Title: Rumble Tumble

Pairing: R. Castle and K. Beckett

Summary: Castles reaction to finding out that Beckett remembers.

Standing there in the observation room and hearing her tell the suspect that she remembered the day of her shooting, that she remembered everything was a very hard blow.

It felt as if though I had just been sucker punched, I had not seen this coming at all. Whenever I asked her if she remembered the shooting, my confession, her answer was always the same, no.

But she had been lying to me for months on end, and now I found out that she remembered, by hearing her confess it to a suspect.

Wonderful way to find out that the woman you love recalled your death bed confession.

Beckett carried on with the interrogation but I couldn't bring myself to focus on any of it, her words from before were replaying in my mind over and over again.

I shook my head trying to clear the fog that had settled on me, I felt numb. Almost dazed really, I took one last look at her in the interrogation room before heading to the door.

I needed to get away; I just had to get away from everything and everyone.

I needed sometime to myself, so that I could really comprehend what Beckett had just said. What she had just admitted and what it meant for our friendship, partnership and that constantly eluding something more.

I made my way to the closest subway station; this had always been something that I had enjoyed doing. Just watching people go about their day, getting lost in the motions so to speak.

Paying for my ticket I clambered onto the first train that pulled up, I settled down onto one of the seats and then just stared out the window.

I felt betrayed, so very betrayed.

She could have just told me that she remembered, there had been so many opportunities for her to just tell me. But she hadn't.

And I couldn't understand why the woman who prided herself on being honest and always sought the truth would lie to me about something like this.

I felt hurt and so very angry, almost furious but I just didn't have the energy to muster up the feeling. The amount of emotion that true fury deserved.

As I sat there staring out the window at nothing, I couldn't help but wonder why she hadn't ever told me the truth.

I already had to convince myself to not forgive her; I would forgive this woman anything it seemed. But I wanted to hold onto my feelings for a while longer, I wanted to be angry at her.

She had betrayed me, had lied to me repeatedly, and it hurt. But I just wanted to go and see her, ask her why, I wanted to fix things.

Get everything back on track between us, but I didn't even know exactly what we were.

It was all so very confusing, I wished that we would talk about the important things not just give subtle hints and talk in subtext.

That was what we needed to do, have a proper conversation.

But I didn't want to push her; I didn't want to take her out of her comfort zone. She could be hurt so easily, and I never wanted to hurt her.

I just wanted to make her happy, I wanted to spend my life with her making her happy, I would give her anything and everything she wanted and needed, thought of, dreamt about and wished for.

I wanted to go to bed with her beside me and wake up the next morning with her being the first thing I saw, I wanted everything with her.

And I had been happy to accept whatever she was willing to give me so far, but now it just didn't seem like enough.

I had given her my heart, but I had gotten nothing in return except for a vague talk about walls after three months of silence.

It was late when I finally got off the train; I walked down the dark streets to my loft. Not wanting to get a taxi, the cold air felt good on my skin and I wanted to stay outside.

I got into the elevator feeling my tummy rumble, I could definitely do with something to eat right now. The elevator ride past quickly enough and before long I was stepping into my home.

"Dad!" Alexis called out, rushing over to me and pulling me into a tight hug.

I frowned slightly over her shoulder as I wrapped my arms around her tightly; my mother and Beckett were standing there watching us.

"Why didn't you answer your phone?" Alexis asked sounding sad yet stern at the same time.

"My phone?" I asked confused, quickly patting down my pockets and not finding it. "I think I may have lost it."

"We were really worried Richard." My mother scolded me as I walked into the kitchen.

"Why?" I asked glancing over my shoulder at the three women while pulling open the refrigerators door.

"Castle!" Beckett barked out as I took a bite of some cold pizza, I resisted the urge to shout at her.

Instead I calmly raised an eyebrow at her, I didn't want to fight with her, but I was done being a push over when it came to her.

"Beckett, join me in my office please." I asked not bothering to wait for a reply; I strode out of the kitchen and to my office.

When she stepped into my office I closed and locked the door behind her, she wasn't running away from this conversation, it was about time that it happened.

In fact it was long over-due.

"Sit down, we need to talk." I said quietly.

I sat down on the one corner of my desk as Beckett settled down onto the leather chair, she was regarding me curiously.

"What's this about Castle?" She asked, I could all but hear that she was on her guard.

"I think it's long overdue that we have a proper talk." I said quietly, I looked her straight in the eye for the next part. "I heard your interrogation earlier."

It didn't take her long to piece together what exactly that meant, I could see her body stiffen while her eyes went wide.

"You lied to me." I said softly. "And I would like to know why."

She was staring down at the floor, I watched her closely, and I wasn't going to push. She either told me or she didn't, it was as simple as that but in all honesty I would prefer if she told me.

"You not angry?" She asked still staring at the floor.

It took me a moment to place her tone, and when I did it was a shock. She was timid; something that I had never heard her be before, something that I didn't even believe was possible for her.

"I want to be." I replied quietly deciding to answer her. "I was earlier, but then I realised that you are you and you must have a reason for it."

She glanced up at me looking surprised all I could do was offer her a small shrug, it was true. I wanted to be angry, I wanted to rant and rave, but I just couldn't. There was a reason why she didn't tell me, and no matter what that reason was I couldn't fault her for it.

"So, why?" I asked curiously, really wanting the answer to my question.

"I…" She started hesitantly only to trail off. "I'm scared."

"Of?" I asked watching her, she looked so very anxious.

Almost like a cornered animal, just wanting to run off. But there would be no running tonight, tonight things would be settled one way or another.

I watched as she got up from the chair and started to pace, her hands moving around nervously. I waited her out, not wanting to startle or rush her.

When she was ready she would tell me, and I was more than patient, after all I had known this woman for over four years.

"Everything." She said quietly not facing me as she continued to pace. "It was all so much to deal with, I had just been shot, and then you told me… And I just didn't know what to do."

I nodded a few times, trying not to say anything. It was hard for me to be quiet at times, but thankfully it seemed as if though that wouldn't be too much of a problem tonight.

"It was all just so much, everything all at once." She said quietly, coming to a standstill in the middle of my office. "I just didn't know what to do."

"His still out there, they still out there." She carried on, glancing up at me before looking away. "And I needed to recover; I needed to get strong again."

"I was vulnerable." She whispered looking back up at me; I was surprised when she didn't look away again. "And I didn't know if you meant it… if it wasn't just something that you said because I was dying."

I tilted my head as I contemplated what she had just told me, I couldn't blame her. It was her reasons, and they were why she had decided not to tell me, they were her justifications.

She believed in them, I couldn't fault her for that. I couldn't be angry, I could probably yell and shout at her and she would take it right now, but that wouldn't get us anywhere.

And I honestly didn't want to.

"I understand, thank you." I said quietly after a few moments. "But Kate, this holding pattern that we in, it needs to change."

She looked so very worried, so anxious and nervous, I couldn't blame her. Whenever we had a serious talk, most of them ended in epic fights where we stopped talking to each other.

"I need to know where I stand with you." I told her softly, getting up from the desk and moving towards her.

"I need more than some vague story about walls." I carried on coming to a stop in front of her. "Waiting, I will do that happily. But not without a reason, not without something to wait for."

I tilted her chin up so that she had no choice but to look at me, there were unshed tears in her eyes. I felt my heart clench at the very sight of them, I only wanted to make her happy.

"I need something to hold onto if you expect me to wait." I said gently, cupping her cheek in my hand. "I need to know that it just isn't me who wants this, I need that and only you can give me that Kate."

"Rick…"

I loved hearing my name come from her lips, it never sounded better.

"I just need to know that you want this as well, that you want there to be an us." I said softly, placing my other hand onto her cheek so that I was framing her delicate face. "I need that now."

We stared into each other's eyes; no words were spoken for the longest time. But I could see in her eyes that she was searching for the right words that she wanted to say something and so I waited.

"I want this." She spoke quietly. "I want you, I want there to be an us."

"Okay, that's all I needed." I replied with a small smile.

She smiled back at me, and I was absolutely astonished when she moved closer to me. Her lips lightly grazing my own before she pulled back with a slight blush on her cheeks.

I pulled her to me, wrapping my arms around her as her head rested against my chest. I kissed her temple lightly.

"Always." I said softly, promised.

"Always."

FIN.