A/N: Meant to have this up yesterday... Happy Holidays anyhow my loves!
Bringing a hand up Rafael clears away the sleep gunk holding his eyelashes closed. He looks at the ceiling, noting the dark still bearing down on the city, and wonders what it is that has woken him. Turning his head Rafael sees the source of his abrupt departure from the dreaming world, he should be more startled than he is right now. Rafael is too tired to be frightened. Too tired to question what is happening.
There, in his bedroom, Rafael stares at an unknown figure standing at his bedside. It looks like a rather bored and impatient teenager. But it is backlit for some reason? Rafael sits up and pokes his head to either side of the figure, trying to determine the source of the light. Not seeing any he looks back to this seemingly teenage person.
Finally they make eye contact and the teenager sighs, "are you done gawking at me?"
"Where is that light coming from?" Rafael asks.
"Really, that's what you wanna start with? Not, who are you, why are you in my bedroom? Anything like that?" This teenager's tone takes on that of a disappointed mentor.
Rafael ponders those questions with a wrinkled brow before turning a questioning glance to the teenager once more.
Another sigh, "ghost of Christmas Future, at your service?"
Now Rafael has plenty of questions, what comes out is, "future? Aren't I supposed to be visited by Christmas Past, then the present, and then you?"
"Look, us ghosts only have so much time to get to all these wayward souls to guide through their holiday misery and misdeeds. So we are splitting up whenever we can for optimization. Get it?" This teenage ghost - apparently - drops a hip, looking more impatient still.
"So you are only going to show me my future Christmases?" Rafael is feeling more awake now.
Pulling a phone out of their, likely, spectral pocket the teenage apparition starts tapping away on the screen. They come off as uninterested. This ghost portrays a teenage disposition well, though, Rafael supposes, it is likely centuries old.
So, apparently, Rafael is choosing to go with this ghost angle…
"Isn't that implied in the name?" The absolute sass. Rafael is sure this indifference to their charge is a powerful tool in helping make decisions for one's future.
Shrugging Rafael stands from his matress, ready for the journey he guesses he will be taking.
"Is there time for me to put on shoes?" Looking at his naked feet Rafael worries they will be cold wherever they are going to.
"No," says the ghost, forcefully hitting send on their phone screen.
Quickly their surroundings change. No - not their surroundings - rather the time of day has changed. Rafael swivels his torso to look around, without moving his feeting, and he is confused. Is it simply morning now?
"Is it Christmas morning?" Rafael asks.
Putting their phone away the teenage nods, "yes, it's a Christmas morning, it doesn't really matter what year I pick to show you, they're all the same anyway."
The ghost gestures in front of them, indicating Rafael should go. The ghost follows, and somehow manages to make the sound of their steps sarcastic.
What Rafael walks into isn't a Christmas morning as most would hope to see it. Instead the scene before him shows a tired man, grey, and aging. He is hunched over paperwork with a frown on his face.
The ghost figure stands just behind Rafael as they both look on at this older version of himself.
"Olivia texted you this morning, to wish you a Merry Christmas, from her and Noah. You haven't answered." Their tone is much more sincere this time, "You've been too caught up in the current case you are litigating. Working, on Christmas morning."
Walking their way around the couch the ghost sits next to the older Rafael, looking at this lonely figure. If Rafael could discern more of the ghost's face he would think it seemed sad, almost.
"She stopped inviting you to spend the holidays with her and Noah when you turned her down five years in a row." Rafael feels the teenager's gaze pierce his corporeal form.
There is judgement coming toward him and Rafael feels like a coward when he can't meet the gaze.
More tapping comes from the direction of the teenager, typing away on the phone again. Suddenly they aren't in Rafael's apartment anymore.
The floors are still hardwood, but it's very worn. Creeky. There are people milling about. Wandering, aimlessly. Rafael feels sad looking at them, these old people looking lost and confused. Now he begins to wonder why the ghost has brought him here. What did this have to do with him?
"Why are we here?" Rafael asks, still not meeting the look he feels the ghost shooting into the side of his head.
From his periphery the ghost's hand gestures toward the doorway, and in comes walking an old man with Rafael's face.
"This is the assisted living where you live now, your savings allowed for a nicer one. Some others aren't so lucky," and the setting changes.
Now they stand on linoleum tiles under fluorescent lighting overhead. There is a distinct smell of disinfectant. Rafael wants to weep. He thinks he knows who they are going to find here, but he asks anyway, "who lives here?"
"Olivia Benson," the ghost says, tone harsh and accusing.
The name settles in the air between them and finally Rafael gulps before looking to the teenage apparition beside him. It's eyes are cold and mean as they look hard into Rafael's own. His own, lonely future couldn't make him as depressed as knowing Olivia could be just as alone.
"Why are you showing me this? This is her future, not my own. Why make me see this?" Rafael pleads with his guide, imploring him to end this tortuous journey they are on.
"Your future and hers are intertwined. What choices you make, and paths you take, determine what happens in her future." There is only truth in to the words spoken, no judgement to be found. "I can show you the futures should you take your life on a new path."
The phone, more tapping, change of scene. It was getting old.
Now they stand back in the living area of Rafael's apartment, just a much more festive version of the one he went to sleep in. The smell is like just like one would imagine Christmas to smell like. Cinnamon rolls are cooling on the counter with mugs of hot coffee nearby.
From around the corner comes this visions Rafael, clad in flannel pajamas bottoms and a plain t-shirt. Strangely, this version of him is smiling, happily. Did they hear humming too? Was this person really Rafael?
"Mijo, nena! Don't you want to see what Santa brought?" future!Rafael calls out.
Bewildered present!Rafael looks to the ghost for an explanation, "mijo? Nena? Who are they?"
The ghost looks back, aghast at how someone could really not know, "seriously?"
"Are you saying that Liv and Noah are back there," the ghost might be smiling. "And are you trying to tell me that Olivia Benson is allowing me to call her baby and call her son my own?"
When the teenage ghost just stands there Rafael begins to shake his head in disbelief. It can't be so. This cannot be. It simple isn't possible.
Was it?
"This isn't how my future could be, you're lying."
Pulling out the phone the ghost returns them back to present!Rafael's bedroom in the dark of the night, "why would I do that?"
"I don't know, why do any of this?" Rafael wonders, flustered and irritated.
The ghost turns on him then, seeming more like an eternal being than a teenager's ghost now, "look, you can't believe whatever you want but you know I'm right. You continue living like you are now and there is no happiness for you. Only work. I don't care how your future turns out, it doesn't matter to me. But, it does matter to you, and those who choose, for some unknown reason, to be around you. So make your choice and make it right."
And Rafael is alone. It feels worse than it had before.
Climbing back into bed, back beneath the covers Rafael closes his eyes and hopes for sleep.
It must come to him at some point because he wakes up again. Still in bed and still alone. It's Christmas Eve, he remembers now. Olivia had invited him over, telling him to stay the night too, spend the days with her and Noah.
Their friendship is rebuilding itself after he left the DA's office last year. Rafael has never wanted anyone like he wants those two people but he is so afraid. Afraid of rejection. Afraid of failure. Afraid of loss.
This morning he realizes he is more afraid of regret and not knowing. The ghost, even if it was just some silly dream, is right. Rafael is going to make the best choice today, he will spend it with Olivia and Noah, and he will love them.
Grappling over to his nightstand Rafael grabs for his phone. Without a single thought Rafael dials Liv.
A few rings later and Olivia's voice is in his ear, "Benson?"
It comes out as a question, she is just waking up. Her voice is deeper and rougher with the sleep still in it. Rafael's smile is stupid.
His greeting is lovesick, "hey," Rafa says on a sigh.
"Hey Rafa!" Olivia's voice is cheerier in a moment in response to hearing his.
"Is that invitation still open at the Benson household? You two still good with a guest?" Okay, he is still afraid of rejection.
There's a rustling as Liv shifts in bed, sitting up now, "really? You'll come over?"
The level of excitement Rafael hears in Liv's voice makes him oh so happy but terribly distraught at the same time, did he really blow her and Noah off so much that it was a genuine surprise when he didn't? God, he is going to make it up to them. For the rest of their lives.
A/N: More coming!
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