What's in a Name?
Someone renames all the zanpakto in Seireitei, so Ukitake, Kyoraku, and Matsumoto are chosen to investigate.
I Don't own Bleach
A/N: I thought about it and I've decided to move my vote for hottest guy in bleach from Byakuya to Jushiro.
"Captain Unohana! I have a big problem!" Isane shouted as she burst into her captain's office.
Unohana looked up from the paperwork she was filling out. "Is it that again?" she asked.
Isane blushed. "Eh, er, no! It's something else! Itegumo won't respond to me!" Isane panicked.
"I've been having the same problem with Minazuki," Unohana confessed.
"Really? We should go talk to someone about this," Isane stated.
"We should. Come, Isane. We're going to go visit Captain Kurotsuchi," Unohana commanded.
"I don't think that's a good idea," Isane said meekly.
"I do," Unohana said, smiling her demonic smile.
"Right... Let's go then..." Isane said, terrified.
"Yes, let's" Unohana switched back to her soft smile and exited her office. Isane followed.
"No, I don't know anything about this yet, but I assure you that I'm looking into it. My Ashisogijizo has been acting the same way, I'll get to it when I'm done installing my poison injecting teeth," Mayuri told them.
"I understand. Thank you for your time. We'll be going now," Unohana said.
Mayuri was already too engrossed in his work to respond.
"Captain, are we really just going to give up so easily?" Isane asked timidly.
"You're welcome to go back and ask him yourself if you want to, Isane," Unohana told her.
"No thanks. I'll just stay with you," Isane replied.
"Good, now let's go see the head-captain," Unohana said.
"Right," Isane answered.
"I see. So it's not just me. That our zanpakto are not responding to us is a cause for great concern. I will have a team assembled to discover the cause of this," Yamamoto decided.
"Thank you, Head-Captain," Unohana said.
"Ukitake, Kyoraku, I have called you here to be the investigative team to discover the reason for our zanpakto not responding to our calls. I have chosen you two, because you are my most trusted disciples," Yamamoto announced.
"And I'm here because...?" Rangiku started.
"You know a lot about the gossip in Soul Society, so you can probably pick up a rumor about this from somewhere," Yamamoto told her.
"Okay..." Rangiku responded.
"Now, all of you, get going!" Yamamoto commanded. "I want to be able to roast marshmallows again!" he thought to himself.
"So what should we do first?" Ukitake asked as they walked down an alley.
"Well I guess we should just split up and investigate individually. Rangiku can ask all the SWA members, Jushiro, you take the remaining captains, and I'll take the remaining lieutenants," Shunsui ordered.
"Really? I would have thought that you would have wanted to be the one to question Nanao," Jushiro commented.
"I do, but we have to think objectively here. She's more likely to talk to Rangiku," Shunsui replied.
"Oh, so I'm here because people will talk to me?" Rangiku asked.
"No, sorry. He wanted Unohana to be our third member, but she's too busy. Old Man Yama just put all the lieutenants' names in my hat and picked one out at random," Shunsui informed her.
"But if it makes you feel any better, we think you're the most suited lieutenant for this job," Jushiro told her.
"Enough talking. Let's split up now. We'll meet at my office around sunset," Shunsui ordered.
"Right," Jushiro answered.
Ukitake and Kyoraku disappeared, leaving Rangiku standing alone in the alley.
"Jeez, those two are in a hurry," Rangiku thought aloud. She then continued to stroll down the alley at a leisurely pace.
At the end of the day they all met in Kyoraku's office.
"So, did anyone find anything out?" Shunsui asked his team, for he had been unconsciously elected leader.
"Nothing," Jushiro answered.
"Same here, all the zanpakto were unresponsive, but no one knew anything," Rangiku also answered.
"Well then, it seems everyone has the same story. This sure is annoying. Let's get some sleep and see if we find out anything tomorrow," Shunsui told them.
"Captain Kyoraku, guess what!" Rangiku shouted as she burst into his office the following morning.
"Roof," Nanao said coolly, pointing up.
"Shunsui, guess what!" Rangiku shouted as she ran across the roof towards the napping captain.
"You heard from your zanpakto too?" Shunsui guessed.
"Yeah, but it also," Rangiku started.
"Told you to call it by a stupid sounding name?" Shunsui cut her off.
"How do you know?" Rangiku asked.
"Ask Katen Cop-a-Feel," Shunsui said miserably.
"Katen Cop-a-Feel? That totally fits you," Rangiku laughed.
"Oh? It does, does it? And what, might I ask, is your zanpakto's new name?" Shunsui asked mischievously.
Rangiku stopped laughing. "Whine-neko," She answered sulkily.
"I figured it would be something like that," Shunsui chuckled.
"It's not funny!" Rangiku yelled indignantly, "I don't whine at all."
"I think Toshiro and his enormous stack of paperwork would say otherwise," Shunsui countered.
"So... Should we go talk to Captain Ukitake now?" Rangiku asked, completely avoiding the subject.
"I guess we'd better," Shunsui sighed and got up.
"So that's how it is, huh?" Jushiro nodded, "Well at least yours' make sense. I mean, Sogyo no Poopyhead? That's not clever! It's just rude."
"I know, right? I kinda feel bad for you," Shunsui told him sympathetically.
"Well, since the three of our zanpakto told us their, er, new names, I think it's safe to assume it's the same with all of the other soul reapers. We should split up and re-check everyone we talked to yesterday," Jushiro contemplated.
"Yeah, let's go," Shunsui agreed.
Shunsui and Jushiro flashed out of the office, leaving Rangiku by herself, again.
"Aren't they supposed to be old?" Rangiku thought to herself as she walked out of the office casually.
A/N: While writing this, I realized that these three would make a great detective team and should get their own filler.