A Conversation with Teddy

"Dr. Altman!" There was no response as Teddy Altman kept walking toward the parking lot. Cristina picked up her pace, still in her scrubs, trying to catch up with her mentor.

"Dr. Altman!" Cristina repeated, with more urgency this time. "What was that? What just happened in there?"

Teddy stopped and braced herself and then turned around to face the young surgeon.

"What was what Dr. Yang?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"Well, you assign me a tremendously difficult surgery, refuse to help me or participate in any way…even when the patient was crashing, and then when I manage to save the patient in spite of all of that, you just leave? Without a word to me of any kind? What was that?" There was frustration and confusion in her voice. "Have I done something to upset you? To offend you? Acted inappropriately in any way, because I honestly…"

Teddy sighed. "No, Cristina, this isn't about you. It's about me. I've handled this really badly from the very beginning, from assigning you the surgery in the first place to walking out at the end without speaking to you. The fault is entirely mine and I apologize."

Cristina was taken aback. This wasn't the response she had been expecting and the result was even more questions. "But I still don't understand. Why…. Does this have something to do with the conversation you were having with Dr. Hunt in the middle of my surgery? I probably shouldn't have yelled at him to get out, but I couldn't concentrate and…"

"Have you talked to Dr. Hunt about what happened?" Teddy asked.

"No," Cristina answered, puzzled. "I haven't been able to find him yet. What is going on?"

Teddy considered for a moment and then finally decided to just get it over with…it was going to come out anyway. "He stormed in accusing me of not teaching you properly…saying you needed help and that I was wrong to refuse you, that I was sitting back and doing nothing…implying that both you and the patient were at risk…"

"Well, you were doing nothing," Cristina allowed, "But I didn't think much of it. I assumed it was a teaching strategy of some sort."

"It was, but Dr. Hunt didn't see it that way. He thought it was personal."

"I'm sorry?" Cristina's head ached. "I don't follow. How is any of this about Dr. Hunt?"

"He thought I wasn't teaching you because I was angry at him. He implied that I was angry at him and taking it out on you."

Cristina paused a moment to consider this information. Interpersonal communication had never been one of her strong points, but, as she'd told Owen, despite being insensitive at times, she wasn't oblivious. She decided to just forge ahead.

"And is there any truth to that, because from my point of view, I've never known you to be anything but completely professional with me," Cristina said looking Teddy straight in the eye.

Teddy hesitated, then replied, "That's the thing. I'd have sworn it wasn't true, but the more I thought about it, I think he may have been right."

"So you are angry with him."

"Yes."

"May I ask about what?" Cristina spoke carefully, unsure if she was going too far.

No, Teddy thought. No, no, no….

But, instead, she found herself saying, out loud, "I'm angry at him because he's in love with you instead of with me." God, where had that come from?

She managed to meet Cristina's gaze. "It's humiliating, really, this whole thing, but I just feel like we need to clear the air. I like teaching you, Cristina, I do. And I don't want to screw this up any more than I already have."

Cristina was still reeling from Teddy's words. She had actually confessed to being in love with Owen. Well, that was brutally honest, Cristina had to admit. Gutsy, even. She could respect that…within reason. Cristina decided to be bold.

"You are the best mentor I've ever had, Dr. Altman. I don't say that lightly, particularly given the circumstances, but it's the truth. I like working with you and I'm learning a lot from you. I don't want to lose that."

"Neither do I…" Teddy replied.

"So I have to know, do I need to be concerned about how you will teach me?"

"No."

"Do I need to be concerned that you will be trying to undermine my relationship with Dr. Hunt?"

"No."

Cristina weighed Teddy's answers carefully, before offering one of her own. She decided to go with her gut.

"Then you haven't screwed this up. Do we understand each other?"

"We do."

Teddy was oddly relieved. This felt right somehow. It was all very strange.

"OK, then, so I'll see you tomorrow?" Cristina asked.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Teddy answered, her respect for Cristina deepening.

"Goodnight, Dr. Yang."

"Goodnight, Dr. Altman"

And with that Cristina turned and headed back toward the hospital, determined to find Owen right away.