THE RULES OF LOVE
Knowing love, I would allow all things to come and go, to be as supple as the wind, and take everything with great courage.
- From the movie "Kama Sutra: A Tale of Love"
"Take me."
The words, breathed on a hot exhalation, rolled onto his skin like hot embers as he stole a kiss, another one, coming back for more once again. She pressed up into him, undulations stoking his desire as well as her own as he brushed his mouth across the pulse at the base of her neck.
"Chuck..." she moaned, pliant in his arms. Hands molded to his skin, she demanded, pleaded, asked, wanted, and he could only see her and the need in her eyes, the fire burning within their depths. The soft and sad side of desire, too.
"I love you," he breathed hoarsely, kissing her in order to erase the look in her eyes.
She reached up again, imprinting her lips to his when he would have pulled away. "Chuck, please," she choked, "please make love to me." Things left unsaid swam between them.
In one smooth slide, they were joined, gazing at each other breathlessly, timelessly, locked in frozen fear and sorrow and an emotion that couldn't be, not ever, not anymore.
Chuck was the first to look away, pain tearing him apart. "Look at me," she pleaded. "Make love to me, Chuck. I need you." And she did. She truly needed to feel alive, to feel loved, to feel like she did love, too.
"Blair," he sighed, acceding to her command, and thrust, slowly at first. Every single time was the same: desire, pain, guilt, hate. Self-hate. Hate that he could succumb to desire every time, despite time, despite the conscious knowledge that he was causing them both pain, despite everything in his gut that despised their situation... He was like a train heading to its demise. There was not stopping the disaster. He was throwing himself into it gladly, he thought disgustedly.
"Leave him," he said when he still could, his tongue finding its mark on the small sweep of her earlobe.
She shivered, nails finding their own deep marks in his back. "I can't..." she moaned brokenly, her eyes seeking his as he thrust more urgently now, ripping another moan out of her. She wished she could tear the crushed look in his eyes at that moment. Taking hold of his head, she cradled his jaw. "I love you," she whispered, knowing it could never be enough.
It couldn't.
"I love you," she repeated, over and over, and again, never tiring of the words nevertheless as a painful-delicious tightness shook her, leaving her grasping for the only thing she could cling to. Throughout her daze, she felt him reach his climax as well, and revelled in the way he gave himself to it, all sleek muscles banded to straining under her fingertips.
It was some time later when they both heard it: the telltale ding of the elevator as it reached the lower floor, slamming into them like a full-body shockwave.
Standing, Chuck caught the trousers she threw at him hurriedly. He proceeded to hunt down the rest of his clothes, throwing her her own scraps of clothing that he came across on the way.
"Blair?" Carter's voice sliced like ice into Blair. He was still downstairs, but sounded like he was standing at the foot of the stairs, about to climb them.
"Go," she whispered at Chuck, pointing to the connecting (but ever empty) nursery and slipping on a bathrobe over her love-pinkened body. With her foot she kicked the clothes she'd previously worn under the queen bed.
"Carter?" she shouted when Chuck had finally, naked but with all his belongings in hand, closed the connecting door with a soft click. "You're home early!"
She heard the loud steps (taken two at a time) and soon her husband was at the door, pushing it ajar. She forced herself to take a sleepy and perhaps slightly ill (she would fake a migraine, she decided) reclining position upon the bed.
"There you are," he said, smiling in what one might have called a beguiling manner - but it paled next to... his. "I was looking for you." Then he really looked at her, noted her pink face, the lines on her forehead, the feverish glow about her. "Are you sick?"
"I couldn't sleep last night," Blair lied. "I woke up with a migraine and it hasn't gone all day."
He seemed awkward of a sudden, as though he didn't know quite what to do with this new development in her health. "I'll cancel the tickets for tonight-"
"Nonsense," she replied, chagrined she'd have to miss a show she'd been looking forward to for two months, but willing to sacrifice it for the ultimate lie. "You go without me. Bring Serena," she suggested on a whim. "She needs some cheering up right now." Nice save, Waldorf.
Carter nodded at the suggestion and frowned, reaching out to touch her forehead. "You're not very hot."
Blair pulled away, fixing him with a tired smile. "Like I said, I didn't sleep."
"Is there anything I can do?" he asked suggestively; again that charmer's smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "I heard sex is a great headache cure."
As he began reaching for her, Blair pulled away, forcing herself not to glance at the nursery door. "I really don't feel like it, Carter."
With a hand gesture of defeat, Carter backed off, but did lean over to kiss her lips, infusing refused passion in it. "Maybe tomorrow," he murmured gruffly. "It's been a while, Blair."
An awkward feeling chased through her as she eyed the nursery door that stood slightly ajar. Chuck's eyes boring a proverbial hole into her, she swallowed, replying quietly so as not to be overheard, and with a tremulous smile. "Maybe."
Carter's eyes followed her with interest, even as Blair's entire body tensed. Did he see the crack diminish slightly? Did he know? She couldn't tell. "I've told you not to dwell in there, Blair."
"I..."
"One day we'll have that baby," he said softly, an incongruous strength in the words lending less than fatherly motives.
"Yes," Blair replied, feeling like an automaton.
"I love you."
Blair glanced at the door again, feeling the accusing glare directed at her... feeling trapped in something she never meant to happen... trapped in an impossible situation she couldn't help. "I love you too," she replied quietly, almost a lie. Almost. A small part of her didn't actually resent all of Carter's considerations. She just wished... she wished...
She wished she'd never fallen into his net.
Carter immisced himself into her throughts, reaching forward to kiss her again and brush a hand over her sensitised breasts and then down in a gently massaging gesture. "I'll let you sleep now. Have a good rest." It was meant as a comforting gesture, she told herself. Comforting, only that.
Only she wasn't sure.
"Have a good night," she replied on a small tremulous smile.
The door closed with a click. Chuck waited a good ten seconds before he appeared from the nursery, dressed, albeit without his usual utmost care. One shirttail hung half out and his hair was rumpled beyond repair. Scowling at the bedroom door, he growled. "That jerk thinks he's got you wrapped around his little finger, doesn't he," he said scornfully, trying to put some order into his hair but failing for the most part. "Being so sweet it's sickening, but oh, he's still Carter fucking Baizen underneath it all."
"Chuck..." Blair began, only to be interrupted.
"He looks at you like you're his property," he continued, voice gone lower and more menacing by the second. "I know he's keeping whores."
Blair frowned, piqued. "And you don't?" she shot back, grimacing a smirk when he looked back at her, surprised. "I know you keep busy, Chuck. I comfort myself in hoping it's because you're drowning in sorrow, but yes, I know. So, please, stop playing holier-than-thou. It's embarrassing."
For a second Chuck remained silent, as though ruminating his faults, then he pointed a finger at her. "And you," he began hotly, "stop playing submissive Mrs. Wife. We both know you're straining to take your claws out and carve him to pieces."
"Maybe not," she snapped. "Carter's not exactly the bastard you make him out to be. He treats me well."
"Yes," Chuck shot back snidely, "and while you're holing up here tonight pretending to be ill, Baizen will be attempting to seduce your best friend. They have history, you know." He paused, appearing thoughtful, a hurtful gleam in his eyes. "Funny, that'll make two times dear Serena has taken what's yours and sampled them first."
Blair scowled, advancing on his with a dangerous gleam of her own in her eyes. "I'm sure you'd love to sample her, too. Unless," she countered, "you've already done the deed? God knows you think taboos are a mockery."
Blair sensed she might have gone too far - look at her, committing adultery, a taboo she never thought she'd touch even with a ten-foot pole - and attempted to smooth things over, sighing. "Do you think that just because we're married, he makes me happy?"
"Doesn't he?" he replied less heatedly, rubbing his face as though he were tired. "Or divorce wouldn't sound so horrid to you."
"It doesn't..." she trailed off, sighing again. He'd never understand; there were some things even he didn't know about why she'd married Carter last year. Quicksand, she'd found herself immersed in quicksand. "Maybe you should go," she suggested softly.
Chuck looked at the door Carter had closed minutes ago. "Maybe I should," he agreed. "Goodnight, Blair."
"Night," she murmured, and watched him vanish past the door with a heavy heart. Her gaze swivelled to the closed nursery door next, her heart getting even heavier.
She had decisions to make, and quick, she thought, caressing the innocent, secret life growing in her womb.
Author's note
The inspiration behind this entire fic was the movie Kama Sutra: A Tale of Love. I just watched the movie last night (though I'd seen good chunks of it beforehand) and it left such an impression on me that after looking at the Carter/Blair/Chuck picture it looked like something out of the movie. It's a brilliant Western Bollywood type of movie, without the taboos usually associated with the classical Bollywood movie type (no kissing, no sexuality beyond looks, etc.). In this movie, there are no barriers and it's what makes it a fresh story :) Beyond the sex, it's a great story of love. Now I'm done plugging, except to say that the lines "Do you think that just because we're married, he makes me happy?" and "Doesn't he?" are also out of the movie (though originally I believe it's "Do you think that just because he desires me, it makes me happy?" and "Doesn't it?", but that's just details). That's all! Hope you liked, and yes, I did want to leave it open-ended at the end. We choose our own destiny, despite love...