Dying isn't hard, Hazel Grace. Nor is it easy. It just is.
There is no easy or hard about it. There is no letting go or clinging on. You are dead when you are dead, no sooner and no later. There is no begging and pleading, there is no white light or cloaked man. You know you are dead because there is nothing else you can be.
Life leads up to death, then death leads us to where it pleases. Just one long trip that nobody thought to bring any god damn cigarettes for (although, they say it's only seven minutes before the brain shuts off completely, maybe I don't need them).
I wonder how many of my seven minutes are up, I wonder if they're already up and this is the Something we talked about. But if this is Something, there's a whole lot of nothing to it. If this is Something, do not expect big things, Hazel Grace. Do not expect your favourite song and bottled stars and food prepared by God Himself. Expect nothing but you. I suppose that should be enough, but after hearing so many good things about this Something, you do not expect this. For all the trouble we went though in life, this is not a great reward.
I can't gather my thoughts, they are not yet constellations. Maybe with time I will be Augustus again, or maybe I will die as Gus and Something will not come and make me the hero I wish to be. There are no grenades for me to jump on, no school children in peril anywhere that I can see. Hazel Grace, I will die as Gus, but I'll be damned if I don't try my hardest to be Augustus.
There is no need for me to tell you anything about how I feel about you. There is need and want, and in these precious seven minutes (please don't let this be Something) there is only time for the needs.
I know you can't hear me, but I have tried my hardest to tell you, that will have to be enough.
I believe my seven minutes are almost up, the curtains calls. Maybe, after all, you will feel the hope of Something.
Maybe, after all, Something will be everything I want, and I will be able to have my cigarettes and Counterinsurgence 2 and you, Hazel Grace. If Something is everything I want, I will have you.