Second One Shot to First Kiss
When Liara shows up in my quarters before Ilos, it surprises me. I thought our relationship had been limited to her room. It's quiet out of the way and I didn't mind it either. We'd talked about the galaxy and everything in her room. It felt safe, warm, and inviting from our long evening chats.
Here though, it feels intimate and scary, something I haven't experienced yet with her. She is in my space.
"I don't want to be a coward when we could all die tomorrow." When she steps gracefully toward me, I step back like some dance. Every knows, I'm a terrible dancer.
"Liara," my voice catches in my throat. I clear it nervously. "Liara." Stepping toward me, she kisses me hard. Her hands touch me and I stiffen. No one has touched me like this except…the memories hit me and I shove her away. Finding myself in the opposite corner away from her, arms folded over my chest, my knees threaten to buckle.
"By the goddess, Shepard, please forgive me. I thought- I thought you felt the same way." Her eyes are big now and there's tears threatening. If she were human, her cheeks would be red. I step toward her, forcing down the memories.
"Oh, I do," I growl, so frustrated with myself… with my dumb body. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just…It's just…."
"Are you a virgin, Commander?" she asks. "I thought you said you had experience?"
"What? No…I mean, yes, it's just been a long…long time," I say embarrassed, raking my hand through my hair. "Not since I was kid in the gutter." I can't tell her…not yet. Too private. Too scary. So much for big god-damned Shepard.
"Goddess," she whispers. "I'm sorry. I didn't…I just assumed." Stepping toward her, I grab her hands and sit on the desk feeling more like myself. I stroke my thumbs over her palms, relishing the touch. "I just assumed…you're so confident with everything you've encounter."
"Please, stay," I say. "We can try. It's just…go slow with me, okay? Are you a virgin?" I lift both eyebrows, hoping… so her expectations won't be too high.
"Shepard…" she says embarrassed as if she doesn't know what to say. She's an Asari after all, even a shy, innocent Asari gets some, but not this old commander.
"It's okay. It's not like I am…not really." I can't meet her eyes again.
"You're telling me that after ten years in the Alliance you never? Not once?" she asks again. I shake my head. "There are rumors about Alliance officers."
"Oh I know and people have tried. If they tried too hard I'd just put them on their butts. I'm sure not all humans are bad." Lifting an eyebrow, I give her a sideways look.
"But this Asari?" Her smile is amused.
"Yeah, Asari in general, but you know you're special, babe. We've been through a lot and not a lot of people can look at me like I'm not some tool."
How did she get so close again? She has somehow gotten between my thighs, sending bio-electricity through me. She feels me tighten again.
"Slow," I warn. She lifts her eyebrows.
"Not slow enough?" she asks. "I won't do anything unless you ask." I look up at her demurely and give her a smile that isn't a smirk.
"Will you kiss me?" I ask her. Tilting her head, she gives me a chaste kiss only, but she doesn't pull very far away. We are centimeters apart, breath intermingling, and her eyes on mine to see if that is okay. Her body presses against mine. My eyebrows knit together and I lean to kiss her harder. She returns it.
Fire runs through me and her hands are back on me. The memories start flashing again. I grab her wrists, gasping, trying to reach her lips, desperately. The memories hurt, dragging into my and stabbing me like knives, but I want her.
"Shepard," she says worried. I growl fiercely.
"I want you, Liara," I say. "I want you."
"It's hard not to…not to touch you," she tells me concerned. Her hands stretches out to me, but relaxes before they touch me. "Maybe if you talked about it?"
I don't release her. I slide off the desk and lead her to the bed. I can feel her hesitancy.
"Sit," I command."I don't want to talk about it. I want you." I rake my hands through my short hair again. Why does the have to be so hard!
"Let's try something different then," she says, full of empathy. "I'll try my hardest, but I won't touch you. You can touch me…anywhere you like." She smiles at me invitingly.
My mouth goes dry.
"Would you like that, Shepard?" she asks me. Man is this a dream? Would I like that ever.
"Liara," I say, words getting caught in my throat again. She smiles a silky smile as she lays back on the bed, sliding up. Her suit is so tight on her, sucking into all the right places to show off her perfect curves.
My heart thumps hard against my ribs when I bend down and kiss her cheek teasingly.
"Shepard, please," she says. So I kiss her lips again, moving down her throat. I have never had a partner like this. My body is raised over hers carefully.
Someone so willing and docile under my touch. She groans, grabbing the bedsheets, but she doesn't touch me again.
I dig my hand around her waist and she groans like I've just done something amazing. My eyebrows drop as as I rake my hands hard against her lower back. She moans again, slamming her head back into the pillow. I push my my hands under her jacket and shirt and start to gently rub against the folds of flesh there.
"Goddess, Shepard…harder," she demands breathing heavily. I drag my nails across the folds and she screams my names, eyes going black. "Are you sure you haven't had recent experience with Asari?" She says after she has calmed down. Looking at me, I see she is troubled.
"What is it?" I ask her, leaning on my elbows, still straddled across her, but not making contact. "Do you not like this?"
"I love it. I just wish I could return it," she admits after a moment, biting her lip. Sighing, I stare down into her gorgeous blue eyes.
"You will. I promise. Let's not ruin this," I tell her. She nods.
I lean in and kiss her again, parting her lips with my tongue. My hands find that spot again.
Her eyes spark to mine full of that power. A spasm of blue biotic energy covers her uncontrollably. It's warm, touching something deep inside of me. I catch my breath as she collapses beneath me. Her eyes are shut as she moves against the bed.
"You're a beautiful woman, Shepard," she whispers to me. I dare to press our clothed bodies together, burying my face into her neck. Her biotic power surges through me, running over me like a warm blanket, dipping through my clothes and tickling my skin.
My breathing grows heavier. "Can I touch you like this, Charlie?" she asks, using my real name. I nod against her, heart fluttering. "Keep your eyes open, on me."
She positions me so I'm flat on my back. She looks right into my eyes as she sends her biotic power over me again. I don't know how to describe it. Warm and vulnerable and gentle power roiling over my skin.
I begin to kiss her face and neck and the biotic energy fizzles and dissipates.
"Shepard," she says, laughing "I can't concentrate."
"I don't care. I want you," I whisper and throw my hip over hers and flip her over, easily. "I want you so bad." I start to unbutton her jacket, and she releases her biotic power to roll over me again.
Gasping, I press my forehead to her heart. The only thing separating us is are thin undershirts. The closest I've been to another being in so many years. She holds me there, both of us gasping. This intimate crazy moment, where both of us just want to please the other lover.
She gasps when I touch that secret spot again. Her hand touches my side and it's like electricity. I whimper, but push myself to keep kissing her neck, forcing myself lower. Her hand is back to the bedsheets, grasping at them desperately.
"I can't do this, Char" she gasps, tears running down her cheeks. I return to her face, stroking away her tears.
"Don't cry," I beg. "Please." I don't know how I can fix this. I'm messing it up. True panic sets in. I'm really messed up realize. A lot more messed up than I thought and now I'm going to hurt the greatest person in my life before our death mission against Saren. I look into her blue eyes crushed.
"I want you so bad. I'm going to hurt you and you'll never forgive me," she says.
Realizing she's blaming herself, I sigh. Dear sweet woman, what are we going to do with each other?
I nestle down into the crook of her arm, wrapping my arms around her. She carefully touches me again and places her cheek on the top of my head. It feels so good and I leak out a tear. I don't even remember the last time I've cried.
We stay there until I think she's asleep, but then she starts talking.
"Please tell me now, Shepard," she says. "You were driving my body mad."
I give a grim smile.
"You're not the first," I admit to her, trying to joke, but I can see the worry in her eyes. "Come on. Let's get more comfortable." She removes her jacket the rest of the way. I take off mine and smile at her, but that's as far as we go.
We climb under the sheets as we are, but stay sitting up. Then, I pull her to me and this time her head's on my chest.
I'm all scrappy muscle compared to her. I can feel her soft arms against my abs. Having someone this close to me, reminds me how small I am. Most women are much curvier than me and most of the men I work with have twice as much muscles as I have.
Having more muscles doesn't equal how strong you are though. I learned that a long time ago. A scrappy, strong, fast, and intelligent fighter could easily take down a much larger opponent. I kiss the crest on her head.
She groans, because my fingers have found the ridges along her back too.
"Shepard, please," she begs, shifting out of my grasp.
"One more time for me?" I ask her, moving down to her lower back with more confidence. She tenses under my touch.
"Goddess, even your hands are magic on me," she says. "You know I'm never letting you go now."
"Even though…I'm a stupid idiot and can't let you touch me like a sane person or make proper love?" She straightens, positioning herself on top of me. She sits there on my hips, her hands on her thighs and she kisses me hard.
"Yes," she says. "I'll find a way, we will find away. Now tell me." She shakes me and slides back down to my side, as if she's made out of liquid instead of person. I watch her and smile.
"You're beautiful."
"Charlie Shepard, don't keep me waiting."
I sigh.
"The only way to survive on the streets is to find a crew. So I found one and I was a stupid, little girl. I could beg for them and they'd keep me around to mess with me. I didn't have a choice, know? They'd make me.
They all did it. It's just what they did, for fun, for comfort, I don't know, but they messed around like rabbits. If I wasn't half starved I'd probably ended up with a kid, but I fought my way out and joined the Alliance instead.
I mean, I never even put it together until tonight. That I could actually give someone pleasure, because we both wanted it, because I love you so goddamned much."
In horror, I realize what I'd said. "Oh crap, Liara. I know that was too soon." My cheeks are so red now, because I'm really messing this up bad.
So much for the big goddammned hero, Shepard. Her one true weakness, love and Asari. Who knew?
"It's okay, Shepard. I knew, I sensed you wouldn't enter into a relationship lightly," she says. "I didn't understand why until now. I just thought it was because losing your first crew and having to survive such unendurable conditions and how the Alliance treats you."
"I'm much more messed up than that," I admit. She strokes my face. I meet those gorgeous beautiful eyes.
"Let's try something different then," she says. "Why don't we try melding?"
"Really…are you sure?" I ask her. She nods.
"There isn't anyone I would rather meld with," Liara says shyly. I kiss her cheek, hold her hands.
"I know it's special to you. What do I do?"
She smiles at me, gets onto her knees, knocking the blanket off of me accidentally in her excitement. She recites some funny words and then the black returns to her eyes.
Then, it's like I'm somewhere else. Flying at a startling speed until I hit something hard and in front of me is my perfect blue Asari goddess.
She smiles at me, embracing me, and it's like she's nothing but pure biotic power instead of person. In the darkness, all I can make out is a shaded form. My heart pounds in my chest like a hammer. I realize she's staring at me like I'm her favorite desert. Then, she wraps around me and…
Just before I black out from the bliss, she whispers, "Mine. Mine. I love you, Char."
I awake in her arms and she's already up. Confused, I blink, she's reading a datapad and there's a cup of coffee on my side table.
"What time is it?" I ask her, rubbing my eyes.
"Early. You still have time to rest," she says, pleased with herself. I'm laying against her still in my undershirt and pants, arm across her stomach. "You barely let me up to get this. I thought I was going to have to drag you down to the mess while you were still sleeping."
"You took off your jacket and got under the covers again?" I ask her, lifting an eyebrow.
"I wanted to cuddle…and, maybe I was hopeful," she offers with a wicked smile. I grin at her and nibble on her stomach. "Goddess, Shepard. I don't think my life was a life until I met you." Her hand touches my hair and running through it. "You're the most beautiful star in the sky."