I know I should feel happy for her but I just can't bring myself to. How could she do this to me? After all I made it quite clear when I came back from my Games that I didn't want her to even think about volunteering. Now I am forced to stand on a stage smiling, trying to look like I'm thrilled that my little sister has been chosen for the 'honour' of representing District One at this year's Hunger Games.
I did my best to reason with her and explain to her exactly what the Games are like, how no amount of training can prepare you for the harsh conditions or the blood you feel you will never be able to wash off your hands again, but she just wouldn't listen. It's not like it's really her fault, I mean ever since she was a very small child she has been raised and trained to be in the Hunger Games.
Actually I was as well, so I can't really be angry with her. I was just as keen as Cashmere to volunteer. It's only after the Games that the reality of what being a victor means sinks in. I never wanted that life for my sister. She could have lived quite happily with me in my big, new house and never had to worry about anything again. There's no point thinking about that though. She is a tribute now and there are only two options for her, either she will become a victor like me, a pawn in Snow's games or she will be killed.
I get to my feet to congratulate Cashmere on being chosen. It's almost a struggle to make my legs carry me across the stage. As I stand in front of her she can't quite look me in the eye. She knows she has betrayed me and done the one thing I asked her not to do. A small part of me feels glad that she feels guilty, that she knows she's hurt me.
Wordlessly I return to my seat. I take in nothing of the rest of the reaping. My mind is too busy frantically trying to find a way to get her out of this somehow. No magical solution presents itself however. The moment where we will all go into the Justice Building and there will be no turning back is drawing ever nearer and all I can do is sit here in silence.
Since I was very small Cashmere has been the only person I have ever really cared about. Our parents were unreliable and hardly ever at home anyway so when they had an accident we hardly even noticed the difference. It's always been just me and my sister. I used to help her with her homework after school and then we would go and train together. Even though we never had any money to spend we were happy and we never needed anybody else.
We had always talked about volunteering in the Hunger Games. It seemed like the perfect way to solve all our problems. Money would never be an issue again and we would be allowed to live in a big, expensive house where we could do what we liked. The only thing we ever fell out about was who would be allowed to volunteer first. Naturally as the older sibling I felt that it was only fair that I should go first, but Cashmere insisted that she had as much right as I did and that age didn't really count for anything anyway. In the end we tossed a coin for it and I ended up as a tribute in the 63rd Hunger Games.
I can't pretend to myself that part of me didn't enjoy the whole experience. It was a great feeling to suddenly be the favourite of the Capitol. I was a star overnight. It was very easy to forget that soon I was going to have to kill some of the people I had just met. Some of them were actually nice as well. There was my fellow tribute from District One, a sweet, friendly girl who seemed like such an unlikely volunteer, the stubborn, argumentative girl from 2 who reminded me a little bit of Cashmere and the boy from 4 who was always laughing and making jokes.
When it came to the actual Games I found it much easier that I had expected in some ways. Fortunately I was never faced with the prospect of killing any of my new friends and oddly enough I never felt bad about any of the other tributes, not until later anyway. I even found myself enjoying the challenges the gamemakers threw at you.
The thing I found it hardest to deal with was the actual winning itself. Obviously you are triumphant and can't believe you've actually done it, but that's not what's so strange. The really odd part is going from the arena back to the glittering Capitol, where there are crowds of people fighting to see you and you have everything you could possibly wish for, the best food, the nicest clothes. It is a very surreal sensation.
At first being a victor was amazing, when I say at first a mean a day or two. Then a woman came to visit me. She had a note from President Snow with her. Obviously he was not careless enough to sign it, but straight away I knew it was from him. There was a white rose pressed in the folded paper, that fell out as I opened the letter. I won't go into all the details, but basically it said I was to cooperate with this woman or Cashmere would be tortured and killed. I had no choice but to do everything this strange woman wanted.
For the rest of the time I was in the Capitol this continued with a different visitor every night. I hated it, but there was nothing I could do but wait until I was finally allowed to go home again to District One.
When I was trying to convince Cashmere not to volunteer I really should have told her all of this. It's just very hard to actually talk to somebody you love about something like that. She would have been so upset and knowing her she would have volunteered anyway to try and protect me. Now it's too late, she is a tribute.
I come back to the present as somebody elbows me hard in the ribs. The other victors are on their feet waving to the adoring crowd. Hastily I get up and force a smile onto my face, even though I can see absolutely nothing to smile about.
Then we are all being bundled into the Justice Building and I can just see Cashmere ahead of me being led off down a corridor. She looks back over her shoulder and catches my eye and I know that there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop her going into that arena now. The Games have started and as a mentor it will my job to keep my little sister alive.