Hell Made of Stone, a harry potter fanfic

I don't own Harry Potter and I don't make any money with this.

Lyrics: "Somebody save me" by Krypteria

This is a sonfic about Sirius' time in Azkaban from his POV.

Hell Made of Stone

I bare my soul, stripped on a silver platter
my back to the wall, blindfolded, tied up, battered
Yearning for someone, someone to end this misery
but will that someone, anyone, ever come and rescue me ?

So this is what hell looks like – I definitely expected it to be much hotter…

There's nothing here except for dark stones and an indescribable coldness.

Ironically, to me it seems to be an image of my innermost feelings becoming reality. For I have not been feeling anything else since they condemned me and brought me here.

Azkaban. The Wizarding World's hell made of stone.

And now I shall be a part of it …How did it come to that?!

The naked walls of my cell seem to be grinning at me. Is it an invitation to carve something into them? Shall I spend the rest of my days counting each and every single lost day on them? Merlin!

And yet…perhaps I'll count…and survive…and one day I'll be free because, "I'm innocent."

None of the guards react to my words when leaving the cell. Well, why should they? Daily routine. It's nothing but daily routine in the hell named Azkaban.

The door to my cell closes with a booming noise. It's getting dark.

xxx

Somebody save me I'm close to the edge
someone to fill me with life give me dreams I never had
Somebody save me and answer my pleas
someone to lift me back up and to put my heart at ease
Somebody help me please

JAMES…NOOOOOOO!

Something rips me out of my horrible dreams into the horrible reality of my cell. Being confused and dazed my gaze wanders about the wall in front of me and the lines on it.

Too many…there are far too many of them.

As if being under compulsion I crawl forwards, holding a small stone in my hand, in order to scratch another line.

I must keep on counting…

My hand starts trembling when I realise that I'm still screaming.

I can't stop…I can't…I must…Merlin's beard, why can't I stop?! The line's about to get uneven…

The bursting of the stone in my fist is drowned by agonised sobs as I slump down at the wall.

"It wasn't me! No…not me…not…me…"

xxx

Outcast, alone, searching but never finding
I'd give my all for a trace of silver lining
Yearning for someone, someone to end this misery
but will that someone, anyone, ever come and rescue me ?

"Is there anybody out there? Can you hear me? Please, hear me…"

I ceased screaming a long time ago. All that's left for me is to whisper to the walls.

Sometimes they speak to me…yes…they're here with me, they're always here with me, around me, holding me…

That thought makes me giggle. I don't know why. I don't know so much anymore. The giggling increases to a hoarse laugh that morphs into a frightened gasp when suddenly one of them floats into the cell.

"No…don't take them away from me! I'll be a good boy. What are you doing here? I'm not happy…how could I be? No, don't take my friends away from me! My mind's the only place where they exist anymore!"

Like so many times before the whiny moaning doesn't affect the creature. A moment later muffled screams echo along the dark hallways. The sounds of an innocent soul that bemoans long lost friends.

xxx

"Sirius! My old friend, wake up!"

I look up from the blood on the wall in front of me and listen. For a moment I thought that…

Blood?

Aghast, I stare at the bloody line which I've seemingly added just now to its many siblings. The horror of my discovery brings about a comprehension so clear I haven't felt in a long time. Suddenly I notice the pain in my bloodied hand.

It seems as if I'm close to the edge. Who called my name? There was a voice I haven't heard in a long, long time…

"Sirius!"

There it is again…behind me…

"James?"

After so many secluded years my ability to speak seems to be nearly lost. That's why a tentative whisper is all I risk in order to prevent the vision from fading. But this apprehension is unfounded. James stays where he is. Right in front of me.

There's not much left for me to lose, can anybody heal these wounds ?
Someone to start my life anew - where's that someone where are you ?

After a considerable amount of time I finally manage to ask myself how it's possible for James to be here. With eyes wide open I stare at the apparition in front of me. My brain tries to find any logic in this situation and fails miserably.

"What are you…but…how's it possible…"

James smiles gently and then he looks at me in a sorrowful manner.

"I'm here to bring you back, Sirius. I'm here because you must remember."

"NO!"

The panic in my eyes doesn't deter James.

"It's the only way. You have hidden us, locked us inside of you for too long."

He looks at me sadly.

"You don't think of us anymore, Sirius."

His words hurt me so much. Whimpering, I crawl to the darkest corner of my cell.

"You don't understand, James…"

He follows me, standing so close all I had to do was reach out in order to touch him. But that's impossible because he's dead! Dead!

"Help me, James! Please!"

I'm yelling at my best friend... But James remains unmoved.

"In the end you're the only one who can do that, Sirius."

"Then why are you here?!"

Impassively, he replies.

"You have suppressed every single thought about us, old friend. I'm here to change that."

For quite some time all I can do is staring at James. Can't he see how painful all of this is for me? James continues talking. Finally, I break down.

"Don't you see? To protect you…they would take you away from me…I can't think of you, because I don't want to lose you!"

I slump down. A sad smile forms on James' lips. In this moment of greatest despair all I want is to fall into the familiar dark abyss of oblivion. But friends don't abandon one another. In a loud, insistent voice James goes on.

"Sirius Black, you're a descendant of one of Britain's most noble wizarding families."

"No, I…" I don't want to hear that.

"You're an adventurer, a daredevil."

"James, please…" Why can't he let me be?

"You're my best friend."

"Please…" I can't stand it anymore!

"You're Harry's godfather!"

"….."

A seemingly endless moment goes by. The madness leaves me, slowly but definitively. I don't feel the tears on my cheeks. When I raise my head to look at James I am completely calm. Our gazes meet.

Harry.

"He needs me."

"Yes."

After a moment of silence I continue.

"Thanks, James."

"It was my pleasure. Good to have you back, Sirius."

His mischievous smile triggers a faint feeling. For a brief moment I am reminded of our schooldays.

Unconciously, my lips lift in a smile. In the next instant it freezes on my face, literally. A foreboding as cold as ice claws its way through my body. The rising panic causes my voice to crack.

"James, the Dementors. They can feel it. They'll come!"

James nods thoughtfully.

"Yes, they're already on their way."

"You must leave. Fade away, disappear, whatever…Hurry!"

I look to the door. Ice crystals are already forming on its surface. When I turn away from the frightening sight James is still there.

"What are you waiting for? Go!"

"Not yet."

My breath's freezing in front of my face while I try to comprehend what James just said. Then all of my rage, fear and despair merge. It makes me scream.

"You're my hallucination. I created you and now I order you to disappear!"

But James just shakes his head.

"Are you sure about that?"

All I can do is to stare at him.

"You can't dismiss me, Sirius."

"Leave me alone!" He had to understand!

"I'm not done here!"

After shouting the last part James visibly pulls himself together.

"Sirius, listen to me! Sirius!"

Something in his voice makes me listen attentively.

"A memory, Sirius, that's your key to freedom. One certain memory."

"I don't understand."

"I know it's still there, Sirius. All you have to do is retrieve it."

For a moment confusion makes me forget even the Dementors.

"Which one? What do you mean? Help me! Please!"

"I have to abide by certain rules. I'm not allowed to help you more than I already have. I can't tell you more. I'm so sorry."

I barely notice him looking at me sadly when his words release a flood of memories in my head. There are so many. I don't even know what I'm searching for!

The onslaught of memories forces me to my knees. Kneeling in front of me James first looks at me then he turns his head towards the door. I follow his gaze despite the swirling images in my head.

Our time's up.

They're here.

xxx

"Sirius."

James looks at me with determination in his eyes.

"The memory. That's the only important thing!" he impresses it upon me again.

I start shivering. It isn't caused by the iciness in my cell but by the chill deep inside me. I know what he's about to do. The Dementors seem to know it as well. They don't approach but linger by the door. They're waiting for James to…

"James, no! I'm begging you…"

If his body were real I would latch onto him. I wouldn't let him go. But all I can do is beg. I know it's not enough.

"Don't ask me not to help my best friend. There's no other way."

Defeated, I lower my head. But suddenly it feels as if James is touching my shoulder. He regards me intently one last time.

"Sirius, Harry needs your help. I'm counting on you."

With that said he rises to his feet and attacks the Dementors.

Pure chaos erupts. Light and darkness, colourful flashes of lightning and bloodcurdling noises mingle with each other. I don't understand what exactly is happening here but there's one thing crystal clear: James is doing everything in his power to protect me, to gain time.

It's this thought that pulls me out of my stupor. The images are still swirling in my head. Faster and faster. But none of them seems to be this important, this vital.

What am I searching for?

Whatever it is I need to find it soon. Judging from the sounds of the battle raging in my cell James can't hold them off any longer.

This time they'll take everything from me. I know it for sure.

Despair wells up inside of me. The noises are unbearable now.

James needs help. And here I am sitting on the ground, useless, because there's nothing I can do!

I bang my fists on the stone floor in impotent anger. Raging like an animal.

Like an…

And then I know.

The flood of images stops abruptly. I can see it before me as if it was yesterday.

My friends and I…when we…

When I come back to reality James is in front of me.

He looks exhausted but smiles happily. He doesn't say a word but I can hear him clearly in my mind.

"Farewell, old friend. Until we meet again."

Then he's gone.

But his protective shield lasts a moment longer. And I take advantage of that.

I straighten up and whisper to the walls for the last time.

"I'm Sirius Black, a daredevil and adventurer. I'm the best friend of James Potter. I'm the godfather of Harry Potter."

I pause and then I smile impishly.

"I'm…a good dog."