You Still Pull Me Home
Gossip Girl / Dan Humphrey + Blair Waldorf
I thought I had it figured out / in a brand new life /
with a great big house / and green initials on the towels /
I should be happy now / But I think of you /
whenever life gets me down / I think of you /
whenever you're not around / you rest your bones /
somewhere far from my own / yeah but you still pull me home*
It's been a month and a half, almost two. The summer in the Hamptons was a blur. Well, not just a blur but a mixture of blurs. Wake up, coffee, write, eat, coffee, write, write, write, eat, sleep, oh Blair's on Skype! Wait. Why is Blair on Skype at two in the morning? Oh right! She's in Monaco. And so the cycle of blurs continued. Dan Humphrey and Blair Waldorf were online chat buddies. They talked about the usual things: weather, news, politics, family but they never quite talked about Louis or Serena or anybody else. They just talked. And what comforting talks they did have. It made Dan want to write more, and Blair want to go home.
It was Thursday night for Dan and he and Blair were supposed to watch something of her choice. He waited. Two o'clock… three o'clock… four… his eyes were closing and his brain wasn't functioning anymore. She didn't show up. Maybe she had to do something. But the next night she was, yet again, absent. And then the next, and the next, and the next. Dan finally gave up and tried to straighten out his sleeping pattern. School was going to start soon and he needed to focus.
Right.
Like that could actually happen.
But he did it anyway.
He got up at seven and got to bed at twelve. That was normal, right? It wasn't like anything was going to happen during the wee hours of the morning. Not like he had an appointment or anything. Not like he was hoping that she'd come back on. No. Not Dan.
Three weeks before school started, Dan went home to his loft. He spent the weekend actually cleaning the place and then put his now alphabetized books back to its natural unorderness. He kept a whole lot of DVDs in a box to make way for new ones and then finally started writing again. That was what he was supposed to be doing anyway: writing. But he spent half of the day just staring at the blinking cursor. He scrolled up and down trying to remember what he was writing about. Nothing. He was writing nothing.
He slept on it. Yeah. That would probably do it. Most people "sleep on it" whatever it was for them and it usually worked. It was twelve midnight and he was tired of overusing his brain. He lied down and decided that he would sleep in for the day. Maybe inspiration would come knocking on his door in the middle of the day and surprise him.
xxx
She and Humphrey were supposed to watch something that morning but she couldn't quite figure out what. She craved for a romance comedy, or just something that would make her cry. Something heartwarming. At the same time she wanted excitement and thrill—two things that her life was lacking of. She missed New York—the trees in central park, the pavement, her room, her things, Dorota, Dan.
Wait. Dan? We're friends, that's all? It is alright to miss friends, isn't it? But her missing Dan was not like her missing Serena whom she got to talk to every weekend for hours. She never mentioned her and Dan's conversations. She never mentioned Dan to anyone, not even Louis, who was always out and busy hurrying about. Who knew the prince actually had work to be done? Her only royal duties were to smile, wave and attend things. She couldn't even make one of the French maids cry in humiliation when she spilled tea on her new shoes. Nothing. She was lifeless. It was like her only window to the real world was through a fifteen inch screen with Dan Humphrey on the other side of it.
She's had enough of it.
She needed to do something about it.
But what?
That morning she missed their video chat. She decided she could miss one and never return every again. She was with Louis, in Monaco nonetheless, a princess bride to be. She didn't need New York—the trees in central park, the pavement, her room, her things, Dorota, Dan. Okay, maybe she did need Dorota. But other than her, all of her life was going to be in Monaco, wasn't it?
The next morning she stared at her laptop and waited for anything, anybody to ask her of something. I'll take it as a sign that I belong here. But nothing came. Nobody asked for her. Still she shoved her computer inside its case and hid it in her closet, which was the only thing that's improved since she got there. She decided she was going to do a little bit of reading instead only to find that her mind was off somewhere else. New York. Manhattan. Home.
The issue bugged her unlike any other. She was distant during dinners and even more away when she was alone with Louis. What did he see in her anyway? Her understanding for the arts, her will, her wickedness, her hair? But most importantly: what did she see in him? Thinking back now she was only ever drawn to him because he was a Grimaldi. Sure, he was sweet and maybe he did love her and she loved him, kind of, but thinking of it now more than ever she could never see him in her future. She had often wondered what it was about Cinderella's prince charming that was ever so charming. Serena often said that was just how fairytales were. She protested and claimed that her love would be worth something big someday, not just a glass slipper.
It has been a week since Blair ever turned her computer on. She worried that maybe when she tried turning it on again it just wouldn't because of its decay. She sat in silence with Princess Sophie and Louis in the dining hall. It was ever so silent, which she hated because it only gave her more space to think until she finally had enough.
"I want to go home," she said.
"Oh of course my love, we shall visit New York very soon." Louis smiled. As always. He just smiles.
"No," she sighed and looked at Sophie, who just nodded, understanding what she was about to say, and then Louis, "I want to go home. Alone."
It was the start of endless catastrophes; of course they had to hide it from every one that Princess Blair Waldorf of Manhattan was ending things with Louis. It took very long talks over tea and supper. Louis protested at first and then accepted Blair's decision in the end. He understood, and was prepared from the start, that her heart wasn't his to keep. It was just his to heal. He respected her honesty.
Leaving Louis and her future title was one of the hardest things Blair Waldorf had to do. She was voluntarily leaving her fairytale before her end credits and happy ever after. It would have been stupid if she didn't love herself enough to know that she could stand on her own. It wasn't stupid at all. Everything was clear to her. She had a goal—a destination to reach. Home.
xxx
Dan was awakened by a very loud knocking on his door. He groaned and checked the time. 12:39PM. Crap. He did sleep in. He ran a hand through his hair, hoping it would look decent enough to the person with the seriously irritating knock. He put on a pair of pants and then rubbed his eyes as he made his way to the door. The knocking was relentless.
"I'm coming! God!" he blinked a few times and opened the front door. He blinked a few times again just to make sure he wasn't dreaming. At first he was sure he was still probably asleep and that what he was writing was catching up with him but no. She was standing in front of him. Her hair a bit darker, like the first time he's ever seen her, shorter too. Her skin glowed ivory. Her cheeks were a little pink, almost as pink as her glossy lips. Her smile though… her smile spoke a million words. Behind her stood three suitcases all obviously stuffed and overweight.
"Sorry Humphrey, not God, but close," she rolled one of her suitcases in, knowing that he'll tow in the rest because that was just how Dan Humphrey was.
"Blair, what are you doing here?" he set her luggage just by the door and closed it. He watched as her eyes inspected every nook and cranny of his loft. Her eyes were tired from the flight, probably. She might need to sleep.
"I remember you telling me when you'd come home so I figured you would be here by now," she still avoided his gaze. She went to his unorganized books and ran a finger on their spines. She looked so delicate and fragile but she wasn't. She gave off a different feel. She was stronger now.
"Yes, I know but why are you here?"
"Oh, well, I decided I would come home too." She finally looked up from the shelves and smiled at him. It wasn't her usual wicked, mocking, sarcastic smile. It was a different smile. It was shy and reserved and… happy.
"But where's Louis?" his heart was pounding and he didn't know why. He couldn't even move from his spot. He was paralyzed.
"He's in his home," she started to walk towards him, slowly.
"And where's Blair?" he asked nervously, a smile creeping from the corners of his mouth.
"She's in her home now, too," she stopped right in front of him, just waiting for him to make the first move. It didn't matter that he probably hasn't showered yet, or that he hasn't brushed his teeth.
"Oh for God's sake, Humphrey!" She pulled him to her, like the first time they had kissed. It didn't matter that he probably hasn't showered yet, or that he hasn't brushed his teeth. He tasted like toothpaste and coffee anyway.
She realized that the thing that made New York New York was not the pavements, or central park, or Time Square, or her apartment. What made New York New York were the people—her friends, her family—Daniel Humphrey, aspiring author. She realized that she was happy with him. It took her a while to see it even though it has always been there. She was afraid of what others might have said. Well screw them. What's important was what made her happy. The best part was that she didn't have to fight to be happy when she was with him. It was just the natural order of them.
*Think of you – A Fine Frenzy
N/A: I thought that part of the song fit this perfectly, no? Only a few more days and it's Season 5! I was impatient and bored and this happened so I hope you liked it! Comments and Reviews are love. XOXO.