"Only Once"
It was late night when Ian finally rolled through the house door. He managed to turn around awkwardly and wave his friends goodbye. Muffled happy voices greeted him with enthusiasm, when he managed to close the door with a loud thud.
He stood there for a minute, holding the handle and lying on the door, unsure of his next step. He looked around with cloudy eyes... All the rooms in the shades...
He burped quietly. That surely was hella good party night!
After a minute or two, Ian made first clumsy step and let go the door. He slowly marched towards the living room, trying to be as quiet as possible. Anthony was working whole day today ant it would be evil to wake him up with drunken awkwardness. He reached the light switch.
"Ahhh!" He moaned blinded by the light and covered his eyes with one hand.
After a shock, he crouched and fondled with his shoes until he managed to almost take one off. Still trying to be REALLY quiet, he jerked the heel abruptly. It flew across the room and Ian collapsed.
"I had enough..." He thought and gave himself time to rest on the floor and come back to his senses...
He stood up, still staggering and while feeling much more than tipsy, he noticed that something was really wrong in the kitchen area.
The fridge was slightly open and one chair was lying on the floor. It appeard it was just punched and left there. Opened can of diet soda was lying in a puddle on the table with a company of Anthony's crumpled sweatshirt. He was pretty sure it wasn't him who did it. He wouldn't walk so far...
He regained some more of his soberity, not much enough to get worried though.
Ian continued his struggle to walk straight, forgetting about the mess. He decided to reach the bathroom and have some good, hot shower before he goes to sleep. When he was close to grab the bathroom door, he heard a noise. Very quiet noise. He was sure that Anthony would be sleeping, after hours of mindless editing... Faint noise repeated.
He turned around and strained to hear it again. Maybe his friend was talking in his sleep...
Sound repeated louder and it was Anthony's voice. Like a sob.
"Anthony?" Asked Ian quietly.
He sped up and almost tripped on his own feet. Another sob followed by a loud gasp pushed him towards Anthony's bedroom.
The door were half-opened and he saw him. In a dim light, a figure supporting itself on one of the walls. Ian's mouth opened slightly. That weren't drunken hallucinations. But he tilted his head to make sure he's not mistaking his friend with furniture.
Sobs were more than obvious. Anthony's raised forearm was covering his eyes. He looked downcast and shaken up in the same time. Ian approached and noticed his friend was shaking indeed.
"Anthony? What happened?" He asked anxiously.
Anthony must had noticed him much before, although he didn't move. He also could not stop his breath going crazy. He tried to keep the tears in. After a few seconds, he managed to sqeeze out a few words.
"...I... I'm sorry... Ian." He sobbed louder and landed on the bed.
Ian rushed and sat down on the bed as well, still keeping safe distance.
"What happened? You can tell me... I'm sorry I went for the party..." Ian's eyes could not be more sad in this moment. Blue shade turned to soft tones of late afternoon sky.
Anthony shook his head and sobbed again, clenching his fingers. Even in the weak light, Ian could see how miserable Anthony was. He barely ever could see his friend in such a devastated state. His hair in total mess, eyes wet and numb. Skin seemed unnaturally pale, even in the darkness trying to reach it.
"I'm not angry..." He mumbled but didn't dare to look at his friend's face. "It happened suddenly, as usual... But it hasn't been happening for years like that." He squeezed his eyelids." I just... Couldn't fight it. I was so terrified that this time I can really..."
Ian moved closer and tried to comfort his friend awkwardly. Alcohol seemed to be escaping his system as the situation was getting more serious.
"You should have called me. Or Kalel... Or even 911."
"I didn't want to worry you guys... And she's very busy right now..."
Ian sighed. "Are you better now?"
Anthony nodded quietly, still looking down with single tears rolling down his cheeks. "I'm better. Pretty shaken up, but definitely better..."
"If this is better, I can't even imagine what kind of hell you've been through. I'm so sorry Anthony..." He put his arm across his friend's back. It seemed like the right thing now and being tipsy helped to be more friendly than usually.
"You don't wanna know." Said Anthony emotionlessly. "It's like you're about to die... Over and over again but it never happens..."
"Don't you have some medicines for that sudden stuff? You know, colorful pills?"
Anthony closed his eyes and almost unconsciously, turned his head slowly towards Ian's chest and put it there... Ian made a confused face but the party atmosphere was still present somewhere in his head. As a result, they both landed on the mattress, in one fluid motion.
"Well, he needed someone to hug to." Thought Ian, slightly pressed by his friend's weight. Anthony seemed to be relaxing more. He kept his eyes closed and sobbing seemed quieter, however, Ian could feel his friend's whole body still shaking.
"Calm down Anthony... Everything will be okay..." He started mumbling, trying to hug his friend harder. He could not stand Anthony being so upset. He didn't care how it could look. This was his best friend.
"I know..." Whispered Anthony. "Until I feel like I'm dying again. I can't take pills all my life. I'm not a drug addict..." His voice sounded muffled in Ian's chest.
"You can be one. I love you man. No matter what you do... I'll buy you drugs so police arrests me if they find our dealer..." Replied Ian happily, all the sudden feeling buzz kicking in again. "I know what worries you secretly... It won't be like we're not friends anymore. I'll move out only to a room where you have to drive with your car..."
Anthony laughed weakly, although his body still felt really stiff. And became stiffer. A loud sob came out from under Anthony's hidden face. "I was so terrified! I almost passed out on the kitchen floor."
"What?!" Ian moved abruptly but stopped, to keep his friend in a hug. "Are you sure you're alright?"
"Yes Ian. I perfectly know what's going on. But my emotions don't." His voice was determined this time.
"Oh my god." Sighed Ian again, but louder. "I can't watch you like that... It's feel like I was going through this too. And it's even worse cause I'm drunk!"
"I don't know what to say..." Replied Anthony, opening his eyes. He seemed to be so desperate that it didn't matter if a man's chest was lying under his head. He looked up to see his friend's eyes. "Let's just don't tell anyone about this, okay?"
"Of course I won't. I think there's enough literature covering this topic." Ian smirked. "I've read too much of that shit."
"You're crazy..." Anthony rolled his eyes.
"Not like we're just lying in a classical position to begin gay sex..." He tapped Anthony's arm faintly.
"I don't care. I had the most powerful panic attack ever. Nothing is shameful when you feel like dying."
"Stop that! You're fine! You're gonna worry about this in fifty years, Okay?" Ian was getting irritated. He really wanted to have a shower and was feeling drowsy.
"Okay... Until the next time. It just came down on me out of nothing. I can't-"
"Shut up Anthony!" Ian's patience depleted. "Get up."
"What?!"
"We're going to do something cool."
Anthony wasn't fond of standing up. Neither was Ian. They both walked awkwardly and had to help one another. Anthony's body was really battered and Ian started getting a headache, however he was determined with this idea. Still, untill alcohol was keeping him insane enough. He could not stand Anthony being such a pussy... He respected him so much... But this whining had to finish.
"Take off your clothes." He said casually, when they both entered the bathroom.
"Are you crazy?! I'm not playing this game!" Anthony's personality suddenly kicked back in.
"Oh yes, we're playing this game. Only you and me." Replied Ian, supporting himself on a cabinet. "Take them off, or I'll do it for you." He added coldly. "Go on! No time to lose!"
He crossed his arms on his chest, showing too obviously that Anthony will have to fight him to exit the bathroom.
Anthony's face looked even more desparate. He raised his eyebrows baffled. He wouldn't expect anything like this happening, except maybe in some more spicy sketch.
"I'm waiting Anthony."
"Fine!"
Anthony took off his clothes abruptly, not even trying to be neat. They landed on the floor, including his underwear. He stood there naked, staring at his friend with huge dissaproval, but Ian's eyes stayed cold.
"Happy?"
"Now get under the shower. Hot one."
"Alright..." Anthony was too tired emotionally to make up anything out of it. He just wanted this to finish. He still felt really depressed. And Ian apparently had some alcoholic delirium.
When hot water started going down his body, he understood that Ian's idea wasn't that insane. He closed his eyes, letting the strain to go away. But he didn't need Ian to be there... He relaxed even more and slowly began to ignore his friend's presence. Maybe he just wanted to make sure he was okay? Like he could try to drown himself in the sink. Maybe he went out now?
Water wondered down Anthony's back and it gave him chills. He moaned, surprising himself. There was no worry... He could take all his time... Loud noise of the shower was so calming. He could just stay here and...
"Trust me, Anthony."
Sudden sensation almost made him collapse. His legs became jelly. He gasped for air and tried to escape. His friend held his arm. They both barely managed to balance on slippery floor. Damn Ian was so strong now!
There was no justification for this!
"Let go my butt!"
"No! Trust me on this. Just relax..."