Thoughts
I can't think. What happened? I defeated the Android, but that was years ago. Than my mother died. I can't believe she died. But that was a long time ago as well. What was I thinking? Where am I? O yes now I remember. This place is capsule corp. It is where I live but it is not home. I can't be sure if it was ever my home. It was however my mother's home. My mother… what happened… I remember.
My mother died. Like so many people I knew and I should have known she would die. One day I went to her room to wake her up and she was dead. I begged her and begged her to get up but she didn't. She couldn't. I thought I would die. The hell that was my life was now complete. I buried her near a waterfall, next to my father in fact. You see after the androids figured out my father was the strongest of the earth fighters they took him out first. Which meant that there were people still around who gave what remained of him a decent burial. They buried him here, next to this waterfall. It was my parent's favorite spot. It was where they first fell in love. It was where I first fell in love. It was where I first met her.
I found her injured, just at the rim of a large crater. I found her a day after I buried my mother, the day I planed on digging my own grave. I mean who will dig my grave when I die? I want to die. I am losing the point. Where was I? Yes, I found her broken like a fragile crystal sculpture. I took her home and began to nurse her back to health. She was like a beautiful bird. A beautiful injured bird one sometimes finds lying by the roadside. Its wings broken, its body in tatters.
I could sense the free spirit within her even before I had spent an hour with her, and I loved her. Why does one love? Why does one have but one thought in ones heart? Why does ones soul get filled with the essence of just one being? I don't know. I was never big on philosophy. Had I been a poet I would have written a thousand sonnets in an attempt to weave into words the feeling that I had for her. But somehow I doubt whether any poet would be skilled enough to capture the feeling in my heart.
But I am losing the point again. I brought her home to heal her. After she healed I fully intended to set her free. Instead I became her prisoner and I never wanted her to let me go. I never found out anything about her past. It didn't really matter. I didn't care if she was an axe murder before. The only thing that mattered to me was the memories I made with her. The time she spent with me. I remember the first time she told me her name. Such a simple name. I love that name. I though it was stupid at the time. But than she made fun of my name too. I don't think it's stupid any more. I love that name, like I love everything about her. What was the name? It's not important. A name is just letters arranged in a special way. What gave it meaning was her. She is gone, the name has no meaning. It's just a bunch of letters now.
I knew I had to set her free when she healed. I didn't want to. I wanted to wrap her in my arms and never let her go. But I knew I had to. So I said my good byes and lay down in my room. I thought of all the ways I could end my life quickly, I thought of all the ways I could end my life slowly. I just lay there thinking about life with her and I knew I had no life without her. I thought about seeing my mother, my father, my sensei again. I felt a little better. I was ready to die.
I didn't die. She wrapped her arms around me and told me she was never going to leave me. She lied. Everybody lies to me. She left me. She died, like everybody I have ever known. When? I don't know. I have no sense of time any more. I cried the day she died. I haven't cried for so long I couldn't believe how strange it felt. I don't want to live. I want to leave this world too. But I can't.
Crying. Far away, no not really just in the next room. It's my infant son. He is crying. I can't leave this world right now. Not till I know he can live without me. That won't be for awhile and so for awhile I must live with an empty heart and a barren soul. I can't think straight. My head hurts. I have to go to him now. He needs me, so I must go on. Well at least now I have someone to dig my grave after my death.