backdrop and the rows of cameramen and makeup artists on set before singing another song about non-existent girls he hadn't thought of in years since becoming an idol. The love he had with his Seokjinnie made it bearable.