She believed. He lied. It was just that simple. The story of my life in just a few short words. Why did he have to make me so angry? Why did he have to make me so happy? Everytime he got my hopes up, something made them come crashing down. It all started with one question.
"Do you like me," I had asked in our chat session. I figured I'd at least take the risk if I really like this guy. If he said yes then the world would be perfect. If he said no, I'd just have to learn to move on. My heart stopped as I saw he was typing his response.
"Little bit:) Your really cute;)."
By now I couldn't breathe. I was grinning in my seat, trying to contain the screams of joy that wanted to come out. We had flirted back and forth for a little while longer. He got me to open up to him. I told him how I never had a boyfriend and how I never kissed a guy. He thought I'd have my first boyfriend by the end of the year. I never stopped smiling.
He even made the effort to start a new conversation later that night. It was the first time he'd ever started it. I couldn't believe how great an idea it was to ask him the question in the first place. There was just one thing I was afraid of. I was afraid it was going to be awkward when I saw him in school the following Monday.
I was right to be afraid. When I saw him in school, he barely acknowledged me. He acted like we never had the conversation in the first place. He talked to me, maybe twice that whole day. It wasn't even to start a conversation. It was just a meaningless question and a small chat over a stupid little toy he found.
I started a conversation on the computer the next day, but it didn't last more than 10 minutes. Then I saw something that sent my heart crashing down. I saw all the things he said to another girl. He called her perfect. He said he loved everything about her. He told her he would kiss her and never stop.
I felt betrayed. I felt like he didn't mean anything he told me. I felt like I trusted him with everything, just to regret telling him anything. I sought advice from all of my friends. Some agreed with me and thought that it was wrong of him to say those things to another girl. Others sided with him, because they thought he really meant what he said and would come around with just a little time. I didn't know what to believe, though.
He made me so confused. When I was near him, I didn't know what to feel. If I caught him looking at me, I wanted to know what he was thinking. When he talked to me, I was just happy he wasn't completely ignoring me. When he stood right next to me, but didn't bother to say hi, I got angry. When I saw him write to the other girl, I was ready to tear his head off.
I agreed to give him time during our first conversation. He wanted to do "single stuff" before anything between us happened. I understood, but I didn't think that meant getting another girlfriend. I was jealous. I hated to admit it, but I was. I wanted to be the girl he called perfect, the one he wanted to kiss and never stop. All I ever got from him was "You're so nice."
It wasn't fair to me. I'm the one who always had to make the first move. I had to be the one to always start the conversation. I had to be the one to ask if he liked me. It made me rethink his feelings for me. His actions showed how much he really cared.
I thought he would've been different from other guys. He told me so much that I never would've expected. He told me that he was a jerk around his friends, but was completely respectful around girls. He told me that when he took a girl to the movies, he paid for everything, no matter what. He was completely honest with me. I thought that was one of his ways of showing that he wanted me to think good of him. He even wanted to make sure I didn't get the two versions of him mixed up.
I didn't. I chose to believe in the jerk side of him. It was the one he was the most comfortable with showing. The way he treated this other girl was disrespectful to me. After everything I told him, he chose to show me his feelings this way.
Everyone told me he was just nervous around me. They said to just wait like he asked me to. At this point it didn't seem like I would have a choice. If he was going to make me wait, then I was going to make him regret it. I would flirt with whatever guys I wanted. I would go wherever I want, do whatever I want, and have the time of my life. I would show him that he can't control me and that I wasn't going to worry about him. I knew I would be dying on the inside, and just wish he was there with me the whole time.
His relationship with the other girl didn't last too long. She ended up dumping him and just telling him she wanted to be friends. I was so relieved. Until I saw him flirt with another girl. He called her cute and admitted to having a crush on her a few months before. But who knew if he ever stopped liking her?
I felt like he had an endless list of girls, and I would always be on the bottom. I doubted that he cared about me the way I thought he did. I felt alone again. I'd gotten my hopes up, yet again, just to be disappointed. He understood what disappointment was, another thing he told me. I continually told myself not to give up and to just wait a little longer. How much longer was I going to have to wait, though?
My friend started to get to know him better. They had a conversation and the next thing I know, we're all video chatting together. I wanted to kill her and hug her at the same time. Nothing really happened, though. Eventually we all just hung up. Then she invited him to come ice skating with us the next day. I was so excited, because he said he really wanted to go. In the end, he couldn't come. He had to get sick at the worst possible time.
I barely slept the night before, too anxious to see how the skating would turn out. I had my fantasies of us laughing and hanging out. Of us falling and helping each other up. Of us holding hands and gliding across the white ice. So much for that.
My friend called me the next morning.
"We have a problem," she said over the phone.
"What is it?" I was terrified. I had a small idea of what she could mean but I didn't want to believe it.
"You haven't been to my house in forever," she said. A weight was lifted off my shoulders. "But I do have to tell you something when you get here," she said. I went to her house and we sat on the couch.
"What did you have to tell me," I asked, but she didn't answer. She just sat there. "What did he ask you out or something," I asked. I'd been worrying about it ever since she started talking to him, but I didn't think anything would happen. She still wouldn't answer. Finally, she nodded her head. My heart dropped to my stomache.
"Are you serious," I asked, dumbfounded.
"I said no, though, because I know you like him," she said. I was so angry. I wanted to punch the both of them in the face.
She'd been texting someone the entire time I'd been there, but she never told me who. I had a pretty good guess of who it was, though, since she kept hiding the phone from me. I saw this coming. I figured he would fall for her eventually. I walked away so I could give her the privacy she wanted. Then the house phone rang.
"It's your mom," she said, handing me the phone.
"Hello," I answered.
"Hey," a voice said. It wasn't my mom. It was him. I could feel myself about to breakdown. "It's a long story, but I can explain," he said.
"...Okay."
"The weekend you messaged me, I was having a really good weekend. When you asked me that question I thought, 'I could really make her day with this.' It was really stupid and I feel terrible. I regret saying it. I still wanna be friends, though. I'm just really sorry."
I was about to cry, but I didn't want to with him still on the phone.
"I still wanna be friends, too," I said. "But you could've just told me the truth. I wouldn't have gotten mad."
"I know, and I feel so bad."
I sighed. "I'll get over it."
We hung up and I stared back at my friend.
"He didn't mean it...when he said he liked me." She gave me a look of sympathy and ran over to hug me. The rest of the day consisted of trash-talking him and her telling me about their conversations. He told her everything he told me when we had our first conversation, except he told me a little bit more. Not that that helped or anything.
She told me she went to all our friends about him asking her out. Thankfully, they all sided with me. She said they all yelled at her because they all knew I liked him. I was relieved to finally leave and just go home and cry myself to sleep. I didn't cry, though. Part of me wanted to, but I couldn't. I realized he just wasn't worth my tears.
I ignored the both of them for a few days. Whenever she messaged me it was just easier to lie and tell her I'd be ok. When I saw him online I just didn't bother to talk to him. All of our other friends were furious with the both of them. They called him a liar and a jerk. The called her a traitor and a bitch.
I finally couldn't take it anymore. I knew I had to talk to him. Everything was getting way too out of control. I told him I was still mad, but I just wanted to go back to being friends. I told him it was just too weird at school and I didn't want it to be like that anymore. I told him that he really could've been honest with me and I would've been fine with it. I let him know that he probably wasn't thinking in the first place when he told me he liked me if he didn't mean it. Finally, I apologized for the way all my friends were treating him.
He finally responded. He said he wanted to go back to being friends, too. He said he really was sorry about it all and he just wanted to forget about the whole thing. I was glad and I finally felt that I got the closure I needed.
My friend messaged me a few minutes after I had my talk with him. She told me how sorry she was and that if I didn't want her to keep talking with him or seeing him, she wouldn't and she would forget about him. But I knew she didn't really mean it. I knew she liked him a lot and she was lucky he liked her back. So I told her that whatever I said wouldn't change the way they felt about each other.
I told her that I didn't want this to ruin years of friendship with her and a new friendship with him. I let her know that I was worried though, just because she didn't know him all that well. But I assured her that whatever happened, I would be there for her because she'd always been there for me.
I'm still a little upset about it and I'll probably never fully get over it. But I am glad that everything's fixed and my life can start going back to normal. I can finally move on from all the problems that were caused by the risk I chose to take. But that risk might've just made everything better.
I walked into school a week later. He came up behind me and tapped my shoulder.
"Hey, Ali," Drew said.
"Hey," I said.
"How are you," he asked.
"I'm good. I really am." And with that, he nodded his head, smiled, and we walked off to class.
The End...For Now