Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight, I only borrow and play with her characters for my own amusement, and – if possible – yours as well.

Summary: The story is set about a year and a half after Edward's disappearance in New Moon where he never heard of Bella's "suicide" and thus never tried to get himself killed by the Volturi. Bella moved on with her 'Paris', graduated from high school and is moderately happy with Jacob. But, fate suddenly intervenes to tear them apart and Bella is left alone as danger approaches yet again, forcing her to ally with the most unlikely Cullen of them all… and what did Alice actually see when she just had to leave the Cullen house on that pivotal birthday party?

Rating: soft M

Warnings: Some lemon and limes but far far from PWP. Some language, implied violence, blood and gore (this is a vampire world after all).

General info: Possibly 'Darkward' but in my opinion more like 'Idiotward' ;), and minor Alice-bashing. Pace-wise think 'Eclipse' but with a bit more happenings and turns. This won't be angst, only incorporating angsty tendencies from time to time.

Pairings: Bella/Jasper, slow building romance

Author's Notes: All right, my first attempt at writing fanfiction, so please tell me what you think. Almost the entire story is planned out and I promise to finish it unless literally incapable or if no one wants me to. Don't freak out over the wolf presence in the beginning – this is not a Jacob story even if it may seem that way initially – I will need them though at times throughout the story. For all you Jasper-lovers (myself included); it may take awhile before he shows up, I'm laying down the background first. Thanks also to Colliding Meteors by IdreamofEddy which served as my main inspiration to start writing this story.
Original update: 2010-01-10

The Third Awakening
Chapter 1 – Delusional

Bella:

Edward?

My panting breath caught in my throat and I could feel my ragged heart come to an abrupt, thudding stop when I saw his beautiful, pale face briefly illuminated through the window against the black sky. My mind swirled as dark, furious eyes locked with mine before the vision vanished as quickly as it had appeared, leaving me stunned and disbelievingly trying to calm my now frantic heart. Did that just happen?

No, it couldn't have been him, obviously not. I chided myself for the feelings of hope, closely followed by disappointment that flashed through me and slowly managed to relax and reboot. It couldn't be...? NO, it hadn't been him. I shook my head infinitesimally; coming to the only possible conclusion - disturbing as it may be. I was delusional, again.

But why the hell did I come up with that illusion and why now? What was wrong with me, thinking of Edward while having sex with Jacob? That was just sick! My breath hitched for another reason altogether; anguish and guilt overcoming me briefly and the familiar emotions battled with the disgust I suddenly felt for a few moments before I forced myself to refocus; come on Bella, you're not alone here - Jake!

I tried to seal my mind away from the unwanted thoughts and feelings that fought to overwhelm me while tugging a sweat-soaked lock of hair behind my ear. I was usually pretty good at this, keeping the broken parts of my mind locked away tightly, the sore edges of my pierced-through heart numbed and desensitized. Jake knew what a wreck I was and still he loved me. I loved him too, of course, in my own way, though not as much as he deserved and not as I had loved… him.

Even as Jake's warm breath slowly graced over my collarbone and breast, so close to my heart, I felt cold as ice, unable to shake the disturbing feeling away. A brief shiver escaped my strong hold and I bit my lower lip in response, my hands stroking Jacob's strong arms that encircled me in a loving embrace.

Only a few seconds had passed since I'd imagined seeing his beautiful, livid face through the window before I fully managed to bring my mind back to Jake's warm lips, warm hands, warm body close to mine. I looked up into his beautiful face and realized that Jake, always so tuned into my mood swings had noticed something was wrong. He slowed his pace and returned my gaze with worried, dark eyes.

"Bella...what's wrong?" The tone of his voice spoke more than his eyes had. Worry, dread, resignation. Why couldn't I keep from hurting him, over and over again? I'd hurt everyone I loved, Charlie, Renee and ultimately Jacob with my continued fixation with the one who got away. I almost smirked internally at my overly casual reference.

"Nothing is wrong, Jake" I assured him while clearing my head.

"And don't stop…" I tried, probably unsuccessfully, to sounds alluring while I traced my hands from his face along his hard-muscled chest and stomach before gently circling his root with my hand and guided him deeper towards my center again where he belonged.

But of course, Jake wasn't fooled.

"Bella, you promised you wouldn't do this." His voice was reproachful as he pulled completely out and stretched his long, naked body out beside me. The sight of his tall defined frame uncovered usually warmed my cheeks with the all too familiar blush even after all this time, but for once my torrent of emotions had no room for that appreciation.

Jake didn't lose eye contact and a warm hand touch my cheek when no words escaped my lips.

"You know I can smell it right - the adrenaline pulsing through your veins? Just tell me what happened." He smiled a little to reassure me.

Damned supernatural senses! I was busted. And he was right, I had promised not to keep my dark twisted thoughts from him. It was the only way I'd feel comfortable with being with him and letting him love me. It was only fair that he knew what a big pile of mess he was dealing with. Sleeping with. Living with. It was fair, but I didn't enjoy hurting him as I was about to do now.

"I just thought I saw his face through the window, looking at us. When I focused my eyes he was gone. I obviously imagined it." I blurted out in one breath. Obviously not needing to elaborate on whom 'he' entailed.

Of course, it didn't matter; Jacob had heard it all even though I was mumbling through my teeth. His hand was suddenly very still, frozen and hard on my face and I felt his whole body tense beside me. A small shudder rippled from him through soft fabric of the bed-covers.

"You thought you saw him?" He roared at me, and for a moment the name Emily passed through my head. But then, in a heartbeat, his rage vanished and was replaced with something much more terrifying.

"You imagined seeing him, while having sex with me." It was stated calmly, resigned, but he looked completely heartbroken.

I abruptly sat up in front of him, my anguish probably crystal clear on my face. "Oh Jake, I'm so sorry. It just happened, I wasn't thinking of him – I swear!" My hands clasped his shoulders and tried unsuccessfully to pull him towards me. Jake, please...

The resigned tone of his voice scared me, even though I'd been waiting for this moment to arrive. My biggest fear in this hint of a normal life that I'd created for myself was that Jake would give up on me - for good. The fact that I on some level thought that he should didn't help dissolve the lump forming in my stomach or stop the now growing panic.

I resorted to pleading. "Jake…" No response. "Jacob Black, look at me!" I shouted and his head popped up to meet my tear-streamed gaze. His eyes had a glazed coating to them that dared me to lie and I knew I wouldn't. I felt almost paralyzed with confusing guilt and terror but forced myself to focus on making Jake feel better and wished and begged to any deity that was out there for this moment to grow into just another bad memory.

I calmed myself as much as possible before continuing. "I'm with you now. .you."

He grunted disbelievingly at me and I hit him hard on the shoulder. Ouch. I knew he could hardly feel my punch, but at least he would see it. I put my hand on his hot chest, over his beating heart.

"I do love you; you know I do, but..." I sighed and continued; "but you know my history, you know I'm…not complete. I'm broken and…I'm trying as hard as I can, ok? It's not the same as… but I really was focused on you, just now. I actually don't know what happened…" I heard the curiosity in my voice with the last sentence.

What had happened, exactly? I wasn't thinking of him, I hadn't for a really long time, but somehow my subconscious had brought him to the forefront of my mind and ruined this moment with Jacob. Was I punishing myself?

Sometimes I wondered if it really was possible to love someone the way I'd loved Edward. Could anyone feel such everlasting, all consuming love or was there something more behind it? Of course I had loved him, with my heart and soul, but maybe the magnitude of it was an illusion, a result of something else. Perhaps the power of first love, the sheer wonder of it all, was amplified by his supernatural world, by the love I felt for his family or by the danger and fear that surrounded us?

No! Part of me responded harshly, but the rest of me still wondered. It had destroyed me, punched a hole through my chest and broken me beyond repair when he left. It had felt like nothing could compare, but now - It felt impossible to be completely certain. Everything seemed more like a distant dream than my actual past. Jake's warm heart thudding beneath my hand felt real, though. Jake had pulled me through it.

Loving Jacob felt comfortable, safe and warm. It felt like curling up on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate and a good book on a rainy, autumn day. Like home. Loving Edward had felt exhilarating, impossible and earth-shattering. Like jumping from a cliff or running as fast as you can until you feel like you can't breathe anymore. Sometimes I wished I could've combined the two into one person, one love.

Jake looked slightly mollified. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't blame you but…I guess I just thought it was over." He sighed and continued. "I mean, it was like six months since you last reacted to anything concerning them, and I thought that you were finally past it."

He kept his eyes locked on a lose thread in the quilt covering the foot of the bed, looking a little embarrassed. "I thought you were finally mine."

I drew a quick breath and felt something stab at the center of my heart.

"Oh Jake" Despair colored my every syllable while I hugged him with everything I had. The sensation of his warm chest against mine made me shiver in the cool night air. I knew I'd been wrong to allow him to hope like this. I'd known he would hope, deep down I even wanted him to, just as I knew it was fruitless. I would never be completely past losing him, losing them. I'd lost an entire family, a life, a future, for crying out loud! Part of me died with their leaving and there is nothing that can reawaken the dead.

"I'm selfish for being with you, when I know you think that's possible" I said with a stoic voice, trying to hold it together. I didn't think I could handle losing Jake too, but for his sake I knew he should move on.

"I am yours, but part of me will always be unavailable-". Out of order. Closed indefinitely. Out for lunch.

He interrupted before I could continue. "I know Bella, but I love you and… well, I have to hope, even if it is impossible. You know how I love a lost cause." He grinned at me, seemingly sincere.

"It's okay babe, really, don't sweat it." I opened my mouth to contradict him when the silent night was pierced through by a demanding howl coming from the north. Something about the sound made us both tense for a heartbeat before Jacob flew of the bed as if it had suddenly burst into flames.

We looked at each other; the world seemed to pause for a moment with so many unspoken words still hanging in the air between us. Before I could express any of them, Jake turned on the spot and shouted over his back-

"It's Sam, something is seriously wrong!" Another howl broke the night as Jake flew out the door.

"Be careful" I whispered after him, knowing he could still hear me.

The emptiness he left behind felt eerily foreboding and I couldn't chase away the feeling that my life was about to change irrevocably…again.

So...did you like it?

The next chapter will be Jake's POV and then Edward's POV and then we're really taking off. =)

And also, English is not my first language so if you've seen any inexcusable errors, please let me know.