A/N: "Dream not, want not." Quote by me the writer. Enjoy and I own nothing! BTW…warning repetition of the word 'sleep' is very probable.
I woke the other day
And saw my world has changed
The past is over but tomorrow's wishful thinking
I can't hold onto what's been done (woah)
I can't grab onto what's to come (woah)
And I'm just wishing I could stop, but
Life goes on
Come of age
Can't hold on
Turn the page
Time rolls on
Wipe these eyes
Yesterday laughs
Tomorrow cries
The Offspring-Can't Repeat
Dreams-Italics
"So what will you do now Garrus?" Shepard's intense eyes scanning him.
"I believe I'll go back to C-Sec. Maybe even apply for spectre training. This mission has…opened my eyes. Thanks Shepard for bringing me along." Garrus nodded appreciatively at her. She nodded back with a slight smile.
"No problem Garrus. I'll see you later."
"Yeah…see you later." He murmured after she left. Turning back to the Mako with a heavy sigh, he continued working. Minutes later he nodded off into a much needed slumber.
Shepard slumped back to her room, plopping herself on the bed. In a few hours they would be stopping Saren from using the Conduit. And those few hours would tear her apart.
Rejecting Kaidan was something she didn't want to do but had to. He had feelings for her that she didn't share. "Can't he realize that I want him to be my brother not some damn lover?" She grumbled.
Heading to her mirror she brushed her shoulder-length hair behind her ears. 'Stupid light brown hair…nothing remarkable about it.'
Her silver eyes sparkling, she felt like crying. 'Too much commanding to do…at least it'll be over soon.'
"It's never over." She smiled at herself in the mirror, trying her best to look happy.
She had a family once. But they were all dead and now new people replaced them and she accepted them. Even though she was his protégé, Anderson was a father figure to her. And he looked at her as a daughter. That she knew for sure. She liked to think of Kaidan as a brother but his feelings for her were too much. 'Perhaps we will be in time.'
And Garrus Vakarian…she smiled. He was her best friend even though they didn't seem like it. Friends come from strange places and she grasped the chance to have friends gladly.
Ashley Williams…she was one of those friends. Even though her views on aliens were a little too racial for her and her faith in 'God' were somewhat a little strange she still considered her a friend. And now she was dead. Shepard sighed sadly and tossed the matter aside.
Feeling renewed, she strolled out of her room and glanced over her shoulder at Kaidan. He was still working on that console for god-knows-what. He looked up at her and waved sheepishly. She smiled and waved back. 'Hopefully things will get better between us.' She thought.
She sat down at the mess hall table and knew instantly that today was going to be long day. "Here we come Ilos." She mumbled to herself before dozing off.
"Hey Garrus can you come and help me with this-"Tali stopped in her tracks and stared at the slumped figure. "Garrus!"
Running towards him, Tali flipped him over and discovered that the turian was…sleeping. "Garrus?" She whispered, afraid to wake him up.
"Whoa what?" He yelled out, banging his fringe against the ground. "Ah…that hurt." He grunted sleepily and sat up. "Yeah Tali?"
"Oh…it's nothing Garrus. I'll take you up to a sleeper pod." And without warning, Tali helped heave Garrus to the elevator and went up with him. "Finally you're tired. I was starting to wonder-"She stopped abruptly in her tracks as her mask tilted to the side.
Garrus looked at what she seemed to be staring at and smiled. The graceful adept known as Commander Lane Shepard was dozing off at the mess hall table, a little grin on her petite face.
On the battlefield or in the middle of a political 'shitstorm' she always looked sincere…commanding…serious. Her eyes brought a fire to a situation and when she had that look; he knew enough to not stand in her way. But now here she is, dead asleep and seemingly calm. And he had to laugh at that.
"Humans are a strange species aren't they Garrus?" Tali glanced up at him.
"Most of them are strange…but Shepard's the strangest of them all." Right when he said that, he immediately wondered what kind of dream she was having…
"Come on Joker. You've got to leave ship." She pulled on his arm and lifted him away from his seat.
"Watch the arm!" She ignored him and dragged him toward the last escape pod. Another blast was hitting the ship and she flew away from Joker. Her fingers grasping the button, Joker's escape pod was gone and she was left alone…breathing slowly into the depths of space. Opening her eyes she saw nothing.
She was falling. Falling into something dark and scary. It was consuming her as she slowly choked on her words for help. Finally a tall figure walked up to her. It didn't look human…it looked turian. "Garrus!" She cried out.
"Shepard?" He shook his head sadly and muttered to himself, "I must be hallucinating."
"No no! Garrus it's me!"
She watched as conflict entered his eyes and he mumbled softly. "See you soon Shepard." He inserted a new ammo clip in and slipped on a dark blue helmet, face now gone from her view. He was sniping somebody…she couldn't see who though. He repeatedly kept shooting, ignoring her screaming.
"This shot is for you." A shot rang out. And another…and another. It didn't stop even when she fell asleep.
Her eyes fluttered open and she saw Kaidan talking to a colonist. "Kaidan!" Shepard's voice is filled with joy. 'Maybe he'll help me.' Shepard thinks.
Kaidan glances up and shakes his head, a sad smile appearing.
"It's me Shepard…hello Kaidan?" Kaidan kept ignoring her, sorrow coloring his dark brown eyes.
He still didn't listen to her even as she slept soundly.
Shepard jerks awake and is rewarded with Tali. "Oh Tali! You've got to help me!"
Tali glances around her and giggles a bit. "Oh great…Shepard's invading my thoughts again guys." Tali gestures to the group of quarians who chuckle a bit, knowing exactly what she's talking about.
Shepard shuts her eyes tightly and sees Liara sitting at an office desk. "Liara thank god it's you. Nobody is listening to me and-"
Liara's smile cuts off Shepard's words and continues reading her holopads carefully. Crestfallen, Shepard falls back asleep.
She awakens to see Wrex, her krogan buddy. Smiling as she remembers their 'Shepard…Wrex' banter, Shepard speaks up loudly. "Wrex old pal, I'm glad I'm seeing you."
Wrex looks up around him and grumbles softly to himself, "I'm going crazy again."
Disappointed, Shepard just sighs softly to herself and quietly accepts her fate as ghost. Going to sleep once more…Shepard snores.
With a yell, she awoke and from the corner of her eye saw Garrus and Tali. Her eyes widened when she saw the two. Scrambling from her seat she shoved past them, apologized and headed up toward the CIC. "What was that about?" Tali asked, curiously roaming the mess hall. Her gaze landed at Kaidan. "Do you think she was dreaming of Kaidan?"
"I…I don't think so." His mandibles fluttering, he thought back to what he had dreamed about.
"Was Shepard…was Lane still alive when you last saw her Joker?" Garrus questioned Joker along with Kaidan.
"No…" Joker hung his head low, covering his face with his cap. "I killed her."
Kaidan looked and Garrus lost his calm. "You…you Joker her pilot killed her? If only you weren't trying to save your damn ship! Maybe we wouldn't be having this conversation…"
Surprised at Garrus' behavior, Kaidan grabbed him by the shoulders. "No Garrus. It was nobody's fault. She sacrificed her life for all of us."
"Sure. Sure she did…" Garrus jerked away from him and kept pacing back and forth as he tried to remember her face. He stopped pacing and ran out of the room. But instead of meeting another room, he was met with a black abyss swallowing him whole.
Garrus was on Omega, sniper in hand and helmet on. When he looked through the scoop he saw someone that he never thought he'd see again. "Shepard…" Garrus whispers to himself, and snipes a freelancer behind her. He grins at the sight of her and shuts his blue eyes, falling asleep.
"Garrus? Are you okay?" Tali asked him, head tilted.
"No." He responded and left Tali looking very confused. He headed up the stairs after Shepard and found her sitting by the galaxy map where she usually stood at.
"I saw you in my dream." They said at the same time, both gasping.
"You were dead." Garrus said simply.
"I died." Shepard responded back, voice ghostly. "Tell me. Detail for detail. Tell me everything you saw."
"As long as you do too."
"Yeah."
So Garrus settled in for a long…long story. And Shepard did as well.
"Do you think we're being indoctrinated?" Shepard joked, the layer of seriousness hiding beneath the joke.
"I certainly hope not. Cause I don't want to keep having these dreams."
"Nightmares more like it." Shuddering, Shepard felt a cold empty feeling in her mind. "Perhaps the Protheans are messing with me or something."
"Well they must like me as well." Garrus stared at her, Shepard staring back. "Why else would this happen?"
"The professional and most likely reason is nerves. We're just nervous about the upcoming battle. I know I am. Are you?" She inquired.
"Somewhat. More excited than anything else. Maybe you are right…I don't know. I'd rather classify it as nothing and leave it at that."
"Agreed. Heh, do you think the crew is having the same dreams of me dying?" Shepard snorted, immediately covering her mouth embarrassed.
"Cute Shepard." Garrus laughed at her snort, Shepard slapping on serious face. "I doubt it but you never know."
"Yeah. You never know…"
Kaidan shoved himself away from the console and considered kicking it but thought better of it. He settled himself inside a sleeper pod in just for a few minutes. "Just a few minutes…need sleep." He murmurs, the events of the day pounding down on him.
'First Shepard says no and that she wants me to be family…her brother. Next we steal the Normandy and are on our way to Ilos. We are about to stop one of the oldest species alive called the Reapers. I don't know if I should troubled or what.'
As he shut the sleep pod door, he happily shut his eyes and dreamed…
"So that's it? We just call her MIA and leave it at that. Make sure the fly that was in our face is dead for good? You're not searching hard enough because you don't want to have to deal with Shepard and the Reapers." Kaidan exploded at Anderson and Udina.
Captain Anderson was now Councilor Anderson and Udina was still 'bastard Ambassador Udina'. "We declared her MIA because she is MIA. She is missing in action…maybe even killed in action. We'll never know for sure whether or not Shepard is dead. But that's what the reports say. And they'll stay that way." Udina stepped in, a smirk covered with a scowl.
"Udina is right. But we'll honor her memory by going after the Reapers and convincing the Council that they do exist. We-"Anderson was cut off by Kaidan escaping the room.
"She's dead…she's dead…she's dead…and she never loved me. But I loved her." Kaidan mumbled to himself over and over again when sprinting to a nearby elevator. He nearly lost his calm when he heard a news report talking about Shepard's death when riding the elevator.
He ran and ran until he collapsed. He didn't care where. But something was forming around him. A black mist covered his body and blinked at the sight in front of him. There stood Commander Lane Shepard. Here was his second chance. A familiar turian stood behind her as well as a black-haired woman who wore a 'very' tight jumpsuit.
"Shepard…" Kaidan grinned at Shepard.
He embraced her and smelt her light brown hair. He got lost in his thoughts and drearily closed his eyes tightly, falling into a deep sleep.
Jerking awake, he slammed his head against the sleep pod door abruptly. "Damn it. Shepard!"
Then he realized where he was at. "Oh…just a dream. All of it…a perfectly horrible dream." And with that, he stepped out of the sleeper pod and began his fixings on the console, thinking back twice about the mysterious dream.
Tali stared after Garrus' disappearing form and reconsidered going after him. "Ugh…my best friend, the Turian of Few Words."
Tali shook her head, confused of his behavior and took the elevator back down. She kept standing there, despite having already reached the engineering level. "Keelah." She mumbled and hit the button again.
When the elevator stopped, she trudged toward the sleeper pods, passing by a very distraught looking Kaidan Alenko. 'Poor Kaidan. But all that Lane wants is just family.' Tali thought as she settled into an unused sleeper pod, eyes closing for sleep.
Tali'Zorah roamed the halls of the ship Neema. She was to be declared Tali'Zorah vas Neema instead of Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. She sat up against the metal walls of the ship, reminiscing the fun moments aboard the Normandy.
She missed Shepard and Garrus and talking to Engineer Adams about the Normandy's drive cores. She was eternally grateful to Shepard since she helped Tali with her pilgrimage. But she couldn't pay her back.
Tali sighs, getting back up on her feet only to be jerked back down by a black mass covering her. She gasps loudly as she enters an unfamiliar scene. Tali was surrounded by three other quarians as the door behind them opened. The person that stood out in the group of trio was Shepard clad in N7 armor.
"Shepard…is that you?" Tali says, amazed at the sight of her. She'd finally be able to pay her back. Tali feels tired and collapses; sleeping.
Tali screams, not an ear-piercing scream but a scream nonetheless. She rips open the sleeper pod and discovers she's on the Normandy. "Well that was a vivid dream. I'd rather dream of geth than something like that."
Tali abandons the idea of sleep and walks past Kaidan who still looked freaked out and into the elevator. "Back to work."
Liara was organizing her holopads when a yawn overcame her. "Oh by the Goddess. Must be tired…so much research." Resting her head on the table, she slept peacefully…for the most part.
She was sitting in an office on Illium, reading holopads containing data about Shepard and Cerberus. She couldn't help but keep rereading Shepard's personal records and history.
Name: Lane Ray Shepard
Rank: Lieutenant Commander
Species: Human
Gender: Female
Colony: Mindoir
Species Home World: Earth
Affiliations: Systems Alliance, N7 program, Spectres, Council…ect.
Personal History: Lived on Mindoir, a colony world on the edges of the Traverse. Family killed by batarian slavers. Only survivor from the Shepard family.
Career Highlights: Joined the Alliance at the age of 18, graduated top of her class in N7 program, was the only survivor in the Akuze massacre, protégé of Captain Anderson, first Human Spectre, destroyed Saren and his geth, Hero of the Citadel.
Cause of death: killed in the destruction of the Normandy, exact cause of death unknown.
Status: KIA/MIA
Liara tossed aside the holopad as tears ran down her face. "I just hope that Cerberus can bring her back."
She rubbed her face free of tears and a black void consumed her as she gasped loudly. She found herself standing in front of a vid screen of a man, threatening him about asari commando units. Surprised, she turned around to hear Shepard's voice. "Shepard!" She embraced her and smiled, collapsing into a sleep.
Startled by the strange dream, Liara woke up to a holopad onto of her head. "Oh!" Carefully grabbing the holopad she read the contents. Shepard's history and personal records. "What…?"
She reread it for the umpteenth time and stared at the 'Status'.
Status: Active Duty
Wrex stands there, bored out of his mind. 'Ugh when's the next time we're going out?' Wrex wonders, his trigger-finger edgy.
He grunts, sleepier than ever. He resorts to sitting down, getting some shut-eye.
"Urdnot Wrex! You're going to want to hear this." A random krogan from clan Urdnot came up to him, movements animated.
Wrex follows the krogan to a extranet news terminal and turns it back on.
"Reported today is the destruction the SSV Normandy. Search teams are still searching for the body of Commander Shepard who has saved the pilot, Mr. Moreau, from death by sacrificing her life. More news on the matter will begin tonight at-"
Wrex cut off the woman by smashing the terminal. "Damn you Shepard." He growls, shaking his head sadly.
He walks around a bit, ignoring the krogan's protests. As he's walking the grounds of Sunny Tuchanka a black swirl surrounds him and Wrex finds himself in a throne, overlooking Clan Urdnot.
He hears a krogan yelling and a strangely familiar voice arguing back. He stands up and stomps over, only to see the backside of a krogan. "Move." He grumbles and sees the thrilled face of Lane Shepard as she sees him.
"Shepard!" He yells out, face glowing with happiness…if krogans can look 'glowing'. But the happy moment is over as he falls asleep; head limp.
Wrex awakes with a thud, head hitting the wall. "Ouch." He groans as he stands up unsteadily. "The fuck kind of dream was that?" Wrex mumbles.
Trying his best to forget the ordeal, Wrex examines his shotgun carefully at the place where the late Ashley Williams once cleaned hers. "Stupid kid but good soldier."
Garrus helps the Commander up and she slips a small smile at him. "Thanks for listening Garrus. We're probably all just going crazy from this constant goose chase."
"Yeah…um Commander? Goose chase?"
Shepard sighs, grinning a bit. "A human expression Garrus."
"Commander we're ten minutes away from Ilos." Joker spoke over the intercom.
"Thanks Joker." Shepard says, looking up at the ceiling.
"One other thing Commander. I'm not 'god' so you don't have to look up every time I talk you know."
Shepard scoffs, waving her hand in dismissal knowing Joker was watching them over the ship cam. "Suit up Garrus. See you at the Mako."
Garrus nods, catching one last glance at Shepard before heading out. He still felt weirded out by the dream but stashed it aside for the moment.
"Kaidan suit up we're going to…" Shepard trailed off as she saw the look in his eyes. "What's wrong?"
"Oh it's nothing Commander. I'm fit for duty." Kaidan lied, shuffling his feet a bit.
"Cut the bull LT. What's wrong?"
"It's this strange dream I had. It was…well…very unusual. But it's nothing Commander. It won't affect my performance." Kaidan scratched the back of his neck, eyes darting every which way.
"Give me the short version." Shepard said, curiosity getting the better of her.
"You had…died. And Captain Anderson and Ambassador Udina were discussing the results of the search teams. You were officially declared MIA that day. I uh…kinda freaked at that idea and ran out. But this weird black mass surrounded me and somehow I ended up seeing you with Garrus and this black-haired woman. We um…hugged and then I think I fell asleep. Ma'am."
Shepard was gaping at him and then her lips quivered upward into a grin. "Wait a minute Kaidan; you're just yanking me around aren't you?"
Kaidan's eyes widened at that idea. "No ma'am. Why would I do that?"
"Well I still don't believe you but come on. We have to get down to Ilos. We'll finish this discussion later Alenko."
After Saving the Galaxy…
Shepard and her crew sit around the mess hall table, either laughing or smiling at the bad jokes they made up.
"Okay okay...anybody have anything strange to share? Stories? Memories? Dreams?" Shepard gazes over at Garrus, who's obviously thinking back on that dream of his. "Sorry Garrus."
"No problem Shepard." Garrus shivers at the strange dream, the scenes replaying in his mind.
"What are you talking about Shepard?" Wrex asks, interested in what the two were discussing.
"It's nothing Wrex." Garrus mumbles.
"Like hell turian. Tell us. Maybe we'll even laugh at it." Wrex snorts.
Shaking his head amused, Garrus starts in on his dream. "Alright…since you asked so nicely."
Garrus retells his dream and it makes a few people's mouth drop. "That's strange…cause in my dream Shepard died as well. And that weird black mass happened as well." Kaidan exclaims.
"Keelah. Same here!" Tali shouts. "I was on the quarian ship 'Neema' when that…that black thing appeared. Then I was with Shepard and a group of fellow quarians. This is…this is…" Tali trailed off, bright eyes blinking behind her mask.
"Troublesome." Shepard finished for her. As Shepard tells her dream, Wrex is cursing quietly, Kaidan is shaking his head in confusion, Tali is sighing disbelievingly, Garrus is distraught, Liara is listening intently…while Shepard is just plain freaked out.
"All of our dreams…they're connected somehow. Maybe because we've all become close over our mission against Saren we share similarities in our dreams. There has to be a logical reason for all of this." Liara explains, playing the role as the 'Interpreter.'
"Liara is right. There's no need to freak over this…although I am." Shepard agrees with Liara, nodding toward her. "Let's just forget that this even happened and go on with our lives. It's most likely nothing."
Everybody concurs and the talk switches topics.
Weeks later when a strange ship attacks…
"Watch the arm!" Joker yelps out in protest. Shepard freezes in place. The dream is coming true. Wanting to disbelieve the truth, Shepard feels dread pausing her thoughts.
Breathing deeply, panic ensues in Shepard. Willing the panic to go away, Shepard continues to drag Joker into the last escape pod. A blast appears at her right and knocks her away from Joker. Holding on tightly to the wall, she scrapes her fingers across the button and Joker's pod flies off with his last words to her…"Shepard!"
Her body knocks into the wall behind her and she's flying around in circles. Shepard grasps the back of her helmet, wishing for air to come in. Breaths escaping her as she gasps, Shepard lets go of her helmet, relenting to the inevitable death. "The dream…pfft…dreams don't come true."
And those were her last words as her body burns in the atmosphere of the planet below. But little did she know, the other crew members' dreams eventually come true as did hers.
A/N: Another one-shot. Confusion ensues! But yeah…in Commander Lane Shepard's case dreams do come true.