What They Don't Know
Gibbs
They think I don't see the looks, the touches. They think I don't hear the remarks. They think I can't see right through the façade they put on each day. They think I don't know.
I know. Hell, anyone with eyes knows. It's not like they hide it well. It's been getting worse though. I think the time away did nothing to help the matter. It's like now they have to make up for all the time they lost.
Now it's different though. It's not the immature flirting banter that used to go on. There's more to it now; an openness that wasn't there before. They've both changed.
He's not the child he once was. He's older, wiser, and a damn better agent, more focused. I don't know what happened to him on that ship and I don't know if I like it.
She's more like the old her. The one that is more assassin than investigator. She closed herself off again. There is a wall there, back to full strength, that was being torn down.
As they've changed so has their relationship. I have never worked with two people more in tune to the other than these two. They speak with no words and act almost without thought, knowing the other has their back. It might get them killed someday, but it might just keep them alive.
McGee
They know I based that book on them. So, why in the world are they still pretending nothing's there? They know I know. I put it all in a book for the whole world to read. I told them that those characters were based on them. What more do they need?
Well, I guess the people I based those characters off of don't really exist anymore. They have both changed and it affects everyone. I think Gibbs sees it. I think he knows that he has two different people on his team now.
They aren't who they used to be. He's so different. He still tries to act the same but it's obvious that it's an act now. That used to just be the way he was, but he's better than that now. For some reason though, pride won't let him show that new person. He cares now. So much has happened to all of us, but he's taken it all the hardest.
I think he still blames himself, even though he knows there was nothing he could have done. He thinks he let us all down. Part of me thinks he still wants to be on that ship, that for some reason he doesn't think he deserves to be here with the rest of us. I wish I knew how I could help him.
She's changed a lot too. Although, she hasn't changed into someone new, she's turned back into who she was. I think that the time she spent away showed her how much she had let her guard down. She was beginning to allow herself to show her care for all of us, and I think she now believes that was weak of her.
I think, in a way, she blames herself too. Only, not for what happened then, but for what happened before and after. I can't really explain but I think she blames herself for Jeanne, for the split up, and for Lee. Part of her is telling her it's all her fault. That if she had been who she was raised to be things would be different. She allowed herself to be concerned, to care in all of it and I think she's convinced that's why people are dead, why people got hurt, and why we weren't together for a while.
They've changed too. If I had to choose two people to spend the rest of my life with at my back, I would choose them. They are more focused, more in tune to everything going on around them. I know they can just feel the other. They don't have to use words, they just know what the other one is going to do. They will never let something happen to each other or to anyone else with them. Separate, they are deadly and cunning, together; they're unstoppable.
Abby
I want my friends back. Well, sort of. I want the smiles, the laughs, the realness of them both back. I want the sadness they are hiding to go away. I want the two people who loved life and loved learning everything about it.
I don't like who they are. I don't like the part of them that has finally seen too much to be happy. The part that knows no matter how much you try there is always a chance you will fail. There is a pain that goes so deep in them both I don't know if they will ever heal. I don't know how to help.
Maybe I can't help. Maybe the only way they can heal is if the other does it. He has to heal her, and she has to heal him. There's only one problem though. The people they are now, won't let anyone in. It's funny though. He won't let her in, but that doesn't stop him from trying to get her to let him in and vice versa. He wants to help her but doesn't want her to see how much pain he holds, and she wants to heal him, but doesn't want him to see her as vulnerable.
I think they've already let the other in more than they planned. I know he knows every little detail about her, and she knows what he really means when he speaks. He lies, and she sees through it. She's quiet and he knows why. I don't know why they continue to try to hide things from the other. It's not working.
They put up a front like there is no tomorrow. To anyone from the outside they would seem perfectly happy and normal, but I'm not anyone. I know they are hurting. I know they blame themselves for things that have happened. Anyone else would see two people that have been through a lot and come out fine. I'm not anyone.