A short drabble really. Hope you enjoy. Takes place in Season 7, after the Amazon women episode but before Repo Man.
WARNING: implied dubcon and non-con
Dean has been through a lot. Anyone could vouch for him in that aspect. But, with a doubt, his brother Sam has it so much worse.
I was in hell for 4 months? Psh. Sam was trapped in LUCIFER'S cage for a year and a half.
Alistair made me torture other souls? Sam's memories of hell are so fucking horrible, he's YET to even breathe a word of it. Mr. Share-n-hug it out himself, the person who's always giving him crap for not being upfront about his issues! And now, all Sam sees is the Devil taunting him, and reliving his experiences back at the pit. Endlessly torturing him.
He can never get a goddamn break. Time after time again, Sam has been handed the shit-end of the stick. He felt for his brother, he really did. He wished he could protect him better, like a big brother should, and make all of the trauma...the torture go away. It filled him up with rage and helplessness; he who was supposed to make sure Sammy was okay—failed. And he failed miserably. He knows this with absolute certainty.
Every single night Dean can still hear him whimpering in his sleep. Nightmares that plague his mind like clockwork. And his heart cracks every time he hears his brother cry in terror, sorrow, pain. He wishes he could take it all away. Small meek sounds escape Sam's lips at least once every thirty minutes during the night, where sometimes they rarely form intelligible syllables…and other times he actually cries out his name.
'Lucifer.'
Even worse, sometimes he says something else.
'Please…Stop.'
Sam hasn't mentioned seeing the Devil in a while, which he could take as a good thing. But really, when does a good thing ever happen to a Winchester? If you guessed NEVER, then you would be correct! Dean suspected his brother was hiding the true terrible nature of seeing Lucifer in vivid color.
So the minute Dean heard from the outside door that Sam was talking to someone in their motel room, which was supposed to be completely EMPTY as he'd left on a beer run, he didn't waste any time in shimmying that lock into place and bargaining into the room like if he was being paid for dramatic entrances.
"SAM!" He hollers like he usually does, voice deep and heavy with concern and agitation.
Meanwhile, Sam was sitting at the end of his queen-sized bed, eyes wide and unblinking, looking at his brother with expression that relayed surprise and Dean what the hell do you think you're doing?
Dean was not phased. "Who were you talking to?" He demanded, staring right into his sibling's eyes. Sam looks briefly to his right and then to his left, and then looks at the older Winchester with confusion.
"…Um?"
"Don't play dumb! I heard you talking with someone like five seconds ago." He growled. "Sam, are you having fucking conversations with Satan again because I would like to know that RIGHT-"
"Nonono, Dean." He laughs slightly, shaking his head. It's a nervous tic and he notices it immediately. "I promise I haven't seen him around okay, please calm down-"
"Then who were you speaking with?" Dean crosses his arms, clearly not convinced. Sam gives a half-smile that looks more like nervousness than anything else, and this is exemplified by a timid hand going up to crawl up his neck and scratch the back of his head.
"Uh, promise you won't make fun of me or blow this way out of proportion?" Sam states quietly, hiding behind his mop of hair. Dean blinks at this, both of his eyebrows raising up. Well, wasn't that a red alert, if he ever heard one before. "Okay, I'll bite. What's this about?"
"I was….just talking to a friend on the phone." He said this softly and hurriedly, rushing through each word as if wanting to get it over with.
"You were…talking. To a friend. You. On the phone."
"Is that so hard to believe or something?" He looks slightly offended.
Dean gives a disbelieving chuckle. "Well actually, yeah. Kind of. Seeing as all of our friends and people we care about are dead. Unless, you somehow made a friend without me noticing?..." His questioning tone made it clear how much he doubted that would happen.
"Yeah, I did." His brother said assertively. "Remember that time we had that case with the Amazon women and you went over to 'research' the Cobalt Room?"
"Ugh, don't remind me of that. I really don't want to relive that moment where you shot my…youknowwhat in cold blood." Sam gave him one of his signature Bitch faces, and he looked like he was about to start arguing about that point, something along the lines of she wasn't really your daughter to begin with, she was a monster! but decided to continue on with his initial point.
"Anyways, that night you went to 'investigate' Lydia's apartment, I didn't just stay locked in a room singing myself to sleep. I went over to a local bar to unwind and met a girl-"
"Oh!"
Judging by Dean's leery smirk, he could tell his thoughts were already going to the gutter. "Dude." He groans, feeling shudders just thinking what his brother could be thinking. "No, Dean. She's a friend. We became good friends. All we did was talk and have a good time, nothing more."
It looked like he wasn't buying it, and his eyebrow continue to rise as if amused. "That so? So you become such 'good friends' that you both exchanged numbers. Huh." He winks at him, as if saying I know what you're playing at—the waiting game.
Bitch face #2 from Sam.
"I'm not like you, Dean. I can have a friend who happens to be female and not want something else."
"Uh-huh." He smacked his lips, mostly for show. He knew how much Sam hated it when he did that. "Let's just say I believe you, okay? Which I don't, just letting you know. So what's the chick's name?"
This is the part where Sam looked unusually startled, as if not expecting Dean would ever ask him that..
"Um. Her name is—"
"You DO know her name, right? If you're going by the 'she's just a friend' angle, then you have to know her name, man. No excuses. Now, if she was a one night stand—"Dean teased him.
Sam seemed to get unusually flustered by his last comment. "I-I don't do one-night stands. Well, it may have been only one time or two, but I don't take pride in them and wear them like a badge like you do-"
"Sam. You're stalling."
"Since when did you get so annoying?"
"Sam."
"Luci, okay?"
Uncomfortable silence.
"Lucy?" Dean gives a mild 'huh' sound, but this time looks sort of impressed. "That actually sounds like the name of a girl you'd bring home to meet the family. Well, if we had any remaining family anyway…" He chuckles morbidly.
"I guess we could say you finally found yourself a girlfriend, am I right?"
He wasn't looking directly at his brother when he said this. But when he did make eye-contact with Sam, he didn't expect him to look so horrified.
The look of terror was immediately wiped off but he still looked down at the floor like if he had a particularly nasty secret to hide. "Dude." He muttered.
"You can start saying 'I love Lucy' and not refer to the TV Show." Dean teases once again. Sam snaps his head back fully.
"Dude! I already told you, it's not like that."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever Sammy. I'm going to bed, I'm beat. Tell that Lucy to come and visit me when she's ready." He winks and goes to the bathroom to take a night shower so he can go to bed comfortable.
After what seems like an eternity of waiting for the showerhead in the bathroom to start running, Sam finally exhales, the soothing sound of the shower running and silence permeating the air. He turns his head to the right, where he sees his companion faithfully waiting for him to end his conversation with his brother.
"…So now I'm a girl you met at a bar." Lucifer smirks, crossing his arms looking very amused at the entire situation. Sam shakes his head, wanting to groan, but doesn't want to give the Devil the satisfaction.
"How romantic." He drawls playfully. This time the younger Winchester did groan. He SO did not want to deal with this.
"I panicked. I didn't know what else to say." Sam muttered.
"I really liked the name choice by the way. It's virtually true, since my brothers used to always call me Luci when we were together in heaven. Or at least, before humans were created and messed everything up phenomenally" His tone grew cold and icy. After a few seconds of tense uncomfortable silence, it immediately picked up again cheerfully. "Hey, maybe you should tell Dean the correct way to spell my name is L-u-c-i, not L-u-c-y."
"I think I want to stop having this conversation. I'm tired."
"Okay, Sam. But I just have one last question." The giant man sighs but knows it's a lost cause. "What is it, Lucifer?"
"Why not tell your big brother the truth?"
"Because I know Dean. And he's going to totally flip his shit if I tell him I see you every single day. He'd end up having a frigging coronary if I actually admit I don't mind your company."
He tsked disapprovingly, waging a finger. "Ah-ah-ah, Sammy. You enjoy my company. Don't lie to me." He smiles wickedly. "I'm in your head, remember?"
Sam scoffed. "I enjoy your presence like I enjoy a buzzing mosquito flying around annoyingly. Which is not that much."
Lucifer gave a mockery of a pout. "Hm, judging by that answer, I'm guessing we won't ever get to do what Dean was heavily implying." He threw him a wink so subtle, it could be thought of as an eye-twitch.
Sam didn't get it.
"What was Dean imply—"The sentence was immediately interrupted by Sam choking almost violently on his own saliva, eyes wide with horror. "LUCIFER."
"Ah, remember Sammy. You gotta call me Luci or your dear brother might get a tad suspicious." The blonde man grinned at the Winchester, an oily slick pleasantness in his dark ocean-blue eyes. Those eyes were way too intense…it felt like they were digging into Sam's soul.
"I would, ah…really, REALLY appreciate it if you don't mention absolutely anything that Dean implied, thanks."
Once again, Lucifer seems confused. "Saaaaaam. Sam, I gotta say, you seem uncomfortable with the topic. It's not like it's anything new. Don't tell me you're forgetting all of the fun we had down back at the pit."
"Don't you speak of it.. " The tone was threatening and furious.
"Ah, so you DO remember! For a moment there, I thought I was going to have to remind you." Sam hadn't noticed how close Lucifer had gotten to him until he felt a strong hand grip his thigh.
"Stop it." He says between clenched teeth.
"Stop what?"
"Touching me."
Lucifer smiles a gentle smile. A traitorous lying smile. "But of course. Whatever the boy king wants. As soon as you actually desire for me to stop, I'll do so immediately."
"This isn't funny, Lucif-"
"Ah-ah!" A wag of a finger.
"…Luci."
God. This is what I've come to. Pet names for the Devil. I'm really reached the limit of being a goddamn basket case.
"You really have, Sammy." Lucifer croons, responding to his thoughts. "But what makes you much angrier than my constant presence, is your inability to hate it."
"That's not true-"
"Let's talk honestly here. You have gotten so used to having me around, you actually feel a little sad when I'm gone. And why wouldn't you? Remember Sam…we're two halves that just became whole. M.F.E.O?"
"We are NOT made for each other." Sam grits out harshly.
"Whoa, Sam." Dean's voice interrupts his one-sided heated argument, and he whips his head around, once again startled. His brother had just gotten out of the shower, meaning he didn't actually see him talking to thin air. "Lucy got you mad at that quickly?" He walks to his bed, getting out his sleepwear. Apparently, he was too tired to realize Sam did not have a phone on him or near him at all. He changed quickly into comfortable clothes and laid down on the mattress. "I guess you must really be in love." He snickers silently as he reached out and turned off the lamp on the nightstand. His brother glowers at him with such an intensity, it's miracle he didn't spontaneous combust.
"Are you, Sammy?" Lucifer asks innocently, sitting inches away from Dean.
Sam fought the urge to flip him off, a vein pulsing dangerously at his temples. It's like everyone wants to test his limit today.
"Goodnight, Sam" Dean mumbles sleepily, snuggling into the bedsheets and falling asleep in a matter of minutes. Soon enough, the room was filled with the older Winchester's snores, and Sam refused to stop glaring at the blonde man which moved over to his bed a couple of seconds ago.
They stared into each other even though the room was completely pitch-black, so a better term to use might be they stared at each other's silhouettes. He couldn't see his face, but Sam still knew with a certainty Lucifer was smiling. It seemed like hours passed by before he broke their staring contest, and laid his head down on the pillow. He doesn't bother changing into comfier clothes and gives Lucifer his back as he attempts to find a good position on his bed.
Another long bout of silence.
And then…
"What, you'll watch over me when I sleep?" Sam whispers, holding on to his pillow as if it brought him protection from his imaginary 'friend'.
"Don't be ridiculous, partner. I go wherever you go. Don't worry, I won't disappear." Lucifer smiles once again, and he can feel it even if he's not looking directly at him.
"…You have before." Sam can't stop the word vomit, and he feel a rush of heat in his cheeks when he realizes what he says. It sounded like he—
"Missed me." Lucifer's low voice permeated his eardrums with such a finality, it sends shivers down his spine.
This doesn't feel right.
Sam's breaths are coming out harsher than usual, and his stomach drops with dread.
This SHOULDN'T feel right.
"…See you in your dreams, Sammy."
A look inside Sam's interaction with Lucifer that long stretch of time where we didn't see Mark Pellegrino until Repo Man. Sam was still seeing Lucifer, but we weren't seeing it. Thanks!