A/N-Basically I wrote this for my good friend Midi-Chan's birthday. It was originally supposed to be longer, but I wanted to finish it quickly, so I guess this is the result. I kind of like the way it turned out though, so I published it here. The pairing is her new OTP, so yeah, she converted me, and now I ship them too. I just realized that I haven't posted in the Homestuck fandom yet, so, here goes. Happy Birthday, Midi-Chan! Homestuck and Problem Sleuth, and therefore Diamonds Droog and Pickle Inspector, belong to Andrew Hussie.
It was a peculiar day for Pickle Inspector, in that he actually had a case of his own. He still hadn't gotten around to fixing his non-existent phone, so most of the cases that came to him came in the form of shared cases with Problem Sleuth and Ace Dick. The three of them had an agreement, after they defeated Mobster Kingpin, whereby the three of them would operate independently, but if they came upon a case that required them to act as a team, they would, and they would split the pay. That had been happening a lot lately, thanks to Ace Dick's constant tangles with Heart's Boxcar and Clubs Deuce, which often required a team effort, since they seemed to have someone smart plotting their moves out, making tracking them difficult.
In any event, someone had come directly to Pickle Inspector this time, a Nervous Broad, with a high height attribute and a teddy bear she kept in her purse. He had been in his fort when she knocked, but had quickly clambered out and opened the door. The Nervous Broad looked over her shoulder as she came in, as if she were making sure nobody saw her. Once she had done that, she quickly slipped into his office and closed the door. He ogled her for a few minutes, then got the nerve up to ask her what was wrong.
She explained how she feels like she's being followed, night and day, and how she knew people were observing her apartment, she had proof, and she wanted to know why. Of course he agreed to find out for her. He told her he himself would follow her around, and then he could find whoever was following her around and ogle them into stopping while at the same time try and smoke out their motives. She told him she was very grateful and paid him in advance before leaving his office.
Pickle Inspector waited 15 minutes to give her time to get farther away before he heads out to catch whoever is following the Nervous Broad. She had a receipt from the dry-cleaners clutched in her hands, so he headed down in that direction, knowing that she would be headed toward him coming back from picking up her dry cleaning, so he can get a good view of anyone behind her without looking to suspicious himself.
Sure enough, he spotted her entering a small coffee shop with a garment bag hung over her shoulder. He entered the coffee shop himself, and used his combined high height attribute and low noticeability to scan the customers. Thanks to his keen observation skills he quickly spoted the man he was looking for, who was standing in line behind Nervous Broad, trying to look inconspicuous. Pickle gets into line himself and watches the stalker. Once he gets his cup of coffee, he sat down at the table next to the man. The man didn't turn his head to look at Pickles but said, "You're following me around."
Pickles spluttered and almost choked on his coffee but regained his composure, little though it was, rather quickly, and said, "W-well, you're following that Broad around, making her Nervous."
The man shrugged. "Yeah, so? You're one of Sleuth's men, aren't you."
Pickle Inspector picked up on the way he said Sleuth's name with such distain. The only person he knew of that would say Sleuth's name like that was Spades Slick, but this man doesn't have Slick's signature knife collection on him, Pickles can tell, and he's taller than Slick anyway. Pickle Inspector went through the known members of the Midnight Crew, and decided, "You must be Diamonds Droog."
Droog scowled and asked, "Now how the hell did you figure that one out?"
Pickles smiled slightly and shrugged, "I suppose I'm just good at investigating," he said, and left it at that.
Diamonds sipped his coffee thoughtfully. This Inspector Intrigued him, but Slick's orders were clear: You get caught, give them the slip and high tail it to the secret hideout. He stood up and suddenly, decided to give into his sudden urge and put his lips against Pickle Inspector's. He pulled back. "I've got to go now."
Pickle Inspector couldn't talk for a minute, and by that time, Diamonds Droog was already halfway to the door before Pickle pulled himself together enough to call out "why?"
Diamonds smirked and turned back, one foot still in the door. "Spades said it was good luck to kiss a private eye." And with that, he walked out of the door. Pickle Inspector gentle set his hands to his lips. The feeling had been, rather…nice. He blushed just thinking about it.