author note: This was written a few years ago. I managed to find it on my computer. I tried to fix most of everything without changing the story completely. Although, I'm not sure where exactly I was trying to go with this and I'm not sure if I'm going to try to continue it.

He stared at me with those eyes…those eyes. They always appeared before me every time I try to have fun. It's not my fault. I didn't do anything. Nothing like this is ever my fault. Yes, that's right. It's NOT my fault.

"But I can't look away…" I thought. Something in those eyes sparkled. It attracted me so deeply my heart couldn't resist. I knew had to walk away but…

My eyes lingered from his eyes to his quivering mouth, then to the rest of his body. Why am I giving him up? No…I'm not giving him up; I'm leaving him. It's not like I still love him.

I am supposed to be walking away from him. Doesn't he understand? Somebody else stole my heart from him. It's not like he kept my heart locking it in the cage of dedication. He knows me and that he has lost me, but here he is clenching onto my wrist like a child tightly clutching the dress of his beloved mother. I don't understand. What keeps him going?

I felt the warmth of his hand wrapped around my wrist. It was relaxing on this cold day. He looked down at my hand hoping that I'd stop staring at him with such expressionless eyes. I glanced at his hand and noticed the goose bumps that covered his hand. Was he cold? But he felt so…so warm. I softened my eyes and looked at his face. This man…he—

"I…I…" He began. I noticed his eyes darting from me to his feet. He closed his eyes and straightened himself out. He looked at me again, this time with courage shining in his eyes. I carefully watched his body motions. I felt his courage and nervousness that I couldn't quite contemplate. People passed us by not bothering to stop and observe. The New York scenery buzzed by, not caring for a thing in the world, not even two poor people standing on the sidewalk looking like worthless idiots. …Idiots…right. All of a sudden he tightened his grip on my wrist and I winced from the pain. I would've forced him to let go by now but something in his eyes stopped me from doing so. I waited, restraining my pained expression.

I looked to my right. Cars... They passed by quickly minding their own business. The people in the cars seemed as if they were running out of time. They were rushing, as if they didn't care for anyone who passed by them, anyone who could be in danger. Kidnappers, thieves, murderers, molesters…they didn't care, as long as it didn't interfere in their life. Then all was fine and dandy. Such reality is painful to look at.

A parking meter caught my attention. The person who had paid fifty cents had gone over his limit. If a police came by and saw, surely the car would get a ticket. Oh…no…never mind, that car already has a ticket. I giggled inside. No one would have paid the meter anyway unless it was the owner himself. Like the people passing by in the cars, the people on the sidewalk don't care.

I looked to my left and stared at the tall house. It was very noticeable since the front was very flashy. There were lots of lights set up as if it was already prepared for the upcoming holidays. The house was so big and it looked so cozy. There was a brown rocking chair on its porch in front of a curtained window as if indicating that the people living there were very relaxed. The door stood in the center of the porch and to the left of it was another window. The curtains weren't drawn so you could look in and see the family room. A coffee table stood in the center. There were sofas to the right and in front of it. On the left side of the table was a nice-looking fireplace with a family picture set on top of it. The room looked so cozy…I became jealous and pouted, wishing that I lived in such a comfortable home like this.

I looked back at him again, remembering that he was there. How much time had passed since I observed my surroundings, anyway?

He tried to begin his sentence again. He opened his mouth slowly while his whole body trembled as if it hurt to open his mouth just to say a few words. I looked at his eyes and they were wincing. I furrowed my brow and wondered what was wrong. He looked like he was trying to keep his eyes open with all his might.

"You should blink once in awhile, psycho." I thought sarcastically. I just happened to smile a little at this thought when he actually blinked his eyes. The next thing I knew he was on the cold pavement with his hand still clenched to my wrist.

It was like slow motion as he slowly fell down. My body felt a bit of his weight pulling me down but I still stood there. I looked down at him with shock. His body was trembling and half curled up in an awkward position. His eyes were closed tightly and he was panting very deeply. Color drained from his face as the warmth slightly disappeared from his palm.

I looked around to see if this was really happening. But of course, no one stopped to help. No one did. I slowly realized what was going on. Why now of all times? Why? Why? Not when…not when…

I couldn't finish it. Panic rose in me and I didn't know what to do.

"The hospital! No. I can't I wouldn't be able to pay the bills either way. Maybe the apartments? It was the closest after all…"

I looked at him and saw that his eyes were slightly open. He looked to see if I was really me and he smiled. After that, he closed his eyes. His hand let go of my wrist and it fell in a slow, at least in my sense, motion. It collapsed on top of his chest.

Oh my God…is he dead? Dear God, don't let him be dead… Is he just unconscious? I didn't know. All that went through my head was his name.

"MARK!" I screamed. I collapsed.

"No…not now…not when…not when I don't... When I don't…when I don't…love you anymore…"