TITLE: Dissent
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Four years pre-TPM. Non-Slash. Obi-Wan questions Qui-Gon's decision to return to a planet engaged in civil war.
ARCHIVE: Please ask me first.
FEEDBACK: Always appreciated.
MY WEBSITE: http://www.angelfire.com/movies/obithekid/
DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.
========
Dissent
========
"No, Master. You are not thinking clearly on this. I know that you believe yourself to be the correct choice for this mission. But I also know the trauma that you experienced on Velaar. I was there, in case you've forgotten. I saw what you saw. Felt what you felt. There are too many horrible memories there. I agree with the council's decision not to send us, even though the leaders have requested us by name. You gave into your anger on that planet, Master. Just for a moment, but you gave in. And I know what you will say. That we must confront our fears. Confront our greatest challenges. Not this, Master. Do not defy the council on this. No matter what your heart tells you, listen to the Force. The Force is screaming at you not to go. Let the council handle this. You are not prepared for this and you know it. As I am not prepared. This is a mission that you cannot handle."
Qui-Gon Jinn glared hard at his apprentice throughout the young man's speech. When the lecture finally stopped the elder knight spoke angrily. "Are you finished?" He paused, but Obi-Wan did not back down as Qui-Gon continued. "I do not require disrespect from my apprentice. You will follow the orders I give. If I chose to revisit Velaar, I will. If you wish, you may stay at the temple until I return."
"It's not disrespect, Master. It's the truth. You just can't see it right now because your mind is filled with the images their civil war. The slaughtered children. Crying mothers holding their dead sons and daughters. We were put in a position where we could do nothing. The laws of the planet making our direct interference a crime. Our job there was to attempt to convince the leaders to stand down. To value life. To communicate rather than murder. They didn't want us there. They hated us then and they hate us now."
"Then perhaps, Obi-Wan you would care to tell me why they have asked us to return?"
The younger Jedi sighed deeply. If only his master would open his eyes and see the truth.. "Only one side has called for us, Master. Only one of the warring parties. They want to use us as a tool. Our words have no affect. But we are Force users. You saw the look in General Ilan's eyes when he saw how we were able to take out two dozen of his finest guards in less than sixty seconds. He wants to use that against his enemy. He has no respect for what we are or what we do. He has no respect for human life. He is about power and nothing else. Once he uses us, he will get no greater pleasure than to watch our reactions as he murders more of the women and children of his enemy. Then he will have power over us. Emotional power. And he will claim another victory. I will not allow you to be drawn into that, Master. I will speak to the council myself if I have to."
The anger did not leave the master and it continued to show in his tone. "You will do no such thing, Obi-Wan. And you are out of line in saying so. The council have had their say. I know what their feelings are on this. I have my own feelings. I know I can make a difference there."
Obi-Wan walked across the room. He shook his head and turned his back to his teacher as he spoke. "You can't, Master. Your presence there won't matter one damn bit to those who are suffering. To those who are dying. Perhaps there are ways to make a difference, but it goes far beyond what the Jedi can offer. Please, Master. Consider everything. You remember the nightmares we both had after that mission. The fear we both felt when we woke up in the middle of the night begging for the senseless killing to stop. How long did it take us to return to the point where we felt safe to fall asleep? I don't want to go through that again. I don't want to watch you struggle to keep your emotions in control each time you see a child. I remember that pain in your eyes. They were haunted for the longest time after we returned home. You tried to hide so much from me, but at times the fear and anger overwhelmed your shields and I knew what you were putting yourself through."
"I sought the Force..." he managed to get in before his apprentice continued.
"Not as you should have. The Force only made the images worse. And it made you even more uncomfortable. You didn't allow the Force to comfort you as it could have. You didn't seek it for answers. You saw what memories it presented you with and you ran from it. I know you did, because I did the same. But I found my way back. You have yet to do that. You haven't come to terms with that you saw on that planet. And now you want to go back? Now you want to bear that burden again? There is nothing that your presence will do to help the suffering people on Velaar, Master. Nothing. You have to accept that. There are some things that even the all-powerful Jedi cannot change. Some things that the great Qui-Gon Jinn cannot change."
Obi-Wan paused as he allowed the words to sink in. He'd never spoken to his master this way before. Sure, they'd had disagreements in the past. Even arguments about which was the correct course of action to take during certain missions. But this was the first time that the apprentice had ever been so demanding and emphatic in his words to his mentor. Perhaps it was disrespect. But as Obi-Wan had already stated...it was the truth. And he would not sit back and allow Qui-Gon to put himself through the same hell again.
Now he awaited his teacher's response. He awaited the consequences of speaking to the Jedi Master the way he just had.
Qui-Gon knew what his student waited for. Yet the anger that filled him right now, he knew, was not completely directed at the boy. Part of it was directed at himself for allowing the negative emotions to so completely control him. Slowly he took in one deep breath after another. He needed to control that anger before addressing the young man who now stood on the opposite side of the room gazing out the large window.
Before he could find the calm to have his say, Obi-Wan broke the silence.
"Master," he said from across the room. His eyes focused on several ships that passed by in the Coruscant skyline. "Master, I know I am out of line with how I have spoken to you. I have no right to do so. But I needed to make you see this from a point of view other than your own. I only spoke to you as I did because I know how much our mission to Velaar hurt you. I was there. And I don't enjoy seeing you hurt as you did after our time there. I care about you, Master. However I am prepared to accept any punishment that you wish to impose on me. I am sorry, Master. But this is how I feel on this matter. And if you continue to insist that you go back to that planet, I will continue to voice my opposition to it. As your apprentice and a Jedi, I will do what I can to keep you safe from what I know will harm you."
He wandered from the window and towards his bedroom. He had said all he could.
The familiar baritone voice from behind halted his steps momentarily. Obi-Wan hung his head and waited, his back facing Qui-Gon, for his master to speak to him.
Qui-Gon's voice was still filled with emotion. Anger. Frustration. He was agitated by his apprentice's words to him in the past few moments, but at the same time was able to feel the concern coming across their bond. Obi-Wan had left himself open. All his thoughts and feelings were there as he spoke against his master. The words had been out of concern, not out of any negative emotion as Qui-Gon had been guilty of.
The big master chose his words carefully.
"Obi-Wan."
"Yes, Master," he replied without glancing back.
"Thank you for your concern. It means a great deal to me. But I still feel that I can do some good by attending this mission."
Obi-Wan turned to face him and was about to say something. Qui-Gon held his hand up to stop another lecture. "Let me finish. I do feel that I can be of assistance to those who suffer. However, I have let those images rule over all else. I have heard your words and appreciate their meaning. Perhaps I have not considered everything. I will meditate on what you have said and on my own feelings. Any decision I make will be thought through, I promise you. And should I decide to indeed go, I wish you to be at my side. If you refuse, I will understand. But your support and presence would be most comforting to me."
More than anything, Obi-Wan had hoped that his master would not ask that of him. He had no desire to return to that horrible place, but the thought of Qui-Gon going alone...that thought feared him more than anything. His mind warred with his heart on this. And just as Qui-Gon did, he also needed time to seek the Force. To allow it to lead him to a decision. "I will meditate on that, Master. As you will where it concerns your decision. Good night." And he disappeared into the bedroom, the door sliding shut behind him.
~~~~~~~~~
The couch in the common area had been transformed into a bed over night. Obi-Wan found Qui-Gon stretched out on the soft cushions the following morning. A thick blanket half covering the man's large frame. The young Jedi smiled and straightened the cover over his master's slumbering form. The quiet sounds of the padawan moving through the common area however, were enough to cause Qui-Gon to stir. He woke to find his apprentice staring at him from the chair nearby. And as he sat up and shook the sleep from his head he knew the question he needed to answer.
"Perhaps you have grown so much since you first became my apprentice, and you have grown so wise, that your words penetrated my mind and stayed with me through the night. I believe that the Force has other plans for you and I. It has led me away from Velaar. I believe that I can help there, but I know now that I cannot go. I will discuss with the council other options. The people who suffer on Velaar...we must not allow that to continue. But there are other ways."
Obi-Wan nodded shortly, relief in his blue-green eyes. "Thank you, Master. The Force led you correctly. I'm relieved, as I did not find my answers in the Force and the decision of whether or not to go with you...I am glad that I no longer have to make that choice. There are times when, regardless of the suffering, we must step back and see that our power is not all that we believe it to be. There are situations that tie our hands and limit our influence. This is one of those times, Master."
"And there are times when a master must surrender his authority and submit to the younger and in this case, wiser apprentice." He took a moment to lock his gaze with Obi-Wan. "The Force made the final decision for me, but you and your concern made me realize the true depth of this issue and how profoundly it had absorbed me. Our mission to Velaar will live with me forever. Those images I will never truly be free of. To go back..."
"I know, Master. That is why I was so determined to convince you otherwise. Emotionally, it is not something that either of us would be able to cope with now."
Obi-Wan felt through their bond that Qui-Gon was considerably less tense than yesterday. He was pleased to see his master more relaxed. And now they needed to move on.
"Master Yoda called before you woke. They have a new mission for us."
Jinn shot a look at the young man. "He knew I would be steered away from Velaar. So he prepared something to keep me occupied. I assume it's on a planet that is in the complete opposite direction of Velaar."
"Yes, Master. As a matter of fact..."
"I should have guessed. Maybe it's for the best. Force our minds to focus elsewhere. Does he wish to meet with us this morning?"
A lopsided grin as Obi-Wan said simply, "Yes, Master."
"Very well." Qui-Gon stretched as he got up from the couch. Obi-Wan came to stand next to him and his eyes smiled as his master draped a long arm around him and pulled him close for a moment. "We should get cleaned up then. Get something to eat and see what awaits us."
"Are you okay, Master?"
Again touched by the concern, Qui-Gon squeezed the smaller Jedi's shoulder. "I will be, Obi-Wan. As long as you keep me in line when I stray further from course than I should."
"You aren't upset with me for the way I spoke to you last night?"
"No. At the time I was. And it upset me. You've never spoken to me like that before. But I know now why you did it. Thank you."
~~~~~~~~~~
A short time later, master and padawan walked towards the council chambers. The memories of Velaar and of the horrors still going on there, still present in their minds. Perhaps someday they would return there. Perhaps someday peace would find the planet. Perhaps someday the Jedi would come to terms with the horrific images that they were witness to.
END
AUTHOR: Obi the Kid (hlnkid@aol.com)
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Four years pre-TPM. Non-Slash. Obi-Wan questions Qui-Gon's decision to return to a planet engaged in civil war.
ARCHIVE: Please ask me first.
FEEDBACK: Always appreciated.
MY WEBSITE: http://www.angelfire.com/movies/obithekid/
DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. The characters not recognizable from this venue are copyrighted to Tracy C. Knight. The story is the intellectual property of Tracy C. Knight and is copyrighted to her. She makes no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.
========
Dissent
========
"No, Master. You are not thinking clearly on this. I know that you believe yourself to be the correct choice for this mission. But I also know the trauma that you experienced on Velaar. I was there, in case you've forgotten. I saw what you saw. Felt what you felt. There are too many horrible memories there. I agree with the council's decision not to send us, even though the leaders have requested us by name. You gave into your anger on that planet, Master. Just for a moment, but you gave in. And I know what you will say. That we must confront our fears. Confront our greatest challenges. Not this, Master. Do not defy the council on this. No matter what your heart tells you, listen to the Force. The Force is screaming at you not to go. Let the council handle this. You are not prepared for this and you know it. As I am not prepared. This is a mission that you cannot handle."
Qui-Gon Jinn glared hard at his apprentice throughout the young man's speech. When the lecture finally stopped the elder knight spoke angrily. "Are you finished?" He paused, but Obi-Wan did not back down as Qui-Gon continued. "I do not require disrespect from my apprentice. You will follow the orders I give. If I chose to revisit Velaar, I will. If you wish, you may stay at the temple until I return."
"It's not disrespect, Master. It's the truth. You just can't see it right now because your mind is filled with the images their civil war. The slaughtered children. Crying mothers holding their dead sons and daughters. We were put in a position where we could do nothing. The laws of the planet making our direct interference a crime. Our job there was to attempt to convince the leaders to stand down. To value life. To communicate rather than murder. They didn't want us there. They hated us then and they hate us now."
"Then perhaps, Obi-Wan you would care to tell me why they have asked us to return?"
The younger Jedi sighed deeply. If only his master would open his eyes and see the truth.. "Only one side has called for us, Master. Only one of the warring parties. They want to use us as a tool. Our words have no affect. But we are Force users. You saw the look in General Ilan's eyes when he saw how we were able to take out two dozen of his finest guards in less than sixty seconds. He wants to use that against his enemy. He has no respect for what we are or what we do. He has no respect for human life. He is about power and nothing else. Once he uses us, he will get no greater pleasure than to watch our reactions as he murders more of the women and children of his enemy. Then he will have power over us. Emotional power. And he will claim another victory. I will not allow you to be drawn into that, Master. I will speak to the council myself if I have to."
The anger did not leave the master and it continued to show in his tone. "You will do no such thing, Obi-Wan. And you are out of line in saying so. The council have had their say. I know what their feelings are on this. I have my own feelings. I know I can make a difference there."
Obi-Wan walked across the room. He shook his head and turned his back to his teacher as he spoke. "You can't, Master. Your presence there won't matter one damn bit to those who are suffering. To those who are dying. Perhaps there are ways to make a difference, but it goes far beyond what the Jedi can offer. Please, Master. Consider everything. You remember the nightmares we both had after that mission. The fear we both felt when we woke up in the middle of the night begging for the senseless killing to stop. How long did it take us to return to the point where we felt safe to fall asleep? I don't want to go through that again. I don't want to watch you struggle to keep your emotions in control each time you see a child. I remember that pain in your eyes. They were haunted for the longest time after we returned home. You tried to hide so much from me, but at times the fear and anger overwhelmed your shields and I knew what you were putting yourself through."
"I sought the Force..." he managed to get in before his apprentice continued.
"Not as you should have. The Force only made the images worse. And it made you even more uncomfortable. You didn't allow the Force to comfort you as it could have. You didn't seek it for answers. You saw what memories it presented you with and you ran from it. I know you did, because I did the same. But I found my way back. You have yet to do that. You haven't come to terms with that you saw on that planet. And now you want to go back? Now you want to bear that burden again? There is nothing that your presence will do to help the suffering people on Velaar, Master. Nothing. You have to accept that. There are some things that even the all-powerful Jedi cannot change. Some things that the great Qui-Gon Jinn cannot change."
Obi-Wan paused as he allowed the words to sink in. He'd never spoken to his master this way before. Sure, they'd had disagreements in the past. Even arguments about which was the correct course of action to take during certain missions. But this was the first time that the apprentice had ever been so demanding and emphatic in his words to his mentor. Perhaps it was disrespect. But as Obi-Wan had already stated...it was the truth. And he would not sit back and allow Qui-Gon to put himself through the same hell again.
Now he awaited his teacher's response. He awaited the consequences of speaking to the Jedi Master the way he just had.
Qui-Gon knew what his student waited for. Yet the anger that filled him right now, he knew, was not completely directed at the boy. Part of it was directed at himself for allowing the negative emotions to so completely control him. Slowly he took in one deep breath after another. He needed to control that anger before addressing the young man who now stood on the opposite side of the room gazing out the large window.
Before he could find the calm to have his say, Obi-Wan broke the silence.
"Master," he said from across the room. His eyes focused on several ships that passed by in the Coruscant skyline. "Master, I know I am out of line with how I have spoken to you. I have no right to do so. But I needed to make you see this from a point of view other than your own. I only spoke to you as I did because I know how much our mission to Velaar hurt you. I was there. And I don't enjoy seeing you hurt as you did after our time there. I care about you, Master. However I am prepared to accept any punishment that you wish to impose on me. I am sorry, Master. But this is how I feel on this matter. And if you continue to insist that you go back to that planet, I will continue to voice my opposition to it. As your apprentice and a Jedi, I will do what I can to keep you safe from what I know will harm you."
He wandered from the window and towards his bedroom. He had said all he could.
The familiar baritone voice from behind halted his steps momentarily. Obi-Wan hung his head and waited, his back facing Qui-Gon, for his master to speak to him.
Qui-Gon's voice was still filled with emotion. Anger. Frustration. He was agitated by his apprentice's words to him in the past few moments, but at the same time was able to feel the concern coming across their bond. Obi-Wan had left himself open. All his thoughts and feelings were there as he spoke against his master. The words had been out of concern, not out of any negative emotion as Qui-Gon had been guilty of.
The big master chose his words carefully.
"Obi-Wan."
"Yes, Master," he replied without glancing back.
"Thank you for your concern. It means a great deal to me. But I still feel that I can do some good by attending this mission."
Obi-Wan turned to face him and was about to say something. Qui-Gon held his hand up to stop another lecture. "Let me finish. I do feel that I can be of assistance to those who suffer. However, I have let those images rule over all else. I have heard your words and appreciate their meaning. Perhaps I have not considered everything. I will meditate on what you have said and on my own feelings. Any decision I make will be thought through, I promise you. And should I decide to indeed go, I wish you to be at my side. If you refuse, I will understand. But your support and presence would be most comforting to me."
More than anything, Obi-Wan had hoped that his master would not ask that of him. He had no desire to return to that horrible place, but the thought of Qui-Gon going alone...that thought feared him more than anything. His mind warred with his heart on this. And just as Qui-Gon did, he also needed time to seek the Force. To allow it to lead him to a decision. "I will meditate on that, Master. As you will where it concerns your decision. Good night." And he disappeared into the bedroom, the door sliding shut behind him.
~~~~~~~~~
The couch in the common area had been transformed into a bed over night. Obi-Wan found Qui-Gon stretched out on the soft cushions the following morning. A thick blanket half covering the man's large frame. The young Jedi smiled and straightened the cover over his master's slumbering form. The quiet sounds of the padawan moving through the common area however, were enough to cause Qui-Gon to stir. He woke to find his apprentice staring at him from the chair nearby. And as he sat up and shook the sleep from his head he knew the question he needed to answer.
"Perhaps you have grown so much since you first became my apprentice, and you have grown so wise, that your words penetrated my mind and stayed with me through the night. I believe that the Force has other plans for you and I. It has led me away from Velaar. I believe that I can help there, but I know now that I cannot go. I will discuss with the council other options. The people who suffer on Velaar...we must not allow that to continue. But there are other ways."
Obi-Wan nodded shortly, relief in his blue-green eyes. "Thank you, Master. The Force led you correctly. I'm relieved, as I did not find my answers in the Force and the decision of whether or not to go with you...I am glad that I no longer have to make that choice. There are times when, regardless of the suffering, we must step back and see that our power is not all that we believe it to be. There are situations that tie our hands and limit our influence. This is one of those times, Master."
"And there are times when a master must surrender his authority and submit to the younger and in this case, wiser apprentice." He took a moment to lock his gaze with Obi-Wan. "The Force made the final decision for me, but you and your concern made me realize the true depth of this issue and how profoundly it had absorbed me. Our mission to Velaar will live with me forever. Those images I will never truly be free of. To go back..."
"I know, Master. That is why I was so determined to convince you otherwise. Emotionally, it is not something that either of us would be able to cope with now."
Obi-Wan felt through their bond that Qui-Gon was considerably less tense than yesterday. He was pleased to see his master more relaxed. And now they needed to move on.
"Master Yoda called before you woke. They have a new mission for us."
Jinn shot a look at the young man. "He knew I would be steered away from Velaar. So he prepared something to keep me occupied. I assume it's on a planet that is in the complete opposite direction of Velaar."
"Yes, Master. As a matter of fact..."
"I should have guessed. Maybe it's for the best. Force our minds to focus elsewhere. Does he wish to meet with us this morning?"
A lopsided grin as Obi-Wan said simply, "Yes, Master."
"Very well." Qui-Gon stretched as he got up from the couch. Obi-Wan came to stand next to him and his eyes smiled as his master draped a long arm around him and pulled him close for a moment. "We should get cleaned up then. Get something to eat and see what awaits us."
"Are you okay, Master?"
Again touched by the concern, Qui-Gon squeezed the smaller Jedi's shoulder. "I will be, Obi-Wan. As long as you keep me in line when I stray further from course than I should."
"You aren't upset with me for the way I spoke to you last night?"
"No. At the time I was. And it upset me. You've never spoken to me like that before. But I know now why you did it. Thank you."
~~~~~~~~~~
A short time later, master and padawan walked towards the council chambers. The memories of Velaar and of the horrors still going on there, still present in their minds. Perhaps someday they would return there. Perhaps someday peace would find the planet. Perhaps someday the Jedi would come to terms with the horrific images that they were witness to.
END