The pain was unbelievable. Head was pounding, skin burning, heart racing. Every nerve of his being seemed like it was on fire. However the kind of pain he was in wasn't the surprising part. In fact, it was to be expected from what he had just gone through. What was unexpected was the fact that he was still feeling anything at all. After all, he should be dead.

Shepard made his choice. The reapers had to be stopped, but using the Crucible to destroy them would have caused more damage than it was worth, killing all synthetic life in the galaxy, including the geth, for whom Shepard went to great lengths to form a peace with as well as grant them true individuality. EDI would have also been in the line of fire. So there was only one choice: he had to use the Crucible to control the reapers. If he did that, he could make the reapers leave the galaxy, putting a permanent end to the cycle. The only catch was, he had to give up his physical form to do so.

He forced himself to walk, even though every fiber of his being was screaming for him to stop. Every step felt like a shot in the leg, but he couldn't stop. He had to keep moving. He had to stop the reapers. He could almost hear the Illusive Man saying that he was doing the right thing, that he was making the right choice. Even in death, that bastard couldn't shut up. It was ironic. Shepard had been fighting against the Illusive Man, who claimed he could control the reapers with the Crucible. Now he was doing just that. Shepard, however, wouldn't be using them for his own personal armada.

After one final push, Shepard was at the control. All he had to do now, was grit his teeth and hang on. It was at once the hardest choice he had ever made and the easiest. His life for billions of others. That made the choice easy. What made it hard was people he'd be leaving behind. Even as his body was being torn to shreds, Shepard's thoughts were on his crew, his friends, his family. Joker, with all his terrible jokes, a man so in love with his ship that he was actually dating the ship's AI. Garrus, a soldier through and through, always finding ways to optimize their weapons through seemingly endless calibrations. And Tali… It looked like she'd be building that house on her own now. It was fine. As long as she was alive.

Totally worth it.

Light assaulted his eyes as they peeled open, exacerbating the throbbing in his head. He was less disoriented after getting put back together in Project Lazarus. There shouldn't be any light. There shouldn't be anything. Pain, sensation of any kind, there should have been none of that. Any other man would speculate that this was what the afterlife was like. However, Shepard has had the unique experience of spending two years legally dead. It didn't feel like this.

It took almost a minute for Shepard's eyes to begin adjusting, and longer still to start making things out. Slowly but surely, blurs formed into shapes. Shepard began to make out where he was. The destruction, the familiar architecture, there was only one place that he could be. He was back on Earth.

Shepard tried to wrap his head around what was happening. The commander was certain he was just moments ago ripped apart by the Crucible in order for him to take control of the reapers. He should be dead. Shepard got to his feet, his head still ringing from whatever it was that happened. He looked around to try and figure out just where he was, but began to notice that something was off. He was in front of the transport beam to the Citadel. He looked over himself: his armor was relatively intact and he still had the refurbished M-7 Lancer he had gotten from the Citadel archives. After narrowly avoiding a blast from Harbinger, Shepard's N7 armor was left a charred husk, and he was left with a dirty carnifex. Before he could even speculate what was happening, the sight of Harbinger firing at him got him moving. It was only after Shepard saw the rest of Hammer charging the conduit that he realized what was happening: he was reliving a past event. The Catalyst did say that he would retain his memories after he gave up his corporeal form. However, something didn't feel right. The commander clearly remembered charging the conduit with Garrus and Tali close behind him. There was a shot from Harbinger and the two of them were injured and had to be extracted on the Normandy. He saw Garrus behind him, but Tali was nowhere to be seen. Shepard was sure she was behind him. He was sure. For a moment, there was panic. The commander knew that the only way that this would feel like a victory is if she survived. He knew what he had to do. It was the only choice that made any sort of sense at that moment.

Shepard turned back.

He moved faster than he thought he could. The soldiers heading toward the conduit were all shouting, asking why he was going back. Shepard blocked them out. There was nothing that could stop him for going back for Tali. Not the soldiers, not Garrus, not the Illusive Man's voice imploring him to go for the conduit. Nothing.

The commander kept running, but still there was no sign of Tali anywhere. Everything began to blur. Shapes melted into streaks as he ran past them, and the noise began to wane as he moved forward. It was like he was going through a tunnel, with a bright light at the end of it. Shepard didn't really notice it. He was too focused on getting to Tali to think about anything else. As all the sound began to fade, he heard a clear voice. Not Tali's or the Illusive Man's. It was Anderson. He only said one thing.

"Shepard!"

The commander glanced back, seeing Anderson injured. Shepard remembered the Illusive Man forcing him to shoot the admiral. The look on his face, it wasn't a questioning one, or the look of disapproval. It was one saying, "keep going." Shepard wasn't about to argue. A few more steps to reach the light.

He couldn't really tell when it started, but everything began to take shape again as he got closer to the light. But instead of the dull grays of crumbling concrete, there was an earthen red color, brought on by an orange star. It was hot, too. Almost like an Earth desert. It was only when he stopped to catch his breath did he realize where he was. It was Rannoch, the quarian home world. Tali's home world. Seeing Tali step foot on this planet was something utterly profound. She was mostly quiet, taking everything in. She claimed a spot where she would build a house. Shepard told her he would help. It was a beautiful thing, seeing so much hope and liberation from a few small steps. It was a serious boost to his morale.

The commander didn't have much time to reminisce. Once again, he was thrust back into the thick of the action. He realized he was about to face off against a reaper destroyer. This day was getting better and better. He had to end this quickly. It was a good thing he had the Synch Laser that Admiral Xen had made. He had to admit, it felt pretty good bringing down the full firepower of the quarian fleet on that reaper. Getting to do it again was an added bonus.

The reaper went down as easily as it did the last time. Easily for a reaper that is. It was dead and he was still alive. Just like last time. But something still seemed off. Nothing about this trip down memory lane seemed right. Back on Earth, and now here on Rannoch, there was something missing: Tali.

He remembered very clearly. Legion was about to upload the reaper code he obtained to the rest of the geth, giving them true intelligence and individuality. Tali was there for that. She finally fully accepted that the geth were more than just machines, that they could be allies. But this time, she wasn't there. It didn't make sense. If these were his memories, then why wasn't Tali there? Was he losing his grip on her memory? If so, how long would before he started losing everything? The Illusive Man's voice kept gnawing at him, telling him to just let it go. But he couldn't. He couldn't just let it go. Shepard's thoughts were interrupted when he heard a familiar electronic voice.

"Shepard Commander."

Shepard turned.

"Legion…"

"You must keep going."

"Where? Where can I go?" Everything was just so confusing. Where was he supposed to go? What was he supposed to do?

"You must go back."

"Wha…" Shepard started to lose his footing, and was unable to save himself as he fell from the cliff he was standing on. The last thing he saw was Legion looking down at him. Then the world went black.

Shepard opened his eyes. Everything had shifted again. Instead of dirt and rock, there was smooth, bright metal, marred by scorch marks and shattered glass. He was on the Citadel, during Cerberus' attempted coup. The day Thane was mortally wounded by Kai Leng. In that case, he couldn't just lie around. Shepard crawled to his feet, grabbing the Avenger rifle on the ground and started moving. He wasn't sure why he had come to this memory. Tali hadn't even rejoined the squad at that point. Whatever the reason, he would just have to go with it. Like Legion said, he had to keep going. If he kept going back, maybe he would run into Tali eventually. Hopefully.

Shepard made his way to the nearest elevator and headed to the Presidium Commons, where he knew where most of the fighting would be. The commander was certain now that things were playing out differently than he remembered. He didn't really have time to think about it too much. It seemed that each time he jumped into a new memory there was inevitably someone or something trying to kill him. That didn't leave him much room for interpretation.

As soon as the elevator door opened, Shepard was met by the sound of gun fire and screaming. The commander had to hurry. Kai Leng was gunning for the Council, and he had to stop him. That's what happened last time. And maybe, if things were happening differently, he could stop Kai Leng before he stabbed Thane. Maybe if he could do better this time, he could save his friend.

The Cerberus assault troopers went down easily. Without any additional defenses, they weren't very tough. A singularity followed by a warp blasted them around quite nicely. The Guardians had riot shields, but they were easily ripped away with a biotic pull, leaving them defenseless. The Centurions were a bit tougher. Their kinetic barriers were fairly resistant to biotics. Shepard would have to rely on his rifle to take out their shields in order to get at them. Combat Engineers had laid down some automated turrets, but a few cluster grenades would make short work of them. The Nemesis snipers and the Phantoms were the most difficult. A warp followed by a throw was effective at stripping the Nemesis' shields, leaving her open for Shepard's assault rifle. The Phantom proved to be even more of a challenge. While her biotic barrier was vulnerable to warp attacks, she was extremely agile, being able to dodge them, and her tactical cloak didn't make it any easier. Shepard had to get in close, avoiding her sword attacks, to deliver a warp at pointblank, letting him finish her off with a biotically charged punch, sending her over the edge of the balcony they were on.

With the Cerberus forces out of his way, he could get to the salarian councilor before Kai Leng murdered him. He knew the Cerberus assassin was coming this time. Shepard wasn't going to let him get the better of him. Shepard came up to the room where the Councilor Valern was hiding. As he expected, Kai Leng was there in the room, about to carry out his mission. The commander used a biotic throw to blast through the window and slam the Cerberus assassin into the wall. Shepard jumped down into the room, ready to finish Kai Leng. Before he could make another move, the commander was stopped by a familiar voice.

"Shouldn't you be focusing on stopping the reapers?" It was the Illusive Man. Shepard turned and saw him, or at least a holographic projection of him, as usual.

"What is this? What's going on?" Shepard demanded.

"You're on the wrong path, Shepard. This isn't how things went the last time is it?" His usual smugness deeply irked Shepard. But it made him think. He was doing things differently. Should he be? Before he or the Illusive Man could say anything else, there was a shot, one directed at the holographic projector the Illusive Man was using. It was Thane.

"Shepard you have to go."

"Thane!" Shepard made a step towards, but Thane fired a few more shots, this time at a recovered Kai Leng.

"Now." With that, the drell sent a biotic throw at Shepard, sending him through the door. There was nothing he could do but watch as the two assassins engaged each other. It was the last thing he saw before his surroundings began to change again. Once again, he was powerless to stop it.

Somehow, Shepard new where his next stop would be. Tuchanka, the krogan home world. The day when the genophage was finally cured. It was also the day Mordin died. At that point, Shepard was recognizing a pattern to these flashbacks: they are all moments when close friends had died. If that really was the case, he was sure how much more of this he could take. Living through these events once was enough. Now, to be forced to relive them, it was almost too much to bear.

As was quickly becoming tradition on this little trip, Shepard's thoughts were brought back to the moment when he realized what was going on at the moment. He was being shot at by another reaper. He had to deal with that before he could move on. Unlike on Rannoch, the commander didn't have sync laser to call down the firepower of a fleet to take the reaper down. No, he in fact had something far more satisfying and somewhat ironic: Kalros, the mother of all thresher maws.

Shepard's experience with thresher maws hasn't been very pleasant, to say the least. His infamous mission on Akuze saw his squad devoured by the things. This incident would scar Shepard for the rest of his life. It had marked him ways no-one could ever truly understand. However, one person came close to.

On Tuchanka, Shepard has had two memorable encounters with thresher maws. The first was when he was helping his krogan squad mate, Grunt, complete his rite of passage into adulthood. In the final part of this rite, they faced a thresher maw, on foot. And not only faced it, but killed it. They were the first to do so since Urdnot Wrex. Shepard was now reliving his second encounter with a thresher maw on Tuchanka. The one where he used one of the beasts to kill a reaper.

That was fun.

Of course, the reaper didn't really make it easy. On top of it firing at Shepard and his squad, there were reaper ground forces trying to stop them from getting to the maw hammers, the devices that were designed to summon thresher maws. He had finally come close to the hammers, but they were being guarded by what had to be a dozen brutes. If that wasn't enough, the reaper itself was trying to stomp on him. However, none of that slowed him down. Shepard was going to kill this reaper. The hammers were activated. Kalros came and dragged the reaper beneath the ground. The sight of the two titans clashing was almost surreal. The most advanced thing in the galaxy was just destroyed by one of the most primitive. Shepard had to admit, he probably wouldn't see thresher maws quite the same way again.

Now it was time for the bad part.

In order to cure the genophage, the cure had to be distributed by the Shroud, a salarian construct that was used to stabilize Tuchanka's atmosphere. However there were two problems. It was being bombarded by reaper forces, and it had been sabotaged by STG so that a cure for the genophage couldn't be distributed. Mordin would have to go into it fix it.

Shepard ran to the shroud, trying to get to Mordin before he went into the shroud. He had to make it. It was the last time he would ever see him. It was in sight. Mordin was already there, preparing to do what was necessary.

"Mordin!"

"Shepard." He turns to speak to the commander. "Can't stop it. Can't change the outcome. You know that." The salarian spoke in his usual fast paced, shorthanded way, but was noticeably more somber than usual. It was like the last time the doctor was on Tuchanka, witnessing the brutal experiments conducted by Maelon and clan Weyrloc.

"I know Mordin. I'm coming with you."

Mordin smiled. "That can work. Just have to keep going. Doesn't really matter how."

The two ascended the Shroud in the elevator. The whole way, Mordin was humming his "Scientist Salarian" song. It was a little awkward the first time the doctor sang it. It was one of those tunes that got stuck in your head so bad that you know all the words. Shepard found that he couldn't help but hum along with him. It was about half way up when they started chuckling. But Mordin quickly became somber again.

"Sorry, Shepard."

"For what?"

"Your next ordeal will be… unpleasant." His face looked quite grim at that statement.

"My ordeal…" He was cut off as the elevator came to a stop. Explosions rocked the Shroud. As Mordin began the repairs, the room disintegrated around them. The salarian turned to Shepard one last time as he finished.

"Find her."

That was the last thing Mordin said before everything changed again. It only took a few seconds to figure out that Mordin was right about the memory he was now reliving.

It was the day that Shepard died.