Dearest reader,
Thank you for deciding to look at my lowly little FanFiction which is very probably undeserving of your lovely time and attention, and may possibly sit here on this site without ever being read. In which case, there is no point in me writing it at all. However, I want to, so I will. In this story, I will attempt to follow Lily Evans from the summer of her fifth year at Hogwarts to her seventh. A simple enough idea, yet a difficult task. I hope to fulfil both yours and my expectations during this journey on which we are about to embark.
And so, we shall proceed!
Love always,
LifeInItallics
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I am not the great and powerful JK Rowling, nor do I claim to be. The only thing that I can claim to be mine concerning this story is the plot.
...
"But I love you".
Lily played the words over and over in her mind. The words that had meant everything and yet changed nothing. Why had she even agreed to meet Severus in the first place? It always ended in the same way, with him saying something awful, her shouting at him and then him apologising. Again. She had decided that that was going to be the last time she agreed to carry on with... Whatever her and Sev had left. Lily had refused to talk to him for weeks after the incident by the lake at the end of fifth year, but, on the the last day of the holidays she had cracked and agreed to meet him by the stream. She couldn't just leave it be, and end their friendship with unanswered questions and bitter feelings. So, Lily had gone to meet Severus. She remembered with painstaking clarity what had happened.
"Hi," Severus had said awkwardly, eyeing Lily as though she would explode at any second.
"Hi," she had answered, not knowing what to say. They stood in uncomfortable silence for a moment, the pressure building and building, until:
"Severus, we can't be friends any more!" Lily burst out, unable to look the boy in question in the eye. Staring resolutely at the ground, she continued, because now she had started, she couldn't stop, she couldn't. "Look, you made your decision, you chose your path, and I'm so sorry you chose it, because it's awful what you've become. And now it's too late. You can't balance that life with me, and I can't stand it any more. You and your horrible mates, all aspiring to be death eaters, all plotting the next way you can ridicule muggle-borns, it's disgusting. I can't be friends with someone like that, I just can't." Severus looked pained, and then looked away before answering,
"Don't think that. Never think that, Lily. Please, you have to give me a chance!"
"I gave you a chance!" Lily shouted, "I wanted to prove myself wrong about you, but it seems I was just fooling myself. It makes me sad, you know, to see you, to see the company you keep, to see what you aspire to be. You've become something dark now and you can't turn back. I truly am sorry for you Severus. I-" Lily took a deep breath. With tears in her eyes she looked at her old friend and whispered, "I wish it could have been different, I really do. I wish... I wish you could see how wrong you are. I... Bye, Sev." With that, Lily turned to leave, planning on a quick getaway and no complications.
"Lily please!" She heard Severus cry behind her, "Wait!" He ran in front of her, blocking her path.
"I did wait Severus!" Lily exclaimed, "But I'm tired of waiting now! You chose to become this, and so you chose to end our friendship! You need to let me go now Severus. Please." Angrily brushing tears away, she made to push past the boy, but what he said next made her stop in her tracks.
"But I love you". Lily's heart stopped, her mind reeled, and for a second, the world span. Staring up into the anguished face of Severus Snape, she froze; for once, completely unsure of herself. Bright green eyes locked onto black ones and Lily uttered the harshest words she thought she was capable of ever saying.
"I'm sorry Severus. It's too late to say that now." Lily, who was at that point very close to breaking down, walked away, sure that the vision of Severus Snape's heartbroken face would be branded onto her mind forever.
Lying in her bed staring up at the ceiling of her bedroom Lily wondered if she'd made the right decision. After all, they were only fifteen, Sev could just be going through a strange phase that he'd grow out of. She could have just ruined an entire friendship with a few words. No, Lily thought with finality, you made one too many allowances for that boy, and it's time to move on. But try as she might, Lily could not keep out the little voice creeping in from the back of her mind. Should she go back and apologise? After all, it was Severus who had introduced her to magic, helped her make the transition into the unknown that bit easier. Had he not been her only friend in those first few scared days? Had he not stuck by her until now? Except, what had he really been feeling? He said he loved me, thought Lily, unsure of her entire relationship with her so-called friend. How long was he harbouring those feelings? The red head was still mulling that one over when there was a soft knock at her door, breaking her reverie.
"Lily? Sweetheart it's late, you've an early start tomorrow, turn off your light now and get some good kip," her mother called quietly.
"Yeah, ok Mum," Lily sighed, glancing around her room one last time to check all was in order. Her trunk stood in the middle of the floor, all packed and ready (she was a very organised girl), her owl cage next to it. Lily had decided to let her tawny grey owl, Athena, out all night to stretch her wings, since she'd be cooped up all day tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow Lily would be returning to Hogwarts. Now that she thought about it, she realised she was really rather excited about going back to the castle. She loved her home of course, and her parents, but she couldn't deny, the feeling of magic at her school was something she missed. Smiling slightly, Lily rolled over, switched off her lamp, and began to drift off to sleep, all thoughts of Severus Snape banished from her mind.
...
Beep...beep...beep...
"Mph," Lily groaned and rolled over, her fiery red hair splayed around her head on the pillow. "Urgh, five more minutes," she muttered, ignoring her alarm completely.
Beep...beep...beep...
Unfortunately for Lily, her alarm did not want to be ignored. Opening one brilliantly green eye, she reached over and fumbled around on her bedside table, finally locating her alarm clock and silencing it. "Stupid device," grumbled Lily, "Much too loud." Swinging her legs over the side of her bed, she sat up, yawning loudly as she did so. Standing up, Lily swayed for a moment with dizziness, before stumbling across the room (and nearly tripping over her trunk) to switch on the light.
"Oh bloody hell," she mumbled, shielding her eyes with her hand against the bright light that had suddenly flooded the room.
Lily Evans was not a morning person.
She opened the door and peered out into the hallway, looking for any signs of life. It seemed the rest of the Evans family were up, judging by the sound of the radio and the smell of bacon that was wafting up the stairs. Across from Lily's bedroom, the bathroom door opened and out walked her father, a tall man with a kind face and slightly greying short red hair, dressed and ready.
"Good morning dear," he said cheerily, addressing his bleary eyed, messy haired daughter, "Sleep well?"
"Hmph," was Lily's reply, as she grabbed her towel and trudged across into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
"Yes, I thought so," said Mr Evans to the door.
...
"Alright everyone, seat-belts on? Lily, sure you haven't forgotten anything? Oh Petunia, can you remember if I locked the door?" Violet Evans fussed as her husband revved the car engine. After two fights over the shower, one misplaced scarf, an incident with curling tongs and a mad search for the house keys, everyone had finally managed to get themselves into the car.
"I locked the house, Vi, we've all got our seat-belts on, and if Lily's forgotten anything it's too late now. Everything's under control dear, we're even on time this year," Richard Evans soothed, starting to back out of the drive. Lily rolled her eyes and smiled slightly- her mother always got herself worked up when it was time to send her daughter off to school.
"I still don't see why I have to come," Petunia began to complain again, "I mean, what's the point?"
"The point, sweety, is that the whole family should always come and say goodbye to Lily at the station! It's tradition, and besides, you won't see her for ages, we all have to see her off together," Violet replied for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. Lily and Petunia's mother would just never accept that her daughter's relationship could never be repaired, and still insisted on Petunia coming to see Lily off every year.
"Lily doesn't care wether I say goodbye or not," Petunia muttered under her breath so that only her sister could hear. "Her and her stupid magical school, what a freak,". Lily kicked her in the shin as hard as she could and Petunia glared at her. Lily glared back.
It was a rather long car journey.
...
Lily stepped away from her trolley which had her trunk and Athena balanced on it to hug her father first.
"Bye Poppet," he smiled, holding her at arms length, "Have fun!"
"I will Dad," Lily smiled back, "Don't get into too much trouble while I'm gone," she joked, bumping him on the shoulder before turning to face her slightly tearful mother.
"Alright sweetpea," she began, pulling Lily close, "You write every week now, and try your best, I know you'll be brilliant no matter what. We're so proud of you Lils," Mrs Evans exclaimed.
"Thanks mum," replied Lily fondly, kissing the curley blonde woman on the cheek. Her mother smiled, stepping away from her daughter to stand next to her husband, giving Petunia a little push forward as she did so.
"Um," said Lily awkwardly. She never knew what to say to her sister any more. "I suppose, er, goodbye then,"
"Yes I suppose so," agreed Petunia, wrinkling her nose as though smelling a bad odour. "I'll, er see you at Christmas then," she finished lamely.
"Yeah, see you at Christmas," said Lily hurriedly, turning away to hug her parents one last time.
Mr Evans had his arm around his wife, the couple beaming at their daughter as she walked towards the stone barrier. Lily turned to wave at them before leaning casually against the magical stone barrier with her trolley.
In a moment that you would only notice if you were to look carefully, through the bustling crowds of Kings Cross station, a girl with fiery red hair and startling green eyes, pushing a trolley with an owl on it would disappear. Just another moment like any other, you may think, but this is the moment our story really begins.
