Katniss Everdeen
It had only been a short while since my confrontation with Peeta, and soon, with the train full speed ahead, we'd be back between the sweet barriers of District 12.
Things can finally return to the way they once had been.
Only they couldn't. Even my deepest thoughts couldn't trick me into thinking that things would go back to normal. Nothing will ever be the same thanks to the Capitol and their stupid Hunger Games.
'May the odds be ever in your favor'. Ha! There's no escape from their torment. Even winning will not provide you relief. If anything, its only made things worse.
I sit in my train bedroom, holding onto the small pin that Madge had presented to me a few weeks ago when this nightmare had just begun. Now, it was the newest Victors symbol, and all around the Capitol, would become a tool for mass production and over priced selling in their large shops.
A knock on the door brings me out of my trance. I expect Effie to bound through, proclaiming how today was another, "big, big, big day!" and for me to get ready, but instead, the person from the outside waited-as if to be welcomed.
"Yes?" I managed to mumble out, my voice still raspy from the continuous onslaught of tears that had come and gone within the past few hours.
The door, unlocked as always, opened and it was Peeta who was staring back at me with hollow eyes that didn't quite reach me.
"We're nearly to the District," he spoke softly. "It won't be long now, Effie wanted me to let you know you should be getting dressed into the outfit Cinna left for you."
Both our gazes landed on the simple, yet elegant dress which laid towards the end of my bed and I brushed it lazily, nodding as if to tell him I understood.
He sighed softly, nodding gently once before shutting the door behind him. A pang of guilt rang through me, but was soon overshadowed with immense confusion. I didn't know what I wanted.
It wasn't that I didn't want Peeta. Of course he was attractive and strong and a gentleman.
But he wasn't Gale.
And it wasn't as if Gale was even mine to claim, especially after viewing the games and seeing how 'madly in love' Peeta and I were, he may have moved on completely, wanting nothing to do with me.
I had no plans of getting married in the past. It wasn't much of an option for me. Just simply entertaining the thought of nursing a child growing up in the Seam, having to go through the constant reminder and uneasiness the Hunger Games brings with it each year, hoping, praying, begging, that it wasn't my child's name in which was picked. Having no option but for them to sign up for tesserae…
I wouldn't let them become me. It was not an option. I had mother and Prim to look after, and could not afford the hassle of the family. The burden and worry that came with having a husband working in the mines, it was all too much.
Gale wouldn't have to work in the mines. He could simply hunt with me for our food, and our children would learn.
I shook the thought, because it was a dumb one. Gale had a large family of his own to take care of and like me, hadn't even thought of marriage as an option.
Another knock on the door sounded, but this time, Effie came barreling through, not giving a second thought to the fact that I was completely naked, with Cinna's dress pooling at my ankles.
"Oh god child," Effie grumbled, pursing her lips together and looking at me with disappointment. "Don't you know we're practically to your District?"
I smiled sheepishly, pulling the dress over my hips until it was resting in its rightful spot along my body. Cinna always knew how to make a dress particularly amazing, which had been the biggest factor in winning the crowds over in the first place.
Effie stared at me through the mirror, gasping at my thin figure staring back. Her hands, digging into my shoulders to the point of pain loosened as she zipped up the garment and forced me to do a spin for her, the way Cinna had directed me to the night of our interviews, when I had been spinning and spinning around with Caesar by my side.
And suddenly I was feeling nauseous, because now three weeks later, (or could it be four?), twenty two tributes lay dead in nothing but small wooden caskets while their home districts mourn their losses, instead of celebrating our gains with us.
Effie notices the uneasy greenish tint my face picks up and proclaims I should eat something before arrive, hoping I don't pass out in front of the camera's.
She carefully places my signature pin above my right breast, resting neatly on the orange fabric of my dress before taking my arm and, without over exaggeration, dragging me out of the room and down the hall to stuff some food down my throat before we arrive.
Haymitch and Peeta are sitting at the table in near complete silence when I arrive. Peeta picking at a dried muffin from this mornings breakfast and Haymitch milking a cup of tea. By the look on his face; he's hung-over, which isn't the worst case scenario, but given that this is our first appearance back at District 12, I don't believe I'm the only one who was amused (or in Effie's case horrified), to find he was completely wasted for our welcome back.
I take a seat next to Peeta, trying to think of something to say, anything, that could repair our relationship even slightly, to make it somewhat less awkward.
And I had about five minutes to do it.
He looks me over, his eyes roaming over my dress before landing on my face.
"Are you ok? You look…green."
I opened my mouth but instead, it was Effie's voice that sounded throughout the dining area.
"Oh, she'll be fine, sweet of you to think of her though. She just needs a little something to eat is all. Now where has breakfast gone? Surely they haven't cleaned up yet."
Peeta nodded shortly though. "You just missed them." then, without hesitation, he passed over the remains of his muffin, which was practically fully intact.
"Thank you." I mumble politely.
"Anything for you."
I look up to decipher the meaning behind his liquid words, but he's already risen to his feet, peering through the open window with a far off look before smiling, highlighting his softer features.
"We're here."
"Now remember to flash those big winning smiles of yours," Effie reminds us for the hundredth time since this morning. "Not only will your District be excited to see you but-"
"-But so will the press," Peeta and I say at the same time, casting each other slight smiles before remembrance laces our features and we turn away from each other.
Effie looks up between the two of us before sniffing. "Yes, well…I know you two will just be darling."
She was obviously peeved we called her out, but I still had to stifle giggles that threatened to spill over at the absurdity of the moment.
She straightened her pink wig out before the doors open and she went through, into the arms of the press with a large smile pinned on her face.
"Any last words?" I ask Haymitch as he prepares to be the next one released from the confined train.
"Yea," he says, placing an arm around my shoulders, and his other around Peeta's, glancing between the two of us, but mostly towards me. "Lets not forget our roles, shall we? You're an extremely happy couple that just did the impossible of winning the Hunger Games together. You're over the moon in love." his glare lands on me. "Now act like it."
The doors open, engulfing Haymitch into the crowds and for the first time since the games ended practically, Peeta and I are alone.
And its awkward. My hands become tense and sweaty with perspiration as I clear my throat not once-but three times- in hopes of clearing away the uncomfortable silence.
Peeta held his hand out to mine a moment later, and when I looked up at him his eyes were practically glass they were so translucent and fragile.
"Once more?" he asks, his voice almost pained. "For the cameras?"
I can't help but feel the pain he feels, sharp bursts of it rippling through my body and settling uncomfortably in my stomach, twisting and spiraling until I'm sure I'm the same green color as earlier.
Still, I take his hand into my slimy one and just as pathetic as a trained monkey, smile largely for the crowds as the doors open, announcing our arrival, and the crowd around us is beyond control with our arrival home.
"Katniss! Over here Katniss!" I hear one camera man on my right yelling out, and another towards the center chanting, "Kiss her Peeta! Lay one on her."
Before I can register it, Peeta is tilting me back, holding me tightly in the embrace, his lips attaching themselves to my own in one of his powerful but controlled kisses. When his lips leave mine, and our eyes open, for a fraction of a second, I see sorrow in his iris's.
Then, I giggle, pecking him on the nose, and he smiles back at me lovingly, lifting me up to a standing position.
The crowd eats it up like our leftovers, screaming and squealing like morons as more flashes encase us, and we play nice, smiling and waving towards the crowd, kissing and hugging, cuddling in each others embraces.
My eyes trace over the crowd, looking for any trace of familiarity in this sea of over zealous press whores, hoping to get a good story to send back to the Capitol-not like they weren't watching right now.
As my eyes skim the center of the crowd, I find my familiarity.
I find Gale.
Chapters to follow will be longer. Let me know what you thought! Thank you.
~SoYouThinkYouCanWrite