When You're Gone
Tahu could feel himself shake with every nightmare. The walls of his room were getting smaller and smaller. He could feel everything closing in on him. He screamed, a miniscule relief to what he was going through. He was being shaken. Everything was closing in on him. It was happening again. He was going through it again. It was getting harder and harder to breath. He was being shaken harder and harder and he couldn't breath-
"TAHU!"
He awoke, gasping for air that he had been dprived of. His body was covered in cold sweat. He was shaking, even though he was in perfectly warm wheather. He couldn't settle his mind down. He was everywhere and nowhere at the same time. The person that had been shaking him sat down and wrapped and arm around him. He couldn't calm down. He forgot how to breather. In. and out. And in. and out again. He repeated that process. It got easier every time he tried. He kept his eyes closed. It was no use, for every time he did he saw it. The attackers. The cold floor. The feeling of total lonelieness. The idea that if he had died there, which he almost did, no one would have missed him. No one would have cared. He trembled. He was pulled into a hug. Wait… someone was there? Or, right. He had woken him up. His older brother, Kopaka. The only person Tahu ever let himself depend on. Kopaka used to be a constant in his life. The key word being used to.
Honestly, Tahu didn't blame him for getting mad and abandoning him. Honestly, Tahu didn't understand why anyone would want to be with him. It wasn't like Kopaka wanted him now. He was only staying because he felt responsible for what happened. Which he shouldn't. Because it was Tahu's own fault that they got in that fight. And that Tahu had run. And that he let Makuta take him. Kopaka shouldn't feel guilt. But that didn't stop Tahu from shaking.
Kopaka cursed mentally. The doctors and nurses had told him that the physical damage was gone. But the mental was still there. Yet, honestly, he hated how Tahu kept pushing him away, like it was Tahu's fault that he had been tortured like that. It wasn't. it was Kopaka's, because he had failed as an older brother and a Toa. What had happened was, it had been a fight. Just one of there normal fights. Nothing was out of the ordinary. But it got taken up a notch, and then it became a blood bath. Finally, Kopaka snapped and really got to him, and that was where it all went to Karzahni. Tahu had left the hut, and Kopaka had been feeling to vindictive to go after him.
The trouble started when he had gone to sleep, and when he woke up, Tahu wasn't there. There had been a bad feeling in his gut, but he ignored it. He figured Tahu had just gone to train or something. But a week went by, when no one saw him. He started to worry. Where was Tahu?
And then the ransom came. It was from Makuta. The mask of Light, and 3 million wigets. Or Tahu would be sent back in pieces. Naturally, the ransom was not paid. All Kopaka had needed to know was where they were keeping him. Tahu was broken out three days later. Kopaka would know, he had carried his body from his lair all the way to the hospital. And stood next to him throughout the entire time. He had been so pale and weak. Kopaka had actually cried.
He scooted closer to Tahu, even though said toa was trying to make it look like he was ok. He wrapped his arms around him, even though he knew that Tahu shied away from most touches.
Tahu closed his eyes. "Kopaka…. Why are you here? Don't you have a girlfriend?" Kopaka frowned. So now he was going to try and give excuses. "Gali encouraged me to do this, and she wants you to get better. We all do." Tahu hated it when they said that. "get well soon." What the hell did that even mean? How was he supposed to get better? "Believe me, I wanna get over this as much as everyone else wants me too, but how the hell am I supposed to do that!" Kopaka looked at him. It wasn't a look of pity, compassion, or anger. It was a look he used to have when they were younger, and there biggest concerns were who they were going to talk to that day. "Start by not blaming yourself." Tahu looked like he was going to think about it, but then he said, "I will if you will."
Kopaka actually laughed. Then Tahu realized that Kopaka's arms had been around him for five minutes and he had had no trouble not freaking out. Tahu decided to surprise himself by shifting so he could lay down, his head in Kopaka's lap. "You know, if you weren't my little brother I'd kill you for doing that." Tahu smirked back at him. Kopaka felt a moment of pride, for that was a true ice toa smirk.
Tahu closed his eyes. "You know… we both blame ourselves for what happened." Kopaka frowned. "That's because we were both at fault. We let the fight carry out into this. If one of us had had the sense to say 'this is stupid let's just stop' we wouldn't be here."
"And you could be with your girlfriend." Kopaka rolled his eyes. Not like Tahu would have be able to see. He idly stroked his hair with one hand, running the other through his own hair. Tahu opened his eyes. "….. We're screwed up, aren't we?" Kopaka smiled. "Yeah, pretty much. But we're a screwed up family, so we stay together that way." Tahu smiled back at him. It would take him a very long time to get over what had happened. It would be even harder to settle back into the life he used to have, because doing that was pretty much next to impossible.
But he had Kopaka. He may not be a therapist, or be great with words, or know what to say…. Ever, but they were brothers, and like Kopaka said, they would stay screwed up together.