Topham's jaw dropped as he surveyed the horrific accident. Trucks were bashed, trees were felled, people were bruised. And on the top of the pile, Thomas groaned in pain. "Are we scrapping him?" P. T. Boomer asked.
"No! But I have some choice words to say to you for overloading Thomas. You are THE most incompetent man I have ever met!" Sir Topham Hatt boomed, before beginning to sing.
This is the worst railway I've ever run since I turned thirt-
y, when we finally get the job done, somebody gets hurt.
I understand that every now and then the Steam Team won't click,
But for this job, you've yet to realize
You should've picked Percy,
Or anyone else specialized in emotional support.
Molly, Edward, BoCo, and Skarloey bounced to the beat.
We ended up looking bad, and it's all your fault.
You should learn how this job works.
You should've been helping–
"If you like Percy so much, why don't you just marry him?" P. T. Boomer scoffed.
"I already HAVE a wife..."
So you're the fat cat in a top hat who tries to lecture me?
You're even more useless than the town of Suddery.
"Hey!" the residents of Sodor's capital snapped angrily. Boomer resumed his song.
I've never seen a man quite as clueless as you.
Maybe you should've retired way back in season two.
I'm not gonna pick Percy,
The Lifers don't need emotional support.
Diesel Ten roared at this and tried to attack him, Lady trying to hold him back (but not really wanting to, she was mad at Boomer too).
You ended up looking bad,
And you got all mad,
Your tears are what I live for.
Then the men alternated lines.
You should've picked Percy.
The Lifers don't need emotional support.
We ended up looking bad, and it's all your fault.
Your tears are what I live for.
"Maybe I'll pick Caitlin," Topham said, looking at his timetables.
"I've already picked Caitlin," Sir Robert Norramby replied.
"What about Marion?"
"I've already got Marion," the manager of the Clay Pits replied.
"Well, maybe who we need is James!"
"Nerf James!" Mattel said, whacking James over the head with a hammer. Minus 2500 character development points!
"Uh...maybe Neville?"
"I've already got Neville, sir," the manager of Tidmouth Harbor said.
"Then I guess I'm going with Gordon."
"But I've already got Gordon!" Gordon's guard replied.
"Then I'll send for Oliver."
"Whoa dear, but I need Oliver!" Duck, pulling a massive goods train, interjected.
"Wait, I've got an idea!" Topham realized.
"What's your idea?" Lady Hatt asked.
"Who we should pick is..."
"We are NOT picking Percy!" Boomer snarled. The men alternated lines again.
You should've picked Percy.
The Lifers don't need emotional support.
We ended up looking bad, and it's all your fault.
Your tears are what I live for. I'm not gonna pick Percy.
Suddenly, Percy came into view, smiling smugly and singing.
But my friends need me for my incredible moral support!
We can't say that nobody got hurt this time,
You should learn how this job works.
"Oh, and Boomer, you're fired," Sir Topham Hatt finished. Boomer sighed in defeat.
Hope this little song is better received than the cringy original!