Just a short Sasunaru one-shot. This is AU even though I love canon, so sorry :)

God dammit. Why couldn't getting shot be anything like it was in the movies? The bullet goes through, you fall down, you die.

Yeah. Because that totally is how it happens. I know this...because there's bullets implanted in my thigh, shoulder, and possibly stomach too but I can't tell because it FUCKING HURTS.

And then there was how I even ended up slumped against the brick wall outside of my apartment building bleeding into the snow below me in the first place. This situation would probably get a laugh out of Kiba and Shikamaru, because everyone knows I'm a genius when it comes to getting in sucky situations. Well it wasn't exactly my fault that two local gangs were having a shoot-out and I just MANAGED to get caught in the cross-fire right? Simply walking home from the grocery store with two bags stuffed with instant ramen is apparently a crime in this neighborhood, not that I'm complaining. Not everyone is worthy of the glory of ramen. Especially not that bastard Sasuke.

Sasuke.

Wasn't I supposed to go hang with him and Sakura later tonight? Grab a movie from the Redbox outside of Walgreens and study...yeah. I remember now. High school exams are coming up...Damn, I shouldn't have tried to move my foot. My whole fucking leg needs to be amputated from the feel of it, and right now I really just want to sleep. Besides, there's this wet sticky thing under me that is getting on my nerves, and it is REALLY uncomfortable. Wait a minute, what's that on my nose? Oh, lovely. It's snowing. Just from the feel of it, because my eyelids are too heavy, I swear they're made of cinderblocks or something right now and I just want to sleep, I am so tired...

But wait...

If I sleep outside, what'll happen to my ramen? I don't really expect anyone to take it because, well, it's MINE and pretty much anyone who knows me (which is roughly the entire block) knows not to fuck around with my ramen. But it's still warm from the grocery store and I was hoping to eat about eight bowls before I went over to Sasuke's place...Shit, what is that pounding in my pocket? Feels like a freaking earthquake, and thank whatever powers that be that my phone wasn't in the pocket of the leg I had been shot in because believe me, if trying to move my freaking TOES was a pain in the ass, this would be on a totally different level. I can guess who this is calling right now anyway. Ah, there's my suspicion confirmed, thanks to this stupid app that let's voicemails be played even when the fucking phone is locked.

"Hey dobe, you were supposed to be here twenty minutes ago. Where are you? Sakura is getting edgy and I blame you if she trashes my place." Well sorry if I ruin your night, Mr. My-house-needs-to-damn-spotless. Don't let my bleeding out and dying get in the way of your perfection, you freaky OCD maniac. Man, I crack myself up. I'd laugh if my mouth didn't feel like I had a gag around my head, and my shoulder is really aching so probably not the best idea to begin with. Shit, I think I hit my head when I went down too, there's some wet sticky thing on my forehead too, and I just noticed that it feels like some dwarves are mining diamonds in my brain.

How did I miss THIS?

And I realized this too, and maybe dying gives people some sort of philosophical perspective that they don't normally have but, I don't even feel like I'm living anymore. Like, my soul or whatever is leaving and it's fucking creepy. I mean, I still had so much I wanted to do in life, you know? Open a world-renowned ramen shop, or be a hot-shot basketball player. Being on varsity this year gave me the idea anyways. And my friends. Kiba, the dog loving freak, he was going to come with me to college, not that I even considered that shit yet. It's December and I'm only a Junior. His girlfriend Hinata, the pristine little sister of my circle of friends, man is it gonna suck if- no, when she finds out I'm dead. She won't come out of her room for days I bet, not that Kiba would be any better. He'd probably be worse, cuddling up with Akamaru the steroid dog and sobbing all night. I already know what Ino and Sakura would do and trust me, it won't be pretty. Shikamaru and Gaara, man I wish I knew what they were thinking. It would make this whole imagining what's going to happen after I die thing a lot smoother...Choji? Hah, he's going to bring a fucking roast to my funeral and munch away during the speeches. I can see it now, and it's not that hard considering the blackness that's covering the blackness that was already there, but hey, I guess another perk of dying is you don't have to look up at the sky and think about if you'll be up there soon.

Fuck, this hurts. Dying isn't doing anything to lessen the aches in the various parts of my body. If anything, it's amplifying them so much I'd cry if I could move my eyelids.

I'm not going to cry no matter what though. I'm no pussy and I certainly don't plan on changing that view moments before I die. Anyways, then there's Shino, again another silent sulking kid. How do I manage to make friends with those kind of people? I can sort of imagine him bringing a box of dead butterflies to my funeral, saying some shit about how my soul is now one of them and is flying free around space or something at that very moment.

Ew.

Then Temari and Kankuro, Gaara's siblings. Hm, Kankuro would join Kiba in the sob-fest and Temari would...well, that bitch is hard to read to begin with so let's skip her. Ah, damn it, there just HAD to be a wind gust strong enough to shift my leg and shoulder? Thanks a lot, Nature! Way to kick a guy while he's down...man, I am a riot. I could've opened a comedy club too. You know, I guess I have been avoiding Sasuke, haven't I? Well, considering he's my best friend and all that jazz a person would think I'd have the way he'd act once he realizes I'm dead down to the way he'd take a breath or something after being told the news but to be honest...

I have no fucking idea.

I mean, he's like the Ice Prince. With a stick shoved up his ass. I barely know how he's going to react when I tell him I put a swarm of bees in Ms. Tsunade's car, so when he's being told I'm brain-dead how am I supposed to know? Eh, wait, is my phone ringing AGAIN? Doesn't this bastard realize I'm, oh, I don't know, dying? Oh, wait, he can't. Duh. And then there's the voicemail. "Alright idiot. I'm coming over right now and if you're in your apartment I am going to kick your ass. Sakura is going nuts saying you got jumped or something. You had better have a good excuse for not coming over tonight." Click. Oh shit. No, no, no, don't come here! Okay, I can make all the jokes in the world about Sasuke and his prissy-ness, but when it comes to him actually FINDING MY DEAD BODY on the sidewalk I really don't want to deal with that. And Sakura really isn't that far off about the whole jumped thing...except it was two gangs shooting at each other. I'd much rather think I was apart of one of them and got shot protecting a comrade. Also, Sasuke wishes he could kick my ass. Just because he started one game more than me this season does not give him the right to be so stuck up...

But seriously, if Sasuke sees me like this and I'm still alive, this is gonna be bad.

Please God, sorry for not going to church for all these years, but please strike me with a bolt of lightning or something and make this end now. Please.

And my stomach hurts so fucking bad, I think I did get shot there, and damn does it hurt. And God doesn't answer me at all. There isn't even the fucking light that people say they see as they're dying, so that's total bullshit. Well, if you consider the streetlamp above my head the "light", then fine, but other than that my vision is somehow darker than the shirt I'm wearing right now. Fuck, please don't let Sasuke see me now. Please, please, please. I'm sorry for all that shit I pulled on the old hag, and the pervert Mr. Jiraiya and that one time I spray-painted the mayor's desk orange, please let me die now...

And yeah, I get it. Don't people normally beg to live, not die? I'm a fucked up person, okay? Because if I live, then that just means I get to deal with THIS fucking pain longer and Sasuke's coming now and if he sees me I'm so fucked, you may as well shove a tree up my ass and call it a day. Damn, my leg hurts. I think there's more than one bullet there, and a few more in my shoulder and now that I really think about it, my back too, plus my head is still aching like the cows are coming home. And god dammit, can't Sasuke stop calling me? How long has it been since he called last anyways? Am I losing track of time or something? Yeesh, this dying thing really is a pain. Literally. I should go on Saturday night live.

"Alright Naruto, I am turning the fucking corner to your place right now and you had better be god-damn ready for me, because I am not fooling around." And there goes my chances of dying before he gets here. I'm assuming I can still count so, here we go. Five...

Four...

Three...

Two...

One...

"OH MY GOD! NARUTO!" ding ding ding. We have a winner. And the lucky fellow is..."Naruto, open your eyes! Shit...what happened?! Naruto!" Calm down, for god's sake. I can hear you, you know! Stop yelling! "Fuck, yes, my friend, damn, he's shot and I think he hit his head, please..." Nows not really the best time for a phone conversation bastard. "Please hurry!...God-dammit Naruto, can you hear me?!" Did I NOT just say I could, you deaf prick? Oh wait, this whole thing is going on in my head. Oh well, guess I should try letting you know I'm still around...

"Naruto, open your eyes! Don't you dare die on me..." I'm trying to open my eyes, in case you haven't noticed. It doesn't help anything when it feels like there's elephants sitting on my eyelids. But, somehow I manage to flick them up and the first thing I see is, not Sasuke's face, but the glaring light of the streetlamp I mentioned earlier. And if that isn't fucking bright I don't know what is. "Naruto! Naruto, look at me..." How am I supposed to when you're not even in my line of sight, bastard? I can't exactly move anything at the moment...and then my body feels like it's tilting down and it hurts like a motherfucker, but again I can't voice any of my complaints at the man-handling because my lips feel numb as ice in the North Pole. Ah, there he is and wait- is that, he can't be...crying? "Naruto!" Sasuke shouts again and I can indeed confirm to everyone that the great Sasuke Uchiha is indeed crying, and not just crying folks, but sobbing over my body. This is like, the event of the century. The millennium, even. People should be buying tickets to see this.

"Naruto, what the hell happened? Answer me?" he shouts again and I attempt to force a frown onto my lips because I don't want to die like an emotionless statue. That's Sasuke's job. I somehow force my lips to move and trust me, I think that's a feat unto itself. And the first dying words that leave my lips are..."My...ramen...where is...it..." Way to go Naruto. Going out with a bang, true Uzumaki style. A forced, sad smile is on Sasuke's face and a strained laugh comes from him. Good to know I'm still fucking hilarious and I hope I'm just as sexy with the blood on my head. "Naruto, don't die, please don't die dammit, hold on!" Sasuke whispers and one of his tears falls just under my eye; I can feel it splash onto my skin.

I do NOT want your tears on me while I'm dying, jerk.

Besides, aren't you supposed to be kicking my ass right now? Stop crying over me and hurry it up so I can die faster and be done with this.

"...S-sorry that I...'m...late..." Jesus Christ, how can I sound less pathetic? Why can't my last words be something heroic like, "Take care of Sakura for me..." or something. Not that we're together, it's just fun to make fun of her about it. And that humor certainly hasn't left me. Sasuke sounded like he choked on a sob. "No, don't be," he whispered and I think he wiped something from my face. Blood or tears, I can't decide. I choose tears because why the fuck should they be on me in the first place? I'm supposed to be the badass hero dying in glory...glory as in getting caught in a gang-fight. But beggars can't be choosers I guess. "I'm sorry I called you like that, if I knew, fuck...don't die Naruto, please." I'd love to comply bastard but I sort of have holes all over my body? I can't really stop myself from bleeding. "...Stop...crying...you look...like a girl..." Finally I say something worthy of being quoted, written in a book, and framed on the President's wall. Sasuke laughed again and tried to wipe his tears away and I noticed a fair amount of blood on the palm of his hand. I managed to catch a glimpse of his white polo shirt under his blue jacket as he moved and I saw more blood there too. I hope I'm not ruining his clothes like I apparently ruined his home. Prick.

"Naruto, the ambulance is almost here I think, please hang on-No, don't close your eyes Naruto! LOOK AT ME!" My eyelids are heavy, bastard. Let me rest them for a few minutes. Besides, I feel like I'm floating and it's nice, so just shut up..."...Naruto, fuck, please! I love you!" Woah. Woah woah woah, back up a little bit. Did I just hear that or is my oxygen-deprived brain making things up? Did Sasuke just say he loves me? "I love you...stay, please..." Okay. I heard it.

Well, this changes things.

On one hand, I guess there's someone who thinks about me romantically and considering I haven't ever had a girlfriend- or boyfriend, apparently- it's sort of nice to die knowing it. But then again, it's Sasuke. And again...what's with this fluttering of my heart that I'm sure isn't it failing and letting me finally drift away? Wait...I don't...I can't...can I? "..I...l-love...you t...oo..." And now you've gone and done it Naruto. Guess you love a guy now hm? Shit, I'm never going to live this down- wait, of course I'm not. Again, I am such a card. "Naruto..." Sasuke's face is coming down way too close for comfort and I feel like this should be in some cheesy romance novel, except, wait, I'm not the fucking girl in this am I?! Oh, wait, his lips do feel nice...don't get me wrong, it does feel sort of right, his lips on mine, but..."Please don't die Naruto. Don't...don't leave me..."

I really want to sleep. But I think if I do...I won't wake up...

"...I...won't...I prom..ise..." I whisper and Sasuke smiles, his dark eyes still brimming with tears. Fuck, I just promised I wouldn't die and I don't go back on my word.

Ever.

So much for dying then, God. You can take that off your list, not that you had it on there to begin with considering you didn't make it go by faster. Well, now that I can assure my apparent boyfriend that I'm not going to the holy land, I can finally sleep...right?

I just hope that when I wake up Sasuke will be by my side like always, except now we can hold hands and face our futures together.