Soundtrack: 'Open Arms' - Journey, 'Faithfully' - Journey
Disclaimer: I own nothing
He couldn't believe he'd called her that. He'd never thought of her as…as that, but it had slipped out while wretched Potter was tormenting him. All the blood had been rushing to his brain, what could one expect of him?! Proper etiquette had certainly been out of reach for him at that point. To make matters worse, his (rather stupid) masculine pride had been insulted when she'd begun to defend him. It had slipped out, that dreaded word: mudblood. The entire crowd of Hogwarts students had frozen at that point and they remained frozen for several moments before all hell broke loose. The first thing that had happened was that Severus was dropped unceremoniously (and painfully) on his head as James lost his concentration. Next, he dizzily stood up and was quickly backed up against a tree by Lily. "What did you call me, Severus?" She'd asked accusatorially. His sallow complexion paled even more. He attempted to stutter an answer but she abruptly cut him off. "It figures. You call all the other muggle-borns that, so why not me, too?" She taxed, her hands going all over the place. She quickly stormed off, furiously fighting the tears that threatened to fall. Severus went to move when he was quickly backed up against the tree again by Potter and his merry band of followers.
"Good going, Snivellus." James mocked. Severus' expression turned stony and cold.
"Back off, Potter." He retorted. James laughed, placing his arms on either side of Severus.
"Who's going to make me, Snivellus, you?" He teased. His friends and the remaining gaggle of viewers burst into a chorus of laughter. Severus' face hardened. Finally, James looked at him again. "What a lark!" He stated. Severus' eyes flashed in anger but before he could do anything about it, James had his arm across his neck. Potter's face was nearly touching his when he spoke. "Stay away from her, Snape. Stay away." He pushed himself off of Severus and dusted his hands off on his pants. He turned and motioned his mates to follow him. Eventually, the last few stragglers of watchers dispersed. Severus slid down the tree and gathered his knees to his chest. He rested his head on his knees and began to let his own tears flow. Without Lily, he hadn't a friend in the world. He let those thoughts crash over him as he stood up and wiped his tears. He ventured forth, back to the Slytherin common room. He was absent from classes for the rest of the day.
***LS***
He had eventually stopped trying to get Lily's forgiveness. He'd thought he'd done all he could and that there was nothing left for him to do, for him to give. And so their friendship of eight years withered and died.
***LS***
His love for Lily Evans (now Lily Potter) had never waned, flickered or died. Despite that love, he'd made some terrible choices in his life. You know, like becoming a Death Eater for the crazy lunatic known as Lord Voldemort. Yes, not one of his finer moments, but the offer had been tempting. He'd received it from Lucious, one of his 'friend's' from Slytherin. It was on a cold, rainy day while he was working a late shift at the Leaky Cauldron. The offer had been tempting, and so he'd accepted. In a moment of weakness, he'd made the biggest (second biggest) mistake of his life. Eventually, he realized the gravitas of his mistake and gone back to Hogwarts to confide in Albus Percival Wolfrick Brian Dumbledore, beloved headmaster. His appearance wasn't particularly welcomed. "What are you doing here, Severus?" Dumbledore questioned as Severus appeared.
"Don't kill me!" He'd whimpered. Dumbledore lowered his wand.
"What are you doing here, Severus?" Dumbledore recapitulated.
"He thinks it's her." He said.
"The prophecy mentioned nothing of a woman," Dumbledore stated calmly.
"He thinks it's her son!" Severus cried. Dumbledore's face remained blank.
"What would you like me to do about it, Severus?" He asked.
"Hide her. Hide them all. Just keep her safe." Severus pleaded. Dumbledore's cold façade melted.
***LS***
It was for naught. Lily had been killed anyway, as had James, but their little boy lived. Severus had visited their house the night it happened, the night the Dark Lord disappeared. He saw James' body on the stairwell and he walked past. He walked to the room that had a slightly haunting glow. He knew that was where Lily lie. He ventured down to the room and peered cautiously inside. Pain. That was all he could remember, all he could feel. Immense, immeasurable pain, seeing the woman he loved lying dead on the ground, her eyes open and lifeless. He crumpled to the ground, tears falling freely as he crawled to her body. He scooped her up gently in his arms, tucking her head under his chin, and cradled her to him. Her son sat in the crib, but frankly, Severus couldn't be bothered. He wasn't intentionally trying to be callous, he just…there was so much pain and agony and it felt like his heart had just been ripped from his chest. The only thing he could do was comfort Lily's dead body.
***LS***
"The Dark Lord is gone! He doesn't need protection!" Severus cried. Dumbledore looked exasperatedly at Severus.
"You and I both know that he will return, and when he does, he will come for the boy." Dumbledore stated seriously. A pained look flashed over Severus' face.
"No one can know." Severus replied. Dumbledore tilted his head to the side.
"No one shall ever know the best of you, Severus?" He asked. Severus nodded his head, a few tears slipping down his cheeks. Dumbledore conceded.
***LS***
Caput draconis
The statue turned and Severus stepped onto the stairs as it circled and led him up to Dumbledore's office. He knocked cordially and the door flung open. "Come in, Severus." He heard. He marched inside and promptly flung the door shut.
"He shows no immeasurable talent and he has a penchant for breaking the rules. He's arrogant and just like his father!" Severus declared, pacing back and forth. Dumbledore let an amused smile momentarily grace his face.
"I suppose you are talking about Harry?" Dumbledore asked. Severus stopped and shot a brief glare at Dumbledore.
"Yes," he hissed.
"He's only eleven, Severus. He's just entered our world for the first time. Give him some time and I'm sure he'll exceed your expectations." Dumbledore said. Severus snorted.
"I highly doubt-" Dumbledore cut him off.
"You know, he has her eyes." Severus froze.
***LS***
"How long do I have?" Dumbledore asked. Severus observed his hand carefully before letting it gently go.
"A year, at most. Drink the potion, it will contain the curse to your hand for now." Dumbledore obliged, drinking the rest down. Severus watched and once he was finished, he swept up his cloak and headed towards the door.
"Do not ignore me, Severus. We both know that Voldemort has ordered the Malfoy boy to kill me. But if he fails, I should presumed the Dark Lord will turn to you. You must be the one to kill me, Severus. It is the only way. Only then will the Dark Lord trust you completely." Severus turned slowly back around to face Dumbledore, who waited expectantly. He licked his chapped lips.
"Do you ever think that you ask too much of people, Albus?" He inquired. Dumbledore gave him a thoughtful glance before turning away. Severus pursed his lips but took his silence for the answer it was.
***LS***
The corridors of Hogwarts were dark at this time of night as Severus traveled towards the Headmaster's office. He had been requested to see Albus at midnight precisely. It was eleven forty eight now as he made his way up from the dungeons. He arrived at the passage at eleven fifty nine. "Toffee eclairs," Severus murmured, feeling slightly ridiculous. The passage revealed itself and he stepped up, waiting patiently as it spun to the door of the office. As he waited, the clock tower struck midnight, ringing out over the grounds. When he'd reached the top, he found the door opened and stepped inside.
"There you are, Severus. I was wondering where you were." Dumbledore said, greeting him with a serious look. Severus grimaced.
"What do you want, Albus?" He queried. Dumbledore gave him a small smile.
"I forgot to mention one last detail to you." He said, sweeping behind his desk. He placed his hands on the edge of it and leaned forward. "There will come a time when Harry Potter must be told something. But you must wait until Voldemort is at his most vulnerable." Severus arched an eyebrow as he walked towards Dumbledore's desk.
"Be told what?" he drawled. Dumbledore swallowed.
"On the night Lord Voldemort went to Godric's Hollow to kill Harry, Lily Potter cast herself between them, and the curse rebounded. When that happened, a part of Voldemort latched itself onto the only living thing it could find. Harry himself. There was a reason Harry could speak with snakes. There was a reason he could look into Lord Voldemort's mind. A part of Voldemort lives inside him." Dumbledore paused, looking meaningfully at Severus. Horrible realization dawned on Severus' face as Dumbledore waited patiently. Severus pursed his lips.
"So when the time comes, the boy must die?" Severus asked incredulously. Dumbledore's lips pressed into a thin line. He nodded his head.
"Yes," he mumbled. Severus' tongue darted out to wet his dry lips. He stepped a few paces back, his brow creased, before he looked up, a slightly furious look on his face.
"You kept him alive so he could die at the proper moment?" Severus asked. Dumbledore nodded his head in affirmation. "You've been raising him like a pig for slaughter!" Severus accused.
"Don't tell me know you've come to care for the boy?" Dumbledore asked. Severus gave him a hard look as he pulled his wand out.
"Expecto patronum." He cast. A silver stream poured gracefully out of his wand and took on the shape of a doe. It pranced around the room before disappearing. Dumbledore looked amazedly at Severus.
"After all this time?" He whispered. Severus lifted his chin.
"Always."
***LS***
It was as if Severus was having an out-of-body experience. He saw and heard himself cast the spell, but it didn't feel or sound like him. He didn't have time to analyze anything beyond that point as he rushed Draco and the other Death Eaters out of the tower. He wanted to make as little noise and fuss as possible, leaving Hogwarts, but of course, Bellatrix LeStrange had to make a grand exit. She decided to blow all the windows to bits in the Great Hall, calling all the guards throughout the castle to them. A battle ensued but Snape managed to make sure that Draco avoided the conflict, bringing both of them outside and into the courtyard. Shortly, all the other Death Eaters followed him down. They walked past Hagrid's hut, which Bellatrix decided to set aflame. "STUPEFY!" A voice yelled. The spell was directed at Snape, but he easily dodged it. He turned around to find Potter running down the hill, yelling any spells he could think of. Snape ushered the others along and stayed to face Harry himself. "SECTUMSEMPRA!" Harry yelled. Snape easily voided the spell.
"Expelliarmus!" He yelled, disarming Harry. He walked over to him and kicked his wand out of reach. He looked down at Harry, a haughty look taking over his features. "You dare use my own spells against me, Potter?" He asked. Pure shock was etched onto Harry's face. Snape repressed a smug grin. "That's right. I'm the Half-Blood Prince." Snape declared.
"SEVERUS!" Bellatrix called anxiously from the edge of the Forbidden Forest. He gave Harry one last look of spite before he dashed off to meet the others.
***LS***
Severus was given the post of Hogwarts Headmaster. It felt wrong to him. It wasn't his office, it was Dumbledore's. It wasn't his post, it was Dumbledore's. None of it was right, none of it was his but there he would be, pacing the office at all hours of the night, thinking, thinking, and thinking some more. He would think about Dumbledore, Dumbledore's plans, Voldemort's plans, his mistakes, his (few) triumphs. But most of all, he would think of Lily. If she were alive, would she be proud of him? Of course, the question became mute, because if she were alive…He would cry sometimes, too. He would cry for Dumbledore, for his past, for his mistakes, but always, he would cry most for Lily. And then he would carry on. He continue to feed information to the order as best he could under a pseudonym. He did what he could to help bring down the Dark Lord, to help bring down the man who murdered his love.
***LS***
He knew what was going to happen when he entered the boathouse. He wasn't a fool. He knew the Elder Wand wasn't working for Voldemort like he'd hoped and he knew why. He was resigned to his fate. What he did not expect, however, was to have his throat slit and then be viciously attacked by Nagini. The Dark Lord left him bleeding in the boathouse as he apparated. He was gasping for breath when Pot-Harry and his friends entered the boathouse. Harry immediately ran over to him and tried to stop the bleeding. Severus wanted to cry. Harry was exhibiting qualities of his mother right now. He wanted to cry, so he did. He was a dying man and he…he felt he owned Harry his memories, so he could understand. "Take them," he choked out, motioning to the tears with his hand. "Take them." Harry looked back to the Granger girl.
"I need a vile or flask. Anything!" He said, attempting to rush her. She handed him a vile moments later. Harry placed the vile on his cheek and collected Severus' tears, his memories.
"Look at me," Severus asked. Harry did. He choked back one last smile. "You have your mother's eyes." Severus said. They were the last words he spoke.
***LS***
A woman was smiling down at him. He didn't know where he was or what he was doing, but he knew that he felt lighter than ever. He looked around briefly and realized he was still in the boathouse. [I should be dead] he thought. He looked around and found his body. He looked down at his hands and realized they were see-through. He grimaced. [I am.]
"You are." He heard. Tears would have filled his eyes once. Of course, he was dead, so tears were impossible. He turned around. Tears would have been pouring down his face by now.
"Lily." He whispered. She smiled kindly at him with open arms. He flung himself into them. They closed around him, offering a warmth he hadn't felt in twenty years.
"Hello Severus." She said. The smile could be heard in her voice. He pulled back and looked meaningfully at her. "So many questions," she teased, brushing a lock of hair behind his ear. For the first time in twenty years, Severus Snape smiled.
"Lily," he repeated. Her smile grew and she brought a hand up to cup his cheek.
"Thank you," she said. He looked curiously at her.
"For what?" He asked.
"For everything," she whispered.
A/N: Faithfully! I'm still yours! I'm forever yours! Ever yours! Faithfully.