Love Kindles Slowly, but Melts Quick
The following comic is based on a true event I have experienced but also follows a series of events that occurs from specific dates.
Middle school was probably one of the best memories I've ever had but it has also been the most difficult years of living. The name's Dan, or Daniel Gonzalez (if you want to find out my full name), the average not so popular but atypical guy. I'm not here to explain my whole middle school life, rather I will only give you specific dates about my love story. It is similar like the writing style like The Perks of Being a Wallflower novel where the main protagonist narrates the story through certain dates. Here we go, the story about how I went through the most memorable day I had to one to of the worst moments that can ever happen to someone…
February 12, 2013
It all started after P.E., I bet you right now that you can imagine a guy who is super fit and athletic where he would attract all the girls, but I wasn't that kind of guy, the jockey type of guy. That kind of thing no longer exists. I head to my Sports Science class where I noticed the people around me. If only I was the kind of guy people would appreciate me, but I became that kind of human being where he prefers to stay shy but hidden away from others. Before I reached my locker, I noticed a girl who was similar as I was, she wasn't well known by many nor did they want to make friends with her. Her books slipped out of her hands when she attempted to open her locker, and everyone stared at her as if she was a servant at IHOP where she caused a scene by dropping a handful of plates. I, at least, was generous enough to help her pick up her books. Everyone turned back to their daily normal lives when I insisted on helping her.
"Thank you so much," the girl said with a smile on her face.
"No problem," I said, trying to remain optimistic while helping put her books in her locker.
"My name is Lexie, Lexie Cardona."
"Name's Dan, Daniel Gonzalez." Seems like things are going okay the between the two of us.
Unfortunately, we only had two minutes left before the bell rang so we had to cut our conversation short. Sports Science was one of my favorite classes I took because I was able to learn more about what was like to take the perspective of a professional athlete, but also my teacher, Mr. Soriano learned a lot about it since he was a Kinesiology major at UC Merced. Although, I was never fond of the Bend It Like Beckham film my teacher, Mr. Reynolds, showed us in today's lesson. It was more so bizarre that the movie felt rushed and gave more like a telenovela vibe than a comedy film.
Lunch time had just begun, and I ran into Lexie again, only this time she was with her group of friends. Normally, I would go talk to her and present myself to her group, but I was still that shy teen who would creep out to his hole until night struck. So, I tried not to get noticed by her, however that didn't turn out how I thought it would be. She notices me and may have somehow read my mind, so she presented me to the group as her friend. I got to meet her group of friends and we ate lunch together. She introduced me to the entire group: Karla, a Lady Gaga fanatic, for the love of God, por favor, do not mention the song Bad Romance because she will tell you how much she likes that song for hours. Don't believe me? If you ever heard golf commentary, you will understand that feeling. Dorys, the artist of the group who always draw on her free time. By the way, she is damn good at it. She was really into drawing anime. Natalie was the brains of the group where she knew so much about what was trending in the internet. She was the one member of the group that will talk about every post the group has posted on Facebook or Instagram. And finally, Maggie, she was the group's jokester, I always hated the fact that she pranks me every morning or lunch. It consisted of the six of us but what made it uncomfortable was that I was the only guy in that group, so right away I knew that the group of guys I hang out to play soccer would begin to make comments about me hitting up with several girls.
The next day, Dorys asked me a question that I wasn't really looking forward answering.
"Dan, have you ever been on a date before?" Dorys said.
"Umm… no?"
I'm in middle school, at the time, I don't even know what a "date" was. In fact, I didn't even know how to hit up with girls.
"Are you serious?!" Karla exclaimed as she was shocked to hear me say no.
"I'm serious… why am I being asked this question"?
"Well, Dan, almost everyone in the group has been on a date before. And because you are the newest member of the group, you are the only one who hasn't been on one," Lexie profoundly says it.
I begin to feel embarrassed since I never really had the intention on going out with a date. Hearing the five talking about how their dates were whether it was awful, or the greatest time of their lives makes me wonder why I joined them in the first place. Then I just remembered, I played hero because I helped her put her books back in her locker. However, something was strange. The moment I had put her books back in her locker, the moment she thanked me, there was something inside of me that was radiating, as if someone ignited a fire inside of my heart. What was this feeling? Is this the feeling that everyone gets when they seem to like someone? Was this… love?
Valentine's Day 2013
Oh lord, Valentine's Day. The one day where love and rejection randomly occurs. I remember in Elementary where we would exchange cards and sweets to everyone but there was that one guy who tried to ask a girl out in class in which she offered a rose. She took the rose, sniffing the aroma of the rose and one by one, she removed one of the petals and returned him a rose without petals which symbolized rejection. The whole class including me, burst into laughter at his misery as the next day, he never talked to anyone again. Damn, there were two things on mind. One was wondering what ever happened to him at this point because the week after, he never returned to school again, and the second was… will I end up like him? During my Advisory class, she asked me if I wanted to go eat at McDonald's. Personally, I really don't like McDonald's because my family occasionally drives us there most of the time when we go out. To tell you the truth, I felt like turning down her request, but I didn't want to be rude to her, so I agreed to with her. Since I always get a ride back home with my friend, I had to let my parents and my friend's parents know that I was going out with my friend Lexie. Let me be clear, when they ask who I am going out with, I don't specify who exactly I am going out with but whatever they assume, it will always be the same, I DON'T DO STUPID SHIT! Today, was a good day, since I didn't end up like that one guy, I told you a couple of lines ago.
Can we just say that I have met the greatest liar ever? By McDonald's, I didn't expect going to the McDonald's inside the mall.
"Why the discreet face?" she asked.
"I was expecting the one near at school." Jesus, why am I sounding like an illiterate ass?
"Oh, well I was going to go somewhere of a place of interest and I usually like going to the mall on Friday's."
"Wait, so you're a Friday I just rather go wherever I want kind of person?"
"Yup," she said with a smile.
Inside of my conscious, the only words I can hear are "Oh my god, you have found your match." And that's true because Friday's were the only days, I got to be myself, so I go somewhere that gains my interest and become my personal sanctuary. Touring around the mall store by store, she literally bought a bunch of stuff while I was that gentlemen who had to carry her bags because she wanted to have a new look. To be honest, it seemed weird by the fact that it was only me and her but the rest of the group.
Later when we went to eat, I began to question her about the group's absence,
"Hey Lexie, I was wondering why the rest of the group wasn't invited to go hangout."
She giggles, "So you don't know why? Wow, you do really need to get out of your cave".
I really should to be honest.
"Since you are the only one who hasn't been on a date, you need experience on how to approach a woman and how to talk to them. So today, I will be your date for now".
Okay, she's really trying to patronize me.
"Dan, it has only been a week since we knew each other and plus you're the only guy in our group, so it's the least I can do for a friend like you so that you can associate with us".
I guess she had a point since there will be a time where I will flip Maggie off for constantly criticizing my life. Was my life this purely shit when we returned from Christmas break?
In the end despite how she was grading me for every gestures or expressions I make and the fact that I had to spend my cash on some of her clothes (she did not mention anything about costs), I didn't do so bad, in fact I did a lot better than any of the other girls in the group. She told me that I may do well when I begin dating in the future. Good thing Maggie didn't know nothing about our trip Friday on Monday.
April 12, 2013
A couple of weeks later have passed and somehow my feelings for her grew stronger. I drew a self-portrait for everyone as a thank you gift for having me on their group for a while. Everyone except Maggie loved it because she was complaining how old she looked because of her wrinkles. Things went smooth for the most part until the guys were torturing me what I was doing with Lexie on that specific Friday. It turned out that Alonso, one of the guys, saw me at the mall with her that day. I had little time to come up with an excuse, but I was too late, shamed by the group, and to make things worse, the class. I was known where whenever someone tries to insult me, I take it as a compliment and if I feel like it, I roast them back. I was never good at roasting people, but I was proud to make that one joke that pissed off my friend. At this rate, there was nothing I can do to defend myself from this shame. The guys and I hanged out at In n' Out after we were done playing soccer at the park, Rodrigo begins to ask me about my current 'relationship" with Lexie.
"So how long have you and Lexie been together?"
"We're not together Rodrigo. We are just friends".
Alan begins to suspect me for any weaknesses, "The way you express your response means you do like her".
"I like her as my best friend."
Yeah, you read it, my best friend. We became best friends since I been hanging out with her the most. I was the kind of guy who went to the student store and buy snacks for the group including her. At one point, they thought I was insane because they sell bags of Goldfish crackers for a quarter each and my dumbass decided to buy the entire shipment. So, my backpack was literally filled with nothing but Goldfish and these were the only snack everyone goes for. Fight me. In fact, my athleticism pays off, but these Goldfish are going to waste my so called "athleticism". What made our friendship better, the kind of music we like and the books. I crave for mystery while she was into fiction, so no doubt was she a Harry Potter fan. It's just funny when I mention Lord of the Rings to her because she always thought of that series to be a knock off to the Harry Potter series, plus she hates reading them. Always telling me how great Hermoine is in the novel and how Emma Watson was the perfect actor to portray as her. Personally, I had taste for music, but under favorite artists, we had our debates…
"There is no way, ever that Adele is better than Rihanna".
"She is! She sings way better, and her songs have more feeling than Rihanna. Rihanna 's music defines more of her days sleeping with men."
At times, Lexie's statements begin to sound like propositions as if she was running for president. I had Hip-Hop/Rap taste since the most common music I like to bust on my computer was Eminem or Ice Cube, while she wasn't really into it as much, at least I tried to get used to other kind of genres and artists.
A month had passed, and I begin to have butterflies in my stomach. Things are beginning to get worse because the guys are taking advantage of my life since I haven't done anything to be with Lexie. I kept reminding them that I am only happy being best friends with her. I don't have any feelings towards her nor does she have for me. I always wondered why my father never taught me how to box. I could really go for a punch in the face against someone right now.
April 18, 2013
Getting suspended for the first time was a pain the ass. Seven hours of doing nothing and attempting to go to P.E. backfired since I was snitched by the person I fought with. Oh yeah, I forgot, in my English class, some students were picking on a student named Bryan for how skeptical… wait hold on, how retarded he was (I had to go with the flow how middle school was, even if it sounds a bit harsh or vulgar). Unsuspectedly, someone tried to grab his sweater and hid it between the bookshelf and a table where he didn't notice whoever grabbed his sweater. Ten minutes he finally notices that his sweater was missing and no one in the class would tell him where it is. I got up to throw away a paper ball someone threw at me and unfortunately for me, he accused me for me doing it all because the incident between Lexie and I at the mall murmured throughout the entire class. So, he got fed up and decided on his next approach,
"I had it with y'all messing with me especially you Dan!" He shoves me towards the wall with full force as he barely did minimal to push me down.
He really wanted to fight, I didn't want to fight but because he kept pushing me where I ended up getting hit by the table. That's when I got furious. After class, when he barely went out the door, I shoved him very hard and he fell right to the ground. Everyone in the hallways including my class saw what happened and they huddled around us two as we got down. Unfortunately, Mr. Soriano had to separate us both and the principal came to take us both to his office. If you ask me, Mr. Hernandez, my principal, was one of those very strict principles you don't want to feel fear about.
"Now you two are grown gentlemen, so you should understand that this is a place to get educated not a ring to see who's stronger or not." Mr. Hernandez explains to us diligently.
I explained to him what happened, but he didn't take my response seriously.
"Okay but if you know that he was meddling with you, you should've said stop. Instead, you responded through violence."
In my mind, there are two things: 1.) How long will I be punished for fighting with Brian for an unnecessary fight. 2.) Lexie may no longer want to be my friend because of what I did, and the group may think I may be a danger for my display of violence (At least she's absent today, but the group however). In the end, we were both handed a one-day suspension and it had to be on a Wednesday.
April 19, 2013
So, I assumed that someone from the group told her about the fight because Lexie was looking for me. She found me at lunch serving my suspension by cleaning the entire school.
"You're probably thinking that I am a dumbass for getting involved in a fight." I said dumbfoundedly.
"No, but I knew about it because I know someone in that class and he was fortunately to explain the entire incident, I am only upset that you decided to retaliate back when you should've walked away," she said.
In the end, she was right. I should've walked away but I don't know what's worse, the fact that you're in middle school where everyone expects to see a show or become a victim for everything within the next two years at middle school.
The one time, the one fucking day where he had to suspend me was during a soccer tournament our school held between all seventh-grade classes, I was unfortunate to hear from Mr. Hernandez that he knew I was going to be in that tournament. So, when he caught while I accidently went to my PE class without knowing and to make sure that I wasn't going to "runaway" again, he babysat with me the whole day from preventing me to touch the field. Watching the class play while I'm sitting at the staircase made me want to think about why I deserve this punishment.
May 14, 2013
Despite how much I find these practice dates pointless, it turned out that Lexie made a grade with this one. In my Art class, I began to like this girl named Ana who I got along well, and I may have had a tiny crush for her. Let me be clear: No, I am not what you call a "player" for hitting on more than one girl, besides a suck at it. The one thing I did was I asked her out to go eat at McDonald's and she accepted. We went to go eat and it went okay but I knew that she already had a boyfriend, so I had to make it seem like I wasn't feeling attracted to her.
A couple of days have pass and we were close to taking our final exams and so far, I haven't learned anything. I was more of a… how you called a troubling student… I wasn't the worst, literally I am not, but there were times where there are some things I should've not said aloud. Lexie unfortunately, wasn't going to return for the remainder of the month because her parents decided to go spend a month vacation over there at Mexico. The guys knew that she was going on vacation and started stirring up a commotion about how "I am going to miss my girlfriend" or "dejaron a el por pendejo". I text her a week later about how her trip in Mexico is so far:
"Hey, Lexie, how is your vacation going so far?"
"Okay, just a little bored," she says it as if someone ruined her day.
"Sorry to hear that, I mean, you have a longer vacation than I do, and you don't have to do finals," I tried to comfort her.
"I know, but it isn't the same without the group or you Dan," she said.
Woah. She really misses me. My conscious is just telling me that she really wants to be with you and she wants to hold you within her clutch. At some point, I knew that I had to do something soon if I wanted to be with her. I told her about how much I miss her when she wasn't around with us during breakfast or lunch time and how I much these practice dates were pointless as hell. She laughed of course though she did confirm that we will stop once we begin our eighth-grade year. We continued to talk until night where she starts to think about me.
"Dan, I don't get about you," she questions me.
"What do you not get?"
"You're unlike every other guy I met, how are you this nice?"
"It's something I do when I meet someone special like you, I treat them for their friendship. If it makes me unique or suspicious from others, I wouldn't mind."
"A kind, weird, but corny guy…".
"And you're a sweet but troubling girl." I laughed at her.
"Oh, stop it, you're the one who got into this shit fight you had with Bryan," she says as she shuts me up with that comment.
"Oh well, the past is the past. When are you returning back?"
"Until the end of June".
"I just wish you were here though"
"Yeah, me too".
July 24, 2013
Two months have pass and Lexie hasn't returned yet. I'm beginning to wonder what's taking her forever, but I always wondered what it's like to live in Mexico because we never had the chance to go in the summer. The guys have been asking me out to go hang out to the park and play soccer. Forgot to mention, the group consists of: Me, Rodrigo, Alonso, Alanis, Malcom, Chris, Javier, Josue, and Oli (Oliver but we call him by Oli). Now here's where we guys become wild, when you go for a specific team, you better prepare yourself because they are going to begin talking a whole load of shit towards your team. And it's worse for me because they are either Barca, Real Madrid, or Manchester United fans while I'm the only Atletico de Madrid fan here (now I know why I'm always getting picked on in terms of sports) .
August 25, 2013
Our eighth-grade year began two weeks ago, and things have changed quite a bit. Yay. Dorys no longer hangs out with us and Malcom went to a different middle school. Also, we had a new student named Claudia and like everyone, they wanted her to join their group. In the end, she chose our group because she met Lexie and I. We were both fortunate that we had the same classes so being with her was both amazing and horrible at the same time because the crew stirred more attention when I was always sitting next to her. I got used to it now, but it gets annoying over time when somebody brings it up. Both my parents and Carlos (a friend I met in elementary) agreed that our parents would take us and pick us up from school. It was only a problem to me because it limits my time with Lexie, so if I wanted to hang out with her or with the guys, I would have to tell both my parents and his because they are not the kind of parents where they let you freelance wherever you want to go.
September 4, 2013
Hey, if there was one thing about Carlos, it was that he was a good friend when I met him. In elementary there was a rule where if anyone was shown any use electronic devices, it will be confiscated. Knowing my dumbass, I brought my Nintendo DS to school every so often at the point that not one of the staff members knew that I brought it to campus. One time, I was playing it in school grounds away from any play-leaders or staff because they acted like the Secret Police in that novel, 1984, where they report any activity going on without us knowing and the next thing I knew, he was also playing a DS. I didn't want to become that person where he wanted to greet with every single student in school, but because he had a DS as well, I might as well invite him to play with me. What made me happy with this guy was that he was similar as I am where he wasn't open talking to others except interests so when he saw me holding my DS, he knew that I was going to be someone he would want to hang out with.
When Lexie invited me to go out and eat with the group, I had to let Carlos know that I am going to be with friends, so his father can know and won't have to report these issues to my parents (Did any of you have any freedom as a middle schooler?).
Later, Claudia, and I went out to eat because she wanted to treat Claudia out for being friends with us for a month, so we went to eat at BJ's. The thing about Lexie though, something I didn't realized was that she likes to have a guy and a girl best friend. Sure, I found it weird but who am I to blame? I'm just as weird as both combined. Although, there are times when Lexie puts us in a position where both me and Claudia would fight each other to the death to see who's the true best friend (I knew her the longest, so then why should we even fight for it?). That night, I begin to question her about Claudia on what she thought about her:
"Hey, what do you think of Claudia? It's been a month that she has been with us."
"She's really awesome. I have never met a person who is this nice and playful. Plus, she feels like a sister to me," Lexie says as if she had a million things to say about her.
We continued to talk about her and the Monday we returned from school, the group decided to dedicate a day just for her.
(Midway of the story)
October 26, 2013
(Wow, you have read the first half of the story. That's impressive. Now then, welcome to the moment you all have been waiting for, the juicy part of the story.)
Claudia found it suspicious that Lexie and I continued to hang out more, and she knew what I have been doing all along,
"Dan, can I talk to you for a minute, alone?" She says.
"What's up, Claudia, something the matter?"
"This is between me and you. I have been finding out what you and Lexie have been doing. I find it cute though. I can see you two, walking in the beach in the sunset, alone, secluded—. "
I interrupted her since my cheeks are beginning to heat up. (Why do I blush so easily?), "Okay, okay, I get your point. There is something going on between me and her."
I rambled the whole story to her about the group going on dates so because I was the only one who hasn't been on one, she taught me by going to these practice date sessions and my feelings for her and she went the whole day ridiculing me about it, but she asked why I haven't done it yet. I told her that I wanted to do it correctly and at the perfect moment. There was this: I have told her that the times she wanted something, I bought it for her not because it was part of the session, it was because I was being nice and generous to her. To sum it up, I bought it for her because my feelings for her got much stronger at the point where people began to think I'm acting hysterical. That really caught her attention. She found it very romantic and decided to help me out once. She told me that HP was having a fair this weekend and she asked most of the group if they wanted to come but no one answered her yet. She wanted to go, but her younger sister had a piano recital that day, so she might not be able to make it. I thought about it. At the end, she told me something that lifted my hopes up,
"Dan, I'm not only helping you because we're friends, it's that I actually believe that you can do it. Honestly, I see you two as a great couple and I really hope to see you two holding hands the next time I see you. Be yourself and don't ever act like someone you are not," she says firmly.
"Thank you, Claudia, I will make this a day she will never forget." It's great to have a friend like Claudia who cares for you and what your next moves are.
That Saturday, I went to the fair and Lexie was jumping with joy that I showed up. We started looking around on what rides or games we should begin first, and I told her that we should go ride at all of them. After getting on all the rides, there was a game that she wanted to play because one of the prizes was this ginormous Jamaican Banana. I was wondering why but then I knew that everyone in middle school were Bob Marley fans including her. Out of all of the games, it just had to be the ring toss game on a empty glass. The one game I am terrible at. I told her how much I sucked at that game and she was laughing about it. We both put in money to give it a try.
"Ladies first," I said to her while to boost her confidence.
"Haha." She mocks me as her set of rings and had no luck.
I went to do mines and on the first try, I finally got it! I was like holy shit, I finally got to beat this rigged hell of a game! I got her the Jamaican Banana and she really thanked me for winning he that prize. The last ride we went was the Ferris wheel. I asked her if she was enjoyed so far and she said yes.
"I just wanted to make you smile today since everyone else had plans of their own, so I had to sacrifice my time just to be with you today," I told her as I wanted to make it sound a bit romantic.
"You really mean it?" she asked.
"I meant it from the heart."
"Aww, Dan," she said feeling heart warmed. "You mentioned how you were a poet, so if this was supposedly a date, what would you come up with for this particular moment?"
"Umm… well, I would call it: Gemstones, when I see you smile, it gleams like a gemstone. For someone who I stayed really close to, our friendship is priceless like emeralds."
"Ooh, I like emeralds. I love it."
She rested her head on my shoulders and in return, I wrapped my arms around her.
I walked her back home and before we head to the street she lived on, my heart began pounding quick and my cheeks begin to heat up to the point where my feelings for her cannot be maintained much longer. I knew why I liked her, it wasn't her beauty that made me like her, it was the kindness she gave me, the personality she had, and the friendship we had that kept growing stronger and stronger. I had to tell her now before it was too late.
"Lexie, there's something I want to tell you."
"What is it Dan?"
"When we met the day, I helped you put your books back in your locker, I thought of this to be the dawn of a new friendship. Overtime, we didn't just grow as friends, but best friends. From all the times we went out and those practice dates we went just to hide my humiliation (she giggles), I found them to be weird but special. If there was anything to make any day special, there's no one I would love to share my enjoyment with you. It would make this day better if you would like to create a new story with me." I sounded cheesy as hell, but hey, who am I to blame if I am a damn writer after all.
She looked at me with her face blushed from what I told her. Grasping the banana, she looked towards the ground with a face as if someone had broken her heart,
"Oh, Dan, I love how you have been a sweet friend to me and you have been honest to me for liking me not because the way I look but who I am in the inside, I'm sorry but I have to say no and I should have told you sooner but I have a boyfriend who I have been with a month so far. I know you really care for me, but I don't want to break your heart in any way possible. We can still be best friends though, however, I might not guarantee that we may do things like before very often since I want to spend more time with my boyfriend."
"Oh… okay. I'll see you on Monday?"
"Positive," she tells me with a firm smile.
Ugh… stupid, stupid, stupid! This was all that I thought of. What did I do wrong that made her say no? These were questions that had swirled around my head. Defeat was something very hard for me to take in, but it was something I had to accept since I didn't want to create an outburst towards her for no reason whatsoever. Laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, I wondered if I was born to have a purpose or not. The only thing that made me cheerful, was when she decided to still become best friends. Though, defeat sounds more painful if you're listening to Mr. Krabs playing the world's smallest violin to you.
October 29, 2013
Honestly, I didn't feel like coming to school but I decided to show my face around again. I felt like I wanted to be alone for the day but one of the guys saw me at the fair on Saturday and… oh lord did they have a lot to tell me,
"Damn, Dan was with his girlfriend on Saturday."
"Bet they were making out at the Ferris wheel."
I grew tired of these comments and I felt like I wanted to land a punch on one of them. When they continued until lunch, I had enough. Along the way, Claudia stopped me,
"Hey Dan."
"Oh, hey… Claudia."
"I heard what happened on Saturday."
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
We sat down with our lunch as we discussed about it.
"She didn't tell me about it either. I barely knew from Michelle. I manage to spoke with her about it and you won her that giant banana. Who would've thought that she wanted that banana?"
"Couldn't she have gone with her boyfriend that day?"
"Her boyfriend said that he couldn't because he promised his friend to come to his football game."
"I see." (Lexie signals the both of us here)
"Let's go Dan."
We went to see Lexie only to realize that her boyfriend was joining alongside with her. She introduced to her boyfriend Ramon, tall, muscular guy who was really into muscle cars. He seemed cool because he wasn't the kind of guy that would leave their girl with someone else, he was loyal and intelligent. I got to know him and at one point, and I seem to like this guy. When Claudia and Lexie went to get snacks at the student store, he comments me about the day I went to the fair on Saturday and my attempt in asking out Lexie.
"I do apologize for not introducing myself from the beginning, but I see that you and she had a long history of being best friends with each other." He said as he was being honest.
Personally, I didn't really believe him because like every other guy, they give you death threats if you do anything with their girl such as talking, flirting or teasing them. Many think they held possession of their girl so that when the time comes, at a point where their relationship becomes problematic and one of them might take a different approach. Yet I digress, I decided to give it a try.
January 16, 2014
Today marks the six-month anniversary for both Lexie and Ramon. To celebrate, he invited the entire group out for Shakey's Pizza. You're probably wondering why I skipped three months right? Well, throughout the three months when Lexie wanted to be with her boyfriend more, we gave her some time being with him. We never really went out for Halloween nor did we say what we were thankful for. The group was beginning to collapse. The remaining members were me, Maggie, Claudia, Natalie, Michelle, and Lexie of course. At times, Lexie's sister, Rosa, hangs out with us but she had her own group of friends to be with.
While eating, we played a game where everyone had to tell everyone a secret. Normally I didn't want to play it because I haven't told anyone about my identity, but Maggie insisted on going first, "I lost my virginity in seventh grade," she says as the entire group was shocked that she kept that secret to herself. Natalie went next and she went to Europe during the summer without telling anyone. We all thought she went to go visit her family in Idaho. I insisted on going next, I told the group that I was bisexual. Everyone was surprise to hear that I was bi because you don't really see anyone who is gay, lesbian, or transgender in middle school. Claudia said that she got once suspended in elementary for ripping off a girl's entire hair. Michelle stole $1000 of her parent's money and spent it all on CD's of her favorite death metal band. Finally, Lexie admitted that she always wanted to be the only child. That was a cruel thing to say but we knew she was joking. Ramon challenged me to a racing game and I won against him.
February 14, 2014 Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day once again. Only this time, Lexie went out with Ramon. At times when I begin to forget my role, I had the feeling that I may have demoted my role as a best friend to a friend. I have been hanging out with the guys a lot more and the group had been wondering about my absence and the only thing was that I felt like I have been neglecting them. I wanted to balance it out from hanging with the group and the guys. The group talked about how they love Valentine's Day while Maggie talks about how much she hated this holiday. The only thing I told Maggie as a joke was how cupid's arrow never struck at her. To be honest, she took it offensively and started to yell at me. I felt bad for making that comment because she obviously had a boyfriend, but he's been secretly cheating on her. She apologized since she knew about her boyfriend's secret affair and today is when she's going to break up with him.
February 15, 2014
Woah. It turns out that it was more than I expected. In the end, Maggie did break up with her boyfriend and she slapped the hell out of him. She even showed the group the results. Damn, I felt sorry for him because he literally got bruised all over his face but who am I to blame? Should've never had that affair. Sorry, had to bring this up, it felt funny because in the end, she referenced the saying, "Payback's a bitch."
March 19, 2014
Today was Lexie's birthday and she was turning fourteen this year. Unfortunately, her boyfriend couldn't celebrate the day with her due to his uncle wanted him to work alongside with him. So, the group decided to throw something for her at her place. This was really the first time I got to meet with her family. Though her father made a similar comment about how I'm supposedly "hitting up with several girls including his daughter." I didn't want to continue this conversation, so I left and went to Lexie's room where everyone else was at. We spent the whole day watching movies and they decided to talk about guys. For guys, it would feel weird that you are the only guy who is in a room with a bunch of girls but to me, it didn't feel awkward since I got along with everyone so well. Surprisingly, Dorys also came by to hang out with us because she was close to Maggie and Lexie. It felt like a family reunion and to be honest, it did. No this wasn't a party where someone sneaks a bottle inside and decides we all get drunk, no. Besides, I'd rather fucking die than drink. We sang her happy birthday and I just love doing those because every year, when it was someone's birthday, the moment they chant their name, I come up with a comment that puts many laughing in tears. I told her, "You're no longer a baby" because the group makes fun of her baby face, so she thought I made a joke about it and I received a cheerful "Fuck You". I was dying but when I tried to get my slice of cake, she got me back by slamming the cake to my face. I deserved it so much but hey, I was finally glad to her again since we haven't hanged out for a month.
March 27, 2014
We have two weeks of Spring Break and it was beginning to get boring. I didn't really go out at all with my family nor did anyone else. I was saved when the guys invited me to out and eat that afternoon. Chatting and ranting about our favorite teams, they changed the subject and began talking about me and Lexie so far… (well, that escalated quickly),
"You know, I haven't seen you and Lexie hang out together so often," said Rodrigo.
"Yeah, I noticed that," Oli says as he follows along with Rodrigo and everyone else.
"Look, I'm not dating. Besides I can't, she already has a boyfriend." I said to them, just so I can deliberately tell them to stop annoying me.
"Damn!" Everyone calls out to as they are all shocked in awe.
"For once, that's something we won't judge you with." Chris said as he tries to cheer me up.
"I found out that since July, when she returned late, she was on a relationship with some guy named Ramon." I continued to explain who he was.
"You mean Ramon from STEM?!" Alanis cried out.
(Note: Our school was separated by two buildings: A STEM and a SJ building; I was a part of SJ)
"Yeah."
"So, they met at México then. Damn, what an unexpected turn of events. I'm his cousin."
"You're fucking serious?!" I exclaimed as I didn't expect this to happen.
"Yeah, he was going to Mexico to be with his uncles during the summer, but I didn't expect him to meet Lexie."
I begin to stare down at my chicken wings and started chucking one by one in my mouth.
"Look, we are friends and I'm not here to give you relationship advice but hear me out, he has been known to be a player as he does get a lot of girl's attention. He can be chill once you get to know him, but he can't stand anyone who tries to flirt with his girl," Alanis warns me.
"He can't do anything to you if you both are both really good friends", says Javier.
"I don't know, we'll just have to see how everything goes."
April 13, 2014
Today was my birthday and I have received the biggest surprise I never expected anyone to do something for me. Seriously, the constant me and Lexie thing, those comments about me and Brian fighting last year, almost everyone at school hating on me for I don't know what, yeah you get the picture. While in class, Mr. Hernandez called from the intercom to come to his office and I was wondering about what he wanted me for if I haven't caused anything. When I met him, he told me to follow him as he was going to take me somewhere, but I wanted to exactly where. When he walked with me to the library, I get a loud SURPRISE! Here I get surprised for something like this to happen to me and I found it amazing because I usually hang out at the library when I wanted to be alone for a bit. I felt amazed that my friends for once threw me a surprise class in school. I thank them all for this wonderful surprise party and I will never forget this moment.
May 27, 2014
Today was the last day where we took our finals in middle school and then we were finished. Personally, I didn't really like middle school because some people were just straight up awful, and no one had a bit of respect towards anyone whether you had the brains, or you were not that intelligent like Brian. The point is that I was excited to finish middle school as we were approaching the last week of school. We are going to culminate tomorrow since the last week of school was going to be nothing but festivities. Although, things went a bit haywire when our teacher caught several students cheating using their phones or passing notes from others. I heard that one of the guys was caught cheating as well, so when we were finished, a couple laughed at him for cheating while I insisted in not joining because I would end up saying you should've not done it. Lexie had finished ten minutes later when she invited me to out for Jamba Juice, but she told me the moment I was already with Carlos to go home. I told her that I can't since I had plans with my parents. She felt disappointed, but she understands that I had a lot to do that day. I wanted to make it up for her next week since we do have our festivities next week.
June 2, 2014
Today was the beginning of the festivities. The school decided to host a carnival outside of campus. I spent with the guys today since Lexie wanted to hang out with the group for the day. She was making fun of Ramon because he from the other school, they took him to a field trip he will never forget. It was funny because I have a friend at STEM who said that their festivities were awful because they took them at a zoo today. I was ridiculing him for joining STEM since he didn't want to learn anything about politics. Here's what he didn't get, he thought SJ focused more on politics and law, but it really wasn't. And everything the other school said about STEM was nearly false. Their school has caused many problems, including one where someone released a gas bomb in class where the fire department had to neutralize the odor and the police came to identify the culprit who released it. When the school carnival ended, I quickly made my way to the ice cream store and ran back to catch up with and gave her an ice cream. She thanked me for the ice cream and made a joke comparing me to a dairy treat.
"I don't know what's sweeter: the ice cream or you?" she giggled.
"Aww, I can't beat anything sweeter than ice cream."
I watched the school bus return as STEM returned from their… zoo trip. Look I'm sorry if it's funny but it literally is. I feel so bad for him for going over there while we have a beach trip on Wednesday.
June 3, 2014
The second day of our final last week of school. We spent most of our time outside because they hosted a "Ditch Day" where students were to remain outside, including a barbecue they were having at noon. While some of us had packs of water balloons to fill, I noticed someone sitting alone on top of the staircase near the rec room crying. I wanted to ignore it since it may have been someone I didn't know and not be involved but when I took a closer glimpse, it was Lexie. I remember two hours ago Claudia asked me if I have seen Lexie, but I told her no. Though, what would she be doing here? Well it turns out that Ramon did cheated on her which that got her upset and she fought with him. She ended the relationship and that was it for the two. I tried to comfort her about it, but I never told her about Alanis' warning two months ago. She may or may not have known this would happen but because she caught him dating and kissing with another girl, there was no doubt that he was cheating on Lexie. I told her if she wanted anything, the only thing she said was, "you." An hour later when she started to calm down, I begin to ask her if she has any clues that Ramon would done something like this to see if Alanis was telling the truth, however, she told me that she didn't want to talk about it anymore. I told her that we should be with the rest of the group on the basketball court upstairs from the parking lot, but she refused to see anyone. She only told me that she just wants to be alone for a while. I gave her some time to be alone and told her that I will be back in a bit. Later that night, I was on my laptop again because the guys were talking about some important update on Malcom since he was finally going to hang out with us again. I get a message from Lexie asking me a question that I was unable to answer in any way,
''Dan, can I ask you something?"
"What is it?"
''Why is it that guys cheat?" she asked.
I was clueless to answer that question since I had no way to explain that.
"Um… I, uh… I'm sorry, but I don't know how to physically explain that."
"Oh, okay then."
"You want to talk about how you're doing so far?"
"I'm just fine, really".
"You sure? I don't like it when my friends don't tell me about their problems if I show great concern for them."
"I know you show great concern for me and others Dan, but I want to make sure that I want to take this journey alone."
"Okay… if you want to talk to me, I'm always there for you."
"Thank you, I will."
June 4, 2014
Around 2 at midnight, I couldn't sleep at all. All I kept thinking about was the breakup with Lexie. I kept questioning myself why would he do this? The day I met him, he seemed nice even the day where we went out to Shakey's. So why would he do this? All these questions begin to swirl around my mind until the only thing I can ever think of was this: Why do people cheat? What was the whole purpose of doing it? I needed answers, so I went to Facebook only to notice that I received a message from Alanis. Alanis told me that he heard about the news from his friend. Although I didn't want to text him at this hour because it was too late for anyone to be up at this hour, I was wrong.
"Dan, I know what you're thinking, but remember, I did tell you that he was someone you don't want to mess with."
"I know, but I need to know why he did this. I'm not that person who is going to confront him and beat him down to the ground until I see blood smeared all over his face."
"I know you aren't like that, but remember one thing, if you are that kind of guy who respects a woman based on the decisions they make, I suggest it should be kept like that. Even Lexie wouldn't want you to feel her pain and retaliate back on Ramon."
I thought about it and Alanis had a point. I can't cause another useless fight like the one with Brian. This was not the time to be hero.
Lexie didn't come today to school only this time, no one knew why she didn't neither Olivia. Later at lunch, I walked my way towards the field and out of nowhere I see Ramon and a couple of his friends stare at me as I was walking towards the field. I ignored them until he called me out and I told him that I didn't want to get involved with anything, but they start to mock me and one of his friends gets up and tries to grab me, but I was able to evade them from grabbing me and made my way to the field. I kept repeating myself to "Do not get involved".
June 5, 2014
Since yesterday's incident, I didn't bother telling Lexie about it because I didn't want her to know about it and recover from the break up. The staff decided to take us on a field trip to the beach. She finally came to school which was relieving for the group. The only thing she told us when we were glad to see her was that she felt better and ready for the last two days of school. We arrived at the beach where we unloaded the boxes in the trunk and began changing. While I was with the guys, they all wear their bathing suits and as usual, some stare at their crushes change as they began to flirt with them.
"Umm…"
"Not a word Dan." said Alanis.
I waited until the group was finished changing and I noticed Lexie was out. She looked gorgeous when she came out.
"Dan, Dan! Earth to Dan!" Alanis tries to snap me out of my daydream, but he couldn't.
"Wha… what? I was just staring at the ocean."
"I ain't stupid, Dan. Control yourself. Hurry up, we're going to play football with the guys soon."
"I'll go in a bit."
I approached to Lexie, but I wasn't going to approach to tell her "You're hot" or "You look stunning." I wanted to see how she was feeling.
"Someone's in a good mood."
"I am actually. Thank you for noticing."
She continues to look me as I couldn't stop thinking about her.
"Don't you have somewhere to be?" she laughed.
"Actually, I do," I said. This was fucking embarrassing.
We started to play football and some guys outside wanted to play with us and we did. Rodrigo threw a deep ball where Javier caught it but accidently stepped on a shattered glass bottle, so we had to stop. Poor Javier though, the guy almost lost one of his toes. After they told us not to play anymore, we went somewhere where there was no sight of the staff and continued playing. Chris threw a long pass where I was able to catch the ball and score a touchdown. When we left, I spoke with Lexie about how she was after her break up, she told me that she finally moved onto the acceptance stage where I no longer wanted to dictate more about it.
"Hey, as long as you are comfortable moving, you always have me, and the group incase anything else goes wrong."
"Thank you, Dan. I will be honest with you, you may be weird, but you show a kind heart towards anyone whether they are a friend or foe."
June 6, 2014
The moment you've all been waiting for, where my life went from being the most memorable day of my life to the worst.
Ever since Tuesday, when Ramon and Lexie broke up, we spent our last day inside the auditorium where the school decided to perform a show for us, in honor for our journey from middle school to becoming high schoolers. In addition, they also had a scene where they all danced Pitbull's Ole Ola for the 2014 FIFA World Cup. Me, Maggie, Natalie, Michelle, Claudia, Olivia (she managed to sneak on our side), and Lexie sat together chatting about what our futures are after middle school, and of course, Claudia was leaving California to Kentucky for her high school year. Michelle said she was going to the newly built high school around the area. Natalie was going to visit family in Mexico for the summer, while Maggie was going to Las Vegas with her family. I was going to the high school my older brother graduated, and Lexie was planning to join Michelle to the new school they built. We all stared at the clock until it hit 12:00 so that we can finally leave. Though when I stopped and stared at Lexie, she felt gloomy since she was still coping from her break up. I felt like I wanted to do something nice for her because my feelings for her never died out. However, that wasn't the case, the fact that I wanted to restart from the beginning and give another shot with her, I knew this was a bad time to do so if she was still coping with that event.
When the show ended, we were officially done with middle school. I caught up with Carlos so that we can ride one last time but before I barely reached the alleyway, Claudia ran to see me.
"Dan, wait!" Claudia shouts as she wanted to tell me something.
"Claudia. You okay?"
"Yeah, give me a minute… (she tries catches her breath) how do get used to running?! Lexie, wanted to see you for a minute."
"Umm… (I look at Carlos, and he signals me to go see her; I whispered to him thank you)
"Anything," said Carlos.
I went to go see her and she was excited to see my face again.
"Dan, are you busy as of right now?"
"No, I don't think so, why?"
"Can we hang out today one more time to make our last day of school memorable?" she begged as she really wanted me to stay.
"Hold on, let me tell Carlos and my parents"
I told Carlos and his father about today's plans and they said it was fine, but my parents didn't like the idea of me going out today because we had plans going out somewhere.
"It does not concern about me to where we're going!"
Well, there were sorta convince and decided to let the caged bird sing once again freely as I caught up to Lexie.
"I am free now."
"Yay!" she says it with glee.
"Where exactly are we going?"
"It's a surprise." She sounded mischievous after that comment.
In the end, she was. Even worse, she wanted me to wear a blindfold within the entire bus and train trip to where we were going. We ended at Citadel where I was clueless to why we're here, but I decided to stay optimistic within the entire trip. We checked out several stores including the PUMA store because there was this sweater, I always wanted but they didn't have it. At least NIKE had it. I found a football and threw it at her.
"Lexie, catch!" I threw it at her and she caught it well. My mouth dropped as I found it unexpected.
"Now you catch!" She threw the ball well with a perfect spiral and I caught it.
We saw some street performers performing live music as well as some acrobats performing tricks.
"Can you play the guitar, Dan?"
"I played it once, but I cannot play it well. You?"
"No, I cannot play any instrument. I tried a saxophone, but it was too much."
While we went out to eat, before we were waiting for our food to be ready, I found the trip to be a bit more interesting because this whole time she has been holding my hand,
"Lexie, is this another practice date?" I laughed thinking she was going to torture me again.
"You mean to tell me that you didn't knew the whole time?! This is an actual date you goof. I asked you out if we can go hang out together, not with the rest of the group."
I began to turn red as hell at that moment. I can't believe she did this all for me. I… I didn't know what to say but I didn't want to say anything that may link to disaster after her break up.
"Lexie, that's really nice of you, but you recently— ".
"I know, but I wanted to do something to get over it, so I wanted to do something special by spending my final moments with you."
At this point I was blushing so hard that my heart felt like coming out of my chest. My feelings for her never died out even though I should've because she was with Ramon at the time but like I mentioned before, I never took that break up as an advantage. Though, I wanted to make her feel better.
While we checked the last stores, I bought her a Levi's sweater she's been dying for. I could've sworn she would reference the words "Sometimes the guy has to buy things for the woman", but she hasn't so I decided to buy it for her. I never felt used when I'm with her because if I did, I would've given her payback at a point where I would forget about her.
7:30 p.m.
When she called a cab to take us home, we sat at the back seat and began cracking jokes where we slowly calmed down and looked at each other. I had my hand out placed on the seat and then she puts her hand on top of mines. We both stared at each other and blushed.
"I um…".
"Oh um… I", Lexie says as she couldn't handle the embarrassment.
We continued to stare at each other that we both drew closer to each other and we kissed. We held back, and I really felt bad that I did it because of doing something I wasn't supposed to do.
"Oh my god, I'm so sorry."
"Dan, it's okay. I really like it. It felt passionate," She said sincerely.
"Can I tell you something?" Was I finally going to do it?
"What is it?"
"Remember our first practice date, you lectured me about guys should buy girls on what they want?"
"Yes?"
"Well, what if the guy who "participated" in all these practice dates actually bought the girl all these this stuff because he wanted to make sure that he had feelings for that special girl he had developed within that first practice date?" She looked surprised.
"You… did this all for me?"
"In a word, yes. You know I'm not the kind of guy who wants to get into arguments or seeing my friends feel down and not speaking about their issues. I'm not doing these things to impress no one, not even for a date because it's who I am as an individual. I do these kinds of things for others for a living so buying you all these things wasn't because I have feelings for you, it was to know what a really great person and friend I am to you".
I explained to her that this will never change even if I were to die.
8:30 p.m.
Unfortunately, we hit traffic and there was nowhere to go through other streets because the neighborhood we were at was closed due to some investigation. Lexie was still thinking about my comment from earlier and wanted to hear more,
"Dan, what did you see in me that made you have feelings for me?"
I wanted to make sure that what I'm going to tell her will be the truth to why I developed feelings for her. Breathe Dan, breathe.
"I did not like you for your appearance, I like who you are in the inside not from the outside where many will gaze at you. I didn't want to be like every other guy out there who would view a woman for the size of their breasts or ass, I want to be different, unique. I want to like a woman who have a unique personality, how much they appreciate one another, and showing kindness towards others. Every guy who told me why I began to like you if they began making comments about what you are and what "gifts" you gained but I told them that all that is just pure horseshit, it was never my way to approach a woman."
(Note: By "gifts", I mean what a girl was given for guys to be attracted of. Using the word "gifts" sounds horrendous for bringing it up, I even wrote a poem about it, but I wanted to point it out to show what my experience in middle school was really like with most of the guys I met on what their beliefs were and how I isolate myself from the rest based on those beliefs. I will send you the poem to you if you're interested in reading it)
"Ooh."
"My only reason in liking a girl like you is because I appreciate who you are in general, not the way you look. Sure, I can comment how nice or beautiful you look but if I kept saying it to you, you're going to be thinking that I want something else from you and it won't be what you'd want to expect. You have always made me happy when we are together as a group or when it's just the two of us when we hang out. When you broke up with Ramon, I didn't think of using that situation as an advantage to approach you. I wanted to do something special for you as a best friend to help you cope with this situation. But because you brought me here and you wanted to make this day memorable, I wanted that wish to come true for you. All I am going to say is that my feelings for you never died out after that rejection, but I never wanted to bother you time after time. All I wanted is to be with a woman who appreciates me just for who I am, and I wanted to do the same for you. Knowing you, there is no other woman who can make me this happy as you."
Me and Lexie paused for a moment and hugs me for everything I said. She sobs softly, and I tried to comfort her. (It's a good thing that the taxi driver was listening to music through his earphones) When she calmed down, she spoke softly,
"Dan, when I met you, I thought you were just some ordinary guy who would just be nice because I was just a nice-looking girl, but it wasn't how I envisioned you. Over time, I saw how much you grew closer within everyone in the group and how you were able to handle everyone's problems even if you were the weirdest member in the group. I found you to be sweet and caring for who you are. Maybe you have been a special guy any girl wished to see."
"Yes, I have noticed but guys like me who have this level of kind are always overshadowed by others unfortunately." I said in remorse.
"You have a point, the one thing a woman would ever want from a man is their honesty, personality, and their kindness."
"Well, do I express it?" I asked her.
She begins to laugh,
"Yes Dan, you do."
We kissed, and she decided to sleep on my shoulders.
9:30 p.m.
We thanked the driver for the ride and we saw him drove away. Although it was late as heck, I assumed that her parents were asleep because the lights were turned off, but we spend some time sitting down the sidewalk, chatting about our futures. We paused for a moment and Lexie began to thank me for everything today.
"Thank you for everything, Dan. You didn't have to do all this for me."
"Hey, I'm just a generous person who wants to make someone happy in any way possible."
'Also, thanks for your comfort and the way you handled my situation with my breakup with Ramon and me. It's hard to go through this experience but seeing you once again makes my day. I am going to miss you though when we go to high school."
"That should be me, I'm going to miss all of those jokes you say and the times we will be together with us or the group. I'm still surprised about I handled that situation well alongside from being the only guy hanging out with a group of girls without flirting or anything."
"Aren't you special."
"I'm not, just weird as fuck."
She begins to laugh, but soon I realized that I had to be back home.
"Crap, I was supposed to be back home before 8."
"Te van a chingar," she said laughing.
"Screw you," I called back laughing at her.
I told her if she wanted to meet up again tomorrow since I had a surprise for her and she said yes. I was happy when she told me that she wanted to be with me again for tomorrow. This is going to be the day I thought to myself. The moment to finally ask her out to be my girlfriend. I told her goodbye and I hope to see her the next day. Before I passed by two or three houses, I had the strangest feeling that someone was watching me, and it wasn't Lexie. I heard her taking the garbage bins outside the street because she forgot to do it in the morning.
The next morning…
Saturday mornings was always the best, especially when your favorite team plays at seven in the morning. However, let's backtrack. After walking back home at ten in the night, my parents were waiting for me as they were infuriated by my late arrival. I told them that I'd blame it on traffic and how many streets were closed due to a police investigation, but no, they say useless bullshit at a point where it's pointless to listen to the remaining of the conversation. After nine, I sat on the couch from the living room, turned on my laptop to get on Facebook and see what was trending today on social media. I noticed that I had messages from other people and I checked who they were. A couple of those messages were from others including the guys that we hope to meet again at the park sometime. Finally, there was Rosa's message. I checked her message and she messaged me this: "If you're awake, text me back, it's urgent!" Here's the entire message thread:
"What's the urgent news?"
"… Hey, Lexie's in the hospital."
"WHAT? WHY?! WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?!"
"… My cousin found her lying on the floor on the street naked, she got raped."
"Where are you at right now?!"
"… I'm at home right now, my mom was having a mental breakdown, so my dad took her home to keep her calm."
"I'm going over there."
"Dan, please don't, my parents are not in a mood to see anyone."
"Their concern is my concern as well…"
I went to get dressed and as always, my parents were asking me where I was going at this hour and I told them it was an emergency, but my father told me that I wasn't allowed to leave the house again. I told them that their concerns about me doesn't matter at this moment, I had to go see someone that was dealing with a huge conflict, but they didn't care. So, I left either away. I ran as fast as I can to go meet up with Rosa's family and the moment, I reached their house, they saw me and shouting in Spanish get away from us. I asked them if Lexie was okay, but her father shouted to me to go away saying I should know what happened. During the long discussion, they assumed that I was the one who raped Lexie because I was the only one with her last night and they think I did this to her. I told them that I would never do such a thing but when they saw how persistent I was, I begged them that all I wanted to do is to go see her, her mother was going to call the police and her father had taken out one of the kitchen knives to keep me away. I was petrified that they were desperate in doing these things and I looked at Rosa and they shouted at her to go inside the house. I told her to tell them to let me see her and she whispers to me as I was able to understand through lip syncing, "Don't Dan, I don't want to see someone else get hurt including you. It's for the best…" When they shut the door, I got closer to one of the front windows and overheard her father screaming to Rosa saying they didn't want me to visit or see me ever including sending any messages to me again.
In my mind, I felt lost. I returned home and as usual my parents arguing with me, but I ignored them and locked the door in my room in despair and broke down in tears. I couldn't believe that the woman that I loved, who I stayed close as best friends, got raped. I couldn't believe that her parents wouldn't let me see her and accused me for doing this. I wanted answers to how did this happen and why. The woman, who I wanted to be with and experience true love for the first time, gets kidnapped, stripped, raped, and dropped to the middle of the street and ended up in the hospital. The only words that kept hearing from my conscious, "I have failed". I have failed as a friend, best friend, even a lover. I wanted to be left alone since I heard my parents knock on the door, and shouted at them to leave me alone.
Epilogue
March 13, 2015
Realizing how much I have developed within my eight weeks of my freshmen year in second semester, I knew something was going to change. It won't be like first semester where I didn't give two shits and almost failed. I made a promise that this will change, and I will make it happen. After finishing my Algebra 1 class, I decided to go out for a bit alone. After middle school, I made an agreement to myself that after that incident, I want to travel alone to new areas I have never been before in searching for answers about life. Whether it can relate to life or school, this was the only way that can keep me away from isolation and feel openly accepted. I stopped at a plaza for some Jamba Juice and the one thing I noticed, I ran into Olivia. I greeted her, but she didn't recognize me until I called by her nickname, I gave her, and she finally recognized me.
"It's been a year since we've seen each other!" says Olivia as she was relieved to see me. We sat down near the center of the courtyard.
"I know, all the memories we had in middle school."
"I can't believe we're in high school now. Focusing on our classes and preparing our futures for college."
"Yeah. Hey, you never told us where you were going."
"I am attending the same high school Lexie and Michelle are at." She says.
The moment I heard Lexie's name, I broke down and suddenly, I began to feel gloomy. I asked her how she was because I still had a side of concern for after you know what. She told me that she has been the same person as who she was in middle school. I begin to tear up with joy as she was finally back living to her normal self. She tries to calm me down when I began to slowly shatter.
"Aww, Dan. Don't tear up, you know it wasn't your fault what happened that day."
I couldn't calm myself and she placed her head near my shoulders.
"Ever since that day, they did some analysis and it turned out that it was a friend of her ex who raped her. He wanted to be back with her, but she refused. His friend took it hard and decided to get her payback. She got pregnant from that incident, but she went through an abortion because she didn't want to carry the baby that was inside her. She pressed charges on him and he was found guilty placing him in juvenile court until he was eighteen and transfer him to a state prison for ten years. In the end, her parents knew that they were wrong about threatening you from getting any closer to Lexie because she was the oldest child and they didn't want her to go through this kind of experience".
I broke down crying and sobbed where I had no control of myself. She calmed me down a little, but I was still broken down.
"I failed as a friend, I failed as her best friend, and I failed as her lover. I wasn't there to protect her that night and showed my love for her at that moment. I even had a knife placed on one hand and a pen on the other. And the one I chose was the knife. I lost all hope and faith within myself at a point where I wanted to give up and let suicide take my place. I couldn't do it, even if it was the right thing to do. "
She felt shock that I have said all these things that sounded like life was never worth living.
"Olivia, I want you to make a promise for me."
"What is it?" she asked.
"Whoever the next guy she is going to be with, will be much better, love her, and protect her better than what I did. Please… I… just want her to be happy with the next guy she will be with."
Although she knows that I didn't cause any of this, I wanted her to understand that there are others who can do a better job in protecting her than I can.
"It's a promise, Olivia. It's my final request."
"I will do it. (she checks the time on her phone) I need to go Dan. It has been fantastic seeing you again. I will make sure this promise will go to her."
I regain control of myself and I hugged her as I watch her leave. This was the last time me and Olivia saw each other again.
The next day, Rosa sent me something that made me break down and cry again, but it was something excited to read about. She told me that Lexie heard the promise I told Olivia to her and she promises to keep that message. I replied to her thank you. Several days later, I got over it and began moving on, where I got to meet more people who may not have a similar experience as I had but knows how to handle that kind of feeling.
June 2018
Still this day, Alanis, Carlos, and Rodrigo all kept in touch with each other after high school since we all went through our separate ways in college or settling with their futures, but they know that we wouldn't abandon our friendship we had since middle school. My love for Lexie was for once real and it was kindling but soon melted as she was taken by something that should've never existed but also because I wasn't the right man to make this moment a reality. Now, whether I may ever show my love for someone or not, I want to make sure that true love exists, but in a way where you are always being honest to yourself and not let go of the next person you want to be with. Whoever the next woman is, I hope things will go right...