Ain't No Rest for the Sociopathic
Rating: PG-13/T
Genre: Humor
Summary: CRACK. It would just figure. Even in death Gary wouldn't leave him be.
Author's Note: …Ah… Yeah. You'll see.
Disclaimer: I don't own Bully or Supernatural. Bully belongs to Rockstar Games and Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke.
()()
"Hey Hopkins! Arranging a threesome? A Sasquatch and a gnome- Nice choice. But leaving Petey out? That's cold. And here I thought you were proposing to him any day now."
Jimmy Hopkins hated his life.
Really.
The tall guy stared at him. "So, Mr. Hopkins-"
"Jimmy." Was his flat response.
"Jimmy. Have you noticed anything… Odd happening around the school lately? Anything out of the ordinary?"
Gary snorted from behind Jimmy, sitting on the cafeteria table immediately behind the one Jimmy and the two agents were sitting at. "Odd? I'll tell you what's odd: Edna and freakin' Watts going out on a date. She had him, like, sedated and she was making out with him. I nearly hurled. And then I remembered I couldn't hurl anymore and I was sad."
Jimmy's expression remained deadpanned. "Define odd." The shorter agent leaned forward a little, a small smile on his face.
"Oh, anything like, say, flashing lights, cold spots, malfunctioning electronics." Something in his expression flickered, and Jimmy suspected. Hell, he'd suspected these clowns the moment they'd asked if they could talk to him.
"Could I see those badges again?"
They both pulled out their badges and showed them to Jimmy.
"Ooh, good idea Jimmy-boy! Wanna make sure they aren't a couple of pervs who are going to kidnap you and sell you to some sex-ring. Make sure they don't get too close to Petey now!"
Jimmy examined the badges carefully. He was familiar with the badges of authority figures (he'd seen enough of them in his lifetime), and though these two seemed to check out, something in his gut was telling him that they were fakes.
"Satisfied?" The shorter one said dryly, pocketing his badge again.
"No," Jimmy retorted just as acerbically, "But I'm interested to see what your punch-line is."
The big guy and the little guy exchanged glances, and then together leaned forward in a way that meant they were probably getting to the more important stuff now.
"Mr. Hop- Jimmy, we understand that there was an incident on the campus last June. One of your classmates died in an accident."
"I fell off a fuckin' roof!"
"Yeah. The psychopath went up there because he wanted to fight me, and he got too close to the edge."
The smaller agent's gaze was burning. "And that's the whole story?"
"Yup. And if you have a problem with it, pal, you can ask the dozens of people that were watching when it happened. I didn't push him. He wasn't worth the prison stay."
Gary sniffed exaggeratedly and though Jimmy wasn't facing him, he could imagine Gary either wiping his eyes or pressing his hands over his heart. "Oh Jimmy, it's so good to know you care!" He burst into fake, wild sobs that eventually dissolved into maniacal laughter.
"So what about it? What's it have to do with anything?" Jimmy pushed, trying to avoid gritting his teeth or shutting his eyes or doing anything else that might make them think something else was bothering him.
"Well, we've heard that there were some complaints from classmates about unusual happenings around the school-"
"Welcome to Bullworth, we're filled to the brim with sociopaths and future cons." The shorter agent snickered, and the taller one elbowed him in a way that hardly seemed professional.
"Yes," The taller one pressed on, "But-" He picked up a file off the seat beside him and pulled out a paper. "The fire alarms spontaneously going off, people being randomly shoved downstairs, students feeling like someone was stalking them in the halls; as well as that incident with a Mr.… Papadopoulos-"
"Algie doesn't know what happened to him. The therapist is still trying to sort him out." Jimmy said, trying to pretend like it was a perfectly normal occurrence and that he had no idea what could possibly be responsible, even when he knew the 'what' was sitting right behind him, probably making faces at his back-
"All the same, kid, getting hauled up the flag pole by a rope attached to your undies is more like something out of a cartoon than a typical day on campus."
Gary's laugh was almost terrifying.
Almost.
Jimmy gave the shorter agent another Look.
"And again, I welcome you to Bullworth Academy, where it's almost as though the evolutionary clock ticks backwards." Now totally convinced that these two were bogus, Jimmy stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder. "Are we done? My friend Petey's probably been shut in a locker or something and it's probably better that I go let him out before he suffocates."
()()
That afternoon, the entire football team came running out of the locker room screaming about ghost towels whip-cracking them in the showers. Jimmy saw more of Damon West then he would ever have cared to. No less than an hour later, a plague-sized helping of rats swarmed Harrington House and sent the Preps into panic attacks. Gord, in his confusion, clung to Jimmy like a limpet until Zoe knocked him off.
"This is getting unbearable." She growled.
And Jimmy agreed wholeheartedly.
Unfortunately, Gary would just not go into the freakin' light already.
Probably because he knew he was going straight to hell.
()()
And then, that night, a miracle came.
Back, anyway.
"We lied to you earlier," Tall agent said, now dressed in far more casual clothing that seemed to suit him better than a monkey suit. "We're not actually from the FBI."
"Oh really? I wouldn't have guessed." Jimmy's voice dripped with sarcasm, and the shorter not-agent glared at him.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Jimmy turned and looked them both in the eye. "I've been getting my ass handed to me by the police, feds, social workers and teachers since I was four. Believe me: I know the law when I see it. What do you want?" The brunette sighed.
"I'm Sam, and this is my brother Dean. We, ah…" He glanced at Dean, who seemed far less inclined to be gentle.
"We're ghost hunters. You have a ghost, and now we need to get rid of him."
"Dean!"
"What? He's a big boy. He can handle it."
Jimmy stared at them. "Wait- You've seen him too?"
Dean stared back. "You saw him at all? Why didn't you say something?" Jimmy snorted.
"Oh yeah, no, I'm totally going to tell people that Gary Smith's freakin' ghost's been haunting me ever since I got back to the damn campus. That wouldn't land me an all-expenses paid vacation to Happy Volts at all. Geez." He crossed his arms. "So what are you going to do?"
Dean and Sam exchanged looks.
"The only way to put him down is to salt and burn his bones. That means we got to go to the cemetery and dig him up. You know where he's buried?" Dean asked.
For a moment, there was silence as Jimmy stared at him, and Sam looked uncomfortable. He was reminding Jimmy more and more of Petey with every passing moment.
"Jimmy, I know Gary was your friend and this is hard, but it really-"
He stopped as Jimmy grabbed his sweatshirt off the back of his desk chair and made for the door.
"What the fuck are we waiting for? Let's go burn the bastard already!"
Sam gaped.
Dean grinned.
"I think I like this kid."
-End